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Does a ring really matter?

Edit: Wow, this post has really gotten a lot of attention. Everyone has given good advice, and I will consider both sides in order to keep the peace. However, right now the ring is the least of my worries as I am deciding whether to try to salvage my marriage like he wants, or become independent (or single....whatever). Thanks for all the replies!


When I got married a billion years ago, I bought the only ring I could afford. It's nice, but also gold....I can't stand gold anymore. I had quit wearing it anyway because it had gotten too tight (okay I gained weight but whatever), so I swapped it out for a ring my sister had given me that I really love. Hubby got all upset that I was wearing that one instead of "my original wedding ring". I said, "What if I had lost the original one?" He said something about how that's different and we would both go pick out something (I picked the "original" one on my own, so why would that matter now?)

So I paid to have the "original" ring resized and am wearing it now to appease him, but I still don't like it. Thoughts from the married (or once married) side?

VelociraptorRemy 6 Sep 25
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69 comments

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1

The ring dissatisfaction might be a subconscious symptom of your rejection of the marriage.

I used to be that way, removing and throwing my wedding ring across the room when I wasn't paying attention. I was religious at the time, so was puzzled, and tried to stop this from happening but in the end I dumped the marriage, and the relief was wonderful.

That does make sense, because it didn't really start to bother me until I started seeing myself as a free agent and got frustrated because I wasn't.

4

A ring matters only as much as you think it does, with respect to marriage.

You put it simply and in my view correctly. ?

4

The ideology of a ' Wedding/Engagement' ring is originally derived from the Ancient Hebrew system of identifying a slave and to whom that slave ( usually female slaves btw) belonged.
Xtianity, then Islam, etc, took on that system with the sole intent of making it their own method of marking a bride/woman as being the PROPERTY of her husband ( read Master as per the Xtian ideology of the subservience of women to men).
Ergo the 'wedding ring, etc,' is STILL nothing more than a symbol of the Enslavement of a Woman to a man adopted by Religions and perpetrated by Religions.

@gebulldog My pleasure.

@gebulldog, @Hercules3000 Well that then is their own personal choice then is it not, BUT can it not be that such devotion to one's partner can be shown clearly in other ways just as easily WITHOUT wearing a simple band of gold/metal, after all it can be quite simple and easy to ' slip off the ring' and secrete it away as I found out that my Ex-wife was doing very regularly before we divorced.
How did I know this, you may ask? Well when a man has had a vasectomy, as I did after the birth of our daughter in 1984, and his wife states clearly, several times in succession btw, that she is very concerned because her periods are late again, is not just a wee bit ' puzzling' to say the least?

does not surprise me

@Hercules3000 Please check the History of the Hebrews and their penchant for ' Bonded Servants, i.e. slaves' and you will see that ' Slave Rings' were a major part of their system for identifying the ownership of Female Slaves just as was the Roman system of both forcing males slaves to be branded with the owners name and having them wear an identification plaque around their neck. Female Roman slaves were like-wise branded, usually on the left breast and the left shoulder at their back.
The Hebrews/Jews forced their female slaves to wear a ' slave ring' usually made of either brass for the more ' valued' house slaves or iron for the less important female slaves, these slave rings were always worn on, what we now call, the ' ring finger' of the left hand and were placed there once a female slave-child first showed signs of reaching ' womanhood.'

