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Where do you draw the line?

What difference in age is a limitation for you in a relationship? 5 yrs/ 10 yrs/ more?

  • 20 votes
  • 35 votes
  • 52 votes
SadbDanae 5 Nov 28
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47 comments

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1

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a partner so soon after my last turn. But I realize also at this stage, that I could be the one needing a caretaker just as much as my partner or that a woman even ten years older than me could be in great health and well out live me. So, I'm leaving the range at 8 years older to hedge my bets and ten years younger, knowing full well that few women that much younger will ever give me a look in these days of widespread cougaring among women 50-55 yo.

Yes Tom there are practical limits and the longevity gap is 81 men 88 women. ...you are spot on inside the practical love window UNLESS YOU ARE LIKE ME RADICALLY SHOOTING TO LIVE PAST 133 YRS of age. ...I need a radical vegan woman to marry maximizing our life expectancy through healthiest lifestyle

@GreenAtheist Your comment is kind of confusing. Maybe you can clarify it a bit. I'll be satisfied if I live another 15 years. Who knows after that?

@TomMcGiverin OK ....my goal is clear to live to be the oldest human 70 years from now with a scientific Feminist Atheist woman enjoying life together with me all those decades

@GreenAtheist I don't care that much about longevity. I care more about quality, which for me would be having a compatible partner who was Agnostic/Atheist, a fellow hipster, and someone who would enjoy music and travelling with me for as long as both of us had the good health to do so.

@TomMcGiverin of course BOTH QUALITY makes longevity possible and worth it to be the oldest couple around

@GreenAtheist Once again, longevity doesn't matter that much to me past a point. I don't want to live past the point that my health or quality of life becomes poor, with or without a partner. Don't care about being the last ones around, because, frankly this country and probably most of the world, are going to be pretty shitty places to live in say 15 years. So why be so excited about living another 30 years? I hope I'm wrong, but I see little evidence to convince me otherwise.

@TomMcGiverin I see abundant evidence of my peers not only to make the future better BUT OUR DUTY AND OBVIOUS NECESSITY to make America GREEN AGAIN. ...SORRY that you feel aligned with the climate change defeatists. ...we elected a GREEN DEMOCRAT JOE CUNNINGHAM to Congress from Charleston not only to stop off shore and arctic drilling but he is an ocean visionary like Bob Ballard where over 70% of the planet can be inhabited under water and managed sustainable

@GreenAtheist Enjoy your optimism. May you live long and prosper. Yeah, I know I'm stealing here. I'm done here Larry.....

@TomMcGiverin peace and long life. ...Admiral Kirk will be born on my birthday and maybe I shall live to see him born BY THE THOUSANDS in Riverside Iowa

@GreenAtheist Everybody needs a dream....

2

My first question is: Why does a line have to be drawn? That's an individual preference.

For me a relationship is not about just two people. It’s about where you are in life.. professionally and personally. To date a person in thier 20’s who’s just starting out would be ridiculous. I’m well established and don’t desire to deal with someone’s mommy issues. Someone too much older may not understand that I have kids that come first. It’s a balancing act. One cannot be selfish.. maybe when I’m older.

To assume that some one much older may not understand the person younger who has kids that come first, from my perspective is false and it is a statement that would have to be demonstrated in every case to be at least most likely. This is funny in a way, because looking back at my family records, I learned that my grand father's second wife, was 40 years younger than he was and they got along as well as those couples that were comparatively the same ages. I'm not t trying to drag you across the threshold, but just to let you know that I'm having a hard time understanding your reasoning. If I'm wrong, I am capable of changing my mind.

1

For men 5 years younger is almost too much, 15 older is fine.
It's why nursing homes are filled with women.

MsAl Level 8 Nov 28, 2018

Nursing home are filled with women cuz they nagged to death the men they were married to.

@Lop-Eared-Mule That's the kind of thing my ex husband used to say. He was a traditional type and didnt like it if I disagreed or questioned him. That's why we're divorced.

2

I prefer older men, 10, 15, even 20 years older. However even 5 years younger makes me squeamish.

So 62 is perfect for you!

@Lop-Eared-Mule YES! Some of it depends upon looks and energy. I've met men in their late 40's that look like they're in their late 60s and vise versa.

