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Why Post Pics With Your Kids on a Dating Site?

I only look at women's photos, so I have no idea if men do this too, but... it seems really odd to me. (Please note, I'm talking about other dating sites, like Match and Harmony... you know, the "dating" dating sites...)

Why does a person looking to entice other single people (okay, theoretically single people at least) post pictures of themselves and their kids and grandkids on a dating site? What's the message being sent?

Is the subliminal message "I'm a good parent, I'm a stable person, you can trust me not to freak out on you"? Because the message that comes through, intentionally or not, is "I'm looking for a substitute Dad who's going to nurture my kids from Day 1, and if you're not that guy, you're wasting my time, fella!"

I assume that anyone my age has the probability of kids. I mention my daughter in my profile. I don't put her face on a public forum next to mine for random strangers to look at.

Maybe that's what bothers me most... the message that "I don't have the safety consciousness to keep my young kids and/or grandkids' photos out of sight until I at least meet the person I'm interested in and know whether or not he's the Boston Strangler."

Seriously... why the kid pictures?

Paul4747 8 July 12
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31 comments

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0

Well, it's 2018 and kids and adults have pictures EVERYWHERE, everyone has a camera in their pocket basically all the time. I am not a fan of my kids having pics on the interwebs, but it's really unavoidable now days.

What really cracks me up is when people post pics with an obvious boy or girlfriend in the scene, with or without editing, lol. You really couldn't just take a pic of yourself?

arnies Level 7 July 24, 2018
0

I had seen women take a look at my kid and hush me I want to have your baby!!!! But I really, really know what they mean... they want to have his baby!!!!

0

Sometimes our best pictures are the ones taken with loved ones. We're relaxed and happy.

0

I've always found it odd, but there are a couple cases in which it can be helpful (though it could be written in the profile as well) to weed out unsuitable partners: 1) the is mixed race or of a different race from the parent (I don't like race as a concept, so please let my use of it slide here) and 2) if it's clear that the has special needs. But yes, I find it odd and would prefer that a match says in his or her profile useful information about the kids (autistic, live at home, out of the house, different ethnic background -- which could be addressed in other ways as well without mentioning the ).

1

I agree. The kids being plastered all over those sites aren't given a choice to be seen or not be seen on an ADULT site. It's irresponsible of the poster and could be downright dangerous if in the hands of a more sinister motivated individual or organization...

Sparks Level 3 July 15, 2018
1

Excellent question. I too have long wondered the same thing.

1

So you'll think I'm warm and caring??? Not me! My kids are young and beautiful; the contrast would be frightful.

0

I just think it says "Hey, I'm normal. and not a scammer from Nigeria"

A friend of mine married a guy she met on a dating site and I remember her telling me that she was initially attracted to him specifically because he had posted a sweet photo of himself with his little granddaughter.

@SACatWalker if someone is going to scam you they will do it in a way that is at least on the surface somewhat authentic. The only way to find out is to talk write analyses and if all looks good leap with caution. I would hope most scammers will tell you who they are if you listen. Remember I could be wrong.

All my scammer approaches are (or claim to be) 22-30 and looking for men, age 50-100, with income over $100K a year. And if I don't respond within about 30 minutes, the profile has disappeared.

I'm sure men approaching women take a different tack than the women approaching men, but their main goal is to have you email so they get a hook into your personal information from which they can work on getting more. Once they have that they can sell it, too. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't know.

Well the other thing is I'm far less suspicious if the person mentions local spots of interest, restaurants, bars, etc.... so that I know they are actually from the area.

@Paul4747 When I had an AFF site I used to get those. You could always tell the frauds (beyond no 25 y/o wants my wrinkly old self) but the English was wrong. You could read them in a Natasha accent and they were funny. Many were just fishing for valid email addresses to sell.

