Agnostic.com

45 13

How do you get the Jesus/Jehova people off your doorway?

My favorite is to say I am Buddhist. They can argue Bible, but have no idea what to say about this.
Once two guys were at my door and I told them I was Buddhist and one said "Holy cow!". I of course told him, "No, that's Hindu".

Hathacat 9 July 5
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

45 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

Just tell them us sup ct already told you you must leave immediately upon resident demand you leave

8

I answered the door once completely naked! Problem solved.

JGal Level 7 Dec 20, 2018

You and Bertrand Russell....so proud of you both but please save your birthday suit for our honeymoon

I will be knocking on your door soon! 😉

@Paul4747 if I see you holding a Bible tract, I won't disappoint you!

@JGal I'll take that deal

6

Best way to get rid of jehova's witnesses is tell them you are an apostate. (Meaning that you used to be a jehova's witness but left)

They will not only immediately leave, but will also let everyone at their local kingdom hall that you are an appostate. They will all steer clear of you, as their church pretty much teaches apostates are under the direct control of satan.

seanw Level 4 Dec 31, 2018

Good idea and never thought of it. Don't like to lie though. I'm good here I think.

I just googled the word "apostate", it makes total sense!! I will use it next time!! lol

The one time having a religious family comes in handy is when Jehovah’s Witnesses come knocking. I went to my Aunt and Uncle’s house one Easter and some JWs came to the door. My cousin, who is a pastor, got this look of incredible joy on his face, grabbed his bible, and went out to share his faith with them. By the end, they were slowly backing off of the property looking truly uncomfortable/awkward. It was hysterical!

Learned a new word today. Thank-you, a useful one too !

6

I politely tell them I'm not religious. If they become pushy, I become aggressive. I don't care what their views are, but I refuse to have it shoved down my throat.

Good for you!

Ah, Melanie...you're MUCH nicer than I am!

5

My town passed a law a few years back, blocking them from going door to door. Their solution was to bring a small child with them, as if "no one will call the cops if we have a kid with us". Personally, I just tell them I'm busy with real life issues and close the door.

5

I touch them a lot and tell them I’m a pagan. I’m not a pagan but it scares them away. Especially if you have your arm around him and always bring it into their ear

5

Marry a JW. Just make sure it’s one that’s not practicing. LOL! Hubs definitely does not practice. He could rightfully be disfellowshipped, however, nobody in his family’s hall knows all the atrocities he commits daily. Ha!

4

I tell them NEVER to come to my house I don't believe in that crap, I am an Atheist and I don't come to YOUR house and sell you my Atheist crap. All the while letting my dogs bark at them and then I slam the door. It's a one time deal...

4

You could try shouting out 3 times before you open the door, " Allah U Ahkbah," I tried it ages ago and they left a dust cloud behind them as they swiftly retreated.
Another one that works is to open the door then shout over your shoulder, " The meat for dinner has just arrived my Love, get the pot boiling please."

4

Another fun game to play with them is to just tell them about your religion and just keep talking and making shit up..and tell them. Their religion sucks and you won't join it...

My made up religion is Carmenism... Obviously our God is the super hot large breastwd Carmen Elecktra

I also throw in random stupidity from other religions.. Like the flying spaghetti monster religion and scientology.. I talk about our God Carmen feeding us spaghetti off her body on the 747s that came from space with the space rock and Clark Kent's stone.. I literally just ramble... While pounding a beer or two...

To be honest it's more work and effort then just slamming the door in their face... But the look of pure fucking terror is just Soooooo damn priceless..

Right? So many years of being polite and putting up with them, wasted!

I like Carmen Electra. 🙂

Pal let's do a youTube video. ..I will do a 2 camera shoot to master it all on film. .. you don't need releases in a documentary when they came onto your private property

4

Greet them at the door whilst naked and invite them in for cookies...

@Ohdear HAH! I've thought of that but don't want to be arrested as a public nuisance!

@LucyLoohoo It’s your house. You’re allowed to be naked at home. ?

@LucyLoohoo you're on your own property...

4

Quickly take off my clothes and answer the door naked with a stiffy.

You did not! Haha!

@Hathacat Ask them, they'll confirm it. 🙂

4

Shamelessly hide and pretend I'm not home

I probably did that. When I was young, I was SO polite! Not so much anymore now, lol.

answer the door naked

3

Have you ever tried slamming the door in their faces and calling the cops.

