For me as a agnostic/humanist I think the question you really need to ask is what do you need to fill that hole? Ask this without considering our opinions here on this site or the opinions of your Christian friends. Everyone has an opinion. But at the end of the day we are all alone with our own thoughts. If you have a non judgmental Christian friend who is willing to meet you with an open mind cool. If you have an Atheist or agnostic friend willing to do the same cool. For me its all about the non judgment. I have little patience with people who think they know. What makes you happy? What do you need or want for a meaningful life? Their are people of all stripes who will not play the passive/aggressive game. One thing I realized at a very young age is it is not what you believe or know so much as what you do. Ask yourself honestly what you need to do to move forward. Forgot the social aspect of your former Christianity and adapt what you need from it to maintain peace let it go as you evolve into something better. Always take labels with a grain of salt. Absolutes when it comes to human interactions are I think a poison often as they set you in a static place were your identity is contingent on others being wrong. Others will always be wrong but so will you. It is the human condition we live in a cold void and connections are what warm it up. Not just with other humans but nature, animals, even imaginary things like a good story, myth, idea, poem, song. Hold onto these things. Another aspect is the purely rational and mundane. Is what you want somewhere else? Another city, another state? Going back to school? Many times a goal that seems impossible is a good beginning for growth. Save money, look for a new job. Evolution is painful but vital for real progress and change.

It's hard at first; you are walking away from a part of your life and personality that has defined you for so long. You are 18...and I assume in religion for all of your life that you can remember...let's say 14 years. How do you think you would feel breaking up or divorcing after being together 14 years? On top of that, after the break up...you find that he gets all the friends, all the family (yours and his), and all the support. You also have to deal with the realization that your imaginary friend, who gave you hope and meaning (albeit false), is ..well...imaginary. The internal and external loss is a lot to deal with.

On a positive note, after the adjustment period, and time to get your feet planted again you start to redefine yourself. You will probably feel much better in your relationships (people near you are near you b/c they want to be) and with yourself (you feel more aware of life and reality, and you find comfort in being honest with yourself about so many things in life). It's not easy to essentially lose one's identity...but in the end I think most everyone that has went through it would say it was worth the struggle. Hang in there...

My smile is now the biggest you could see. You actually reached the point where truth had to over come the ills of life. You went with truth and sometimes that alone is a learning curve. The guilt is part of the religious magic on people but you my friend went to the real light. Welcome . They will eventually notice the freedom you carry in your thoughts and wonder how you were strong enough to make the leap.

Hi Jennie. I've always been on the outside looking in when it comes to religion so I might not be the best person to comment. One of the things I've always respected about the religious community is exactly that, the community. But then, as you said, communities aren't always benign and if we don't conform we get pushed back into line. It sounds like you're a bit fed up with being pushed into line and you are looking for a non-judgmental, supportive community to replace the one you have left. You have made a great start here and reading through the comments this community is offering great support and advice. Well done on having the courage to be yourself.

I never had that many feelings for religion to let it bother me when I quit it. However I didn’t come out as an open atheist until my parents were dead as my mom was very religous and I didn’t want to fight with her. I still don’t mention my atheism to my religous friends as I like to avoid confrontations. I’d do have a couple of friends who are also atheist who I can discuss my lack of religous beliefs with but where I live openly atheist people are extremely rare.

Some people fell some grief when losing their religion.Maybe you are that way? Religion also has a social purpose in people's lives. I hope soon that you will experience all the things that most of us that were devout before we became atheists. As, for hell, most of the world is not Christian, why would a caring being hurt all people that were not Christians by sending them to hell. it is okay to have a special place in your heart for people that have died and things that we leave. I hope that you slowly heal and that the memories become part of who you are instead of causing confusion. Some people fill the whole with other activities. Some go to a U.U. fellowship where no God is mentioned. Some people go to atheist/free thinker meet-up for friendship. I hope you find a new place or person (s) that accepts you for who you are.

It seems to be a good plan with replacing , take some classes to fill your void . It also takes time to overcome brainwashing

You just keep hanging with us old heretics...you'll be fine!

I'm not sure if this is something you would be interested in but I have a friend who is a non-believer but she's extremely active at her LGBT church for the sense of community. Church can mean different things to different people.

When you say you feel like you are breaking up with God, it sounds like you may still believe in him...are you leaving your church because of the problems you mentioned with other people there, the cat-and-mouse feelings & being afraid of going to hell for thinking independently? Or do you think god is not real, or probably not real? Just wondering because of the way you worded it--maybe you would feel better switching to a more modern, open church or even the Unitarians? They don't care if you are atheist or a believer. My sister goes there & finds them very accepting. They also take turns with other churches in staffing a homeless shelter, & they run a preschool I believe.

I wish I could relate, since I was a doubter even as a small child, I never had to feel like I was breaking up with my beliefs. I just kind of shrugged what was left of them off easily once I felt ready to embrace my atheism entirely. It must be so hard for you when your sense of self, worth, and community has been tethered to a belief in Christianity. Christianity in the Bible Belt is particularly insidious, because you are surrounded by people who can't fathom not believing in and worshiping Jesus, and also feel they have been "called upon" to rescue you from your lack of belief. The atheists you can gain strength from in very Jesus-y areas of the country are scattered and hidden. So glad you have us to reach out to when you need bolstered. Feel free to message me if I can help.