@Paul4747 from a woman's perspective.... I think they assume you're we're lonely and desperate and within 48 hours they're professing deep feelings for someone they've never met. My first encounter of the type was with a guy who said he was going to Africa on business... some massive construction project he was running... and he wanted to stop in Chicago and meet me on his way back. He said he hoped his email came to me as a "piece of golden tone" whatever the hell that means 🙂. I was never really interested, but now I was already pretty sure he wasn't for real.

Anyway, he sent me photos from allegedly from Africa and pretty soon I got this email whining about financial issues and "Darling could you send me $5,000 immediately and I promise I'll pay you back as soon as I get to Chicago". Buh bye!

Another guy said he lived in McHenry county, not far from me. When I pressed him for exactly where in McHenry County, he sent me a Wikipedia entry about McHenry County, California. I'm in Illinois.

But it is sad how many people fall for it. Then there's the one where they say they inherited a huge sum of money and need the help of a total stranger to get it out of whatever country they're supposedly in. All you have to do is send them some money in good faith and they'll split the inheritance with you.

@TheoryNumber3 In a man's case, we're assumed to be more horny than lonely. Which, to be fair, in my case is totally true. 😉 But it doesn't mean that the blood immediately pumps away from my brain at the sight of a nice body whose alleged owner says she wants me to contact her and hook up right away.

I've been lucky enough not to get the "foreign inheritance" scam, but I do keep getting very authentic-looking emails telling me that my credit card information has been compromised and I need to confirm my information through their link. Luckily they chose a card that has been inactive for years to try to scam me with, so it was a dead giveaway. Otherwise their emails look quite authentic. That is, until you hover on the links and see that they all go to the same address no matter where they supposedly lead. Plus odd phrases and things that just... don't quite seem right. And once they got my address the emails kept pouring in.

1

It's a simple and immediate way to say "here are important things in my life"

0

My kids are very attractive.

1

I build software posting a pic of your child these days is no less safe than doing nearly every other internet based activity. If youve been paying attention to how many massive internet breaches have happened the last few years rest assured that its highly likely that much more detailed profiles of you are in posession of a few criminals.

Also kidnappings, child abuse, etc has a higher incident rate from people close to the victim.

Soooo no need to scream fire.

True, but why give out more information even to amateurs and strangers? It's like those "family" stickers on the windshield of the car... "My family has 2 adults, 3 kids and a dog, and we like soccer. Have fun stalking us!"

3

"what you see is what you get." and "if you don't get it, no need to apply."

JacarC Level 8 July 12, 2018
0

I think some ppl are just challenged, period. Having seen some pics of kids with what looks like Ms Paint colored on their faces on here (uh YUCK?) seems ppl don't know how to crop, or won't ask someone to help with that.
I would not post my kid on here, but will on my other community. That said while not looking for another "Daddy" for mine, having had heinous step parents in the past not being able to gel with my kid, who's not a teenager anymore, would be a deal breaker out the gate, because I hazza great kid.

Qualia Level 8 July 12, 2018
0

My son is on my page so I get to look at him every time I log on and so when I talk about him, one can have an image of him in their mind. I miss the fuck out of him and I’m not here to chase women.

I'm not talking about this site per se, which I should have made clear... and I apologize. I'm talking about the "expressly designed for dating" dating sites. Naming no names cougheHarmonycough

@Paul4747 well, I’d assume it’s a good way to let people know they’ve got offspring they may be responsible for, in that case.

2

What I cannot understand is pictures of pets, or a group of people with the faces so small you can't tell who is the person in the profile, or random landscape photographs, or pictures in which there are men next to the member of the dating website and you wonder the relationship.

YES!! Those are almost worth a separate question!

2

I wouldn't have posted pictures of my kids, if I had been active on dating sites. If I had though, the message would be that my kids come first. I wouldn't have wasted my time with anyone who expected me to give up time with my kids for her.

JimG Level 8 July 12, 2018
4

Is your judgment only for those who are primarily on this site for dating purposes? Many of us are here mostly for community, but might be open to the possibility of dating.

Are these photos of children you object to being posted with addresses or something? Please explain the foundation of these safety fears you have. What harm do you envision happening to them that they are not exposed to in their normal daily life?

