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Suicide: a cowardly move? True or false?

EmeraldJewel 7 June 12
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101 comments (26 - 50)

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8

False. If you’ve ever dealt with crippling depression you wouldn’t ask this question.

I'm pretty sure everyone gets to ask the question, one of the reasons this site exists. And someone who might be contemplating suicide certainly gets to ask the question

I don’t know that ... depression is so frightening, threatening, and to become submerged in it I well know to those who have or will experience then you have others still spewing “ pull you self up “ as of it were so simple, so easy. I think you’re right as you have had to of been there for most to understand...... so can never!!!

@lerlo I apologize but it’s very frustrating to hear someone even elude to it as being cowardly. I was suicidal for many months during the worst of my depression. In my mind, I would have been helping others by killing myself. They wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. I felt unworthy of love, friendship, etc. I’m eternally grateful I eventually got help and my mind is healthy now. But I remember well that feeling that it would be best for others if I wasn’t around.

@Marcie1974
Thank you for sharing. Back in the 90s my dearest and most loved sister swallowed a sandwich bag of pills. Fortunately, they were able to save her. I love her dearly! Just because someone is loved doesn't mean there isn't a terrible sadness inside.

@Holysocks I’m so glad your sister was saved, I assume she received and is still getting help?

And you are correct about feeling alone and sad even with people around you that love you. It’s devastating

@Marcie1974 you're a strong person for having overcome all of that. I commend you and you have my deepest regard. It's for all the reasons you speak of that I would hope you would try to counsel the people here that think that depression gives you a ticket out of life. For some, depression is treatable and while I stand by my belief that we all get to leave whenever we want, it shouldn't be a forced decision by something that might be turned around. Most decisions made under duress usually aren't good ones.

@lerlo I am proof that there is hope for those that are going through depression and would certainly counsel them on not succumbing to the disease.

It is my understanding that the post is simply asking if it is cowardly. Not that she was necessarily contemplating it. If that is the case, I would certainly reach out.

@Marcie1974 You're right, I was mainly concerned with the replies that seem to imply that depressed people have no option. But, you never know what the motive for the original question was.

@lerlo many times depressed people feel there is no option, fortunately there is plenty of help if one has the courage to seek it out and accept it.

8

A coward does not do suicide !

7

Nothing is that straight forward. Already mentioned here are the school shooters so the question for you is if one of those shooters had realized they were out of control and had shot themselves before they ever set foot in the school in order to protect other people, would that be cowardly. People don't just commit suicide from depression or to escape pain, they also do it as a final act to regain control of their lives.

Kimba Level 7 June 12, 2018
7

False...’never judge a man/woman, until you have walked in his/her shoes!’

7

Suicide is not about courage or cowardice, it's about depression and feeling like you can never find a way to be happy and live with yourself. Some people who have loved ones who have committed suicide blame them and are upset with them and call it cowardice, unfortunately that is not the case and that approach to their loved one's depression can sometimes exacerbate the problem.

7

False. I could never, ever, ever judge someone for taking their own life. You never know what is going on in someone's head, so to have the audacity to judge someone is just wrong. How can people know what is right for someone else? We can't.

7

I don't know how you can judge another on an issue like this. Sometimes the darkness wins. If you have never been depressed, help someone who is. Reach out to those you love. We live in difficult times. Be kind.

7

False

7

I think it is a rather courageous act.

7

No, not cowardly, but sad and desperate. The sign of alienation and a harsh world to me.

It depends on the circumstances - if a doctor told me I had a terminal illness, I would thank her/him and check out on my own terms.

@Palindromeman me too, once the pain got bad. I hope to solve my own issues when the time comes, I was looking more along the lines of depression causing the suicide, mates of mine when I was younger, in recent years children of friends and friends of my own kids, It's hard whe it is poeple you know and they are young and healthy.

@Rugglesby Copy that, my friend. I had a friend in high school who checked out. His name was Damien. I still think of him when the subject comes up. And that's 32 years ago. These things do resonate.

6

I have mixed feelings on this, but I'd have to say the answer is situational. When I look at these people doing mass shootings, who then kill themselves (either by their hand, or suicide by cop) my first instinct is that yes, they are cowards, not only inflicting their fear and self hatred on others in the worst kind of way, but cowards who cannot face the fallout of their own actions.

