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What Have Your Relationships Taught You?

I think a relationship is an opportunity to learn things about ourselves that we could not learn otherwise. For instance, what we expect of others and qualities/flaws we possess. I’d love to hear your thoughts...

RoadGoddess 7 Jan 16

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13

That I need to be satisfied with me first. All else falls into place after you're okay with being alone.

Can never find happiness in relationships, possessions, money etc. If not happy with yourself.

Although - I'd like to test that theory by winning a huge lottery... πŸ˜‰

11

I've learned that relationships experience the 4 seasons and that the fall and winter seasons are not necessarily indicative of the relationship dying or being dead. But over a certain amount of time, if there is no growth, it probably is.

I've learned that I was a good, conscientious partner, and invested a lot of energy into my relationships. But when my little acts of love, which also included sacrifices, were taken for granted, the joy of giving left me and maintenance became a chore.

I've learned that couples can stimulate bonding neurochemicals after the honeymoon period, but both parties have to be willing to work at it and that it's normal for these neurochemicals to ebb and flow.

I've learned to never lose myself for the sake of commitment, and that I don't need to be in a relationship to feel complete, content or happy.

@AMGT

Thank you, Amy. πŸ™‚

Wisdom

9

I've learned that not everyone who comes into my life is meant to stay in my life.
If I'm lucky, I figure out what I'm supposed to learn from each person.
For those who have remained in my life for any significant length of time, I have learned
much. Patience, tolerance, acceptance, kindness, they are all gifts which I've been lucky enough to receive. They are also gifts I've learned to give in return.

The ever learning process... life...
Some lessons are much harder than others. The hardest, most painful ones either break you or make you better! Be grateful for all of them.

@HeyHiHullo Absolutely agreed. I'm still here, so I've picked up a couple of things.

Beautiful

7

Don't invite someone to move in with me within two weeks.

My 2nd marriage-cost me a remortgage and a 10 yr relaionship-another remortgage.

@irascible I'm not sure I follow. Why did you tag the 3 of us specifically when others here haven't been so "lucky" either?

Yea you are @irascible

6

I've learned you have to work at it to make a relationship last. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, and sometimes you have to say "I'm sorry" even when you were not the one that was wrong.

3

Well as my 23 year marriage comes to a close, I believe that I have learned from the vast number of mistakes I made over the course of this relationship. I think the most important thing is to retain a sense of self and how to best apply yourself in a giving and loving way. That and age and maturity will make all future relationships hopefully more rewarding and enriching.

16 years here, completely understand.

3

That I am always right! πŸ˜‰ LOL just kidding.... sort of... maybe πŸ˜›

Sacha Level 7 Jan 16, 2018

@evestrat lol lol πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

I concur.

2

My first wife broke my heart. My next lover gave me the confidence to believe in my self. After living with 8 different women, 2 of them marriage, I decided that the math says it's me. I'm OK with that. I go honest into every relationship with the shared knowledge that I will never marry again. I will only live with someone that has another place to go if we break up as do I. I do not wish to hurt any feelings, make someone uncomfortable or try to change them, I ask the same. I have one son and a grandchild, they are always first. Those are my simple rules. When I am with a woman I am exclusive to her.

2

People are lovely. there are so few muppets but we still have to deal with them

1

Went through a divorce after being married 25 years. Took off a couple of years, and then started dating some. It didn't take long to find that I didn't want to be around a religious person. Then switch to only dating Unitarian women up here in the northwest. Found a fine atheist woman with a similar world view, and the rest is history. With a large family and lots of kids and grandkids, needed a woman who was comfortable with large families. My wife only has one son, but has 4 sisters, and a family about as loud as mine. We like to do things together, but also make room to do things separately. Wife is playing piano for a musical as a local theater. We play in a band together (Celtic) and I play with two other groups. My degree is in engineering, her's in journalism. She's better with words, and I'm the math one, and problem solver.

What a wonderful story! Wishing you much happiness.

1

I've learned that I'm really independent. That I really and earnestly do not need a lot out of someone.
That I'm resilient and can roll with the punches.
That I pick up quick on how someone feels.
That I'm a terrible communicator, but astounding mitigator.
That sometimes my selfishness gets in the way, but my patience is rock solid.
That it is not about 'love' it is about a life long friendship.
That my dad was right.

1

I haven’t been in a lot of them, so I think I still have the romantic notions about love that perhaps a naΓ―ve young person believes in, which is probably why I’m single and ridiculously picky about dating. πŸ˜‰
Though I have learned that I should trust my rational instincts, and if something seems like it’s wrong it probably is.

1
  1. All I care about is Money
  2. All I want to do is work
  3. I am Judgemental
  4. I think I am better than anyone else

Well that's what I've been told anyway. Not sure that I learned any of it.

What I've learned is that:

  1. Money is important. It SUX to be paying all of the bills and for all of the partying by yourself
  2. See #1 ----there's a difference between wanting to and having to work
  3. I refer to it as "Critical Thinking".
  4. Told me to by women who....think that they are better than anyone else.

