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Do you have PTSD?

Don't feel pressured to discuss the trigger, but how do symptoms manifest themselves for you? How do you handle it?

I had suffered for years but began counseling to understand what I was going through in my late 20s. I've, in turn, had repression, numb emotions, and flashbacks, and I still exhibit anxiety, jumpiness when surprised or unexpected, and perhaps physical pain. However, I recently began a high B complex vitamin regime that shows promise to get rid of anxiety meds by this summer.

EllenDale 7 Feb 8
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Fast moving water is my trigger. When I was 10 it had stormed one day and the drainage ditch (4 feet wide and 4 feet deep) in front of the house was full and flowing. We were throwing sticks in it to watch them float down the fast current and would lean over a culvert to pick them up again.
My 4 year old brother was with us and when he leaned over he fell in. I ran to the other end of the culvert and grabbed him by his hair as he came by. I couldn't hold on to him as current was so swift it almost drug me in. His hair slipped through my fingers, I was the last person to touch him alive.
Everytime I see fast flowing water, be it a river or the small ditch in front of our house, I see his face as he slipped away.
I try to avoid water like that, I stay inside if it rains hard. I know it's impossible for a 10 year old to have held on, to save him. When the trigger happens I am suddenly overwhelmed with sadness and despair and see Randy's fear filled face looking at me.
I have to immediantly do something else, anything to take my mind off that. I used to cut or dig my nails into my skin or squeeze my testicles, cause myself pain to such an extent that was all there was. I was desperate to escape his face.
Now when the trigger happens I remind myself that I did my best to try to save him and it is
unreasonable to think a 10 year old can hang on in that current.

This is the first time I have publicly told this story. Maybe it's about time I did or felt safe enough to do so.

@MacTavish Thank you for feeling safe. I'm so sorry thatt happened to you and your brother. Children take on guilt and in a proportion that consumes us for much of our life. My trigger is men In suits. Suffice it to say we are survivors, and there is life beyond our pain. It seems you might be on the long road to life again. May the sun shine again for all of us damaged children. Peace within, MacT.

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I just read this today from NPR : Researchers Discover 'Anxiety Cells' In The Brain

[npr.org]

Dougy Level 7 Feb 9, 2018

Very interesting @Douglas.

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When Trump started being in the news all the time in 2016 I started having nightmares about my ex. Does that count?

ROFLMAO. It does in my book!

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From how it's described & it's name sake , I know I've had it when my dad died . It started with panic attack , which is what I think it is a form of . Combatants get it as a proficiency for survival . But when you get out , & try to return to normal , it doesn't go away that easily , because it kept them alive so many times . Knowing I had it , & disowning my emotional response as unnecessary , is the key to taking off the edges & rounding it down . Easier said than done . Naturally , Valerian , Kava Kava & other natural sedatives can help , but the basics are required of the patient to now what is happening & why . Mind Over Matter , is easier said than done , but that is how I managed .

Dougy Level 7 Feb 9, 2018

@Douglas Sometimes it takes a combination of t bings to work.

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I had it for years & years after an extremely abusive marriage, complete with "flinch reflex" at sudden moves. Knew immediately what they were talking about the first time I read a description of the syndrome, years later. The other day (this is 45+ years later) a TV show had a 1-second shot of a head-shaped depression in a wall at a murder scene, I got the shakes instantly. The gift that keeps on giving, yessirree.....

I feel for you. I'm hoping we can learn new ways to cope and/or confront in order to heal.

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I'd be interested in the specifics of the high B complex vitamin regime

Everything is over the counter. I take prenatal vitamins (but could use Bcomplex instead) with 2.6 mg vitamin B6 and 800 mcg folic acid then add 3000 mcg meltaway vitamin B12. But B12 needs to be fast dissolving since intestines can reduce effectiveness. Even with a BP of 90/60, I have energy and calmness. So wonderful.

All are water soluble, but toxicity can occur.
From consumerlab.com
Toxicities from B Vitamins

B-3 (Niacin) Skin flushing/pain; liver toxicity; elevated blood sugar
B-6 Nerve damage, skin lesions
B-9 (Folate/Folic Acid) Kidney damage; masking of B-12 deficiency
B-12 Acne/rosacea a side effect in some people

Good luck.

@EllenDale thanks. Wow. Kind of complicated but I'll figure it out. Actually, I'm a therapist and I work a lot with people with PTSD

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I think I have pretraumatic, traumatic and post traumatic syndrome. I threw the antidepressants away and feel much better. They helped me thru my deepest, darkest depression but they don't cure, just keep you in a state of suspended limbo. For me, after a while, throw them away, feel really crappy for a bit, and then gradually start feeling better.

@ollieberry. You're correct that's not for everyone, but I'm so happy you succeeded. Temporary help is good for most people but we need to learn to live past it.

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Yep. Managing with meds right now, but I still disassociate a lot and deal with bouts of agoraphobia and panic attacks. I've been managing to stay stable and hold down a great job, but I'm filing for fmla as soon as I qualify because I know I still have episodes where I can't function.

@Mkonnick It is difficult to stay out if disassociating because it is so soothing and comforting. However, a place to start is to stay in the present. It's difficult but worth it.

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I've never thought so , but as i look at the symptoms, and I think I'm going to talk to someone about it... ?

@Buddha. Good. We deserve to feel better, not victims all our life.