@Hercules3000 Xtianity over the first 200+ years adopted and ' adapted' innumerable traditions, ideologies, etc, etc, thus turning them to suit the needs of the belief system, wedding rings are just a small example of these ' adaptions.'
Easter is another PRIME example as is Christmas, etc, etc. ALL of these have their origins in far older and more ancient cultures than Xtianity.
The Xtianity movement is based upon the bible which deems woman as being the PROPERTY of men, lesser value than men ergo the Hebrew tradition of Slave Rings was adapted to symbolize the subservience/ enslavement of a woman to her husband.
As for the brutality of the ancient times, yes they were somewhat savage and brutal, HOWEVER, there is little comparison when one truly thinks about what human kind has done in the last 100+ years, for example, did the Romans ever drop 2 bombs on 2 separate cities wiping out literally thousands of civilian men, women and children in a blinding flash and condemning the survivors to years of the effects of Radiation Poisoning as did the Americans on Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
Did the Greeks ever drop tons of Agent Orange on the citizens of Persia as did the Americans on the country of Vietnam?
Did the Romans cause 65+ million to die in any of their wars/battles like World War II did ?
Should I mention the deaths and slaughters as well degradations Americans wrought upon the Native American Peoples, the thousands of Cherokee men, women, children and babies who perished from hunger, illness and cold during the forced march from the Ancestral Homelands to Oklahoma simply because the American Settlers wanted their lands for farming, grazing, timber and natural resources?

Who, exactly, bears the title of the most savage and brutal now, the Ancient Peoples or the modern ones?

4

If rings did not really matter then nasty Hobbitses would give them back.

you slay me...

4

To me a ring is pointless, and very expensive.
We would still be together anyway, so no need for a ring.
There are many things we could spend that kind of money on that we would enjoy more than a damn ring.

I was never much of a jewelry hound of a girl....and then regretted it when I lost my husband.

I greatly cherish my ring, unfortunately to the point I'm terrified to wear it now & it's in a safe, but it's still with me. I wish wish wish I'd been more of a jewelry girl so at least there would be backups & I'd have something to wear. Nothing expensive necessarily, my word there are gorgeous semi precious things in the world that are every bit as beautiful as something pricey.

3

If you don't want to wear the ring, he could just piss on your leg.

A ring DOES NOT seal nor signify FIDELITY, only actions and Decency can do that.

3

I think there is a reliable authority on this.

According to Beyonce, "If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it." Note, she mandates "a" ring, not "the" ring.

Defense rests.

3

No, and neither does a piece of paper.

3

It is a symbol of what you have so I would say yes. Forget the paper and the ceremony...the ring is the lasting symbol and daily reminder.
I mean is your marriage more important than your vanity? Some things I think are more important than the fleeting fashion of the day. Maybe just me. I don't care what the church or the state think of our love but I do care about the symbols we agreed on...maybe I would be flexible on it but my initial reaction is that is all we have to say to others that we choose each other. I am not a very sentimental person by nature but that is one thing I definitely would be sentimental about

However if you both agree to "update" it then I say by all means. Maybe even do something to the original that shows the evolution of your relationship...even if it is melt it down and having something you both like created

3

I remember throwing one of mine out the car window, while driving down the highway, away from him.
Rings only mean what you think they mean.
They are only things. They're supposed to symbolize commitment.
If that's gone, it becomes just another piece of jewelry.

3

I once gave a girl a three carrot ring. It had three ceramic carrots on a silver inset. Bugs bunny would have been proud.

3

bit weird it is after all just a ring with sentiment attached . Does he maybe take it as a signal your unhappy or questoning your current life maybe or just has an old fashioned outlook on life i get its meant to symbolise eternal love but if all it engenders is annoyance and low level dislike all its doing is being a pain in the ass buy a new one that you like and keep the old one somewhere safe would be my thoughts good luck

2

Sparkly things are pretty. Take hubby to pick out a new ring that makes your heart happy. If you have children, save the first one as a heirloom for one of them.

2

A bit of a vulgar saying but to quote a common (high school age) quote/observation:

"A Ring does not block a hole"

Long ago a significant other asked me to buy her a ring - - - she lost it on a foreign country trip while experiencing life with a significantly younger guy.

@Hercules3000 Mostly a non-player. Once attempted to help save a greatly damaged (noted abovr) woman (when she was in early grade school her grey haired married next door neighbour began many years of raping her so she was really messed up.

2

I’m really not into rings but I make all sorts of other noises.

2

I prefer wearing crowns. More surface area for bling bling.