2

Age is just a number, but usually it is wise to stay within 10 years or you will not have a lot in common. But if you are talking about a fun weekend or something then what ever...

0

In which direction?

4

I don't draw the line....the line gets drawn at me ?

Ditto.

1

I said five, but I’ve been with older (19 yrs). And why I said five.

2

As a practical matter, age difference is something one needs to consider in long term relationships where children are involved. In those cases, if the man is older, it is wise to consider what his lineage has shown in terms of longevity before making any commitments.

The example I use here is myself and my wife (I know this case). Our age difference is 15 years. The oldest child is 49 and our youngest is 30. I am now 78 and my wife is 63. We have a good relationship, are not wealthy, but moderately comfortable. I came from a family known for the longevity of its members on both sides. We thought it would be a safe bet and it has proven to be so, at least to date.

If it's not a relationship where there will be ongoing responsibilities like children, I doubt that age difference is of any particular importance and the satisfaction derived will be dependent upon the attitudes and expectations of the participants.

1

I said 5, but only because of how things have worked out so far. I don't have a problem with an age difference so much as I do a maturity level difference. I have usually been attracted more to men my age or older, but that doesn't mean all younger men are immature or that all older men aren't. So I wouldn't rule someone out based on age alone (outside of underage gents, which is a big NOPE from me) just like I wouldn't rule them out based on looks or health or a number of other things on there own merit. Yes, these things are measured and weighed, so to speak, but they are all just parts of a big picture and if I only kept my eye out for one I might not see the amazing work of art right in front of me that they create when put together.

Byrd Level 7 Nov 28, 2018
1

Hell if I know.

1

I voted for 10, although I wouldn't regard it as inflexible. My parents were 10 years apart. They had a loving relationship, but it did mean that when my father died of cancer at the relatively young age of 68, my mother was only 58, and she lived a widow until she was 91. Longer a widow than married! As for my own case, I am almost 75 and am eight years older than my wife. But at the moment I am in better health than she is, so it's a toss-up which of us will cark it first!

1

I don't, married twice, 1st wife 10 years younger, married for 10 years. 2nd wife. 15 years younger, married 5 years now, I'm 65 she is 50, better than ever!

1

Obviously there are exceptions but I said 10. I've dated women mostly younger, some older. At my age (55) it doesn't really matter that much. My most successful relationships have been with women 5-8 years younger

I'm more concerned about if they have kids and are they financially independent. I prefer someone with no kids or older kids who live on their own. I can pay for my own retirement and I'd like it if they could too. And all that other stuff like chemistry, values alignment, intelligence...

2

I voted five. At my age, anymore would be creepy lol.

1

I relate a lot it’s with the younger crowd 20’s to 30’s because I forget that I’m older sometime and I keep a youthful mind , some say I’m immature not that someone in their 20’s or 30’s are immature but I always have a sense of humor and I have a sense of wonder and adventure .

1

I’ve only dated +/- about 7 years each direction but I would go more

1

For myself I usually look in the 5 year older to 10 year younger range. But that's just browsing the field. Each person is a unique case, and I love to break rules, especially my own.

1

It seems like the older you get the less it matters. An 18 yo with a 28 yo.... But 45 and 55? Who cares

1

It never mattered to me. I've went both older and younger.

3

I’m 48, I will not date anyone younger than 40. I prefer to date older, and will go about 10 years or so. It really depends on thier spirit.

2

Half plus seven. I'm 53. 26.5+7= 33.5. 33 is the youngest I'll go. 53-7=46; 46*2=92. 53 is half plus seven for 92 so that would be the upper limit.

Realistically I want someone who is in the same place in their life as I am. I'm looking to retire in another ten to fifteen years. If there is someone younger who is planning an early retirement or who perhaps has the ability to travel with me even though they are still working then that age is entirely appropriate and would be considered as a possible long term relationship for me. What I've found is that I have commonalities with people who are within 15 years of me. 38-68.

3

Completely depends on the person. One of the happiest relationship I know, right now, he is 54, she is 76...she used to babysit him!

3

No specific limit but maturity can be an issue as I discovered.

2

I can't vote because there's no upper limit for me, but for younger, I tend not to go for anyone under ~24 or so, so my range is -12 to positive infinity.

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