@EllenDale I think one of the side effects is a lack of interest in doing a lot of things ?

@Buddha Yes, I've heard that too

3

First off I hear you, and I am sorry you have to deal with it, but I am humbled by the strength it takes to talk about it.

I'm diagnosed with C-PTSD, depression and anxiety. Precipitating traumas were failed childhood surgeries to correct a birth defect, and subsequent denial and mismanagement on the part of my parents. I usually trigger when I am in a patient situation. Sensory recall, flashbacks, heightened fight/flight and anxiety for the most.

It sucks.

As I get older I've had to deal with a lot of stuff almost entirely on my own, so I've learned to control it better (OK, not really, but I can at least maintain an external air of composure. I also script A LOT in these situations, sometimes in a healthy way, sometimes not. Lots of echos.) I also kind of did what you did, in that I enlisted in the Navy as a Hospital Corpsman and ran as an EMT. In my case I was desperate for answers regarding my own medical history. By the time I got to college I also minored in psych for the same reason.

As a child I had zero family or professional support for this, and was expected to deny my situation and remain stoic. So I began to self-medicate with alcohol from about 8 years of age until my early 40's when I was diagnosed. I was also ridiculously violent and self-destructive, and would fight almost anyone. Primal, lizard brain responses. After I was diagnosed I had a name for the chaos and began to heal. It also allowed me to address my negative coping skills, and finally understood the mechanics of the situation. It is still there, but I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't found positive coping mechanisms. In the past 10 years I've died, had 5 heart attacks, 2x bypass, broke my neck, broke my back and had a few other things I'd rather keep private. These events and either a lack of support or being told that it was all in my head by my spouse left me very broken, but gave me the chance to heal and get stronger.

If it makes any sense, I am very stubborn, and I am very proud of my scars, lol.

Medication, mental stimulation (the creative arts saved me) diet and exercise are critical to my wellness, along with forcing myself outside and into social situations. It is a vicious cycle with both; as I get mentally worse good habits drop, lather rinse repeat.

Having said that, there are over 7 billion people on Earth and usually it feels like I might care for about 4 or 5 of them. Still working on that, but society doesn't handle questions without answers very well, and they treat the people dealing with those questions even worse.

I doubt that is ever going to change in our lifetimes.

I hope some of this helped, it makes one's journey interesting to say the least. All the best to you Ellen, have a great weekend.

@JohnPR1968 We seem to be our own best advocates. Wishing you strength and peace.

An impressive and inspiring story. At least to me. Thank you for sharing.

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@NothinnXpreVails Peace

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Not any more, but did suffer for a few years. Constantly tense, hyper aware of my surrounding, anxiety attacks. Time was what really fixed it, but for a short while I went off radar, made me feel slightly safer, but not completely.

@Rugglesby you give us all hope

@EllenDale I still get anxiety attacks, but had them long before the incident that caused the ptsd. But maybe some humour from my sick mind. I was in a violent armed hold up, and I don't take these things happily, so I followed the guys and locked them in a car park, they ditched their disguises and drove around and around looking for an exit, finally ramming a gate they took off. By then, clear pictures of them and details of their car. They had used their own, almost 33 years later the rego is still burned into my mind. The police were waiting for them when they got home, they had the money, weapons, demand note and all the cash still on them. Turns out it was their 2nd such robbery in a week, they still had money left over from the first which the police gave back to me so for a while we had more money than before the robbery, until the other party asked for it back. The reason they robbed us is that after the first robbery they met a guy in a pub who sold them a fake opal mine and they spent most of the money. That was in 1985, they were to get life due to the violent nature of their robberies, but were out in 7 years. In 2005 I was in a fast food place and one of the guys working there looked familiar. I checked the owners names on business registration certificate on the wall and sure enough, it was the 2 brothers that had robbed us. So I figured it would be ironic and they shouldn't complain if I robbed their chicken shop???

@Rugglesby But...you didn't!

@EllenDale, no, but the irony of the possibility made me chuckle. I went to the counter and spoke to one of the guys, I didn't say who I was particularly as his father was on the front page of our national newspapers at one point saying they were going to get me. So I stood there face to face with this guy, just talking, and remembering how he had stood in front of me with a gun point blank in my face and realised that he was no threat whatsoever. He had been out of prison for 13 years, building a life for himself, just your normal everyday small business operator. The situation did me a lot of good, my future foster son was 8 at the time and I explained the situation to him while we were having our meal.

@Rugglesby I'm unsure what I would have done in your place. You are a strong and forgiving person.

1

No but I'd be curious to know if the B vitamins help you. Good luck!

@shockwaverider I'll try to remember to post results

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Yes, I have Compound PTSD.

JK666 Level 7 Feb 9, 2018

JK666 Peace

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Short answer:
"YESS!!!!!!"

@Cosmo_Blues Peace

@EllenDale like thanks man

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I used some military techniques to treat ptsd from my marriage.
I relived bad memories, except that I imagined events happening as I'd once hoped they would, seeing my marriage unfolding as loving, supportive, filled with kindness, etc.

It somehow canceled most of the horror and anger.

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I do. From abuse. Loud noises, screaming, unwanted touching, quick movements. All triggers. I like my meds right now. I’ve got other issues too, so I’m on an interesting cocktail.

@Angeles Don't apologize for doing what has to be done in order to function. You have insightful, interesting, and compassionate responses to people. We're glad you're you're here and helpful.

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