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Dating after 50

Is it just me, or is dating after 50 a nightmare?

It seems like almost everyone is so religious, which narrows the pool significantly.

Then out of those who are left the majority fall into one of these categories: looking for a nurse/care giver,
looking for someone MUCH younger to recapture their youth or REPUBLICAN

Then of the 10 people in your region that are left...you don't like 5 and the other 5 don't like you.

OYE! I think I just need a gay best friend to do things with and a new vibrator.

Crimson67 8 Jan 6
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15

Oh so agree with you. Met someone a couple of months ago-political activist-very excited-no time for a relationship lol. Others are trumpsters and conservative. A lot of my relationships have been with younger guys so the ones near my age don't like heavy metal and grunge. It's a conundrum out there.

reminded me my ex-wife going to a concert of the band my daughter was managing... industrial metal.... she said It Was Too Loud!!!!

Metal and Grunge,.... I think at least 2/3 of my CD collection falls into those two categories. Rest is 80s 'New Wave'.

@Crimson67 I couldn't do that... one of my daughters will kill her. I am not joking.

@Crimson67 Well a cougar is better than a dirty old man, Bwahaha.

I prefer the term "Naughty Hobo" as it captures my spirit (lol) better.

I like grunge, rock, et, Is what keeps me young and alert

@Silvertongue Older men dating much younger women are only pervs or predators if they're POOR.
But the wealthy ones can date anyone!
Ugh.

12

That made me laugh!!!!

I am newly single again so I'm not even up for actually dating yet. However, I did put a profile up on a very popular site just out of curiosity.

Where I live - Louisiana - 95% are some variation of Christian/Catholic/Protestant.

I wouldn't date with a man my age who would go out with somebody 20-30 years younger than he (if he was open about that).

And, like you, I've narrowed my own pool by eliminating conservatives.

Then no smokers. Then they have to have a job and make a decent income. Oy is right!!!

So, that leaves me with about .05% of the population. And, from that, it's like you said -- either they don't see anything interesting in me or vice versa.

Or, some moron sends me a private message and barely gets "hello" typed before he's asking if I want to have sex and fun. WTF is wrong with people? I truly wonder how many women reply with "Yeah, glad you asked! Let's do it -- phone, cyber, your place or mine?"

I would not be surprised if I am completely single until retirement and I move back to what I consider civilization -- a more liberal area. I'm okay with that.

@SACatWalker In the big picture, besides AIDS, sexually transmitted infections are not as big of a deal as the stigma makes them.

Think about this hypothetical—you have to choose from only four available women in the universe. They each have only one negative thing about them—otherwise they are perfect.

Woman A is a habitual liar—otherwise perfect.

Woman B is a kleptomaniac-otherwise perfect.

Woman C gets off on belittling cashiers and food servers-otherwise perfect.

Woman D has herpes-otherwise perfect.

Which do you choose?

A person can get herpes with only having had one partner ever — or zero partners.

Every person you know who has ever had a “cold sore” or a “fever blister” has a medical condition called herpes—only it’s dressed up with a “nice” word.

Getting off my soapbox now....just doing my little part to try to remove the stigma about humans with an actual medical condition for which NOBODY asks.

Cheers!! 🙂

@SACatWalker Okay, protest heard and I concede that. You are right, a habitual liar would have a whole bag of problems undoubtedly. 🙂 But, I think and hope you get my point. It's a medical condition nobody asks for and it is not a life ender and it is not, to me, a legitimate reason to judge somebody or to rule them out. That said, to each his or her own, right? 🙂

@SACatWalker Laughing VERY out loud!!! Hilarious! Can you imagine telling somebody that? They definitely would not be expecting that reaction. 🙂 Good for you, SAC!

BlueWave, you live in Louisiana? How the hell do you keep your sanity???? If I lived in the Bible Belt South I would go bonkers. I recommend that you move to Minneapolis, it is pretty liberal here. But there still is the situation of the dudes wanting to have cyber sex or real life sex right away. There was only one time I did cyber sex. I chatted with a single, atheist man who lives in Ras El Bar, Egypt. Single men cannot have girlfriends. If men and women are caught dating, they get beaten and taken off to jail. The women usually are covered, only their hands and faces show. So, these desperate Egyptian dudes go on FB and beg American women to flash them. Lots of American women open their webcams and show their stuff, they feel sorry for those poor Arab dudes.

@SusanHilde Just saw this almost a month later. It is hard. I feel like a fish out of water. And, driving for Uber, I hear so many people talk about how much they LLLLOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEE it here. Alrighty then. I don't hate it here. It just doesn't feel like a "fit."

I am going to Minneapolis in May. My favorite cousins live there. Don't know if I could ever get used to the bitterly cold winters. My old law firm (job) is headquartered there, so I could conceivably have a job. Hmmmm.......

@BlueWave besides the stigma, AIDS really isn't a big deal anymore either. The meds have made it so people with HIV are unlikely to pass it on, and partners without HIV can also take meds to prevent getting it. It's pretty much just stigma and ignorance now.