I don't know how to choose a lady.....that's what I've learned

twill Level 7 Jan 17, 2018
1

Nothing is forever. Your standing there saying I do. Years later your divorcing. Years later its I do again. It makes you wonder. We really do live in an illusion and time is only a moment of here, and there, and tomorrow. I've learned that your spouse is privilege and you can loose it. I've learned that love is an emotional experience and it requires you as a person to nurture it or loose it. If you control your lover then they grow up and leave. If you respect your love, they can still grow up and leave. I've learned that being single is not bad. I've learned that your only guaranteed today so appreciate it and understand that your going to die someday and leave your legacy to your spouse that stayed with you through the hard times. After she dies then the kids can have it. Its really how you want to be perceived in life. He was an ass hole or he was my best friend. Just be kind and caring. People remember that are there for you later.

1

lol...I've never been married, or even close to it but I thought of this...(read: humor, not cynicism)

1

That I am special and capable of taking anything and everything and because of that my heart never been broken. I have a special way of healing myself via writing that works for me and for me only. I am human and romantic to a fault and I don't want or desire anyone to change for me because I am surely not changing. I won't mind adaptation. I will find my next soulmate and if I don't no big deal. A witness to my life does not have to be my matching pair. As humans we are we will adapt and survive in a collective freedom within our boundaries. Life is an adventure... it is a shot that tastes better with a chaser. And until the last breathe there is never a last call. So live your life to the fullest and without fear. Love is not what hurts you. Last night I received a call from a former possible flame that we backed down a while back for logistic reasons. Tonight I wrote this. No title or music yet but I got inspired easy to write things off.

just because she called me
first time this year
on a time without tears...
in my eyes

just because she is holding...
all the cards
I am not going to stop
rolling the dice

is she feeling me?
what is she expecting to find?
I told her
I am going west...
not going south

she postponed
talking about her lover
I held back
talking what's on my mind

we both proper and kind
but underneath
are temperatures high?
or reflex brought by...
memories of better times

is she nervous?
calming down her heart
she strung her guitar
while I explain
repeating my plans
I sense a pout
I am going west...
not going south

is she baiting me with strings?
appealing to my sense
of noise on time
serenaded by a mermaid
exposed by my low tide

paying more attention
to the strumming
than the voice
I feel a flow
my heart awakens
but is time for goodbye...
and not hello
so we hang up

@M121 I am very poetic and she is a match to my soul. But I can let go pretty easy. And she will never get to see this one unless she joins this site. everything put there happened even to the strumming of the guitar... so she must had been nervous and that calmed her to talk to me. Maybe I didn't gave her a chance to give me the reason for the call... I have a Closer type of heart. One of my songs has the phrase... "Some are better at hello... Others better at goodbye" Thank You for your comment bro... much appreciated.

@M121 Thanks. Comes easy... been romancing girls since age 14 in 2 languages over 3 continents. Something I wrote cost me a divorce of 19 years. Not a thing!!!

@M121 They do... my ex-wife had a half brother that killed himself because his wife... I have not understood how that is even possible and yet happened. I had never loved anyone to the point of leaving my life on their hands to destroy at will. And things do get nasty and fragile. My wife found something I wrote dedicated to somebody and I was not around for being at sea... I was a sailor. By the time I got home she had made a decided to get divorce. There were a couple of years of hell for me but hey... I didn't denied my consolation was... she locked on the idea I never wrote for her something that pretty. If I wanted to really break her heart I would had told her the Truth... Is a poem I made and I tailor the last 2 verses to the target woman... There are like 50 women going around europe with versions of the poem "When time is a prison" but I didn't. I been mean and ruthless and I accept it as character flaws but never had a mistress in my life. I give her the house that shut her up. Still gets half of my military pension. But I don't wish her to die for money... She did a great job with my kids.

@M121 Bet advice I received at 15 was "never give the bitch the satisfaction". I had women look at me straight in the eyes and tell me surprised face I may add... "You don't have a heart". My answer was..."And that is why you will be wasting your time when you decide is time to break it" Truthfully, you can't break what you can't find. And yet I am the most romantic man you can find... To me is like playing with monopoly money. Is the only thing I can get out of here with are the memories. And I suspect once we check out... everything this place was will not be available to us anymore. But while you here... make your fortune... make your life plenty and protect that heart for the right woman... and then and only then put it on her hands and watch what she do with it. If you need to take it back... take it back. May your rebound be short but plenty brother.

1

How overrated they are. Seriously.

There's more, but that's the key take-home for me.

1

That although Freud often gets maligned, he had some good insight. After several failed relationships, and a mother who had a very limited ability to be compassionate or loving, I'm forcing myself to connect the dots even though I'm not crazy about the picture it is forming.

1

To be honest, to to be discriminating and to be willing to compromise.

1

To look for someone more compatable. Seems all the ladies I have been out with have the notion that some magical creature will one day fix all of their problems. No matter how insane they were I could not agree with that.

0

That I honestly don't really like many people and would rather be alone.

Once my son was an adult, I decided I was never going to do anything that I don't want to do just to make another person happy.

0

I'm not disposable.

0

That actions mean more than words.
That if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries early on it will only get worse.
That one person can not make a relationship work alone.
And to never open a joint credit card with ANYONE.

0

I don't really know. I'm sure I learned something, but I feel like it was all so long ago that it was a different life entirely.

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