Agnostic.com

51 2

What matters most in a potential spouse?

Be realistic and honest are things like wealth more essential to you for a happy future than, looks/personality/charisma, etc.?

paul1967 8 Oct 9
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

51 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

0

I would date anyone who doesn't have a personality disorder. That's harder to find than it should be. I think I could get along with and marry anyone without a personality disorder. And good sex that's pretty important. Otherwise, you're friends, actually.

0

After being with my now-ex for 40± years, I have been thoroughly enjoying being single for about two years now, and I honestly have zero desire to re-marry! A potential partner, however, yes, that has appeal! I have my own money, so I am not looking for someone to take care of me, but ideally he has a similar economic situation so we can travel, explore, dine out, whatever, and there is no discomfort about one being able to afford what the other cannot. I want a gentleman with solid communication skills, decorum, sense of humor, and just wants to be with me to do whatever!

0

I have been single for about two years now, and I honestly have zero desire to re-marry! A potential partner, however, yes, that has appeal!

1

for me human connection orbits more & more around kindness as the alpha & omega to functional, enjoyable & evolving relationship - & i want no other.

0

Just never lie
anything else maybe diffrent and changable

1

Honesty ,love animals,faithful

Those are all very important!

2

Boat ownership or willingness to consider owning a boat. Own tackle. Liberal politics. Cosmopolitan and global tastes in foods and beverages. Novel reading. Loves dogs. Laughs at my jokes. I'm obviously going to die alone. 😉 Alas.

1

A spouse that is unashamed of, and completely comfortable with, their own wealth.

1

Consent.

But seriously, similar values.

I have that Skeptic T-shirt. I used to watch Dusty, but not so much anymore.

2

Compatibility, caring, faithful.

4

Kindness, after that everything else will follow.

yes, Yes & YES! i'm totally with you on that one.

1

Must love animals!!!
Must be more intelligent than I am.
Must love adventure.
Must be able to put up with me and my non-mainstream ideas and lifestyle.
Must not be clingy and need to know where I am and what I’m doing at all times.

2

She should actually enjoy giving oral sex. A lot of woman do it out of a sense of duty but don't enjoy the act itself.

You know when women enjoy giving oral? When the area is well kept, and they are receiving good oral. If you're woman is acting like it's a chore, she's not being taken care of...

@Minta79 I was talking in general. Just the act itself, regardless of how she's treated by her mate. Same goes for anal. Some ladies love it while don't even want to think about it.

@Aristopus I am also taking in general, as a woman, being satisfied and being able to trust our partner has a lot to do with how much we enjoy certain activities. I have had partners that the thought of giving them oral made me ill and others that I really enjoy(ed) giving head. Same with anal. It is way more down to the relationship than the act for most women.

If sex (with a steady partner) is "a chore", then something is wrong! Often sex is one-sided, as in one partner is selfish, inconsiderate, or does not reciprocate, or perhaps hygiene is lacking, or something. Unless, of course, the partner simply does not LIKE that particular part of sex.

@Rustee who said anything about sex being a chore. You must have gone to Catholic school.

@Aristopus - Actually your saying that some do it out of a "sense of duty" makes it sound like a chore to be dealt with, but not necessarily enjoyed! No, I did not go to a catholic school, and I actually enjoyed sex. At least until it ceased being fun because he became selfish and inconsiderate. At that point it was leaning towards being "chore-ish"...

@Rustee Sorry to hear it. I'm a retired biology teacher and let me assure you the Prime Directive is the strongest force in the natural world. Did you know that mankind is the only animal in all nature with a full frontal genital display? The rest of the primates are knuckle walkers.

There's a biological reason for this: human babies are born helpless for a few years. I'm a widower and I'd love to meet a sapiosexusl lady.

@Aristopus - I think intelligence is incredibly attractive! Too bad we are a continent apart, we might like to meet each other! 😉

@I have the same idea. but it's 1 am as I write this. Good night.

@Rustee What do you think of this? I did spend a couple of days of the curriculum on sex ed, but this one confounds me (being male). A gay friend of mine told be that a prostatic ejaculation is as close to heavenly bliss as it gets. The prostate gland is stimulated or tickled by the intercourse. In gay vernacular there's a pitcher and a catcher. I never knew what the catcher got out of it.

In biology there's the concept of "homologous organs" -- the ovaries and the testes; the fallopian tubes and the epididymis, the ova and spermatozoa; the prostate gland and the uterus. Each of these pairs is the same at fertilization but develop differently depending on whether the person is XY or XX. Ever notice that the skin of the scrotum is the same skin tissue as the labia?

So, just as the prostate gets stimulated during homosexual sex, the uterus sits on the anal canal and it stimulated the same way. The church did humanity a disservice by telling followers that anal sex is "abomination" . To tell the truth I feel that straight reproductive sex is abomination. The are 7.4 billion people in the world and humans are turning it into a garbage heap.

