Why do young guys think sarcasm is positive?
I noticed this trend in the Plenty of Fish dating website Profile Review forum, with young guys who ask for help because they get no replies to their messages.
Over 90 percent of these dateless guys called themselves "sarcastic."
Sarcasm is defined as:
- Harsh or bitter derision or irony;
- A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remarks;
- Bitterness, ridicule and jeer. (Dictionary.com)
“Sarcasm is really just hostility disguised as humor,” said Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D.
“If you want to be happier and improve your relationships, cut out sarcasm since sarcasm is actually hostility disguised as humor. Despite smiling outwardly, most people who receive sarcastic comments feel put down and usually think the sarcastic person is a jerk.”
(“Think Sarcasm is Funny? Think Again.” by Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., Think Well, June 26, 2012.)
"Perhaps young men aspire to be like “the meathead clowns floating through the films of today,” said Linda Holmes in “Bad News, Men: You’re Not Very Charming” in The Atlantic on May 28, 2013.
Why do young men think sarcastic humor is positive? Your thoughts?
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79 comments (51 - 75)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Sacrasm is hilarious when done with the right company. Our family uses it as a comic relief.
But with strangers, you have to be careful.
Nichole765
Level 7
Sep 20, 2018
1
I was told when I was young that sarcasm was the poorest form of wit. I am an older woman and British and when I first joined this site a few months ago I noticed quite a number of men, mostly youngish but not all, used sarcasm a lot in their replies and comments. I didn’t know whether it was the cultural or age difference that was a factor....and now you have posted this item I’m still not sure. I can’t say I have come across it much over this side of the Atlantic.
Marionville
Level 10
Sep 22, 2018
1
Well you obviously haven't watched much British comedy! masters of sarcasm. My fav being Victor Meldrew from One Foot in the Grave
@MsDemeanour Well, actually I have, but that programme was made long after I was young. When I was young was a very long time ago! I know he was sarcastic, that was the whole point of the programme, but it was just that ....a TV comedy. In real life being on the end of sarcastic comments is not often funny!
@Marionville Of course it's funny. Its a game. A battle of wits. It's great fun. Naturally one has to have a worthy oppenent. I find it hilarious when people think I'm stupid when I'm being sarcastic. I let them have their perceived upper hand. I don't care what people think of me except for those that matter and they understand my humour.
@MsDemeanour Good for you, if it makes you happy! I can be funny and popular without being sarcastic....but it’s up to one’s self and personality, it’s not in my nature to be sarcastic,
@Marionville We all find different things funny. I don't think we should be making sweeping judgements. Culturally, there are different types of humour. Australian humour is very different from American. French and German different again. I prefer British humour to American. Monty Python Fawlty Towers, Gavin and Stacy, the IT crowd, the office (UK), Absolutely Fabulous,Yes Minister etc. And they are all full of sarcasm. Don't say it is ok on tv and not real life. Either you find it funny or you don't.
@MsDemeanour If I think a programme is funny it is because I think it is. The fact that I find it so on TV and less so in real life, is because it is a parody and I know they are only playing parts written for them to be such. In real life I find sarcasm usually unkind at aimed at belittling....this is fine on TV and even humourous but isn’t really fine when people can’t handle it if they are on the receiving end. Yes, maybe some are over sensitive, I myself could parry any sarcastic comment, but others can’t and they are left feeling inferior....not nice to make anyone feel that way.
@Marionville . Except for those that take themsellves too seriously. There is an entire group here called Trump Pinatas that is devoted to sarcastic comments. Judging by his Tweets, I would say Trump is extremely sensitive. Is it cruel to taunt him?
@MsDemeanour Please don’t bring Trump into this....it is quite tiresome this obsession and need to turn every post into a Trumpfest. No he is quite beyond the pale as far as I am concerned and can be lampooned mercilessly. Some people can be over sensitive, I have already said that, but to deliberately use sarcasm and think it clever to hurt people by its use is unkind, and in my opinion unnecessary.
@Marionville Donald is a human being too!
@MsDemeanour Pass!
@MsDemeanour , I agree with you. There are even areas in America that don’t take sarcasm well at all (everything is taken literally) and other areas where dry wit/sarcasm is the norm. (New England) I grew up with sarcasm around me all the time. I knew not to take any jabs seriously and I love my dry wit and love laughter of all kinds.