[thebody.com]

@SurvivorSteph Y'know, you're right. I would change my comment above, but then these two comments wouldn't make sense. It was ignorant of me to exclude AIDS from the not such a big deal. I know people live full and long lives with AIDS - unlike 30 years ago.

@BlueWave and if their virus is supresssd they’re unlikely to pass it to the rest of us! ?

@SurvivorSteph Yup

@bluewave anyone who would date someone with aids has a death wish.

3

Yeah it's tough. There are women who are still looking for prince charming. I mean, I'm a romantic as well but c'mon, we're 50. How about just someone that won't kill me in my sleep, lol. Okay maybe there is something in between but...

have you been watching SNAPPED again? heehee

@DeeWoman had to look it up maybe I should be watching it. Lol

@onlyduh lol.... No, I'm laid back I'd be the one getting got.

@onlyduh myea I totally get it now, duh. I read it again and it sounds out with the caps...well done.

He was warned what!? Dang I never heard that...thx for the heads up, good to know.?

@onlyduh my nephews are Amerasian, is that proper to say? Anyway, them boys got it going on, js.

Then you're cool, I mean you didn't...romantic? Lol

@onlyduh he sounds like a real asshole.

@onlyduh yeah you wouldn't, I'm just proud of the men they became.

3

Go with the vibrator. Give it a name and live happily ever ! After

@MissKathleen
I wonder where you read that ? Lol

Dear you make a great point but I have to share some thing I discovered is wrong and that is give some a vibrator as a gift it was some time ago and I won’t do it again... I promise

@Millerski25
Never said give one. I said use one!

@VAL3941 I’m impressed with your honesty and directness.... you’re a woman after my own heart

@Millerski25
I am a straight male, Damnit ! LOL

@VAL3941 anyone could make an honest mistake

@VAL3941 let me add so you were advising or advocating vibrates for women is that or have completely missed the jest of it all

@VAL3941 let me add so you were advising or advocating vibrates for women is that or have completely missed the jest of it all

@Millerski25
OK ! Don't you read profiles or can't you read ! LOL

@Millerski25
Thats it right on the button. Trying to pull their chains !

4

I'm writing as a 58 year old married man; I window shop bit I don't buy! What I observe in the folks in my neighborhood is that people "showing signs of being in the game" fare well.

please explain.

I've noticed a difference after dealing with WAW.
Self help, self improvement. How to dress, how to carry yourself, smile, chat up everyone you meet out and about to be better socially. Lots of videos on youtube for free. Dressing better and right fitting clothing has been most noted difference in getting attention!
Husbands of WAW make great 2nd husbands, her loss, did my work.

@zeliasgrand @witchymom @sassygirl3869 All of that plus clothes that fit, hair that works, or, generally speaking, shows signs of life. We all had to learn this in Junior High, and we may need to re-learn it while getting mail from AARP.

@BlueWave @witchymom walk away wife actual syndrome.

@andygee You hit the nail on the head. Hope some people understand this. When people just give-up and don't care about their appearances anymore they're just no-longer "in the game" (why was that confusing?). It's that simple. Get rid of the excess weight (actually, it's easy), get some nicer clothes, pay attention to the things you paid attention to when you really WERE hot! People will notice. Good things will happen. That's a promise.

1

I think it's pretty sad that we've reached a point where so many people are so closed minded that they would let politics be a prohibiting factor in an otherwise perfectly viable partnership.
In a relationship where both people think the same way, one of you is unnecessary.

@Crimson67 the same could be said for those who ignored all of Clinton's misdeeds. The fact is that neither you, nor I nor anyone truly know anything even remotely related to the truth about Trump or Clinton. What we think we know is nothing more than what we've been spoon fed by the media and social media and choose to believe. The main difference between you and I is I know they're all full of shit. My last g/f was very liberal, but she wasn't a brain dead liberal. We managed to have rational conversations that led us to realize we had more in common than not, even though Im not a liberal. At some point, you might realize that this divisiveness is exactly what the powers behind the curtain want. And you're basing decisions on propoganda, not knowledge. Regardless of your party.

@Crimson67 I didn't mean to imply you did, (although I can see after re-reading my response that kind if did, sorry about that) I was just making a point. I didn't vote for either one myself. Im not a single issue voter, not for presidents or partners.

@Taijiguy There is a lot of difference in a Presidential blow job and a Presidential buffoon and moron.

@Sticks48 you really think I was referring to Bill? Oh you poor naive thing you.

