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Does age matter to you when it comes to love or dating?

Follow up questions: Does age play a part in what you look for in a partner? Also do you feel a wider age gap poses issues?

BohoHeathen 8 July 3
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72 comments (26 - 50)

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2

Try to keep it no more than ten years either side older or younger.

2

I won’t date someone as old or older than my mother.

Lol yeah that's a laugh too. I have a 39 year old daughter. How awkward would it be for her if I were in a relationship with someone close to her age? As it is her husband is only about 10 years younger than me, and having a son-in-law that old is awkward enough.

@mordant Ha...well you can just tell her "you started it by marrying someone my age". Sorry I couldn't resist

2

Yes. They say age is just a number when in reality "age" is a word. I have a rule to not date anyone younger than my oldest child. (43) It creates friction at family functions etc. I'm in my 60s and appreciate someone who shares similar life experiences. It already drives me crazy having to listen to Rap music everywhere I go so I have to have someone I can relate to.

2

As long as you're of legal age is all that matters to me.

2

I think it depends on the people.

I dated a guy 6 yrs younger than who brought up our age difference every single time we saw each other. So it clearly bothered him.

I have dated men with a 10 year difference and age was not a factor.

I think compatibility plays more of a factor than age.

My ex is now 37 and from another country. I'm 72 and feel that age had very little to do with our differences and why we are not together today. One exception was our concept of money, but that can happen to a couple who are the same age.

2

I did date someone much younger once (about 15 years?) and all I can say is that conversation was lacking because we seemed to be in a whole different generation. Topics like music, fashion, art... we weren't even in each other's universe and that made it hard! There is no common reminiscing. Even if everything else is great it's hard to connect to someone on an emotional level without deep conversation from time to time. I imagine it might go the same way with someone much older.

2

Sure. I don’t date anyone below the age of 18.

2

No issues here, if the attraction is mutual then life's too short to be looking for problems that aren't there. We all have our ideals, I'm looking to meet someone roughly my own age, but that's just a starting point, if something else starts working then that's fine. Someone else's ideal may be some one significantly older or younger, and if that works for them and their partner I don't see a problem with it.

Salo Level 7 July 3, 2018
2

First, to each his own. I liked pretty much every reply to this. I'm just wrapping up a 21 year relationship (3 dating, 16 married, 2 separated) to a girl about 8 years younger than me. A lot of her immaturity is due to her religion. I'm sticking to a +/-5 year rule going forward, but will be open to exceptions. NO RELIGIOUS FUNDIES GOING FORWARD. Right now I'm just still trying to recover from the first mess. I will be much more selective next go around. I didn't listen to my gut first time. Gut's got my full attention this time, and if that means staying single, then I'm fine with that.

2

In general age matters and yes, a large gap can be problematic. Specifics can vary though.

2

Not at all. I've met some wonderfully mature 20, 30, and 40-somethings, and some incredibly immature 50 and 60-somethings. Connections is what is about for me.

2

I am dating a woman 8 years older than me. It wasn’t what I was looking for but I am very happy I’ve met her. I am 61 and was looking for someone between 55 and 63. She’s amazing. I am very active and she kicks my ass.

jab60 Level 6 July 3, 2018
2

"Passages" by Gail Sheehy would seem to suggest there are potential problems if the age difference puts the two persons in two different ten year groups. In short, she contends that the interests and motivations change as one passes from 20 years old to 30 years old to 40 years old and if the other person is not in that same group, their different interests and motivations will likely cause dissonance.

2

Age doesn't matter. Its where you both are in life. One may be quite settled and likes the quieter tranquil side of life and the other might be up for continuous socializing amongst others etc.

If you are both patient with each other and are accepting without conditions then age doesn't matter imho.

According to Gail Sheehy's book, where one is in life is likely to change at the 10-year mark, which would result in "where one is in life" becoming different from one's partner resulting in divorce. I cannot remember which 10-year segment of time she said it happens, but at some point, a person will come to question the choice they made as to a mate and it seems to me that a significant difference in age would exacerbate that. Note: My second wife was 12 years younger (she pursued me) than myself. I observed her question her lifestyle of married with three children (when she hit thirty) and could relate it to Sheehy's thesis. She pined for her previous life of promiscuity, drugs, and alcohol and eventually returned to that lifestyle. But do not weep for me, I graduated college at 43 and moved on without her. I am now 75 and have been married to my 77 year-old wife for about (?) 25 years.

2

It absolutely matters to me. I don't want a strange dynamic where someone has a load more life experience than me; I'll end up looking daft and naive just because I'm young. I'm sure this becomes less of a problem later in life. But I'm not a fan of having a power dynamic like that in a relationship.

2

I would like to think that age difference doesn’t matter , but really it does... but I also think it depends on the people a lot!

2

Yes and Yes. I only date people very close to my age. Studies show that men who have romantic partners 16 years younger than they are live longer than men with partners the same age.

But cougar women who marry younger men die much earlier than women who marry within a year of their own age.

Men live longer when they marry younger spouses. Why don't women? [theguardian.com]

2

I don't think that is that big of a deal, but yes I do think that it can come with problems, such as people being at different points in their life. This can also come with people of the same age as well, but I think less often.

1

There are laws, ya know.
Seriously though, I don't think I could fulfill the role of mentor very well if that's what she wanted. I don't know if I have the energy to keep up with some young go-getting lass. And I'm not hoping for a live-in nurse either. On the flip side, I dunno. Can I get back to you?

1

If someone was interested in me and it wasn't a fake account (I have had two of them so far, but they are pretty obvious), I would never not explore the possibility that we could have a relationship just because of an age difference. I dated a 39 year old when I was 19 and a 37 year old when I was 57. So it is quite clear that age is not a show stopper. But when I am looking for possible connections I have been keeping a 10 year down, three year up search criteria, just because I think there is a better chance of finding someone with more in common in that range.

1

I think it matters depending on what you want out of the relationship. I true partner for me is someone I can relate to, and that means having similar circumstances and experiences. So someone within 5-10 years of my age has more appeal.

1

For biological needs there is not much of problem with a big age gap. For other things that pertain to your generation and not theres could cause a rift in the relationship.

1

Short answer, no. But age gaps will yield cultural differences.

1

Half your age plus seven

1

Yep.

Lots of reasons, but retirement is a biggy to me.

I would like to retire ASAP when I turn 60 and am eligible to start withdrawing from my pension. I would likewise be able to start some serious travel after retiring as well. I don't really want a spouse who is significantly younger and still working on her teachers retirement (for example). Also, my pension plan has a deal where a spouse would receive benefits when she turned 60 too. If she were 4 years younger than me, it basically means she won't start receiving $$$ for 4 years after I start getting my check.

SHOW ME THE MONEY! Hahaha! Sounds shallow doesn't it. Luckily, I am currently smitten by a same age classmate from HS! She's checked off nearly every box I can come up with in my head!!!

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