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How would you handle unsolicited touching?

A couple days ago I was in the grocery store, standing in line at the deli. This man decided it was okay for him to (obviously intentionally) touch my ass. I was so thrown off by this I just jumped back a little and I'm sure looked very shocked. Then to make it worse is touches me again in the middle of my back and rubs his hand in a circle and says "chill sweetheart, it's okay". I wanted to throat punch the jerk! Instead all I could do was tell him to get the fuck away from me. Should I ever encounter this again in life I will willingly go to jail. It's not okay for anyone to do this, but as a woman I feel we are often times already on the defense. By this I mean, I do not cross the street at night alone to avoid a woman walking towards me, but instinct tells me too when it's a man. It shouldn't be this way but it more often than not is. How would you handle this situation?

By anonymous7
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117 comments

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2

Investigate the state.statute regarding sexual imposition:
[law.justia.com]

When the idiot tries it, very politely (but loud enough for witnesses to hear) ask him to stop.

If he doesn't stop, very sweetly and politely say, "If you are going to touch me like that, I think I should at least know your name."

If he is stupid enough to give you his name (I'll give you odds he is) say, "Well, John (or whatever his name is), you are in violation of section 2907.06 of the Ohio Revised Codes, Sexual Imposition, and we're calling the cops on you."

Two key points here:
1) Make sure you have witnesses and it is not just your word against his.
2) Get his name and description. If he leaves get his license plate number and a description of the car.

mcgeo52 Level 8 Aug 25, 2018

In the alternative, a slap to the face would be considered self defense.

If you don't remember the code section, just say, ""Well, John (or whatever his name is), you just violated the law against sexual imposition, and we're calling the cops on you."

12

I've been reading through some of the comments and I am well and truly fucking APPALLED!!!!!!!!!

I don't understand how anyone can say "don't make a scene". Or anything to
that effect.
This is why these assholes think it's okay for them to do this shit!!!!
This is why assholes who prey on children get away with this shit!!!!
This is why scumbags like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey thought
they could get away with the shit they did.

This is why we have such a culture of violence against women, children, and
members of the LGBTQ population. This is absolute BULLSHIT.
People say "don't make a scene", "get over it", "it's not that bad".
Fuck that shit, and shame on all of you who don't think that behavior shouldn't
be called out, on the spot, every fucking time it happens.
I am so angry right now. SHAME on you. I am absolutely disgusted with you.
I don't care if any of you are offended either. You have offended me!
Motherfucking COWARDS!

KKGator Level 9 Aug 25, 2018

I fucking love you!

10

Violence appeals to me. Beating him to death in the grocery line seems reasonable.

skye724 Level 7 Aug 25, 2018
10

No matter where you are, what you’re wearing, or any other circumstance, this is by far the most appropriate response I’ve ever seen:

Jenelle Level 6 Aug 25, 2018

I just posted the same thing before I saw this. I'll take mine off.

@kiramea That's what I would do... Ground and pound...

All day!

9

Two options:

-Tell him loudly, so he is embarrassed, to take his hands off you. Or, his FUCKING hands off you

-Repeat the above, and slap the stupid fuck. Or kick him in the balls and scream for help.

He's a pig.

7

I was raped, then attempted kidnapped/gang-raped at age 14. Fear and anger drove me to fight back and I escaped the second assault. There were four of them in complete darkness. I was wearing a belt. I hung on to the belt with one hand so my pants could not be removed, and screamed, punched with the other hand and kicked them. Another man stopped them when he heard what was happening, apparently, he had a daughter my age and saved me. No means no and it should never get this far but unfortunately it does. I was later cornered in a public restroom at the beach by a naked man masturbating and proceeded to scream at him to GTFO and when he approached closer, I beat the crap out of him. I pounded his face and head until he was a sobbing pile on the floor. He was crying and apologizing saying he would never do it again. He left and disappeared. There was no one around. I was in shock, but once again fear had driven me to defend myself. If anybody ever touches me again, I'm sure I would scream, make a scene and beat them up. Maybe an overreaction, but hey. We learn to react to fear. And no means no.

CaroleKay Level 8 Aug 26, 2018

I like the fighter in you. Do I agree with you 100% all the time with everything? No but this I do and most everything else.

7

Ya know, it's easy to armchair quarterback something like this and say, "I'd do this" or "I'd say that." But the truth is I think I'd be so stunned and shocked and feel so violated, I'd probably just freeze. But having a plan or thinking about something ahead of time, makes a huge difference. So I'm glad you shared this.

7

Loudly tell him that that is sexual assault so everyone can hear it and point him out for everyone to know what kind of person he is. I cross the street if I see a woman walking toward me just in case it could cause her stress.