I spent 11 years married to someone on the opposite political pole to me and yeah, living with someone day to day who has an utterly different view than you can really get old. I want peace of mind in my house. I don't want to cook dinner while being forced to listen to conservative talk shows telling lies at top volume while the person I TRY to love and respect sits there cackling in hateful glee. I guess part of the problem of dating after 50 is most of your mistakes have been made and you are determined not to make some of them again. So for the "oh you're so closed minded, try it you might like it" crowd - I did try it, I didn't like it, and I'd prefer being alone to living with Fox News on my TV polluting my life and my mind. And as an added detriment - sex with people full of fear and hate isn't anything to brag about either. Bad vibes all around. I'm not seeking an emotional/intellectual twin but, in psychic self-defense I have to draw the line at certain types of insanity/lifestyles/mindsets, and frankly, that's how I view conservatism these days - pure poison to myself and other living things.

3

I also know several professional women who would NEVER consider dating a man who makes $20k less lol and many of those same women say they're dedicated to dismantling the patriarchy. Also stay at home moms who demand all potential dates make enough to support them and their kids. One woman I know of recently got married but her biggest concern was his $70k salary would be a significant reduction for her children, she can't make $40k.

Sorry women, there simply aren't that many single men who make $100k, especially if you throw in supporting a 20ish failure to launch or the ego associated with not deigning to date plumbers 🙂

If we truly reject religious culture, wouldn't we also reject concepts the man is the breadwinner and women need to be demure that are intrinsically tied to religion?

Shoot! I'd love to date a plumber, but like a doctor, those on-call emergencies might get frustrating.

@GinaMaria lol definitely! Being on call can be really frustrating! That just means dating men who get dirty isn't beneath you.

@educatedredneck Naw... my dad was a mechanic. I feel that a person's value isn't in their job, but rather in how they treat others and how they approach life.

@GinaMaria my Dad was also a mechanic, treating others well seems like a concept many don't value right now.

This problem was created when they decided not to pay women the same salary , for doing the same work . Then , they put us on the Mommy track , so we don't get the same job opportunities or promotions , as well .

yes yes yes. it' only a flesh wound.

@Breathingtrees I'm sadly but solidly white collar and can fix a leaky faucet if the problem is the water is turned on.

I've met several women who are fixated on dating lawyers, doctors and MIGHT make an exception for a hospital administrator or a top realtor lol just a little exaggeration but I did know a guy who ran a city's sewer plant and he had a few women turn up their noses at him.

@Breathingtrees yeah my other requirements are so high how someone makes money isn't an issue, ya know as long as she's not an assassin, pharmaceutical rep...and I'd have problems dating Amish milkmaids, but not bc they smell like cow pies.

5

Yep, a nightmare...but not because of religion, in my experience. Biggest problem I see is that men over 50 still want to date 30 year olds. They assume that women their age are no longer interested in sex (wrong) and that they may have a few extra pounds (but their pot bellies are okay). Or they have numerous health problems and they're looking for someone to take care of them and remind them to take their pills...
Not bitter...just a bit disheartened by what I'm seeing.

Na. You have the wrong analogy as to why we look for younger women.

I do not I really like women in my age group 55-70 we have a lot more in common and can talk about subjects and life experience that we both relate to , and we are probably moving at the same speed ..

@SeptemberWoman You love who you love. I'm 32 and dated women in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, and 60's. In true love the age difference knows no bounds. Here in Virginia Beach, VA I hear that "Oh I wish I could be younger again" from many people. In my book age is just a number. To be honest, there are bad apples in any pot regardless of age and gender. When it comes to dating, more need people rid themselves of the thought of there is a soulmate i.e. the one for them. I’ve personally never believed in the whole concept of “soulmates”. No matter how ahead of the curve you think yourself to be, there will be thousands like you walking the same curve. You will think that you are the only one who has those odd habits, odd idiosyncrasies, or you are the only one awake at that particular hour of the night. But the truth is, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands who are exactly like you. There are plenty of people who would satisfy an individual criteria of Ms. Right and Mr. Perfect. It’s just pure coincidence that you found one of them and were acquainted to him or her and now consider them your “soulmate”. In the end, “the one” is the one you choose, so choose well!!

You don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. Real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. At the end of the day, what matters is that we VALUE and LOVE the people that are in our lives. It's essential to learn that happiness is more than just a feeling. It is also a choice and the result of a series of choices. We have to choose to appreciate and love those around us.

I have a friend near 80 and we have fun together, a little sex, a lots of talk, and since I've known her a very long time, personal interactions. I like her very much, but I see younger women mentally boring after a brief period of eye candy-ness, but youthfully vibrant and many more open minded then 'older" women. I must take issue with Septemberwoman; religion is the Black woman's life and to a true atheist, annoying as hell..

@Blackmind "Religion is the Black Woman's life.."

Dont understand your comment..?

@SeptemberWoman Black women are the only women I've encounted that ask when you date them, "do you love the lord?" Seriously, for me, and as far as I know only me, it's sickening.

"So, too, do nearly nine in 10 African American women, according to a nationwide survey conducted by The Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation. The poll, the most extensive look at black women’s lives in decades, reveals that as a group, black women are among the most religious people in the nation. Although black men are almost as religious as their female counterparts, there is a more stark divide along racial lines"

[washingtonpost.com]

Hey, my pot belly is sexy!

