Everyday twice a day, go to the mirror, look at yourself in it, and tell yourself 10 times over that you love yourself, tell yourself you are handsome 10 times over, tell yourself you are amazing 10 times over, look at your body and search your soul and find what you think are your best features and tell yourself that you love those features, do this everyday twice a day until you believe yourself. Because you are amazing and handsome and you deserve that.

I tell myself I can't be that bad, my dog and cat still love me.

If you want an honest answer: that depends a lot on why you are asking and what prevents you from having enough self-esteem to not feel bad about it. Depending on how much this affects you, it may be a good idea to look for professional help -- simple recipes may not work and trying them and see them fail may be frustrating.
I am deliberately not giving any concrete advice because it would be likely something that maybe is true for me but not necessarily for you. I think truly good advice would need to understand your situation, understand your history, understand the things you are unhappy with much better than is possible from just a generic "how to build self-esteem".

Before any one loves you... you need to show that confidence that you love yourself. I won't say it is easy but think about your accomplishment for smaller than they are... think about how many people have less than you. One day at a time, but every day remember that you are still here, young enough and if for no other reason because you have much to offer and this earth has so much to offer to you. Forget those that hurt you. Learn to chose those you want around you and leave your baggage behind. Every day remind yourself you could be in a worse place and if you are now find how to get out of there because you can get of of the worst situation. I was taught very early on my life... "NEVER GIVE THE BITCH THE SATISFACTION". Since a sophomore in High School it was Higher Learning to me and still is applied in my life. Baby steps... when nothing seems to work come down to this website... we are here for you.

Look for what causes any defeatism you might have. The easiest way to hate yourself is to become overcritical of yourself. It could just be a habit or could be situational/substance related. Look for your hits as often as you look for misses.

Be kind to yourself....firmly censor that nasty voice in your head that constantly tells you how worthless, etc etc you are. Buy yourself little treats......a nice coffeshop coffee, a piece of jewelry (flea market or tiffany) you like but formerly would not allow yourself to own, for example. Only wear clothing that makes you feel good......Throw out the rest! And so on. You are now forming good habits and reactions versus behavior that pulled you down. It will slowly become your new outlook Good luck!

This site has helped me immensely in rebuilding self esteem. I'm using my brain again and it feels good after 5 years of inactivity.

Do you like to read? If so, I recommend reading just about anything by Brene Brown.

Next, my sister (who is also on a search/quest for her own self-esteem/love) was positively raving about these Ted talks and speakers yesterday and sent me the links just this morning.

And she said this podcast (host is Lisa Romano) is really good:

[player.fm]

I agree with others on seeing a therapist regularly; positive self-affirmations; and I would add finding a hobby or class. Try something -- anything. If you like it, you'll get better. When you get better, your confidence will grow a bit. With an educational class, with more knowledge, you will feel better about yourself, and might feel more secure in talking about things related to that subject.

I don't believe ONE tool is the answer. I do believe there are no quick fixes. Healing is a journey.

RatNinja -- are you talking about confidence -- as in interacting with other people, job interviews, etc.?

Or are you talking about looking in the mirror and being able to say and BELIEVE -- I am a good person, I am worthy, I am lovable, and I deserve to have good experiences and good people in my life?

I think self-confidence is important in navigating the world.

I also believe having self-esteem and the ability to love oneself is crucial to being happy, healthy and capable of giving and receiving emotional intimacy. And, without that, self-confidence is not going to carry you very far in your relationships. (In my opinion.)

If you behave with integrity, keep promises, fulfil your obligations, be trust worthy and honest in both words and action you will be a person worth your love, fuck what others may have told you or your past failing live your life in the now not in the mistakes of the past. Self confidence is another matter it take practice and learning form your mistakes while not dwelling on them. Set attainable goals and you will gain confidence with each success. This is what worked for me.

There was a Roman Emperor Narcissus I think the world of physiology termed. You have to find what you enjoy doing alone art,exercise, writing a hobby etc.. Master it and then learn how to present it.

May we create the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference. My atheist version of the serenity 'prayer'. For me it's never been about confidence, weighing your positives and negatives (although 'Made a searching and fearless moral inventory' is kind of like that) or practicing positive or self-affirming behavior. When I am at my most 'loving', whether for self or others, has always been when I'm the most serene. Figuring out what is worth or even possible to control and letting go of the rest is when I am most accepting of any kind of love.

When I left religion, I was at rock bottom in regard to self-esteem. I could never be good enough or do enough to please the folks in charge. After I left I found out that I was average, maybe above average in my accomplishments. It took a while but I never again looked back.

There are many ways to do it.

I found that adopting a naturist (nudist) view and accepting my body as it is and not letting other people's judgements about how I look bother me to be a great step in the right direction. To feel ashamed of our bodies or how we look, when most of us are average and will never look like the eatign disordered photoshopped models, which we are told is the ideal of beauty, is kind of pathetic, as far as creating a society where people feel good about themselves and happy.

Help someone else. Visit old people. Join a group like Toastmasters. Go to church for the friendship and community. Add a bit of sanity to discussions. (There was a discussion about creation. I mentioned that some of the arguments were illogical, and ID was garbage.) Join a political party. Do something you think is important.

Dress better and clothes that fit properly, walk tall, smile and compliment anyone and everyone, try to make them smile or laugh. Make eye contact.
Builds confidence, when you get smiles, laughs and banter, will boost self esteem!