Tried that years ago but, I don't know about over your way, here in Australia there is a Law that states you must access from the street/footpath to your front door but NO further into/onto your property.
So the when I tried calling the police to remove the bothersome Bible Peddlars they simply said they could not by law and that such pests were even entitled, legally to enter Police Stations and try to preach as well.
Though at least if they don't leave when told to they can be charged with Obstructing Police and Wasting Police time.

3

I put a sign on my door ~ “No solicitation and No Jehovah’s Witnesses or Other Church People.” Haven’t been bothered since

mishw Level 6 Dec 19, 2018
3

I told 2 men at my door once that they could just sacrifice a goat for me. One of the men said very seriously "that doesn't work any more."

Did I just give them proof that their god is changing?

3

Tell them you have a goat inside that you're about to sacrifice. Extra fun if you're holding a ceremonial blade and wearing black robes.

Funny!

3

Last interaction I had. I started talking about the books of the bible that were left out after the council of nicea. After discussing all that junk, they did not return.

Right!? Selective weren't they?

@Hathacat they really are. I tell them "the book of enoch has giants and chimeras" how f**king cool is that? Why was that left out.

@BBliberty That's hecka better!

Don't forget the books written by women left out

3

I say, “No thanks. I’m happy with my religion.”

UUNJ Level 8 July 6, 2018
3

I don't answer the door to anyone I'm not expecting. ?

I did that once...It was the UPS man and I had to go down to get it at UPS! I wasn't expecting a package!

3

Just tell them you are aware of their views and are absolutely not interested in discussing it with them, then ask them politely to please put you on the 'DO NOT CALL' list that all kingdom halls have. If they come back then tell them you are on the DO NOT CALL list and then follow up with a call to the elders at the kingdom hall, you will never see them again.

They must keep track then, because after I kicked them off the property for bugging my Mom, they came back right after she died! (Where upon I kicked them out again)

@Hathacat Standard operating procedure, move in on people when they are feeling vulnerable, isn't that what all religions do?

@Surfpirate Yup, asshats

I've tried several times to be put on a "do not disturb" list ... finally called Kingdom Hall and demanded that they leave me alone. The man told me there's no such thing as that list and there's no way they could address my concerns. At least he was honest. I live on a very shady street and they seem to enjoy walking on it.

@LucyLoohoo my mother is a JW and my older brother was a JW Elder, there is such a list and they keep it on their IPads, I know this because my mother has told me about it. Although if they could turn an Atheist that would be as good as converting two Roman Catholics, maybe you are just too rich a target for them to resist. 😉

@LucyLoohoo Wow, you called them? That's dedication to getting what you want!

3

Answer the door naked.

When I think about the crazies out there now, there are a lot worse things than a naked lady! I am surprised they still do it!

2

I'm thinking of putting a do not solicit sign on my door- not sure if that will work?

Khart Level 1 July 16, 2018

Someone here said to do that! I might tape a paper to the bottom with, "Yes, this does mean you too!".

2

I have a sign on my porch that says... Unhinged asshole with gun... Those selling anything besides alcohol will be shot.. I dare you to ring the bell

The Mormon missionaries do anyhow.. For them I go full force.. I open the door in my boxers.. With a can of beer and can of Rockstar in each hand. I usually say in the creepiest voice I can come up. With. What's up ladies... Lets do some day drinking and debauchery in Jesus's name motherfuckers... Yeah they run pretty quick while throwing pamphlets at me..

They usually don't come back after that

There are a few that either see through my bullshit or really think they can help me..

Once you start showing up to the door naked.. They finally concede

Is this what we are down to, to keep unwanted people from our door? I wouldn't put on a show like that for anything or anyone else, but feel like I might have to mess their day up because of decades of them messing with mine. Mind you, I get some small joy from it, lol.

@Hathacat not if it's a squirtgun with watercolor for artistic fun

2

I have cute homemade no solicitations sign that includes no preaching. This keeps most of them away. Every once in a while, someone still knocks. I just point at the sign. If that doesnt work, I ask them if they can read. That has always turned them around.

I like that!

2

I also politely tell them that before they start, I don't believe in religion and fortunately, they have wished me a nice day and left. I recently put a No Solicitation sign next to my door which seems to be helping.

Nicely done!

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:123403
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.