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Grief and depression

Dealing with the suicide of my granddaughter Ashlie has an added demon...depression. How have you fought off the loss of productivity, paralyzing anxiety and general sadness?
As an artist, my ideas still materialize but my energy level is severely cut. It seems to come in cycles or maybe reacts to some kind of trigger. Teaching art in the school system keeps me on task but once I'm home...blam!

Shazbott68 5 June 17
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7 comments

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I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself. You are going through a difficult time.

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I am very sorry for the loss. A grandparent should never suffer that loss of a grandchild.

It has/is difficult. Thank you for your consideration

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I'm sorry for your loss. Therapy is usually good as it just helps to be able to talk to someone and they point out things that help you to cope and deal with it all. Professionals are the best. Arm chair advisors don't alway work so well.

I agree about professional help. I have had help in the past which gave me many tools to use.

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My depression came on when my father passed & we had to go through his things. I'm the youngest of 5 & was "daddy's girl". It put me in bed with the covers over my head. If it wasn't for my kids, I'm not sure I would have made it to my doctor's office to sit on the examine table & sob out that I had no clue what was wrong with me.

Meds & therapy helped, a lot but it took a long time. 14 years later, there are times where grief just sneaks up & grabs me out the blue. I'm not going to say it gets better but you learn how to live with it.

Right now, take care of yourself. Do what is absolutely necessary & be willing to say no to energy sucks. Seek out therapy, a support group, talk to a medical professional.

A lost of a parent feels like abandonment. ..hard to work throught.
*with my grandchild... I fluctuate from being really pissed off with her and just truly missing her

@Shazbott68 I am truly sorry for your loss. I watched my dad ignore doctor's advice to eat right & exercise & just allow his physical condition to deteriorate until he could no longer live independently. Watching someone so independent & capable just sit around and wait for death was maddening. I was angry & shocked & could not process the changing of role from child & caretaker. I chased my mental tail wondering what I could have done ir sais differently to motivate him. Was I encouraging enoygh? Should I have been more insistent? (Yeah, no, he was stubborn to the Nth degree & thst would have made it worse.) The self blame was brutal. Yes, our situations are different but there are emotional similarities.

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I'm sorry to hear of this. Was the depression already present before the suicide? What steps can you think of to take to help? If you need to talk, many of us are good listeners.

tioteo Level 8 June 17, 2018

Basically an introvert with empathic issues has kept me internalizing emotions very young. It was knowing something wasn't right but adults saying I was imagining said emotions.
varies trauma's brought with them a relationship of sadness but I have been lucky to meet people who infused hope in my life.
Having responsibilities push me through, setting up dates/hangout times w friends, start a new project....just moving helps break the thread.

*and being able to write or talk about it to others
.thank you so much

@Shazbott68 You're welcome.

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Therapy, mostly.

I've studied many types, but am currently focused on mastering Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and its teachings, combined with regularly partaking in group therapy with others who share my pain, has slowly been helping me heal.

So my advice is to speak with a therapist, go to group therapy, and manually force your brain chemistry to be how you want it to be.

Depression can be super-powerful unless you dominate it. It takes an enormous amount of willpower and passion to overcome. And yes, passion is the correct word. I tried the strictly logical approach for years. Without another powerful, positive emotion giving you strength, depression is unbeatable.

So grieve. Cry. Allow your emotions to wash over you. Then dust yourself off, stand back up, and tell yourself that you will not be beaten by a fucking chemical in your brain. That you are more than the sum of your parts. That you are deserving of happiness. Of love. Of life.

Find your passion and use it. Use it to beat the grief, the pain, the depression, the guilt.

And one day that depression will just be a dull throb in the back of your mind. Like an old wound that aches with the rain. Stripped of its power over you. A reminder that things were bad, and can be bad. But never permanent.

SirJet Level 5 June 17, 2018

So powerfully said.

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So sorry to hear of your loss - and an especially awful one at that. Be kind to yourself now, and know that your feelings are part of the process of dealing with loss.

Going through loss in the past myself, I found joining a local bereavement group helped greatly to manage all the chaotic and uncontrollable things I was feeling. Best to you ...

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