In my younger days only around 25% of girls liked it, but now the younger generation is free thinking and around 45% of ladies are so inclined (no pun intended). The church is also wrong telling people that homosexuality is a choice. No way, it's a question of hormones. A gay man is that way his entire life no matter how fervently he prays or gets counseling. Five percent of the world's population is gay, 20% bisexual and the rest straight. That percentage is constant throughout human history.

Let me know if you enjoy this stuff. I'm a retired teacher and I still love it. If you enjoy my writing check out my Saving Gaia.

[lulu.com]

@Aristopus - I am supposed to be getting ready to head out of town, and have a wet dog (wrapped in a towel) on my lap, so I'm typo-ing one-handed. I am intrigued by your statements, and would like to respond more fully. Perhaps when I return!

@Rustee I just wanted to show how clueless the churches are. I hope the previous post wasn't too technical.

@Aristopus - I enjoyed reading your discourse, and agree with you! The church (all of them) are completely clueless, but I think it is by choice.... They refuse to consider that science has some pretty clear and concise answers for all sorts of situations. Not too technical, there are a lot of scientists/medical people in my family, I was curious about and exposed to all sorts of biological things from an early age!

@Rustee That's how the churches lasted thousands of years. They controlled the flow of information. Even as a kid I'd get mad at them telling me, "he died for our sins." I'd get mad as heck, "What sins?: I'm just a kid. I don't know any Adam and Eve and even if they did commit the original sin what's that got to do with me?" The more I studied it the madder I got.

For instance, when they told me the Bible says the Jews are "the chosen people," I immediately asked, "Who wrote the Bible?"

"The Jews", they answered.

What do you think I'm stupid? Even 'til this day I can't see how anybody still believes in it. Has to be the power of wishful thinking and mutual persuasion. I laugh at it now, but when I was a kid it caused a lot of grief. Couldn't even tell anybody what the problem was.

3

I think the ability to give awesome foot massages is fairly important.

That's my superpower lol 🙂

As they say, whatever blows your skirt up.

2

Personality, IQ, honesty. Likes to discuss things and lets her opinion be known.

2

Everyone looks different. What I'm attracted to might not be considered classical but I find that someone with a happy disposition is more attractive than a grumpy person. I'm looking for someone who wants to be with me. Who wants to share their life. We only have that, everything else is artificial.

Negativity is a killer, need to stay away from negative people , at all cost.

1

Compatible sense of humor.
Hobbies that we can at least participate from time to time.
Emotional stability.
Similar approach to conflict solving.
Similar ambitions on personal/professional life.
At least will to take care of looks/physical and mental health.
Civilized distance or plans to reduce it

2

For me it would be emotional stability.

2

A sense of humor.

1

Honesty and chemistry.

0

Compatible humor, mutual respect, and complimentary conflict resolution skills.

1

Unearthly tolerance, apparently.

2

That they want me.

2

That they don’t have another one or two tucked away somewhere. It happened to my cousin. She married a trooper in the Household Cavalry. He already had a wife and two kids about 100 miles away. She and the other wife became great friends, as did their children. Soldier boy lost his honourable discharge (he was still in the army when he did the deed), his pension rights, and stayed at one of Her Maj’s secure hostelries for a bit less than a year. He had no right of access to his kids, not that they wanted him to, and had a portion of his income (he has a successful up market chauffering business) garnished for maintenance until they were adults. I do go on!

4

Someone who won't be boring because they are always learning and engaging with others and having experiences that contribute to the relationship and conversation each day. This requires a level of intelligence for me.

Looks will fade over time, but the desire for human touch, kisses, and other forms of affection should last until your dying breath.

Realistically, being independent...in finances and the ability to care for yourself in daily life. I want someone who wants me, not needs me. There is a difference.

Great answer!!!

Ditto on that last paragraph! Spouse, not a child.

@CommonHuman I am not going to be anyone's nurse, housekeeper, cook or mother if they are capable of taking care of themselves!

@thinktwice I had that in my profile once. I have been alone in my life, off and on, 17 years. I know how to take care of myself including, cooking, cleaning, ironing, sewing and on. I don't want another out of need but desire. Unfortunately, a lot of women want to be needed for their domestic skills.

@JackPedigo It is fine if a woman wants that...but many want an equal partner. I also don't need a man to pay the bills, take care of the cars, etc. In a relationship, divide up the duties however you like but don't expect it and don't ever take it for granted. Agree and follow through...washing the dishes once is not going to cut it if that is what is suppose to be your responsibility...and, you can take turns for most things as well...I hope you find an equal partner!

@thinktwice I agree to a point. Most of us have our strengths and weaknesses. I tend to leave leftovers on the dishes so my late partner did most of the dish washing (while she was home). She hated ironing and didn't do windows so I did. Sometimes we can exchange jobs but it has to be equal. I had found an equal partner which is why I am not the relationship skeptic as many.

@JackPedigo Oh how wonderful! It sounds like you found an agreeable solution. I hear a lot of people, both men and women, complain about the unequal division of chores in the household. Particularly women...it is any wonder they are too tired for bedroom play when they have done so much work after outside work as well? Men complain about the stress put on them to provide financially...sharing all responsibilities seems to make both much happier! Thanks for posting!

Very true.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:196852
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.