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Why Post Pics With Your Kids on a Dating Site?

I only look at women's photos, so I have no idea if men do this too, but... it seems really odd to me. (Please note, I'm talking about other dating sites, like Match and Harmony... you know, the "dating" dating sites...)

Why does a person looking to entice other single people (okay, theoretically single people at least) post pictures of themselves and their kids and grandkids on a dating site? What's the message being sent?

Is the subliminal message "I'm a good parent, I'm a stable person, you can trust me not to freak out on you"? Because the message that comes through, intentionally or not, is "I'm looking for a substitute Dad who's going to nurture my kids from Day 1, and if you're not that guy, you're wasting my time, fella!"

I assume that anyone my age has the probability of kids. I mention my daughter in my profile. I don't put her face on a public forum next to mine for random strangers to look at.

Maybe that's what bothers me most... the message that "I don't have the safety consciousness to keep my young kids and/or grandkids' photos out of sight until I at least meet the person I'm interested in and know whether or not he's the Boston Strangler."

Seriously... why the kid pictures?

Paul4747 8 July 12
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31 comments

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8

I have to comment a second time. You critics are reading a SHIT TON into the fact that someone chooses to post images of their children (either with or without themselves included) in their profile here. Maybe it means something, maybe not. The certainty here is that YOU are perceiving whatever you want from those images. No one is putting anything, subliminally or otherwise, into your brain except a picture. My advice to the OP: Get over it. It's just a damn picture.

I was gonna type almost exactly what you said, so instead I will just agree with you.

@ArdentAtheist Me too. I also appreciate seeing dads loving being dads and moms loving being moms.

I have no gain to socialize here or even on Facebook, or next door etc, There are lot of social sites, and most all are under fire for putting kids pictures. Its amazing how many people here are not aware of the current news, laws, etc. I do not have any kids, but I pay for many of these abuse kids from my taxes. I am not the original poster, but lot of websites are changing there policies and I hope this one too. I am only in this site or any other site to find someone. I have no gain in wasting my time and being frustrated. I already work too hard.

@Arshi I have no idea at all what your point is. As I previously stated; I have some images of myself with my children on this site and you can make of it whatever you wish (and I know you have already peeped my profile). I'm a bit resentful of your implication that I am somehow contributing to child abuse. Maybe you should quit criticizing members here for their profile content and focus on your stated purpose of "finding someone" instead. Have a pleasant day.

@IAMGROOT not me, and I am not interested in you. You are not in my state. You where the first one to contact me on this site while I was making my profile. I am told that the site send emails to help new members. So I did not peeped at your profile to go out with you but because your profile send me a private message. Many people are following me, even thought my profile read I am here looking for love. You are no one to tell me what I should do. If I was so interested in letting others to tell me what to do, I would have not been on a Agonist site. So its the fact in dating sites to report, children pictures in member profile. I suppose its not a rule here and I don't remember what you have in your profile. There are lot of stuff being posted everywhere but when it cames to commonsense, you all felt entitled to protect the pedophile believes while attacking and acting so unaware.

@IAMGROOT your typical entitled response dispensing useless advice.

My point didn't involve this site specifically, but it might as well. I had in mind the expressly-designed-for-dating sites. This place is a discussion site, with dating optional. And if you're trying to attract a date, with a picture of yourself and your kids... there's something wrong there.

5

People love pets and children.

Why you wouldn't include your immediate family seems odd to me? People will find out. (And then they'll ask for a photo!).

No reason not to just provide a photo right from the start.

5

I have pictures of myself with my kids here and you can make whatever you want of it. That is YOUR perception.

5

I don't post pictures of my kid on dating sites. Hell I rarely reference gender when discussing the clone. I think it is safety issue when talking to strangers.

@PalacinkyPDX trufax right there. I actually swipe left if a dude has pics of his kids out there for everybody to see.

4

Is your judgment only for those who are primarily on this site for dating purposes? Many of us are here mostly for community, but might be open to the possibility of dating.

Are these photos of children you object to being posted with addresses or something? Please explain the foundation of these safety fears you have. What harm do you envision happening to them that they are not exposed to in their normal daily life?

I'm not looking to attract someone whose main goal on this site is to be "looking at women's photos" as you state you are. So, thanks for being up front about that icky warning. Hopefully the majority of people on this site are here with less nefarious reasons.