Can you two go shopping for new wedding rings? Kind of like a renew your vows type thing.

I considered that. Had some that I liked picked out. He's all, now's not a good time.

2

Get one that you like !

I'm going to get one and engage myself. I'm going on my honeymoon next week. Can't wait.

@confidentrealm Quite the good idea actually - have a grand time !

2

A ring is just that...a ring. It doesn't make you anymore married than someone who doesn't wear one. Personally, I've had about 5 different rings I've worn in the last 9 years of my marriage. Currently, I'm wearing a $20.00 ring that I picked on Amazon. I also bought my husband one to match. His was $45.00. He's had 3 different rings since we got hitched. So... tell your husband to get over it. ???

2

When I proposed to my late partner I gave her a ring (it was a long distance relationship and we got together once a month). When she next visited she confessed she didn't really like the ring. She was the director for a private elementary school and one of the parents was a jeweler. He said he could get her a ring she would like with a straight exchange and she did. I had absolutely no problem with that. She has to wear it and who am I to tell her what she likes. A ring should not be a brand of ownership. I got a puzzle ring for myself but as I work with my hands a lot, seldom wore it. She often took hers off to do dishes and often misplaced it. She got so paranoid she put it away and only wore it for special occasions. Who cares! It is just a piece of metal/stone. Oh, and when I proposed it was at a spectacular waterfalls. She said OK but she wanted me to ask again at a park along the shore in my neighborhood at sunset. She thought that would be more romantic. There is a saying "Happy wife, happy life".
BTW at 38 it couldn't be a billion years ago.

Except for a couple years of fun wildness, I've been with this guy my entire adult life, so it seems like a billion years ago. Your story sounds awesome.

@VelociraptorRemy With her there was always a condition. She agreed to get the car in my profile only if she got to pick the color. I preferred the red color. Now everyone knows it's me when they see this color car. The dealer told her everyone loves the color but few re brave enough to buy it.

2

It has sentimental value for him. He associates that ring on your finger with your relationship and to see it replaced hurts him. It sounds like you don't like the aesthetic of it. Personally I think his case outweighs yours but it's not my business. Maybe you can talk to him and have the ring updated by a jeweler to be more in line with your current tastes.

I agree. But I guess it's more of a deep down thing...idk

2

I picked out both wedding rings (twice married -- twice divorced). They were beautiful rings, but symbolized something that was gone (or maybe never existed) so I pawned them.

I pawned both of mine as well.

2

We've been together now for 23 years. We didn't do the wedding ring thing. But when my mother passed away 5 years ago, my wife decided to wear my mother's old wedding ring. My parents were married over 50 years. My wife said that maybe the ring is why. That's her reason for now wearing it.

2

I personally would have accepted your decision. Especially being you and bought it to begin with.

2

Rings matter mostly to women. Women like gold. In reality the "ring" is a modern form of the chain that may have been used so many years ago. In the church world they prefer rings thinking that men will not go after their married women, so wear your rings. I"m saying that if another man wants your woman a ring is not going to stop him.

2

Wow! A gal that bought her own ring?!? Where were you when I was on the market? If I were hubby, I wouldn't care what ring you wanted to wear. You are the prize!!

We were going for a wedding on a budget, and weren't expecting my parents to pay for it because I think it's a stupid tradition. So I bought mine, he bought his, he was responsible for his tux and I was responsible for my dress. Makes sense to me....

@VelociraptorRemy I had to buy both rings both times. Hmmm .... me thinks I just spied my first mistake!!

@Donotbelieve One like that would be!!

But yeah! I didn't mean it like that, I think you know that.

@Normanbites "had to"? The fact that you think you had to do anything would be your first mistake. It's ok for you to both be independent, and I know people get stupid when they're smitten, but don't do things that you don't want to do. That was MY first mistake....

@VelociraptorRemy I can't argue with that logic, sounds right to me.

1

If the onion rings... answer it. That's all I got.

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