@Blackmind I don't doubt it. I'm not at all ashamed of being agnostic but I sometimes avoided the subject of religion at work, mostly populated by people of color. Got sooooo tired of explaining: " I respect your faith; I just don't share it." and many looked at me as if I had slapped their children. 😃
But as far as dating, it happened to me too. One dude said to me, 5 minutes into the phone conversation: "Do you know God? You must know God!"

Um...no. #NewPhoneWhoDis? 😉😊

I wouldn't mind dating a 30 year old if they weren't so limited in their thinking and experiences. Today, what would we have in common? I don't do hip hop or any derivative and any man over 40 something who does seriously "date" (whatever that entails), has some issues he should address. I sometimes go out with my young 30 somethings but it's fun because we connect on a different level, a refreshing one, like being with your children. As far as religion among Black women, it's a no no for me and if they don't have the "holy ghost" they have the material spirits and an attitude that usually accompanies it. As for White women..they are white women..they feel your arms to see how muscular you are and really don't appreciate a Black man's mind or world view.. Life is fun..lmao

7

I am right there with you! My young gay friend (an awesome set up, BTW) moved to Brazil!

My attempts at dating lead to guys seeking: instant sex (I am not a by-the-third-date sort), instant marriage, instant bank account, or instant mom. The nonbeliever and left leaning thing further hurts my chances as does a general (at least with who I've encountered so far) male fear of widows (the whole cannot-compete-with-a-ghost thing). News flash! Late hubs ain't coming back, AND shall forever remain 42.

I figure I will see how it goes once my nest empties. A change in geography might be in order...

Zster Level 8 Jan 6, 2018

My 17 YO is a terrific travel buddy for me, too. He got big and muscular in 2014. I can venture ANY where with him and not be harrassed. (;

@Crimson67 Once your son flies the nest??My sons 33 we call him a boomerang.He's come back twice.We're thinking of moving 30 miles away.we need to have some fun in our later years before we're to old.I don't think we are going to give him our new address.

I have not experienced the "fear of widows" thing. Were you serious about that? - Devrais

@DevraisA1 Very. There is significant subset of the male population, possibly a very insecure set, who claim it's not worth trying to compete with a beloved ghost. I figure they are doing me a huge favor by not wasting my time.

3

I find that age-ism is rampant - particularly among older people. There's no set, certain way to act in your 50's or 60's - and I stay completely away from online dating sites with a particular age group in mind. People who are willing to categorize themselves by age have already put blinders on, and can only see things through a certain filter.

It's tiresome - we present ourselves as being open-minded, and then I see and hear older people relentlessly categorize themselves and others by age.

I want to get to know people from 20 to 80, and throw fucking labels out the window. When I see a homogeneous group of old people or young people or middle-aged people or white people or any other kind of people, I get so bored that I just hang out with my dog and take great hikes in my beloved Pacific Northwest.

Rant ends.

Good rant. Reminds me of a chat I had last week with one of our school's (age 60ish) custodians. He showed me a photo of a twenty-somehing Russian that he encountered (part of a tourism group) they and had many social outings with) last year. He noted to her they should not spend so much time together because of the age difference but she noted in Russia, age is not an issue. She Texts him every night and he returns her calls. . .

@NoMagicCookie To have an open mind and heart, to truly listen to someone, to hear without preconceived notions and trust myself enough to know what's best for me. Not how old someone is, or what color their skin is, or even where they fall on the gender spectrum. We are - especially here on this forum - exposed to so many different intellectual and imaginative discourse. BTW - Love Green Bay. I am a Packers fan, and am ready for the new season with Aaron Rodgers, healthy, on the field. Especially with the new defensive coordinator in the saddle...

@skye724 I completely agree with everything you noted except (trivial) the "Packers fan" as professional athletics are not a part of my world.

@NoMagicCookie When I moved to New York City after college, my roommate and I didn't have two nickels to rub together. She was a freelance writer for Sports Illustrated and Ballet World. Seriously. And her grandmother gave us a TV as a housewarming gift. So, on Sundays, she taught me how to watch football, and I got hooked. Hence my love for the Packers. She also got frequent ballet tickets for free. So I learned about Baryshnikov and the NFL all at once. Gotta love practical education.

@skye724 Based on the opinion of most I know, Packers are also their favorite. Free Ballet, Nice.

@NoMagicCookie The only issue arose when I thought all ballet was as awesome as American Ballet Theatre! But it was an awesome treat to see Baryshnikov in person so many times. A true lifetime pleasure.

@skye724 Live, I've seen somewhat good and 2nd rate Ballet. Huge difference between what you have seen. Like comparing a high school marching band to a professional orchestra.

@NoMagicCookie I understand that the Portland Ballet is pretty awesome - I'm headed down there (I'm in Bellingham, WA) in September, and I think I may score some tickets. I miss the ballet.