I'm looking primarily for friends and intelligent conversation, not dating or hookups. I would hope I could gauge a person's character well enough before meeting in them person, and surely before they would ever come in contact with my family members, since they live in another state.

I do like to present a well rounded glimpse into my lifestyle to share with those wishing to engage in friendly conversation. This a social site, after all, where we can feel we are engaging with real people with similar interests.

What your post says to me is that you "look at women's photos" for some deviant purpose and either photos that include kids either distract from that purpose and/or that you (or feel others) look at kids photos for deviant purposes as well. That is an icky thought. Do you have those thoughts when you see magazine ads, family travel articles and commercials that have kids in them?

I'm here mostly for community and if someone is interested in who they are conversing with, my profile photos show me at home, at work, relaxing with my grandkids and other photos that show what makes me happy in life.

The photos that include my (fully clothed) kids/grandkids are public photos available online for anyone to see at my daughter's travel blog site and were taken while we were on vacation in public places. They live in another state. I don't post their address. I can't imagine what harm would come to them by me sharing my daughter's public photos of them. Maybe you could elaborate with reasons to convince me I should remove them?

I don't think we can protect ourselves, our children or our pets from people people having deviant thoughts of harming them. So, unless I am convinced otherwise, I choose to enjoy my life and feel safe enough sharing glimpses of my lifestyle, fully knowing they can be seen by "random people" just as they could when the photos were taken.

It's not a requirement to post any photos on this site - it's up to each member to choose what they feel is safe and appropriate to share. If admin chooses to make a rule that no photos of people under 18 are allowed, that would be fine with me. Until then, I see no reason why folks can't post photos of their family if they choose.

Seems to me the choice of some members to post family photos helps you to weed out possible mate choices that you feel have a lack of "safety consciousness" so it seems it is useful to you that way.

I love this thoughtful response, Julie. Spot on.

wow, you have gone to another world. The original post never mention any site, its a general observation mention many other dating site. This site heavily promote itself to single. I am here to find someone, not socialize, or win a trophy. I work for living, even president, and rich work. Ahh the luxury of time is a hot button topic ....... You claim to be unaware of the world around you and you are very sure you are correct. I do not have the luxury to kill time. This original posters thoughts connect with my frustration but may be not yours. Blue wave its not a rebuttal, but a discussion. It sure is not your cup of tea.

In retrospect, I neglected to point out that I was talking about the sites that are specifically dating sites, naming no names... but even this site is marketed as a site for people looking to meet. In other words... A dating site.

And thanks for implying I'm a deviant... no, wait, you pretty much came out and said it. But even though I'm not, plenty are. I don't imagine you have a high concentration on a site like this, or on a travel blog... but on a dedicated single's dating site, you certainly do run that risk. I've been single less than a year and already been stalked once. I'm damn glad that person didn't know what my kid looks like, or what the house looks like, or anything else from my photos that could be helpful in locating me after I blocked the phones.

You're right, my concern doesn't apply to everyone on this site. I'll make it more clear what sites I was talking about.

4

I'm sure motivations vary but certainly a lot of people (not just men either) are adverse to dating someone with dependent children and so putting that right out front saves a lot of time.

Pragmatically speaking, there's no buzz-kill like children in the household, so if you're looking for romance and time to know each other, it's probably fair to give notice that that train already left the station.

I agree.

That's why I write about it in my profile. But not pictures.

4

I love the photos of dads with kids. That being said, I think most people see this more as a community site than a dating site. But since you asked specifically about putting pictures with your kid on a dating site - it makes a lot of sense because it automatically deters people people who don't want that and attracts those that do. I do understand the safety factor, though, and that's why I don't have my kid on here.

If you want to date me but can't handle the fact that I have a child (let alone a child with aspergers), then there's no point in wasting anybody's time, right?

Hihi Level 6 July 12, 2018

I agree with you. If one is talking about POF, Match, Zoosk, Tinder, etc., to me that is an entirely different ballgame than our community here on AG - even if one IS here for dating also.

@BlueWave The only point I was making.

4

So you'd literally want to have LESS information about someone you're interested in to keep the illusion alive. If you've got kids I'd like to know before I get involved.

@PalacinkyPDX I guess that part is true, I'm not looking to know what your kids look like or their dob/ss#/pet's name and favorite candy. But I would like to know as I'd assume they're a large part of your life.

Also I'd like to know if you do crossfit, because I desperately do not want to talk about crossfit.

