You wise one you!

As someone who discovered about my ex's affair two years after it happened, and stuck around trying to save the relationship... I can't agree with this.

Life is too short to waste in a shitty relationship.

@MrLizard In that case, it definitely makes sense not to say anything. If she's cheating, or going to cheat, he will find out soon enough. They always do. The cheaters are never as smart as they think they are.

@Rossi I get where you're coming from, and I'm sorry you were betrayed like that. However, if someone had come to you, spinning a tale about your spouse's infidelity, do you think you'd have "shot the messenger"? That is often what happens. Perhaps you would have been the exception to the rule, but most people aren't. I've been on both sides of this issue. Third party interference is usually not appreciated. Granted, in hindsight, many would say "I wish someone would have told me", but even if they'd been told, they might not have believed it at the time.

@KKGator Thank you. In my scenario, my ex was suffering from severe depression with suicidal thoughts and refused to get therapy (even couples), due to a bad experience she had with a high school counselor. Around that time, she was becoming more distant & secretive, so while I had my suspicions, she had someone do the same shit to her in a prior relationship and was adamant she could never do that. So, I chose to trust.

While it's impossible to know exactly how I would have reacted, I've never understood why so many people call the woman their husband had an affair with a slut, when they should really be angry at their spouse. I'd assume many times the outside party isn't even aware the person is married.

So no, it's not really in my nature to ever shoot the messenger.

The messenger has absolutely nothing to gain from delivering the message, unless they're trying to damage the marriage. And if they're trying to damage the marriage, what could their motivation be for that, unless they had significant feelings for the person?

Additionally he may be aware and be fine with her behavior. Telling him may force a confrontation that is unnecessary.

@VirginCotton Wow! You just spent an awful lot of time trying to justify your own bad behavior. Personally, I could care less because it has fuckall to do with me. However, you probably promised you'd remain faithful to your wife when you took your marriage vows. So, not only are you a cheater, you don't keep your word, thereby rendering you completely devoid of integrity. But hey, you just go on thinking how clever you are that you've kept your infidelity from your wife for so long.

@MrLizard

1. Not having made a promise means you wouldn't be breaking a promise, therefore, you wouldn't be cheating.

2. Wanting to and deciding to are two different things. I've wanted to bang Britney Spears every day since the first day I saw "...Baby One More Time", but that didn't make me a cheater.

@MrLizard I meant a promise to her spouse. I thought you were saying sleeping with a married woman made you a cheater, too. If you are in an open marriage, aren't you allowed to sleep with whomever you want? Perhaps I have misconceptions regarding what 'open marriage' means.

Actually my intent is to inform some guy I don't know that his wife is seeking to sneak around on him. I have never met him or his wife. My ulterior motive is to give him information that he may never find out on his own. I would prefer that he and his wife discuss the matter and come to a solution that works for him, but judging from the tone of her emails she has already made her choice. That is unfair in my book. As someone who has been cheated on and her friends never told me even though they knew and let me continue trying to be a good partner, part of me thinks he would like to know.

@wanderartist So I'm still unclear; would you be allowed to sleep with her?

@Atheistman I don't see why he would have to lie if it's open. I didn't suggest that he should lie, or that lying wouldn't constitute cheating on his part.

@Atheistman You're not making any sense. Please let OP describe his own situation.

I am "allowed" to sleep with whomever I want, but helping someone cheat on their partner violates my code of ethics when it comes to dealing with open relationships. The woman contacted me. I merely collected her messages and began wondering what to do. I have have told my wife of this situation merely to ascertain her thoughts on the subject.

For me this is a moral quandary. Is it better to stay quiet and let things run their course in their marriage or should I help a guy out? I would rather know if my partner were looking to cheat on me.

@wanderartist, I can't help but wonder why your first reaction isn't to share with your partner? Before you worry about that husband, i'm thinking you need to work on your own relationships.

There is no chance I am helping her cheat. I have already told my wife about it, but not about considering outing her. This is more of a question of morality. Which is the greater good?

Largely because she was trying to line me up as the guy she would cheat on her husband with.

@wanderartist And you did right in refusing to be that guy, I assuming you refused. I don't do wives myself. As a former husband found it disrespectful and not that didn't happened, I expected a "wife" to tell me without me having to ask the question if she is "kept woman". When I didn't asked... bit me in the ass. If the husband is aware and don't mind that is a different topic and situation. But I won't get myself deep in another man's business. I knew a case with a buddy that If I told him... she would had been dead within an hour. I did not wanted that over my head for the rest of my life. And that was a friend, not a stranger, and I knew her from the moment they met and how crazy he was about her... And to me, I was protecting my friend from himself. No, get it out your mind, like most people will tell you here... Part of your moral compass is learning to pick your fights... this is a battle that you will never win and can do only harm.. just ask yourself the question... if she worth the aggravation? I almost went out with the wife of a "two bit gangster", I just had to play with fire... it was a co-worker and the big danger was her mother in law was a co-worker too and was unto us. When she cancelled at the last moment because her mother came to her house and was like snooping every movement she made... I was relieved for how stupid I was. If you did her... you did her. I hope no 2nd thoughts or regrets or guilty about it. But not your place to go to that man you don't know and destroy whatever world he is living in regardless of the fantasy... Is their world and not yours... My humble take.

I was simply going to send him the emails and pictures she sent me.

He will probably say you somehow coerced her, but go for it. You never know.

He would never see that coming!

Good counsel.

I do not know her or her husband. I was just going to find him and email him all the messages and pictures she sent me. She left a digital trail that was easy enough to follow.

At this point we all have to assume we are sexually boring. The sex robots are coming!!!