QUESTION Atheists Are Brainwashed By The Scientific Method
A new study reveals an overwhelming percentage of atheists are brainwashed. These so-called skeptics, humanists, and Satanists stopped submitting to the faith of their fathers only to put on the yoke of servitude to the scientific method.
The study titled The Enslavement Of Freethinkers by Professor Andrew Canard was recently published in the Journal of Crytpointelligence. Professor Canard teaches at the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT). His courses include Cryptoepistemology and Alex Jones I and II. The professor is a longtime skeptic of skeptics and their methodology:
My new study shows atheists are brainwashed by the scientific method. A full 83% of atheists take it on faith that the process of systematically testing hypotheses by vigorous methods and getting results capable of getting replicated is the best way of knowing about the world.
5,307 self-identified atheists answered questions exploring their sad and atheistically miserable lives. Even though 88% state they lead happy and fulfilled lives only . 5% go to church regularly. “That’s a clear sign atheists don’t know what happiness is. How can you know if you’re spiritually fulfilled if you’re not in church regularly?” pointed out Professor Canard.
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61 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.The study also explores the narrow mindedness endemic within the atheist community:
When asked if astrology is a good way of predicting the future, 80% of atheists state the age old practice is as useful as “tits on a penguin.”
Famed author and expert in particle physics and consciousness Deepak Chopra is considered by 96% of atheists as only an expert in the production and marketing of low grade hypersyllabic balogna.
Most atheists do not believe vaccines are the whole milk from the Devil’s breasts.
Professor Canard confessed there is a lot of work to be done, “We have to educate students the world can best be known through deeply felt feelings. For now we will have to deal with atheists brainwashed by the scientific method.”
We Atheists are all brainwashed because we don't believe in Astrology & support Vaccines .
Dougy
Level 7
Jan 30, 2018
5
There is no sense to this nonsense!
troll or no troll?
GipsyOfNewSpain
Level 9
Jan 30, 2018
1
I’d rather be brainwashed by science than a book about a talking snake, demons and an all around asshole who was a mudering maniac for a sky daddy!!!
EmeraldJewel
Level 7
Jan 30, 2018
21
"Professor Canard teaches at the Theological Institute of Technology". What else would you expect him to say???
jlynn37
Level 8
Jan 30, 2018
5
There's no him... the article is just satire.
Ya, it got me at first as well... until I read more articles on the site. They're quite funny; I love seeing religion getting lampooned.
It's tongue in cheek humour, like the Onion. “That’s a clear sign atheists don’t know what happiness is. How can you know if you’re spiritually fulfilled if you’re not in church regularly?” pointed out Professor Canard.
Hominid
Level 7
Jan 30, 2018
13
If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .
I love the fact that he teaches at Tit.
richdust
Level 5
Jan 30, 2018
17
Hahahaha...that just hit me like a ton of bricks!
We are all "brainwashed" by our experiences. If you were told in childhood to "go UP to the basement and go DOWN to the attic" using up and down incorrectly for years and years...you would have up and down all boogered in your vocabulary of vertical direction...compared to the rest of society.
BobMcDowell
Level 6
Jan 30, 2018
1
But that's not really brainwashing -- that would be simply a learned behavior.
The problem with type nonsense is that people will accept it as authority and incorporate into there belief system and the damage is almost irrevocable.
jlynn37
Level 8
Jan 30, 2018
2
Fun read, but it is scary that in reality some people think this way. The writer definitely displayed that line between parody and real life as I'm sure some of us will think this was true based on the interactions we've had with theists in the past.
itchic
Level 4
Jan 30, 2018
10
no shit huh?
He certainly isn't brainwashed by the scientific method.
GeorgeRocheleau
Level 8
Jan 30, 2018
3
It sounds like some of us took this as something other than satire.
gearl
Level 8
Jan 30, 2018
3
Notice the topic of the post is under Silly, Fun, & Random. If you click on the article , then click on the link that gives specific reference to the "meat of the matter", you would see that the writer says that it is satire . I found it , after I had posted it . There are so many people here that are not even clicking to the link . Silly fun & random is also something that I post under , when I get articles like this , that are actually the opinion of real people in real situations . It simply seems to fit the bill .
Ha! His name is Canard! I'm embarrassed I didn't catch that right away.
pasha-one-nine
Level 7
Jan 30, 2018
9
If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor that I've only recently subscribed to . When I realized that it was so , I relisted it as "Silly , Fun, & Random".
Oh, I got it all right.
EXactly!!! lol
Well, I would have lost all my money... As I read that, I was SURE that was an Onion article; I would have bet my bottom dollar. Aside from content, it even reads like one. These people are comically stupid.
ChestRockfield
Level 8
Jan 30, 2018
3
If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .
@Douglas Phew! Given how sure I was it was a joke, I probably should have clicked the link, even though I despise clicking links.
What institution publishes this "Journal of crytointelligence? Where is this "Theological Institute of Technology" at which Canard is purportedly employed. What is its accreditation? Sounds life bogus crap to me.
wordywalt
Level 9
Jan 30, 2018
1
If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .
Funny, a scientists (supposedly) who decries the power of science. Here he is downplaying science using "scientific" research. Shows the total nonsense these people spout. I wonder if the name of his college, TIT, has some significance? Milk from the Devils breast was mentioned. I also wonder about the .5% of atheist who attend church services? Maybe they are the lost ones and what about the remaining 11.5%.
Our world gets more insane every day.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Jan 30, 2018
4
If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .
@Douglas Sometimes with all the insanity afloat it is hard to tell satire from what these nut jobs really believe.
I fell for it too, and read some of the posts to affirm why I was so conflicted, ?subtletie some times just flies over my head.
@silverotter11 You changed! Looks like a copper otter to me.
@JackPedigo It is a silver medallon with an otter carved thru. The lighting makes it like yellow/coppery. I've worn this for over 40 years. An artist friend found it in an artist consignment shop back in the early 70's but there was no artist's name attached. In 1976 he gave it to me (a long story) and I have worn it ever since. In 2014 at the Ellensburg Farmers Market I got a clue as to who the artist is - another long story I don't have time for at the moment. I change my photo cause I was tire of lookin' at me. I like the otter better.
@silverotter11 I understand about the lighting. Most people prefer the warm tone lights as opposed to the daylight ones. I liked the "silver" otter better!
It's funny I also have a small medallion I have had for over 30 years. It's gold with my name in Arabic. I don't wear it anymore but once it created an interesting situation between myself and an African-American woman.
Thank God for the scientific method.
Irony fully intended.
HippieChick58
Level 9
Jan 30, 2018
5
Enjoy being online again!
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