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Have you ever had a stalker?

I had a stalker for nearly 5 years, from the age of 16 to 21.
He started out as a peeping tom, but then he started showing up at different, random places I would be.
I eventually had him arrested and moved away from that house.

That experience caused me to constantly look at windows at night, and never get undressed in any room besides the bathroom, for many years.
I also slept fully clothed for a long, long time, with a weapon by my bedside.

Anyone else have a stalker, either on line or IRL?
What did you do about it?

AMGT 8 Feb 13
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34 comments

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0

Never had a stalker, but had a mortal enemy once. You haven't really lived until you've had a mortal enemy.

13

Yikes! Sorry about that.

I had one, my college girlfriend. We had an intense on and off again relationship. When I'd break up with her, if she knew my schedule that semester, she'd jump out at me as I was walking between classes, pull me into a handicapped restroom, and start going down on me or some variation on that. I was 19, I should have run away, but I didn't. We went on and off for years. The chemistry was intense.

Now I understand Borderline Personality Disorder and stay away from people like her. I'm still attracted to women who are Bipolar or who have BPD but I usually figure it out on the first date and don't have a second. In fact when I have a really strong attraction to someone, chances are...

@AMGT Wow - sorry right back at you... I am definitely subconsciously attracted to those symptoms. My mother and my sisters are all like that. It feels very familiar and thus safe even though it isn't. The devil you know. Took lots of therapy and a grad degree in psychology. I still have the attraction but I see it sooner. You are right to be cautious.

11

Had a stalker. She threatened my girlfriend. That was a mistake. Told the stalker that I would break both of her legs and leave her in a dumpster to die. Effective. But not civilized.

If only women could do this !

I think the effectiveness outweighs any civility.

9

Dude texted me for a year after we broke up. Alternately wheedling me for sex and blasting me for being "stuck up" for not talking to him. He was fully insane.

Ididn't want to change my number so I stuck it out. He stopped eventually. He left town a few years ago and is still gone as far as I know--thank goodness. Still have the same number.

7

Wow, that's an awful story @AMGT - living like that would drive me batty. My story isn't near as creepy as yours, but after I divorced my first wife, I discovered she had an obsession with me. 30 years after our divorce, I come to find out that every time I relocated to another city (...I've moved around a lot), she moved there as well. I have no clue how she knew where we were. This happened 6 times. In one instance, she even got a job in the same municipal government I worked for. But as far as I know, she wasn't hiding in the bushes anywhere... she was just wanting to be somewhat near me.

I have somewhat of a public profile online because of self-promotion for my photography business, and after being interviewed on TV a few years ago she sent me an email saying "It was so nice to hear your voice after all these years."

Huge creep factor. I knew she was a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but I had no clue she was that weird.

We have at least one female like that here in www.agnostic.com luckily I blocked her but how do you block government employees ?

@GreenAtheist - I was lucky that she never confronted me. I don't know what I would have done...

@Hominid people obsessed with manipulation of other's thoughts use extreme threats and trolling behaviors. ...often they were raped or abused @ early ages. ....sad when it is exhibited by an Atheist who should be pacific not aggressive ....we all need to end the cycle of fear and control. ...the opposite of FREETHOUGHT

7

Either I have never had a stalker, or I am so oblivious I never noticed.

Me too. Is a stalker you see a bad stalker?

7

I have, but not of the typical kind. This was a guy who makes Donald Trump look calm and collected. He actually flew more than 2000 miles to sit at the end of the driveway and watch what he thought was my house. He brags about his weapons, up to, and including Claymores. His beef with me? He made a stupid bet for a thousand dollars. I mean, it was stupid. He was betting on the outcome of a highly advertised event that had been held a month earlier. He laughed and laughed and was telling his friends what an idiot I was. His friends told him to get his checkbook out. It all went downhill from there. 🙂

6

That's fucked up. And sad. Mental illness is a thing.

I agree! Compassion is terribly important but it's a distant second to one's personal safety. Plus notifying the authorities could be a first step in getting them help. There's a relatively large homeless population here and Mental health is a big factor. I look forward to the day that the stigma surrounding the pursuit of mental health is gone. I see taking care of my mental health as being the same as taking care of my physical health.