I'm not looking to attract someone whose main goal on this site is to be "looking at women's photos" as you state you are. So, thanks for being up front about that icky warning. Hopefully the majority of people on this site are here with less nefarious reasons.

I'm looking primarily for friends and intelligent conversation, not dating or hookups. I would hope I could gauge a person's character well enough before meeting in them person, and surely before they would ever come in contact with my family members, since they live in another state.

I do like to present a well rounded glimpse into my lifestyle to share with those wishing to engage in friendly conversation. This a social site, after all, where we can feel we are engaging with real people with similar interests.

What your post says to me is that you "look at women's photos" for some deviant purpose and either photos that include kids either distract from that purpose and/or that you (or feel others) look at kids photos for deviant purposes as well. That is an icky thought. Do you have those thoughts when you see magazine ads, family travel articles and commercials that have kids in them?

I'm here mostly for community and if someone is interested in who they are conversing with, my profile photos show me at home, at work, relaxing with my grandkids and other photos that show what makes me happy in life.

The photos that include my (fully clothed) kids/grandkids are public photos available online for anyone to see at my daughter's travel blog site and were taken while we were on vacation in public places. They live in another state. I don't post their address. I can't imagine what harm would come to them by me sharing my daughter's public photos of them. Maybe you could elaborate with reasons to convince me I should remove them?

I don't think we can protect ourselves, our children or our pets from people people having deviant thoughts of harming them. So, unless I am convinced otherwise, I choose to enjoy my life and feel safe enough sharing glimpses of my lifestyle, fully knowing they can be seen by "random people" just as they could when the photos were taken.

It's not a requirement to post any photos on this site - it's up to each member to choose what they feel is safe and appropriate to share. If admin chooses to make a rule that no photos of people under 18 are allowed, that would be fine with me. Until then, I see no reason why folks can't post photos of their family if they choose.

Seems to me the choice of some members to post family photos helps you to weed out possible mate choices that you feel have a lack of "safety consciousness" so it seems it is useful to you that way.

I love this thoughtful response, Julie. Spot on.

wow, you have gone to another world. The original post never mention any site, its a general observation mention many other dating site. This site heavily promote itself to single. I am here to find someone, not socialize, or win a trophy. I work for living, even president, and rich work. Ahh the luxury of time is a hot button topic ....... You claim to be unaware of the world around you and you are very sure you are correct. I do not have the luxury to kill time. This original posters thoughts connect with my frustration but may be not yours. Blue wave its not a rebuttal, but a discussion. It sure is not your cup of tea.

In retrospect, I neglected to point out that I was talking about the sites that are specifically dating sites, naming no names... but even this site is marketed as a site for people looking to meet. In other words... A dating site.

And thanks for implying I'm a deviant... no, wait, you pretty much came out and said it. But even though I'm not, plenty are. I don't imagine you have a high concentration on a site like this, or on a travel blog... but on a dedicated single's dating site, you certainly do run that risk. I've been single less than a year and already been stalked once. I'm damn glad that person didn't know what my kid looks like, or what the house looks like, or anything else from my photos that could be helpful in locating me after I blocked the phones.

You're right, my concern doesn't apply to everyone on this site. I'll make it more clear what sites I was talking about.

2

I'm sure motivations vary but certainly a lot of people (not just men either) are adverse to dating someone with dependent children and so putting that right out front saves a lot of time.

Pragmatically speaking, there's no buzz-kill like children in the household, so if you're looking for romance and time to know each other, it's probably fair to give notice that that train already left the station.

I agree.

That's why I write about it in my profile. But not pictures.

3

I love the photos of dads with kids. That being said, I think most people see this more as a community site than a dating site. But since you asked specifically about putting pictures with your kid on a dating site - it makes a lot of sense because it automatically deters people people who don't want that and attracts those that do. I do understand the safety factor, though, and that's why I don't have my kid on here.

If you want to date me but can't handle the fact that I have a child (let alone a child with aspergers), then there's no point in wasting anybody's time, right?