4

I get that. I don't post pictures of my kids, but I mention them AND their ages because lots of men don't want baby daddy drama. Most people my age have kids that are either in college or on their own. I have kids in middle and high school (which explains why I get a 'like' or message maybe once a week). One gentleman voiced that same concern. Unless the relationship is getting serious, no reason to introduce a new person to the kids.

3

"what you see is what you get." and "if you don't get it, no need to apply."

JacarC Level 8 July 12, 2018
3

I wouldn't have posted pictures of my kids, if I had been active on dating sites. If I had though, the message would be that my kids come first. I wouldn't have wasted my time with anyone who expected me to give up time with my kids for her.

JimG Level 8 July 12, 2018
3

I don't have any kids so I really know. But I think if I did, I would love to post pic's of them, why not? I'd be proud to show off my kids.

But then again, I really didn't come here to date. I'm more interested in good conversation, and possibly learn something new. I love to read others perspective on a topic.

3

Men do this as well. Funny I was actually just thinking about this this morning. The only full body pictures I have of myself are with my kids. I like to post a full body but I crop my kids out first. I wouldn’t want them posting pictures of me.....not to mention I wouldn’t introduce someone to my kids until I had been with them for quite a while. Like months.

3

I think it is the subliminal message you reference, but only the "I'm a stable person" part. I was NOT ever looking for someone with young kids (I'm a oldie but goodie) but if you have pics with your older kids I am happy with that. Family is important. Otherwise I agree with you. If I was younger it might hit me differently - I do not have and never wanted kids.

2

I agree. The kids being plastered all over those sites aren't given a choice to be seen or not be seen on an ADULT site. It's irresponsible of the poster and could be downright dangerous if in the hands of a more sinister motivated individual or organization...

Sparks Level 3 July 15, 2018
2

It's a simple and immediate way to say "here are important things in my life"

2

What I cannot understand is pictures of pets, or a group of people with the faces so small you can't tell who is the person in the profile, or random landscape photographs, or pictures in which there are men next to the member of the dating website and you wonder the relationship.

YES!! Those are almost worth a separate question!

2

I did when I first joined sites because I thought the pic of me with them was a good pic but then thought better not to. I have all adult daughter's and I am very protective of them. There are a lot of creeps on those sites and now I don't. Also it's one thing to out our own on them but do we really have permission to but another person's pic on there. Just a moral thing not to and children should never go on them. Too risky

I totally agree I have a kid and I don't want anybody I don't know to see her.

2

I completely agree. Even thought its been in many tv shows, and lot of education and awerness in talk show, marketing etc, that child predators do that to sell there kids/ People don't stop posting there kids pictures. Most people who are troubled are always looking for trouble. I have mets guys and they are perfectly normal productive citizen but then the fall for this trap that, women are attracted toward guys who have kids or pets. I disagree. Majority don't like being a parents but they don't mind using there kids picture to boost there ego. I don't like it either when people using kids as prop in there dating profile pictures.

Arshi Level 5 July 12, 2018
1

Excellent question. I too have long wondered the same thing.

1

So you'll think I'm warm and caring??? Not me! My kids are young and beautiful; the contrast would be frightful.

1

I build software posting a pic of your child these days is no less safe than doing nearly every other internet based activity. If youve been paying attention to how many massive internet breaches have happened the last few years rest assured that its highly likely that much more detailed profiles of you are in posession of a few criminals.

Also kidnappings, child abuse, etc has a higher incident rate from people close to the victim.

Soooo no need to scream fire.

True, but why give out more information even to amateurs and strangers? It's like those "family" stickers on the windshield of the car... "My family has 2 adults, 3 kids and a dog, and we like soccer. Have fun stalking us!"

1

Yes,i never understood that either. What kind of a message does it send? And they don't worry what kind of person theyre going to attract? The only thing i have my daughters pics up are on facebook,because thats what its for. Ive never used fb to meet someone.

0

Well, it's 2018 and kids and adults have pictures EVERYWHERE, everyone has a camera in their pocket basically all the time. I am not a fan of my kids having pics on the interwebs, but it's really unavoidable now days.

What really cracks me up is when people post pics with an obvious boy or girlfriend in the scene, with or without editing, lol. You really couldn't just take a pic of yourself?

arnies Level 7 July 24, 2018
0

I had seen women take a look at my kid and hush me I want to have your baby!!!! But I really, really know what they mean... they want to have his baby!!!!

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