6

I used to work with a man who tried to manipulate me and when he found out I didn’t like him like that, he turned into a real jerk. He started asking people at the work place where was I, what time I came into work and what time I got off of work. Then every time at 2:00 for the 2:00 zone at Walmart cause this is where I worked at the time, he’d always go out of his way to find where I was then come zone in my lane. I came to find out that he was a complete mama’s boy and she actually worked at the hair salon there and every time she seen me, she’d give me the worst evil eye anybody could ever imagine. His mother even went as far to spread hateful rumors about me and would tell everyone she worked with that I didn’t like her son. I would tell mangers and friends, but they thought I was crazy and was imaging things because apparently everyone thought this guy was an angel. Well...time passed and he kept wanting to know my work hours when I caught him in the act asking these questions to a department manager, and she surprisingly told him. When he seen me walk in, he had this smirk on his face. Time kept passing and some stuff happened and his mom eventually got fired after being caught for selling her own products at the hair salon to the customers and stealing. On her last day there, I noticed she was waving at me in a sarcastic manner and I kept trying to ignore her. She went and pretended like she was going to the bathroom, which was right next to customer service, exited the bathroom 10 seconds later and then walked passed me in a slow pace, but I would never let her know I was watching her, which I had been out the corner of my eye. She eventually walked her happy a** back into the hair salon and then later on that morning when it was time for my first fifteen minute break, she saw me pass the hair salon while she was fixing a customer’s hair then not even ten minutes after I sit down, she came walking in there with her food and tried to sit at a table across from mine to where she’d be facing me. I literally had to get up and move and finish my break elsewhere cause this woman went out of her way to follow me into subway where I was taking my break and I wasn’t about to stick around to find out what she was planning to do. Everybody thought I was the bad guy cause one manager actually took action and made it to where his work hours weren’t the same shifts as mine. That was a really fun year for me!!!

@AMGT Yes!!!

@EmeraldJewel just one guess: they both watch Jimmy Swaggart on TV and attend holy roller tent revivals in the empty parking lot down the road from Wal-Mart

@GreenAtheist lol I wouldn’t be surprised if that was what they did.

5

Thats terrifying! Im sorry you went through that. As a musician I tend to get stalker groupies from time to time. Although none were as bad as the girl who drove half way across the country to follow me around for three months. She showed up in my bed room one morning. She was Sitting on my bed, watching me sleep. Thankfully i play to a more mature auduence now and it hasnt happened in years.

@AMGT no, I live in a small town where nobody locks their doors. She just let her self in. It was truly unsettling on many levels.

5

Yikes! AMGT, that's awful.

4

Yes, had a couple, have 2 now.
Worst one was years ago, in addition to stalking she would tell all and sundry we were in a relationship. I was married at the time. Luckily I was neither the first or last victim, the 1st was the head teacher at her kids school but he lived further away. The one after me was our family doctor, she would get into his yard at night, hide in the bushes and yell out her love for him. One of my current ones is as much online as anything, though she does do the occasional drive past, you may not think this is strange, except she lives 5 hours drive away and the other current one waits until she sees cars on my footpath and if she thinks it belongs to a female she calls in.

The one from years ago I would have liked to have seen locked up, I felt she was unstable, especially as I don't think I knew her name or was even in the same room as her more than once. the one 5 hours away is a user, she went and visited all my neighbours once, especially embarrassing as I had never met or even seen most of them, the one up the road blatantly asked me for sex on the weekend in front of a female guest here, so she goes into the nut basket as well.

There seems to be a virus fucking up brains of women like this

3

An old high school classmate from a class I was in was looking for me all on FB. He found me. At first he was nice, but he's mentally ill. In high school I never paid attention to him. Well, in 2 days on my FB, he became obsessed. Asking for nudes and to meet. He's in CA. I quickly blocked him. It's crazy how some people are.

@AMGT Yes.