I kinda drifted away from faith and belief through high school and college. When my head finally cleared and I decided to get serious about my spirituality or lack - of, I realized that I actually didn't believe in the fairy tales. That part was easy for me because I'd already left and didn't really care for the social aspects.

I did deal with was a tremendous amount of doubt, guilt and fear. I was feeling very alone after a 20+ years of believing someone all-powerful gave a shit about me. It probably took 5 years to wean myself off of those feelings - I had to keep telling my emotional (irrational) self to yield to my rational self. Finally the good guy won. Beliefs developed in childhood are hard to break free from.

I didn't as I never had a god but I think taking up a sport helps by turning a mental challenge into a physical one, like joining a running club etc. When my mind is at me, i sing if someone is droning on at me I sing silently in my head.and have learned not to care about what others think and feel about me- thats their problem not mine.

Not really something I went through myself but I am (or was) definitely a loner at that time. I also always had a ton of unconventional ideas but that wasn't always easy growing up in the ultra-conservative area I did in Canada.
I moved a lot and explored the world, near and far to better understand all people not just the ones that I grew up around. I didn't find I had or needed an outlet to share much of what I believed. I partied and made friends, moved away made new friends and life was became very satisfying when I stopped focusing on what I didn't have.

I guess be thankful for what you do have. You didn't get to this point in life by accident. The choices you make are always the right ones for you. Remember that and remember you are the only one that can be the best version of you. Coming to terms with a relationship ending that is so deeply ingrained in us is a difficult process but like all obstacles you become a better you working through it.

Keep on you path and know this community is full of people who share this in common. Some will have similar paths to yours and may have some useful advice.

This is a big transition for you. The only advice I really can offer is don't be too hard on yourself, always be honest with yourself and trust that you know what is right for you.

You sound young. I am 67 and am very proud of what you stated. In our younger years, other people matter as we develop our own identity. You are doing the correct thing my friend. Go deep into yourself and be honest with that other voice. Knowing we are a good person, hurting no one, is indeed god like. You may discover as most of have, that the so called god, forgiveness, or just pure love , lies in our self and lies there to be discovered. Eventually you will help others who cannot tolerate the godly guilt they suffer, or the rejection.. You can tell them all about and where to find answers, Love yourself

The cure for this is about two hits of magic mushrooms. By the second trip your self-awareness will bring about a transcendent calmness and confidence to your life with full acceptance of your decisions and the the opinions of others. Word of caution though, make sure you have a sober friend with you and a day or so to absorb it all. Also, an extra set of clean clothes.

I experienced something a little like that. I was raised by strict evangelicals, so having church and Christianity force fed to me most my life did cause a bit of separation anxiety; however, having come to the point of non-belief I also felt a sense of weight being lifted from my shoulders. I’m still somewhat new to agnosticism though.

Yes, I went through that. I even kept praying...not formally, but just talking to “God” in my head. It was a long, emotional journey away...and I was flooded with doubts, few people to talk to, and I believe it’s a natural phase, much like any big change brings. I’d say keep talking about your feelings...I’m sure just posting this helped you. Be well!

I think you're grieving hon, for the life you had, and that is to be expected. How couragous you are. Be kind to yourself, be patient. It will get easier.

Yes, I found that losing my faith felt almost like a bereavement. I knew for a long time that the Bible made no sense and that religion was more about people and control, than God and answers. After I finally admitted to myself that my belief was failing I felt guilty and lost.

I did feel like I should replace religion with something, but I never found that something... And after some time, I found it no longer needed replacing. I just healed.

It was, however, a while before I felt like my social life had recovered. Sadly most of my religious friends couldn't let me be an atheist... And I found it harder to not try to save them from the church, so eventually I lost contact with most of them. I have wonderful friends now, that I made naturally in the course of life. Some are believers and some are not, but we met outside of religion, so it's never been a defining factor in our relationship.

My advice to you- don't feel like you have to be happy about leaving your faith behind right now, it is hard when you have had a life intertwined with it. But, don't be afraid to look forwards, you will feel better in the future, and you will slowly meet people who are friends with you, not your belief in God. Eventually you will love your freedom of mind, you will wonder how you ever lived under the shadow of faith. You will find a beautiful world of people who want to live for life's sake, and not just for the reward of death.

Sorry, I never experienced what you are going through. Maybe it's because I've been a pretty solitary individual most of my life. The church was never about community for me. Hopefully you'll glean some insight from these comments and eventually get past this.

I dealt with something similar. But it all fell away when I asked myself if I would prefer to be (not) protected by a comfortable lie or face uncomfortable truth??

I would bet that some of your church friends have serious doubts as well (at least the intelligent ones). you can at least come to terms with your true feelings & leave the hypocrisy behind.

You are going through the classical existential crisis. You are realizing that there is no external force to provide you meaning and answers. You feel alone in the universe and realize that on other person will ever really understand you. But, that is okay. You are free to define yourself and to create your own meaning and understanding. You are free to choose and forge your own path by your choices and actions. Bu,t you are also responsible for your own choices and actions and their consequences, for in each case, you could have chosen otherwise.

It is time to celebrate your freedom and to simply move ahead -- not to be puzzled and overwhelmed. It is up to you -- and no one else.

Its natural to feel an emptiness after leaving the Church. It will get better.