Netochka Level 5 Aug 25, 2018
7

In the women's self defense course I took years ago, we were told that if someone touches you, uninvited - you don't wait to see what their intent is, you go ballistic at once - which is exactly what I'd do !
I would hurt him - yes. "oh sorry, I thought you were my ex, who tried to kill me - SO sorry " <smile>

evergreen Level 8 Aug 25, 2018
7

Throat punch would have been appropriate

Seeker3CO Level 8 Aug 25, 2018
7

You have to call the police immediately. At a minimum it will cause the guy some grief, ideally they will arrest him for assault. You can't ignore it because it encourages him. The sad about about assaulting him back is that if no one (or camera) saw his assault on you, he calls the police and you are the one going to jail. No different than the referee always seeing the retaliation, never the original foul. I know assaulting him back will make you feel better but just not wise. After you call the police ask the cashier or some other employee to find the manager and report what happened. make sure the guy doesn't leave and if he tries make sure you get a license number. Sad that it happens, and I apologize on behalf of my gender. You can say that you'd willingly go to jail but you won't like it and having a record is bad for your life and not fair to you for some jerk, just my 2 cents.

lerlo Level 8 Aug 25, 2018

I understand what you’re saying. I’m a very peaceful person 98% of the time. No I wouldn’t like jail, but I do believe my actions would have been justified.

@BohoHeathen Of course your actions would be justified as self defense unless it's your word against his and no one saw what he did--because you know someone will see what you do, just the way it seems to go

If there are no witnesses, it's time for foot billiards.

I don't buy this for a second. Who's going to believe that a woman just randomly attacked a strange man out in public? Anybody who would is just as much a piece of shit as the guy getting too familiar with his hands in my opinion. The idea that women make this shit up is straight fuckery and should burned it of the human imagination.

7

That's assault. The store has everything on camera, so report it to the manager and see what is visible in the recording. Go from there

Byrdsfan Level 8 Aug 25, 2018
7

"get the fuck away" is a good start. I think I would have prefaced it with "Look you disgusting perve, keep you groping hands in your own pants and get the fuck away!" Loud enough so EVERYBODY would fully understand the guy was an asshat.

Here is a bit of trivial information I first hand learned. During my HS years I encountered a girl who had recently died her hair, 1/3 bright green, 1/3 pink and 1/3 some other loud color. I made a (what I thought was funny) comment about her choice for hair coloring and she, without flinching, kicked with amazing power my shin. I dropped like a sack of potatoes. She had sharp shoes with a hard tip. not saying this is a methodology. . .

Good retort! It lets everyone know what went down.

6

I have deployed my sharp elbows to 2 men's solar plexus over the years.
I will get physical and make noise to bring attention.

AmiSue Level 8 Aug 25, 2018
6

I agree with what Byrdsfan wrote. Unsolicited touching constitutes assault. Bring it to the attention of the store, ask if they have cameras in place that captured what the guy did. If they do, then report it to law enforcement. They can track the guy down and arrest him. With video proof, he'll at least have to pay a fine, if not spend some time in jail.

Another thing you can do the second anyone touches you without your consent is immediately whip out your cell phone and snap a pic of them. After you've snapped the pic, loudly tell them you've done it, loudly state that their unsolicited touching is not ok, and loudly state that you're reporting them to law enforcement. That should immediately get them to back off and alert other people in the area that the toucher is harassing you. There is a website called hollaback.com where you can post pics of people like this guy who engage in public unsolicited touching. You can state your location, the store where you were shopping and let other people know to beware of this guy. If he tried it with you in that store, no doubt he'll try the same thing with other women. Hollaback.com was started by a group of women taking cell phone pics of guys who verbally harass them on the street, while waiting for the bus, on the subway, etc. That was the initial intent of the site - for women to post pics of these guys and let other women know where they were, what street they were on, what bus stop, subway line, etc, so other women could watch out for those guys if they were in the same place. It's grown over the years to include guys who harass women in other ways, including unsolicited touching.

I hope the store has camera footage and you're able to report the guy to law enforcement and they're able to prosecute him. But guys like this also need to be called out online, their actions made public, their faces posted so people know who they are and what they're doing. Those pics also need to make it to their employer, so they're made aware of the guy's actions, too. It's obvious this guy is operating under the assumption that women's bodies are his property to do with what he pleases (the whole "chill, sweetheart" comment is deeply, deeply creepy) and for guys who exist in that state of mind, it's not a far jump to rape. He needs to be stopped now.

What’s bad is when I got I thought to myself how I’ve been through worse. In reality goo through worse is irrelevant because it was still wrong. Thanks for your advice

@BohoHeathen I understand. Women have been conditioned to accept so much. In my younger days when I did more internet dating, I was treated pretty abominably by some of the guys I met online and dated. One of them raped me, but I didn't think of it as rape or assault for a very long time. I still have a hard time using that word to describe what happened, but that's due to societal conditioning. Non-consensual sex is rape, and that's what happened. We're conditioned to think "oh, this guy who's bothering me is just a creep, I just need to weather it, wait until he goes away and it's all over." That's why speaking out is a good thing. The more we speak out, the more we name what happened for what it is - rape, assault, harassment - and call out the people who engage in that behavior, the more we'll become de-conditioned to be so accepting of that behavior, to sweep their actions and our feelings about it under the rug. It will hopefully help more women feel empowered to come forward and speak out.

6

I would've kicked his little happy spot, and dropped his ass to the ground.

