Run and don't look back.

You should know from the first time you meet if there is that special feeling for someone. Time to throw in the towel, and move on to the next one.

Three dates is more than enough to get an impression of who somebody is. I also believe that someone who comes off as obnoxious either lacks a reasonable level of intelligence or is exaggerating in an attempt to be impressive and show strength of conviction. Don't get sucked into what you will later regret. Throw in the towel.

No,surliness can only get worse,drifting into control issues,especially if you form a couple you work,he does not, so any lateness from your work makes him more controlling.

Dump the dude. No more dates with the surly dude. He'll treat you like crap and become overly possessive. You can't fix him. Red Alert

I'd say that if after 3 dates, it's no longer a first impression but a pattern of behavior.

First impressions are important but I try to keep in mind some people have social anxieties that make it difficult. Some of my favorite people come off wrong at first, but I am glad I got to know them. Some people are genuinely terrible, you will know pretty soon either way.

I've learned to pay attention to my gut. First impressions are important.

Why would you continue dating a man whose "manner, opinion and surliness are obnoxious"?

It can only go downhill from here.

Sounds like you might think you'll be the one to change him .....not likely.

Does he have other redeeming qualities that cause you to keep at it ?

I think I'm not so shallow as to judge a person on first impressions but after meeting number three, I still have a bad feeling, time to listen to my own intuition. Time to run!!!

"sort of obnoxious" ?

Magic 8 Ball says Try Again...

With someone else!

The first few dates you are sending out the emissary of you to make the best possible impression. If your date is starting off as surly and obnoxious, it can only go downhill from there.

For me the first impression counts for a lot but it's my instincts that say the most. Doesn't mean I take any notice of them but they're usually spot on.

Usually people are trying to be on their best behavior for a planned first meeting and you found him surly!?! There must be some good qualities if your heading for a fourth helping...

I was with an obnoxious , surly misery for 23 years....during that time he drained the happiness out of me .The end result me being an anxious wreck....
Not any more....Life is too short to have a misery poultice draining your emotions dry.
I woukd get out now .....unless of course he has any redeeming qualities...?

Have you tried to ask him about it? If you do and the answer is "deal with it, love me or leave me" run like the wind. However, if the answer is "ooh no, I am so nervous around you I don't know how to act, I am so sorry" I would give him another chance.

You need to get out more! Have you tried asking yourself how you will feel in 6 months about your wasting your life if you find one shredd of "goodness" in him and keep seeing him?
YOU CANNOT SAVE/CHANGE ANYONE, EVER!

Glad you decided to cancel but wish I could meet someone as patient as you've been

I thoughtfully read all the comments and I’m taking an action item to cancel the next date, I’ve given the situation pleny of time for discovering “redeeming” like able qualities. Thank you all for your comments and advice.

On the one hand, it's a known fact that people tend to make snap judgments and then adhere to them despite contradictory evidence.

On the other hand, three dates does not a snap judgment make. You've given the guy plenty of chances to show he's a diamond in the rough and he's still surly and obnoxious. You've also stated the classic love-goggle stance that it's your job to dig out a hidden gem and polish the turds off of it.

Run, do not walk, for the exit, my dear.

Just seems to me that you are spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.

I'm not sure that all of us have "redeeming qualities." I'm not very exciting, for example. I don't lie and I'm consistent to a fault but I am not exciting. Date me and you might find I'm more like an old shoe. I couldn't go for surly and obnoxious. You shouldn't either.

If you are 3 dates in you are way beyond first impressions. If you haven't found any "redeaming qualities" why do you continue? I think the best thing to do would be to would be to back out now and continue looking for someone that you like of at least respect or are attracted to.

so 3 dates in and still surly and obnoxious ? what advice would you give a friend or your child in this situation? 1 bad date can be overlooked maybe, after that someones not making an effort .Personally i would cancel the date 1 redeeming quality will not make up for generally all round poor manners,opinions and surlieness

Good question; first impressions can be misleading ; it really does take awhile to find out everything you need to know about them and what makes them “tick” ; the human psyche is rather complex but rather interesting none the less.