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Any agnostic/atheist healthcare providers? How do you handle your religious patients?

As an oncology RN living in what is culturally "the south", I find that many patients ask me if I'm a believer or ask me to pray with/for them. I know that many of them are suffering from a terminal disease process and they're just looking for empathy and reassurance before they die, but sometimes I don't know how to help them. I usually offer the chaplain services or say that I'll sit with them while they pray, but I feel like being an atheist nurse is not fulfilling their emotional needs sometimes. I want to show them kindness while not betraying my morals. What would you do in this situation?

MissInfermiera 4 Feb 8
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I am a medical social worker and have worked in end of life care since 2000, mostly in hospice. I tend to think that it my job to support them in their beliefs in a kind fashion without inserting my beliefs into the mix. I will sit with patients as they pray and, like the author of the question, I refer them to the chaplain/spiritual care person. Other than someone who states they are an atheist or agnostic, I do not talk about my beliefs. (I only do that only because so many of those patients do not have support from their families, and I think they really need to hear that they are not alone in their beliefs.) I did have one patient who stated she would only accept care from someone who believed the same things as she did, (evangelical Christian). I tried to focus on my experience and support and she wasn't having it. I referred her to the director who found someone else to support her.

I have learned to patiently accept the prayers and the blessings. I tell people they are "on my heart" as a means of expressing my support and avoiding the dreaded "praying for you." I don't lie, but I do sidestep the question by pointing out that my beliefs are not what they need; they need their beliefs.

I am something of a minority in the hospice field as many of my coworkers over the years have believed that the experiences of dying patients "proves" the existence of a deity. I care less about what others believe than I used to because I probably won't change their minds. As long as people are not foisting their beliefs on me, I ignore the religious aspects. Religion is always going to be with us, regardless of what happens. I do expect to be treated with the same respect as believers, and that is less of an issue than it used to be. I haven't had anyone actually freak out when I mention that I am an atheist for a few years. One person recently said "but you seem so nice" and I spent a while discussing their reaction. I think they were surprised the comment slipped out, but it ended up being a good discussion about values and morals.

Someone else mentioned their physician and their beliefs. As long as others are not pushing their beliefs, I don't care. I would not work with a medical professional, or really any professional, that makes a point of their religion as part of their practices. If people feel the need to advertise their religion, they don't need my business. That includes everyone from a physician to the florist or plumber. If you need to include a religious symbol as part of your advertising or office décor, I find someone else who can do the job minus the deity.

I am less confrontational than I used to be when I was younger. Part of that has come from the fact that I think some people really need the carrot and the stick in order to behave in a decent fashion. If fear of punishment keeps them from harming others, then we benefit from their lack of harmful actions.

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I do whatever I can not to challenge their beliefs. Beliefs are important defenses and better left alone. People need to defend themselves until they don't need to anymore and when that time comes they will know it. So I try not to challenge. I treat their religious language/stories as metaphors or in psychoanalytic terms, as fantasies that are understandable in the form in which they are presented. However, I do not pray and have never been asked to pray. I don't work with dying patients. I work with psychiatric patients on a locked inpatient unit, so it's easier for me to sidestep the issue, treat their need with respect while not putting myself in an unpleasant position.

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I am also a nurse and when asked I respond that I do have my own beliefs and leave it at that. When I have been pressed I default to my true history, my parents were Catholic and I was baptized. No one has ever pressed it beyond that. The point is I do not want to lie and I feel no obligation to disclose my current beliefs with a patient/stranger. I will sit with them, hold their hand and remain respectful of their process. That is what I think my professional responsibility is. Having been a hospice nurse I have a bit of experience with this sort of thing. When the chaplain arrives I depart leaving them in the qualified hands of another professional. I am not offended or put off by their need for their beliefs so there is no subtext rattling around. Generally, it usually works out.

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Fire and foremost, make sure they have the money to pay for their treatment, preferably in cash. James

Leon Level 5 Feb 9, 2018
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I can't find a non-christian doctor. I have little faith in my doctor who believes in magic instead of science,
and hears voices.

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That's a tough call. You should be true to yourself, but your goal is to provide comfort for those who are scared and dying. I've been through the treatment process with an ex and got caught up in prayer circles and, while I thought it was useless, i endured it because it gave the others comfort. But no one ever asked me to actually pray for them. I think I would be inclined to direct them to someone 'better suited' to the task, in that situation. I don't envy you. That's a difficult situation in an already emotionally draining line of work. I am proud of you, though. Thanks for doing such a tough job!

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I feel like my answer would be an awkward, "I have my own personal beliefs," but if a terminally ill person asked me to pray WITH them, I would get down on my knees (or sit by their bed, whatever, lol) and do it. It makes no difference in my life, but for the end of theirs it's the compassion from another person that they deserve in order to find peace in their situation.

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I would answer with something like. I chose to become a Nurse because I care about people and want to aid in the healing process. But as a general rule I keep my private life and spiritual beliefs separate. You could also say that doing this also helps you focus on your work.

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I used to be a hospice social worker. My patients were dying. I would be whatever religion they needed me to be. I even took home a Watch Tower or two. I also worked as the director of a residential facility for adults with disabilities. I attended a funeral for one of the residents in Chicago. His aunt asked me to lead a prayer. It felt weird but I didn't have the heart to tell her no. Fortunately, I am a recovering catholic so I was able to pull it off. It wasn't about selling out. It wasn't about me at all.

I do much the same. I don't feel that my professional setting is the place to have disagreements about religion, so I just nod and move on to more relevant issues. I'm also a recovering catholic and able to pull it off too 🙂

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The same way I handle anyone else who gives credit where it's not due. Smile and make internal judgements!

Oh for real, you're welcome for all the medical science, but you can say that God miraculously healed you if you want! I was especially irate about this situation when I busted my ass in nursing school and by the time I graduated my parents both said that God was the one who made it happen.

@MissInfermiera his will be done! Better be talking about Dr. Whoever's will lol God didn't start that iv

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I would pray silently with them. THey do not have to know what you are thinking but the gesture will show them your degree of caring

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Remain PROFESSIONAL at all times. I try to be as even keel as I can. You are there to initiate Doctors orders, admin. Meds. Follow the MAR and or TAR, be as kind as you can but as far as being an emotional sounding board....I would shy away from that if for no other reason, to avoid burnout.

Great advice, and you are right, but I was trained to be emotionally therapeutic as well as provide medical interventions and follow the MAR. If that wasn't the case, we'd just have robots instead of human nurses, heh. But you're right, sometimes "compassion fatigue" can produce real burnout.

@MissInfermiera I am glad you said that. THat is exactly what I was thinking. Nursing encompasses the whole person. IN your field there is absolutely no way you can ignore the emotional needs of the patient. THat is true professionalism. OTherwise yes a robot or a technical waitress might be comparisons

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