0

I'm mostly with ya Crimson. Add to that having a 13 year old at 54. SMH. I don't date. I am active, outgoing, involved, intelligent, loving, kind, generous, loyal, employed, fun, but over 50, with a wonderful kid, and carrying extra pounds. (Aka baggage in many eyes). Seems like young, slim, and childless trumps it all. Let em go! LOL.
I've got great friends and a Beautiful life!

@Soarfeet I would want to meet you and K9 Kohle if either of you lived in my area, but you don't. Likely you and @K9Kohle789 have the same problem with men our age on this site.

@Soarfeet not all men are like that. Smart independent women are a wonderful thing. Too much codependency in this world.

28

I have a 50 y.o. friend in Seattle who does online dating -- she says that when she meets them online or by phone, she addresses in her first conversation, explaining the desire to not waste his time or her own time:

  1. Do you smoke?

  2. Did you vote for djt?

  3. How religious are you? (She is agnostic and won't go to church, but so far is okay with others keeping some religion.)

She inspired me when I wrote my profile on another site. It could not be more clear on there that I am atheist, not interested in dating a believer, and that I am very liberal. I even say "If you voted for djt, let's just pass and wave." 😉

@Chefedone I like your approach

I love this! I always ask similar questions. I am Canadian but I am obsessed with DJT (and have changed business plans so I don't have to be anywhere near the 63 million who voted for him) so I asked, If you were an American, would you vote for the sexual predator DJT, do you smoke, and what, if any, is your religious orientation? Once I have filtered out the religious men, the smoking men and the would-be (shudder) DJT supporters, I then may date them. On the two occasions, out of about ten dates, that I went to bed with them, one man who was 55 and one man who was 52, both had erectile dysfunction. Ugh. Why go to bed with me if you can't perform, or how about giving me the head's up before I am all hot and bothered? Ick.

@mauxjen Yeah, LOL, that is definitely something to talk about ahead of time on Wednesday.

@mauxjen Haha - reminds me of why I quit dating years ago, I’ve no desire to be a sex therapist.

I totally agree. Smoking is a no-no for me because I am allergic to the smoke. In Canada, I always ascertain politics, because the Right is wrong as far as I am concerned and I cannot respect anyone who espouses conservative politics. One woman I went out with was a "holy roller". She took me to her church one night and after about a half hour of watching people seizure on the floor, speak in tongues and harass me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and saviour, I was out of there. I also ask about dominance because I prefer a dominant woman.--- Ya gotta ask all of these.

1

I'm in my late-ish 40's (47) and it's a nightmare. Every guy who approaches me expects sex within the first 10 minutes but always says he wanta to "take it slow". Translation: I'd like to browse Tinder while I simultaneously have your legs up in the air.

P.S. I'm not on Tinder. I also put it out there that I am a relationship girl. Not a FWB type.

The only guy who message me who seem nice also seem to be predominantly Christian, and place importance in their faith. It's very disheartening. I tend to unplug for long stretches of time. Then I get curious if the landscape has changed. I poke my head out; get discouraged again and retreat.

I haven't given up. I just stopped looking a long time ago. Oh; and people who say you'll find live as soon as you stop looking...they need to come up with some better advice.

@FlyingEagle1952 Insufferable comments and poor grammar suck worse.

@FlyingEagle1952 I'm sorry it sucks for you but I'm in excellent health, travel a lot, and do whatever I want.

3

Was born in 1950, been divorced since 1983. Live in a county in Texas where 80% of voters voted for Trump. Things are going to start looking up for me...any day now. No hurry. I'm retired, have enough to live on, my house and car are paid for, my dogs love me, and my health is holding up, so far. If I find someone, I find someone. Until then...

@Boogey Like deja vu...all over again. I believe that's a Yogi Berra quote. Yogi also once said that he never said all they said he said. The anniversary of my birth is the anniversary of JFK's death.

@Boogey That's a yogi-like quote.

He also said, "no one goes there anymore, it's too crowded."

You speak well ,

4

U kidding me ? Who cares if we r near 50 or after 50 or whatever . Different ages different troubles . I drive near an hr and half to work ( by choice ) when I work . Listening to music and thanking self for surviving to be near 50. I heard my patients say often , " oh I ll give an arm and a leg to be 20 again , even 30, easier to find true love ". I say keep the arm and the leg , u gonna need it ma'am / sir ?Our age came w wisdom . Experiences . We are more selective hopefully . That's all . And we have learned to be happily alone if we have to , instead of lonely . The easiest thing in the world , to find someone to date , especially if u r a woman . Just put a sign " available .." but who has energy for this or time ! Dating , companion , love , is even better at our age I think . Bcz we r better . Or at least we know r selves better . We have kissed hopefully all the frogs and lizards already ?And we have no need for Prince either ! Win / win situation ! Smile and stay alive . The ones that are not for u or for me , none to do bcz of r age . Just not for us . Especially if rebuplicans !!! ???