3

He wasn't so much a stalker, but persistent. The guy is a mutual friend of my friends and myself. Once at a friends party when we were in our late teens, he followed me everywhere I went at the party. I decided to get away by ducking in the bathroom. When I came out, he had placed a folding chair right in front of the bathroom door, so he wouldn't miss me exiting the bathroom. This was all after I had I told him I wasn't romantically interested in him when he asked to date me, but we could be friends. After that, he wrote me letters from college, like every week. I felt I owed him a chance on a date as he was very sweet, persistent and truly a "nice guy." I tried but the chemistry was just not there.

Stalkers are creepy and definitely dangerous. It really sucks that you had this experience, and that it has left an impact like that on your life. Unfortunately, it never truly leaves you. Hoping you find some peace.

3

I had a woman that would follow my walk or bike ride home everyday. If I stopped in a bar, she would wait outside, or sit silently at the other end of the room. I finally approached her vehicle at a stop light and said 'You could offer me a ride sometime you know', and never saw her again. Not as disturbing as your circumstance, but it was a bit unsettling that she always knew where I was, and had the patience to wait for me on the days I worked OT

3

Well..... no... I'm sure that could be aggravating. I would own a tasar...

You need a better one. @AMGT

3

Was his name Assistant County Attourney Roy Moore ?

@AMGT jess jokin 4 real Moore stalked victims all told the truth about his pedophilia

@AMGT voters keep re-electing him State Supreme Court Chief Judge even after he was removed from office refused to remove DECALOGUE 3 TON MONUMENT OUT OF CAPITOL BUILDING my pal Larry Darby won the Atheist lawsuit against Moore dragging the stone shit into the Capitol

2

Wow....so many terrible experiences. 😟

Only once I had a peeping tom -- when I lived in Reseda. My aunt and uncle thought it might have been a family friend. It scared me, but nothing at all like what y'all describe. Yikes!

@AMGT It was when we lived on Calvin. Just two blocks off Tampa. Corbin on the other side. Hart to the north and Vanowen to the south.

I didn't see his face. It was dark. He had taken a chair from the back yard, brought it to the front yard and used it to see above the frosted glass in the bathroom.

By the time I woke my uncle up, he was long gone. This was '83-'84.

Your experience sounds terrifying -- especially to KNOW what he looks like.

2

"We", it affected everyone in the household (3 women) are just having ours jailed for 4 years. Turns out it's against the law to stalk. This went on 3 years too. We did not let up, cops aren't much help but advocates are! The victim witness gals were/are awesome! [victimwitness.org]

2

Mine was never found. It has been life altering. I still worry at night.

Security cameras, a third dog, lights on sometimes, locking the doors and windows at all times... I miss having my windows open at night.

Be watchful and wary... most police will do nothing until something significant happens. So, do your best to make sure it does not.

2

Do this mean I don't belong to the same planet? No body ever stalked me, may be they did in my presence but never acknowledged any stalking.....

2

Online stalker?

@AMGT I need one female stalker.

1

I have no experience with this, but it is one reason I think women should be trained in self defense, and lethal force.

1

Be aware and vigilant, sweetie. Taser.

1

Do a Wife that follow you home and sleep in your bed counts?

1

That's some scary shit right there Amy! Happy to hear you got the psycho locked up.

I actually had one myself that was more creepy than dangerous. When I was in high school I had a job as a burger flipper, there a was this somewhat strange cleanup lady who worked there.
She very rarely spoke to anyone and no one spoke to her.
I would talk to her sometimes and she started to come out of her shell a little.
Let me make this perfectly clear, I never hit on her and didn't say or do anything to make her think I was sexually attracted to her. Only occasional small talk.

Years later my (then) wife and I went to dinner at a different restaurant we ordered our food and when the waitress brought it to our table she was a little freaked out.

She told me that same cleaning lady now worked there and saw us walk into the restaurant through the kitchen window.
She told our waitress that she used to follow me in my car she described the car I had at that time and knew where I lived in my parent's house at the time.

I was creeped out in an Annie Wilkes (Oh Paul 😕) kind of way. My wife lost her appetite, wisely she didn't want to eat anything from the kitchen where that woman was.
So much for the all-you-can-eat crab legs. 😟

@AMGT I guess she told the waitress matter of factly like it was something 'normal'.

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