@MarianneW A kindred spirit! I'm going to New England!
I have seen sarcasm w all ages and situations , not just dating sites , but I ll take your word for it .
For me , sarcasm = brutality .
And it goes back to : know your audience and understand your timing . I will not be sarcastic just to prove that I can be witty . I have learned through the years to hold smart brutal remarks to my self until I feel that the person is able to take it or is the ONLY possible way to shake him / her up and trigger a possitive for them change .
Using sarcasm w a stranger , it's a No for me . Using w a close and dear friend is a "maybe ", and only if I know for a fact that my friend needs to be told the ugly truth AND able to deal with it at the moment .
Example : my friend Cleo and I at line at Starbucks 8 years ago ... Cleo going through a not so fun divorce .. and through a phase of trying to re build self inside and out . Dressed as a troll thou and not having any touch w fashion , Cleo is asking me how I like her new plastic crocks , and " they r soo comftable ".
I know Cleo , I know that she needs a big boom , and I knew timing was right : " I sure hope u have doctors prescription for those ma'am . Other ways , pls burn them . "
I hope that makes sense .
Pralina1
Level 9
Sep 21, 2018
1
Like all behavior, sarcastic has a spectrum from mild to severe. From kind to cruel. Kindness is essential.
Kind sarcasm: "I'm done," my 13-year-old daughter Claire said, leaving branches all over the sidewalk. We were pruning bushes at Family Planning for "Make A Difference Day."
"Claire, do you think the Branch Fairy will pick up those branches?" I asked lightly. Claire laughed. "I'll help you." Together we picked up the branches and put them in the recycling bin.
Cruel sarcasm: "Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?"
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Sep 21, 2018
1
I love to tease people. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Why do you think they think so
Seing some doesn't mean all ore the same
Sharpsoil
Level 4
Sep 21, 2018
1
If you read what I wrote, I said it was a trend. I didn't say all young men.
On Plenty of Fish (POF) dating website, in the Profile Review forum, over 90% of the young men who asked for help because they couldn't get a date described themselves as "sarcastic" in their profiles. That was the pattern I noticed.
"I don't get any replies to my messages," they complained.
For six to eight years, I was active in the POF forums. People appreciated my advice and posts.
Not sure if it is positive. But also not sure "positivity" is what I am looking for. I want someone who can appreciate darkness as much as light.
AtheistReader
Level 7
Sep 21, 2018
1
@KenChang
"I have a sarcastic sense of humor," a young man wrote in his profile. "I want a girlfriend who isn't easily offended."
"Why can't I find a girlfriend?" was his question on Agnostic.com.
See what I mean? He thinks being sarcastic is a positive thing.
@LiterateHiker It may well be that the problem isn't the presence of sarcasm, but rather the lack of humor, with this particular man.
Or maybe that he lacks other qualities that women find attractive. Again not sure if his belief in "sarcasm" is related to his inability to "find" a girlfriend.
@LiterateHiker You're assuming that his lack of success is because of sarcasm. Maybe he has bad hygiene or doesn't treat women with respect outside of his sarcasm. Maybe he isn't good at conversation outside of sarcasm. It can be a hundred different things. If he is sarcastic 100% of the time then I can see it.
Good point.
On Plenty of Fish dating website in the Profile Review forum, over 90% of the young men who asked for help because they couldn't get a date, described themselves as "sarcastic" in their profiles. That was the pattern I saw.
"I don't get any replies to my messages," they complained.
Some people view it as a strategic way to make themselves higher status than their target, and hope that their perceived higher status wil attract the target. They call it "negging."
JimmyB
Level 4
Sep 20, 2018
1
I know you said some people, but I think you are conflating an abusive manipulator with someone who can be sarcastic.
What do you know about sarcasm? 
godef
Level 7
Sep 20, 2018
1
Who are you asking?
Im as unimpressed by young men as anyone but I think this is far from unique to them. Ive seen a lot more female dating profiles than male but quite a few of them mention being fluent in sarcasm. I do find a small degree of it acceptable and previously even found it attractive in a woman, although my natural inclination is very rarely to be sarcastic to anyone unless Im being an admittedly shit stirring smartass in an online argument. Im trying to cut that out but certain kinds of ignorance can still trigger me to be a bit of a clown, guilty.