Hihi Level 6 July 12, 2018

I agree with you. If one is talking about POF, Match, Zoosk, Tinder, etc., to me that is an entirely different ballgame than our community here on AG - even if one IS here for dating also.

@BlueWave The only point I was making.

7

I have to comment a second time. You critics are reading a SHIT TON into the fact that someone chooses to post images of their children (either with or without themselves included) in their profile here. Maybe it means something, maybe not. The certainty here is that YOU are perceiving whatever you want from those images. No one is putting anything, subliminally or otherwise, into your brain except a picture. My advice to the OP: Get over it. It's just a damn picture.

I was gonna type almost exactly what you said, so instead I will just agree with you.

@ArdentAtheist Me too. I also appreciate seeing dads loving being dads and moms loving being moms.

I have no gain to socialize here or even on Facebook, or next door etc, There are lot of social sites, and most all are under fire for putting kids pictures. Its amazing how many people here are not aware of the current news, laws, etc. I do not have any kids, but I pay for many of these abuse kids from my taxes. I am not the original poster, but lot of websites are changing there policies and I hope this one too. I am only in this site or any other site to find someone. I have no gain in wasting my time and being frustrated. I already work too hard.

@Arshi I have no idea at all what your point is. As I previously stated; I have some images of myself with my children on this site and you can make of it whatever you wish (and I know you have already peeped my profile). I'm a bit resentful of your implication that I am somehow contributing to child abuse. Maybe you should quit criticizing members here for their profile content and focus on your stated purpose of "finding someone" instead. Have a pleasant day.

@IAMGROOT not me, and I am not interested in you. You are not in my state. You where the first one to contact me on this site while I was making my profile. I am told that the site send emails to help new members. So I did not peeped at your profile to go out with you but because your profile send me a private message. Many people are following me, even thought my profile read I am here looking for love. You are no one to tell me what I should do. If I was so interested in letting others to tell me what to do, I would have not been on a Agonist site. So its the fact in dating sites to report, children pictures in member profile. I suppose its not a rule here and I don't remember what you have in your profile. There are lot of stuff being posted everywhere but when it cames to commonsense, you all felt entitled to protect the pedophile believes while attacking and acting so unaware.

@IAMGROOT your typical entitled response dispensing useless advice.

My point didn't involve this site specifically, but it might as well. I had in mind the expressly-designed-for-dating sites. This place is a discussion site, with dating optional. And if you're trying to attract a date, with a picture of yourself and your kids... there's something wrong there.

4

People love pets and children.

Why you wouldn't include your immediate family seems odd to me? People will find out. (And then they'll ask for a photo!).

No reason not to just provide a photo right from the start.

2

So you'd literally want to have LESS information about someone you're interested in to keep the illusion alive. If you've got kids I'd like to know before I get involved.

@PalacinkyPDX I guess that part is true, I'm not looking to know what your kids look like or their dob/ss#/pet's name and favorite candy. But I would like to know as I'd assume they're a large part of your life.

Also I'd like to know if you do crossfit, because I desperately do not want to talk about crossfit.

2

I don't have any kids so I really know. But I think if I did, I would love to post pic's of them, why not? I'd be proud to show off my kids.

But then again, I really didn't come here to date. I'm more interested in good conversation, and possibly learn something new. I love to read others perspective on a topic.

1

I get that. I don't post pictures of my kids, but I mention them AND their ages because lots of men don't want baby daddy drama. Most people my age have kids that are either in college or on their own. I have kids in middle and high school (which explains why I get a 'like' or message maybe once a week). One gentleman voiced that same concern. Unless the relationship is getting serious, no reason to introduce a new person to the kids.

1

Men do this as well. Funny I was actually just thinking about this this morning. The only full body pictures I have of myself are with my kids. I like to post a full body but I crop my kids out first. I wouldn’t want them posting pictures of me.....not to mention I wouldn’t introduce someone to my kids until I had been with them for quite a while. Like months.

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