Clare Level 7 Aug 25, 2018
5

Most of today I have been staying off the site, mostly because it has really bothered me about the passing of John McCain, I think mostly because I believe he was a good man and partly with him being a Vet.
But reading this is also very upsetting, I think men need to respect women for the people they are, But I can want that to hell in back, and it doesn't do any good, I have a hard time myself of even playing around with jokes and doing the locker room bullshit.. I think it's way passed time that the real men start beating the fuck out of these scum fuckers. I know with how things are going today with that fuckhead in office that the lowest in our country are believing they now have a free ride, and the courts are showing that more every day. So what I can do is speak out and do my part to support women, I will vote for every woman that stands up for women rights and equal treatment, I will voice that sexual attacks are not ok and I will personally fight to help any woman,child girl or boy from such actions. I think It's time more men stand up and be real men. I sorry that happened to you.

kenriley Level 8 Aug 26, 2018
5

Overreacting is not the solution. Nor is being a victim. Since this is a public space and relatively safe why not go to the head of the queue and say in a way that everyone can hear "Excuse me miss/sir, that man over there molested me while I was queuing in front of him. I don't feel safe next to him so I'm going to stand over here and please serve me when my proper turn comes". Then watch all eyes on him. He may even be asked to leave.

Gareth Level 7 Aug 26, 2018

@Crimson67 100% agreed.

5

note to the blokes out there. If you see someone inappropriatly interact with/touch someone else, not just women, feel it your duty to say something.
Furthest I've gone was at a London rave. Saw this very small, under 5 foot, eastern European with these two gorillaz, 6 foot barrel chests. They behaved fine but the little guy was going up to dancing girls and touching them up, most would pull away, some to off there face to realise, some only noticing after a minute or two, thinking it was there boyfriend. I warned females in the crew I had with me, and verbaly warned him twice. Then third time when he approached one of my crew, I got right in his face and he started flapping his hands and talking crap, and knocked the joint from my hand, I smiled. I bent over to pick up the joint and as hoped, he lent forward to continue with apology excuses and I snapped back up and caught his chin with reverse head butt. Purely an accident. LOL He apologised for it too. Half hour later I was on a raised part of the room and saw him looking for more females to feel up, about 20 feet away. Best shot of my life with a spinning beer bootle across the room. Smkack back of the head. They all left. Through the whole thing, his big two mates didn't say a word. LOL My only excuse PIRATE smile009.gif

Savage Level 7 Aug 26, 2018
5

I probably would have yelled "don't fucking touch me!!" for everyone to hear. When I was in high school, someone walking in the other direction full on grabbed my butt as I walked by. I think I was 16. I was so shocked I think I just gave him a dirty look and kept walking. At that age I knew it wasn't ok for people to touch me like that, but I was also used to being polite to adults. I didn't know what to do. It would be a totally different story nowadays.

Remi Level 7 Aug 26, 2018
5

SING. Solar plexis, Instep, nose, groin. Rapid punches in that order. Lays 'em out.

Miss Congeniality!

@Funnygir175 Yep!!!!! And it works like a charm.

Truthfully you don’t normally get 4, but if you can get 1 or 2, worth it— (punches in, I mean.)

Anything that gets them off balance is beneficial if you have to do “flight”.

5

This kind of behavior makes me disgusted to be a male. Unfortunately, an aggressive act would only encourage beasts like that. In a tight spot, mace his upper ass.

Holysocks Level 7 Aug 25, 2018
5

"Your toxic masculinity is so overwhelming! You must be a real tiny man to think touching my ass is ok." Say it loud. And scream it if you have to. Then report the asshat. He needs to see the inside of a cop car and jail cell.

5

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Yep that’s about enough to make this pacifist see red. Throatpunch was a good idea, or like others have said perfectly justifiable to go for the testes, eyes, nose. Punch, dig, claw, stab em with your keys between your fingers, scrap as dirty as you can think to. Dig a thumb under someone’s jawline and pull up if you can get an arm free while scrambling against them. Lots of pressure points under the jaw, specially where it meets the ear will hurt the worst. Do some googling and find some more painful pressure points like that. There’s one near most every joint.

If you have a heavy enough blunt instrument crack his head or knees n go for any other joints you can swing at. Unarmed in the heat of the moment you should probably just go for the nuts, easy target. This is assuming you’re in a store with other witnesses/cameras around though. Don’t stop to fight if you’re alone or outnumbered of course.

Wurlitzer Level 8 Aug 25, 2018
5

I think he deserves a ruptured testicle or two. Knees make good weapons for such things. The cameras should pick up that he sexually assaulted you. You would have been safe from any prosecution and he should have no desire to touch another woman again, hopefully.

Gohan Level 7 Aug 25, 2018
5

Ma'am . Where I am from , this is not hard to solve . This guy will had a black eye and a pair of broken balls in Italy or Greece . Oh I wish I was there for u ma'am . I am only 5.6 and 120 lbs , yet . This guy will have been on his knees b4 u know it . My friends will had paid the bail $ for assault . I really don't care .

Pralina1 Level 8 Aug 25, 2018
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