Here in Virginia Beach, VA I hear that "Oh I wish I could be younger again" from many people. In my book age is just a number. To be honest, there are bad apples in any pot regardless of age and gender. When it comes to dating, more need people rid themselves of the thought of there is a soulmate i.e. the one for them. I’ve personally never believed in the whole concept of “soulmates”. No matter how ahead of the curve you think yourself to be, there will be thousands like you walking the same curve. You will think that you are the only one who has those odd habits, odd idiosyncrasies, or you are the only one awake at that particular hour of the night. But the truth is, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands who are exactly like you. There are plenty of people who would satisfy an individual criteria of Ms. Right and Mr. Perfect. It’s just pure coincidence that you found one of them and were acquainted to him or her and now consider them your “soulmate”. In the end, “the one” is the one you choose, so choose well!!

My stance for many years is its better to be single and lonely than together and miserable with the wrong person. The time we are blessed with on this Earth is very finite. Time spent in a bad relationship is time wasted finding the right one. You can’t find the love you deserve if you’re giving attention to a dead-end relationship. Once you become the person you want to meet wants to find, you will find yourself in the right place to find the person who’s right for you.

You don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. Real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. At the end of the day, what matters is that we VALUE and LOVE the people that are in our lives. It's essential to learn that happiness is more than just a feeling. It is also a choice and the result of a series of choices. We have to choose to appreciate and love those around us.

@daveeleceng I couldn't agree more w what u said ! Yes !

@daveeleceng. Your statement: Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. That has got to be the most insightful and accurate thing I've ever heard. I'm not sure very many people get that - if it isn't "perfect" they start rationalizing why they should consider moving on. You are way tooooo young to be that insightful.... 😉

@Lavergne Thank you!! I'm honored and humbled <3 Over the years I realized that each of us is perfectly imperfect. I've been told by several people that I'm an old soul. Each of us finds many ways to share wisdom with others. I firmly believe that each of us need to strive to be blessings to one another. We are not here to see through one another, but to see one another through 🙂

@daveeleceng perfectly stated!

@Heidi68 Thank you!! What parts of my comment stood out to you?

1

I just moved to Orlando and I am horrified with the number of churches around here...Chances of finding a man in the same page of evolution are minimizing abruptly.

find a metaphysical center......spiritualists are open and you don't have to hear that Jesus Christ bullshit....

oh yeah, I did go to a really cool church in Florida. It's called Humanitarian Universalists......and believe it or not atheists go there. Really cool. None of the JC lake of fire satan bullshit....great progressive thinkers. if you can find one.

I'm back home in Daytona Beach (grew up here) to look after my Dad since my Mom died. I've lived the past 30 years in Chicago. THIS IS CULTURE SHOCK. I don't want to meet any men here in any case!

@FlyingEagle1952 Ease up on the ellipses.

I have lived in Chicago for 30 years. I'm just not there at the moment. While I disagree with your characterizations, I am already well aware of your various recommendations.

Start dating here!

1

yes I agree with you.
I am a very small Slim person and I cannot find many people my size or smaller
because nowadays so many people are overweight. I look for people on this website
T-shirt size medium or less.

dc65 Level 7 Jan 6, 2018

@zeliasgrand You're not understanding my comments completely I am open-minded
I prefer person that is smaller than me just because physical
attraction is part of finding a partner there things in a
relationship that are more important communications is probably
the most important thing and willingness to compromise when
you don't agree with your partner. Also common interests
are very important. When I filled out the questionnaire
on this website I put physical traits were somewhat important
I hope this clarifies my position for you

@witchymom You're not understanding my comments completely I am open-minded I prefer person that is smaller than me just because physical attraction is part of finding a partner there things in a relationship that are more important communications is probably the most important thing and willingness to compromise when you don't agree with your partner. Also common interests are very important. When I filled out the questionnaire on this website I put physical traits were somewhat important I hope this clarifies my position for you

@dc65

  1. Tip: Never mansplain.
  2. Be what you want to attract.
  3. Be you, be happy and screw what other people think or say.

Note:
Trolls come in all shapes and sizes of which you cannot please them all.

3

Gay guys make awesome friends ! There's always women too ...

I think - from my experiences, is that while the internet helps us meet people we wouldn't have met otherwise - it also allows everyone with a computer to participate , which means you have to sort through many more people, scammers, nutsos, and other totally inappropriate humans !

Not easy - no.

@witchymom doubles your chances ... (grin), but I understand.

@witchymom for the right woman I will make believe gay guy... just make believe mind you. he, he, ha, he.

@GipsyOfNewSpain yeah ... good luck with that

@evergreen I know... I kind of know I will fail badly there. In college I was like the "secret keeper" for about 8-10 girls. No gay around. Then too late later I was accused of just being a spy in the house of love... I collected all needed data to steal someone's heart.