Then, there is the other side of that coin. A month after my father died (I was 19), another man I knew - who had been like a father to me - took his life. His act was not out of fear, or cowardice. His was in pain, agony and desperation, when he could literally see no other way to stop the pain he felt both physically and emotionally. In his case, he got all his affairs in order, made sure his family was taken care of; he even made sure that the place he did the deed would be easily cleaned up, so as to not cause anyone to have to remodel or repaint the apartment he was living in. He even called the police and told them where they could find him, so no one would have to stumble upon the scene by accident.

I think back on what that man did, to keep others safe from his pain. How every day, with each step he took that brought him closer to the moment he took his own life... how brave he was to keep going. He was simply in too much pain to understand that no matter what steps he took to protect the rest of us, that we would all be hurt terribly by his absence.

Twenty-six years later, and I still find this hard to write. I still come close to breaking down into a sobbing puddle, wishing I could have found a way to help. But, I know that the best I could have done would have been to simply delay it.

But I will never see that man as a coward; he was one of the finest people I've ever known in my life. He just got lost in a dark tangle of despair, and couldn't see that there were other doors.

DerekD Level 7 June 12, 2018

The mass shooters have a ‘fragmented,’ personality/brain disorder...which would be treatable. Problem is, it is hard to diagnose. And apparently the person in that state of mind, has come to accept it as ‘the norm,’ for him. Even a mission, so to speak! It is still a brain disorder.

6

There's lots of reasons for why someone commits suicide. Some reasons and methods are more susceptible to being judged than are others. I knew a guy that had terminal cancer, tired of fighting it, etc. He cared enough about his wife that he waited until she was gone and he knew someone else would be the person who found him. He was not depressed, he was going to die soon, anyway, but still took pains to make sure his wife suffered as little as possible from his decision. I judge that to be an honorable act. It's not for anyone to judge whether or not he should have done it.

6

My father was dying of prostate cancer that had spread to his skeleton. Bone cancer is extremely painful -- in many cases doctors just have to sedate the patient into unconsciousness until they die, often moaning in pain. He was 76 years old. He decided to choose the timing of the end himself, however in 1996 it was difficult to find a guaranteed way to kill himself that would not involve someone else -- often someone who was involuntarily involved. He did a lot of research and discovered that refusing food and water is a relatively painless way to die. Within a few days, hunger and thirst subside and as long as pain is controlled, nurses rated it as a 'good' way to die. This took him 21 days of choosing every morning to continue on this path. I do not see this as the act of a coward. I was impressed with his determination.
As to the family's suffering, he was going to die anyway. He was not creating any new suffering that wouldn't have occurred anyway. I hope that if I find myself in a similar situation I can follow in his footsteps. I will have the option, however, of using a more humane techique.

6

False. No one asked to be here and they should get to leave whenever they want. There is no "test."
It does however really screw up the people close to them so they should consider not whether it's cowardly but whether it might hurtful to loved ones and friends, if they even care. All that being said, you only get one chance to be here and people can make miraculous recoveries and comebacks and many have overcome horrible odds and come out the other side.

lerlo Level 8 June 12, 2018

Indeed. But it can also solve every problem that you have. "Screw the rest of the world, I'm outta here." That has some level of appeal to many people.

6

Hi EmeraldJewel, good post! My response will probably seem to echo the previous ones regarding the aversion I feel toward the idea that a Suicide victim gets the label of “coward” based on his or her last impression on society (at their life’s most miserable point) but even though it seems rather obvious to most people in possession of the capacity to feel sympathy that Suicide is a tragedy for which grief should be felt for the deceased and loved ones of him/her, I still think it’s a very important question to ask bc a lot of people find comfort in classifying the miseries of others as melodramatic, selfish, or an over-reaction rather than acknowledge that these people are suffering beyond what they can bear, and to a degree that those who callously dismiss them as cowards most likely couldn’t begin to imagine. I ultimately have come to look at Suicide not as a sign of weakness due to someone’s lack of gratitude for the good things they have in life or foolish impulsivity, but simply as devastatingly tragic evidence that someone has been pushed to the absolute limit of what they can bear, and then across it. We all have breaking points, and none of us are “above” the risk of suicide or stronger than those who do fall prey to it

