If he's rude and obnoxious that would be it! I met a guy that was from another country and I thought that over the phone that it was just our differences but when I met up with him at a restaurant, he was rude to the waiter's! Then he told me some rude things, I was done!

I thoughtfully read all the comments and I’m taking an action item to cancel the next date, I’ve given the situation pleny of time for discovering “redeeming” like able qualities. Thank you all for your comments and advice.

You need to get out more! Have you tried asking yourself how you will feel in 6 months about your wasting your life if you find one shredd of "goodness" in him and keep seeing him?
YOU CANNOT SAVE/CHANGE ANYONE, EVER!

You are the ONLY one who can make that decision.

However, three dates and you're STILL looking for ONE redeeming quality?

Surliness and sort of obnoxious? He sounds lovely. That would send me running the opposite way, but, that's just me. I'm to old to waste time with someone surly and obnoxious.

Not a big believer in 1st impressions; I will form an opinion, but never cement it after a single meeting. 3 or 4 meetings later, if the behavior is consistent, you're pretty much looking at who that person is, imho.

What, besides optimism, keeps you coming back for repeat dates? What need or desire is being met? Is there something in his demeanor that, while sort of obnoxious, appeals to you? Do you find his surly temperament somewhat mysterious and even a bit alluring? Is he charming in some way that offsets his gruff attitude? When you're preparing for a date, are you excited or dreading it?

I was with an obnoxious , surly misery for 23 years....during that time he drained the happiness out of me .The end result me being an anxious wreck....
Not any more....Life is too short to have a misery poultice draining your emotions dry.
I woukd get out now .....unless of course he has any redeeming qualities...?

Can't judge a book by looking at the cover.

Not knowing either of you, I can't really say. I tend to go a lot on my intuition.

Not to me. Every exchange let's me see who they are. Anyone can have an off day or a great day. Neither is a real representation of who they really are. Consistency is what I go by. To throw my two cents in regarding you dilemma Dating is a little different. Intuition and chemistry is what I go by. Intuition helps me see their intent, and chemistry helps me feel a connection. Sounds cheesey but that's how I roll.

Please don't tell me you think once you find that quality you can refine it and shape them into the person you want.

That rarely ends well. If ever.

First impressions are a single sample, personally I wouldn't draw a conclusion on one data point. However, it sounds like you have more than one data point, it maybe time to draw a conclusion soon.

You deserve someone with more than one redeeming quality.

no. i do not ignore first impressions but i try to be open to correction if i've caught someone on a bad day or misunderstood them or misassessed them in some way. however, if someone continues to be obnoxious, that's not a first impression anymore and warning bells should be going off in your head. if you have a towel, throw it at him.

g

If you thought he was obnoxious and you still are questioning it three dates in, I'd say go with your first instinct. Move on to someone else. Don't settle for less than someone who you like from the beginning. Also.. Hi, I'm Darin. ?

There's a quote I like that goes more or less like this: if a person tells you who they are -- listen the FIRST time.

Are you ignoring red flags? I might give a guy a second opportunity, just in case date #1 was a "Bad Hair Day" for him, but unless he completely erased that bad first impression, there probably wouldn't be a third.

I hope this isn’t true. As someone who has unfortunately built up some walls over the years, I would need someone to stick around long enough to build the trust up to break through my emotional blockades. I’m not sure my first impression is the true representation of who I am.

Probably why I’m sans partner.

The importance that people attach to first impressions is somewhat akin to judging a book by it's cover.

Wow..you certainly are trying hard to stay in denial. I don't give rude people a second chance. If I'm not impressed the first date, or there's ANY hint of unpleasantness, then it's "This isn't working out, " and I'm gone.

Cool. I didn't read much past first impressions can be overlooked

I hope women don't judge me based on the first impression as the first impression is when a woman walks up to me surprising me followed by a jump and a little scream like a little girl and the exclamation of, geez you scared the crap outta me. I recover pretty quickly but there's no denying or forgetting that little display. ?

Good question; first impressions can be misleading ; it really does take awhile to find out everything you need to know about them and what makes them “tick” ; the human psyche is rather complex but rather interesting none the less.

so 3 dates in and still surly and obnoxious ? what advice would you give a friend or your child in this situation? 1 bad date can be overlooked maybe, after that someones not making an effort .Personally i would cancel the date 1 redeeming quality will not make up for generally all round poor manners,opinions and surlieness