2

If you think 50 is difficult, try 60! I just "met" two men back to back, who I was pretty compatible with on the phone but when we talked about the possibility of taking the next step, a big problem reared its head. Both had extensive physical ailments which made relationships difficult. Guy #1 had had a kidney transplant and kidney disease ran in his family. He is fairly healthy but tires easily, can't stand on his feet for long, and felt sure that he'd need another transplant some day. We didnt get past the phone calls.
Guy #2 and I talked for hours by phone and it was great. He has my sense of humor, is as chatty as I am, and I really sparked with this guy! He also had some physical ailments but he didnt tell me the gist of them until we met for lunch: diabetes, heart trouble, but the worst was that he had had extensive back surgery, and he also couldnt walk long distances or stand on his feet for long. He walks with a slight stoop, has balance issues, etc.
I'm not a "super-senior", defined by me as those slim, smiling, silver-haired couples in ads that go hang-gliding and zip lining so that they don't feel or look "old" 🙂, but I'm pretty active so I knew it wouldnt work out. Problem was, I REALLY liked this guy. Sigh...but physical ailments played a part in the breakup of my last relationship so I already know what lies down that road.
Sighhhhhhh... Ive got minor physical issues, as do many over 60, but these things were a bridge too far. I'm starting to wonder if I should ask for medical records before I decide to date someone! 🙂

Yup! I understand!

I can relate..I'm a dancer and men my age (66) just don't get excited by the idea of going out dancing on a date.. I pretty much have to beg my girlfriends as well..looks like I'm stuck with the dog !

Date younger men!

I have a lady friend who I compare dating notes with: She is 63, lives in Parkersburg, WVA and runs into guy after guy who is not able to climb the mountain anymore due to a variety of mostly medical issues. I am still active at 67 and I guess I should thank the big sky god...(lol) that I am not in that category. It is very frustrating for her. And three different women I have gone out on a first date with in the past year tell me very fast that they have not had sex for X amount of years, nor do they ever plan on having it, that is is just for young folks, and that they are just looking for companionship. Sigh. I have not given up but my optimism is fading.

2

I think the majority of people are unrealistic. Everyone wants a conflict free world, country, enviroment, relationship, life, etc. etc.. Thats not reality. Reality is that the world and every aspect of it is always in conflict of some kind. It always has been and will always comtinue to be. If thats what you want and expect then you are delusional and trying to live an illusion. Single people at 50 have been through so much shit that they just want peace anymore. Well, you're going to be lonely then because nothing is ever perfect. I'm 48 and looking at my second failed marriage. My first wife was older, my second younger. Age makes no difference I can tell you that. I'll be damned if I'm going to give up though. It was my wives who expected everything to be perfect and always their way. Just because they were both that way doesn't mean there isn't a woman out there that knows that that is absurd. That everything won't always be unicorns and rainbows. I hope I find her. If I don't then I will settle for the good times I have with the next person until they are gone. I won't submit to being a disgruntled old hag like most of the single men and women my age that I know are. Also I think when someone looks for someone younger, that is why, because older single people's attitudes about relationships suck.

Even on this site where most people are pretty open minded, the majority have an endless list of criteria someone has to meet to be considered as dateable relationship material. I definately do not. If a girl has a pretty smile and is kind to me, Id go out with her and give it a try. Why not? What do I have to loose? Nothing I havent lost before.

@craycraycatty At our age I think all a person needs to bring to the table is companionship. You sound like my sister. Maybe it's all the rain. I went to high school in Vancouver. I have a lot of friends and family in the great northwest. Do you like seafood? There's a lot of great places to eat in Seattle. Elliots, The Walrus and the Carpenter? Maybe when I'm out there some day we could go out to eat and argue or something. Lol. There'll be leftovers for your cats. I do agree with you though, life isn't that easy but that shouldn't matter.

@craycraycatty I love crab. How about gooeyduck? I used to go to longbeach and get gooeyduck. Yum! Vancouver, Washington.

10

It's not just you. But I think it was really always a nightmare; we just didn't know we had a choice when we were younger. Plus, younger people are more flexible, because they haven't solidified who they are yet.

skado Level 9 Jan 6, 2018

@witchymom Yep. Too soon old and too late smart.

You speak the truth. Also, I now find that I just don't want to waste any time on relationships or even friendships that are not healthy for me or just take up time. In my youth I would never actively terminate a friendship (maybe avoid them🙂 but not terminate....I confess that after 50 I have terminate friendships in which I no longer felt compatible in. This leaves me more precious time to be with those I truly care about.

11

That's the nice thing about vibrators. They don't nag for sandwiches, they don't snore, and they never make you sleep in the wet spot (unless you want to-your choice). I've always said that when girls turn 15, they should be given a vibrator and a lifetime supply of Duracell batteries.
It would eliminate SO much aggravation for them.

There in lies the issue. Men speak explicitly, like in giving dog commands (sit, fetch, rollover).
Women speak elicitly and men are clueless.
Been there, done that, not getting married again.
Say what you mean, mean what you say, speak directly and to the point. Problem solved.