And my apologies for the characteristically wordy nature of my responses, but this is a topic that hits quite close to home with me on several levels. After losing a good friend who functioned in my life as a role model due to not only the success he found and the outrageously positive impact he made on the lives of anyone around him, but also bc he struggled with very similar psychiatric problems to my own (to the extent we even took many of the same meds) I had a very difficult time processing all why’s and what if’s surrounding the event and how if I could have been there more for him things might have turned out differently; but ultimately I’ve realized that while his death was heart wrenching to hear about and accept the reality of, it would be a massive lapse in character and gratitude for his being part of my life for as long as he was to resent or disparage him for ultimately yielding to the insurmountable pressures to stop pressing on with life, against which I’m sure he fought tooth and nail until he got worn down. But I remember him fondly for the way that he lived every day of his life, not the sad circumstances that it concluded with.

@Storybook thanks for that!

5

I'd say no ,it's actually intelligent . If someone is terminal or even has chronic depression , euthanasia just may be a logical choice

I totally agree

@Kojaksmom I don’t not with depression but yes to a terminal disease with no cure and intractable pain

One of my key triggers for suicide would be a diagnosis of a long drawn out terminal illness, in such a case self euthanizing would be kinder to others than having them suffer for months with me.

@LenHazell53 I agree,

5

It really is not that black and white.

5

No. And for anyone to say that it is just shows they don't really know about it. Anyone who judges people who are depressed or mentally ill - that they are LAZY, SELFISH, or should JUST TRY HARDER is sadly mistaken. I did not start healing when ANYONE treated me like that. It's hard enough when you feel bad. It's TWICE AS HARD when people are telling you that you're JUST DOING SOMETHING WRONG. People who have never been depressed or suicidal should feel so lucky and grateful that they've never been in that place.

true some people think it's so simple. Like telling the alcoholic just stop drinking. Depression is a very complicated condition, and involves many complex feelings.

5

No, I do not think it cowardly, for reasons elaborated below much more eloquently than I could.

I would just like to add, I hope your query is not a prelude to action.

5

There are too many reasons to make it that black and white. I have had 5 friends take their own life. There was only one whom l had no idea why.

4

I've actually considered that question for a while and to me it's acceptable depending on the circumstance... I don't have children.. Not really planning on it. I don't have brothers or sisters... Rather than lingering on when I'm no longer able to take care of myself, I want to choose how I go in a way that I can look back at my life and appreciate it. I want to go while I can still remember who I am and have all my memories accompanying me on my last breath.

4

The word cowardly itself suggests a judgment and condemnation. No one can know what is in another's heart or mind. I am not here to judge others, for choosing suicide or anything else.

If i was facing a death sentence, lifelong pain, or escalating physical disabilities, i can't know what i would decide. I work with such people daily, am amazed at their bravery, and also believe that if challenged as they are, that i would make the decision best for me. Whatever that might be.

Excellent observation, nicely put

4

Val Kilmer wrote a sad grieving ode to Anthony Bourdain on his Facebook page. It was very moving and sad, but he called Bourdain selfish for his suicide. I don't really agree with that either. Although Bourdain has (had) a young daughter so in a way maybe so. Go to Kilmer FB read the whole thing and see what you think:
@valkilmer
#Anthonybourdainisdead Oh the darkness. Oh the dark thick pain of loss. The selfishness. How many moments away were you from feeling the love that was universal. From every corner of the world you were loved. So selfish. You’ve given us cause to be so angry. See my Facebook

4

False.
Simply having life doesn't mean one has to use it.
Suicide - by any one, at any time, for any reason.

4

I used to believe that suicide was a cowardly cop-out, and sometimes, maybe it is, but... Unless someone is suffering from mental illness and doesn't realize what they are actually doing, I now believe it takes some extraordinary circumstances/difficulties/suffering for a person to arrive at a place where they believe ending their life is the answer. I feel for that person. I feel for their pain and suffering and the agony they must be experiencing that led them to that horrible place. =[

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