When a woman uses sarcasm frequently it's attractive to the extent that she's quick witted with dry or ironic humor; even if it's directed at me it's fine if I feel like its in a loving spirit. Im good at laughing at myself and the idea of a woman who doesn't take any shit and will call me out if I'm being intellectually lazy are all good challenges that I welcome. If she seems to use sarcasm with earnest disdain for anyone or it seems like shes not entirely joking, or it's her default go to for EVERYTHING then it gets annoying. Sarcasm has many degrees of use and slightly different applications though, and they matter quite a bit in determining whether it's called for, funny, salient or just needlessly cynical and mean.
Wurlitzer
Level 8
Sep 20, 2018
1
It's a sense of humor. I use it to make someone laugh. Not derogitory.
TheGreatShadow
Level 9
Sep 20, 2018
1
Sarcasm is rife in my area. Unfortunately I've picked it up to a degree when relaxed but am quite literal when stressed or don't know someone and find it extremely rude under the latter 2 conditions.
Did meet someone who has made me more aware of this tendency, as a result I try hard to reel it in, in effect making me a better, kinder person.
I don't see it as a good trait to have unless it's clearly in good fun & over the top easy to digest fare.
Qualia
Level 8
Sep 20, 2018
1
and I do mean it's EVERYWHERE here. Once while under extreme duress taking 2 dogs with diarrhea to the vet's ran into the lady who is the head of the rescue we acquired our old girl. Both dogs covered in stool she quipped to me that the girl's coat is of higher quality than the male. I just looked at her with my eyebrows in a knot..
After having processed the encounter realized she was being sarcastic(her delivery being extremely dry) because our girl's coat has always been less than stellar vs the boy's who is clearly well bred-great coat- minus being covered in poop, so at first I thought it was a jab that I went "show dog" on her.
I think it's more confusing today than ever regarding what is/is not acceptable behaviour. Unless the person is just plain an outright a**hole, more often than not, the frequent use of sarcasm by a young man is probably thought to be "cool". It's also likely, imho, that it is one of many personality types a young man might try until he finds one that will get him what he wants, or that feels natural. Just my thoughts on that...
Condor5
Level 8
Sep 20, 2018
1
No specific knowledge. I think it falls under the general lowering of standards and civility. The masses are always attracted to vulgarity, violence and crass sexuality. Trump is not an idiot-he gets this.
Mitch07102
Level 8
Sep 20, 2018
1
Dictionaries should include "common perceived meaning" in their deffinitions. This discussion of and the term sarcasm itself is a great example of why.
ImmortalVegan
Level 4
Aug 30, 2019
0
Maybe those "young guys" are actually getting too many replies.
Think about it.
Gareth
Level 7
Sep 21, 2018
0
I have no reason to think they are lying.
I'm only sarcastic one around someone I don't like sounds like you might be dealing with a narcissist LOL
BkCAT
Level 4
Sep 20, 2018
0
I noticed this trend in the Plenty of Fish dating website Profile Review forum, with young guys who ask for help because they get no replies to their messages.
Over 90 percent of these dateless young guys called themselves "sarcastic" in their profiles.
For six years, I was on Plenty of Fish and was active in the forums.
@LiterateHiker oh my God I bet that was hell trying to teach people how to be people laugh my ass off
Only if you pay heed to it. Let your smile defeat them always and a cold shoulder ensure that their calamity would be better accepted elsewhere.
Nevermind345
Level 7
Sep 20, 2018
0
It's hard to ignore mean comments. Stick in the knife and twist. I used to go home, stewing, and think up great replies days later.
"Ouch," I say now. "Why did you say that?"
Didn't quite understand your example. Could you go into a little more detail?
Krish55
Level 8
Sep 20, 2018
0
I noticed this trend in the Plenty of Fish dating website Profile Review forum, with young guys who ask for help because they get no replies to their messages.
Over 90 percent of these dateless young guys called themselves "sarcastic" in their profiles.
For six years, I was on Plenty of Fish and was active in the forums.
@LiterateHiker It may to have do with lack of vocabulary. They probably don't know the words satiric, caustic, or ironic. So they use the word sarcastic as a catch all. I teach high school and my students tend to use the word sarcastic that way also.
By the way, I have quite a few friends who have been on POF. I've avoided it because I simply don't like the name.
I call it Plenty of Flakes.
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