Thanks to you ladies my STOCK in Duracell has tripled in the last 4 years. but honestly at the same time MY JOB has been farmed out....so ...???

Yep, vibrators are nice ... a vibrator never talks back, is too tired or out of town! I claim not to be overly attached to my vibrator, but last Valentine's Day I sent it two dozen roses. 🙂

@SKH78 ?

1

Oh, if you live in a smallish community, another problem is, of the 10 left, 5 are ex lovers of yours. Why answering to anonymous date thingies in the paper or so would really be taking a gamble ... "Oh no, not YOU!"

Remember “Pi?a Colada”? That was a good one!! : )

@Rodatheist no, it does not ring a bell, sorry ....

It is a song from the late 70s. Rupert Holmes. The actual name of the song was Escape and is about a guy that is bored of his ”old lady” and publishes an add in the personals section that says “"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain, If you´re not into yoga, if you have half a brain, If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape, I´m the love that you´ve looked for, write to me, and escape"… So he gets a response and he goes on a blind date and when they meet at the restaurant he said “oh, it’s you”. She was his “old lady” and he ends saying “I didn’t know you liked all these things” and so they escape together.

@Rodatheist
funny.

2

Not a nightmare in my opinion, just way more difficult than it needs to be. Old photos, flat-out untruths and a person's imaginatively-constructed online image of themself make it pretty likely that you're not going to meet the person you expected in the rare case it gets that far. I think many people create the online virtual person they wish they were, never expecting to be called-out on it, or in some cases, even to ever meet someone at all. I meet ladies with the attitude that no matter what, I'm going to have a good meal, create enjoyable and humorous conversation, respectfully pay for the meal and only ask for a 2nd-meet if everything checked-out and we BOTH had fun. It's rare, but no disasters... just lots of funny stories! The worst part of the process is that ladies are often scared to step past the anonymity of their cloaked devices with the very guys who they will never have a problem with... so we often (usually) just give-up and move-on before we ever get a phone conversation, name, email, or meet.

I agree. Let's get "real" here. I experimented with internet dating for a bit. What a great learning curve. I always showed up early, purchased my own coffee/drink and gave the guy 30 minutes of my time to show his true self. That's all it takes. And I did finally find a guy online who was so far away that we never met. We had a sincere relationship, sensual, and caring for three years. It was so satisfying I may never date the traditional way again!

I feel that what you're describing has always been the online dating experience, regardless of age. People have very creative ways of misrepresenting themselves to fit whatever you appear to want. Example: I like to read, and a guy told me how many books he had - but on our first date he admitted he'd never read a single one of them, just collects first editions for their resale value later. Another guy who claimed to have a good job, nice car, nice place, etc. turned out to be living with his dad and devoting his life to the drug scene. His excuse for having so many lies on his profile was it all USED to be true and he hadn't "got around to updating it". Another had added a foot to his height and was already seated at the restaurant on our first date so supposedly I wouldn't notice if he never stood up?!? And so it goes. The only way to have any truth is to meet in person. Its not just the ladies that are reluctant to meet - I've had so many guys bail on me at the last minute "because their best friend just got in an accident and they have to rush to the hospital to be with them". Then contact me again in 6 months with utter amnesia of the entire conversation. Sigh. Its a shame they can't start a site for the fearless few that don't mind an immediate coffee date to establish interest, and leave the rest of the sites to the catfishers, game players and phantoms who can't handle the truth about themselves or anybody else.

@exilesky I think there ARE sites like that, but they're for city-dwellers who only have to go 6-blocks for the meet. I live in the country and every "date" is 100-miles or more, so I want a little more data first, but NOT a 30-day investment of my time only to find the other person has been lying. Yes, online dating isn't as much fun as many of us thought it would be. But I still do it, just hoping for a miracle.

4

You have a lot of filters. You eliminated a lot of people. I am married and 61 and not looking to date... but its not dissimilar from making friends. If i eliminated all religious, or republican or friends with health issues, i don't believe i would have any friends. My wife broke her shoulder 6 months ago, she is in therapy.

I think you answered your question with your filters.

@MissKathleen , she broke her shoulder in February. The bone mended in March, but she had surgery last week to reattach tendons and muscles. She is just at 25% of use on her left arm.

I didnt intend to be mean, just to share the reality of live in the late 50, 60 and 70's . Its perfectly ok for all the super healty to self select each other, they just need to recognize that the pool of people will be much smaller. I have a social circle of about 25 friends, mostly couples all in age from 50-70. Of the 25, only two are very healthy with no medical issues, one man and one woman not married to each other. Of my 25 friends 50% plus are conservative and republican.... that is for me to manage, but we find the positive. My broken arm wife is a gfellow free thinker though. Sorry I rambled, againg isnt pretty, none of us are as attarctive as we were before. For me I have to still try to find things I like about people or I would be very lonely.

@MissKathleen okie dokie. .

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