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Coming out to family

How did you come out to your family as atheist? How did they react?

AnnaMD 5 Dec 28
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2

I left the church in my early teens and kept it too myself. I mentioned it to my mother a few years ago she kinda laughed and never brought it up again. She is not a church goer though. My father died about six years ago and looking back now I kinda wonder if he was hiding something. He was a ChemE, didn’t want a funeral but a celebration and insisted on being cremated. Was a prolific reader of atheist literature. Just gets me thinking??

Our stories are almost identical. I think a lot of men went to church when l was young for reasons of business. My mother never went, and my father quit going when l was fourteen, so my brother and l quit going also. It was never mentioned again.

Interesting about your father and your questioning whether he was an atheist, assuming that was what you were doing. I wondered about my father being an atheist too. My mother was, and is, devoutly religious, but my father wasn't, and he always seemed to mock religion, and read about evolution and science. So, when I was told that he had a stomach aneurysm and could die any minute, I visited him and one of the questions I asked him was if he was an atheist. He said no, that he was against religion, but did believe in a god and he prayed. The way he described his beliefs was more like Deism. He didn't die until a few years later, though.

@sfvpool I’ve thought about it many times. I really wish I would’ve had those conversations. I know he wouldn’t have talked to my mother. I guess I’ll never know.

@Green_eyes I understand. There were many things about my father I wish I would have asked him, but didn't. Throughout my childhood, I don't think I ever had a conversation with him. But, as an adult, I finally did ask him some things, like about religion and his time in the Navy during WWII. He seemed happy to honestly answer any question I had. Times were different during his lifetime. He was born in the south just before the great depression, ran away from home at twelve and never went back. He falsified his ID to join the Navy at sixteen and spent his time in the Navy making whiskey for his shipmates. He was a tough man, became an alcoholic, but later quit drinking cold turkey and never had another drink. Not a good father, but he didn't know how to be until much later in life.

4

I kept quiet about it until mom passed. When she was dying and drs offered to get me someone to talk to, my friend felt the need to tell everyone that I am atheist. He told more people in one night that I was atheist than I had told in my entire life.

Is he an atheist also?

@Richardbayo Yes. He was like a dog with a bone about it too.

2

At age 13, I became an atheist when I realized the Bible is just a book of stories written by men. My parents were fine with it. They didn't have a leg to stand on.

On Sunday, my mother dropped off us kids at First United Methodist Church, shoving us into the arms of the Lord. Mom went back to bed.

"In nursing school, I became an atheist when I realized a woman cannot be turned into salt," Mom said dryly. She was hilarious. Raised Catholic, Mom attended Catholic schools through college. When I stopped going to church, Mom said it was understandable.

Dad never went to church after attending First United Methodist Church as a child. He didn't care, either.

I wish it could that easy for me.

1

I'm keeping mum until my mom passes. I don't feel the need to upset her, and it doesn't really matter to me to be "out" or not. It's personal, why do I have to shout it from the rooftops?

Orbit Level 7 Dec 29, 2018

I will planning to wait until my parents die like you until I come out. Of course that be one of the bomb shells that I would drop.

4

I never really said anything just refused to go to church anymore

2

I've only come out my cousin as not being religious. having grown up in a traditional filipino family, the majority of them were very catholic and often brought down my cousins for not being so. i didn't even know they were atheists until the youngest on my dad's side told me she was. i laughed and came out to her as well, and she was so surprised because of how my parents were. it was a nice cousin bonding moment

2

Sunday dinner after church. Someone said "thank God"! I said "Hail Satan" and then shit hit the fan and a fork was thrown at my head which knicked my ear. So I came clean. I was 12. I assume you are going through that. Good luck.

3

My mother was always an atheist, I explored religions with her encouragement, but it was a relief her when I told her they were all full of shit and were tools manifested in order to control people.

2

I was fairly young (about 13) when I came out as a nonbeliever. My Dad & I were on the same page. Mom kind of shrugged it off at the time, but she accepted it more or less eventually. Only an uncle, long since passed, took it as an affront & we had words. It could have been worse.

2

I started questioning my Sunday School teachers at 8 or 9 years old. Since the only answer they could come up with was 'you must have faith', I began rejecting it. So belief in superstition was not something I cared for. Started reading other religious tomes in my teen years and realized they are all basically the same -- it also gave me a lot of ammo for cussing / discussing religion. My friends don't discuss religion with me as I am effective in tearing down their myths.

1

By the time I left the church my parents had died and my siblings and I were in different parts of the country. Slowly I found out that 5 out of 7 were also atheists. The sixth brother we weren't sure of because he was married to a flaming Christian. Last year all the brothers got together at my home and we asked him. He said he had been atheist a long time but kept a low profile because of his wife. He also said her family was upset because she was marrying a non-Christian.
How's Frederick? My uncle lived there (Mt. Airy) and I spent a lot of happy time there with him. His son lives in Walkersville and I keep in touch.

1

I grew up in a South Baptist household and when I told them I was an atheist as a teenager, they were devastated. They didn't exactly shun me, but they don't go out of their way to contact me.

JoeVZ Level 4 Dec 29, 2018
0

They expected it from me never had a problem

0

My coming out as atheist was a part of my coming out as gay. i figured if i came out as atheist at teh saem time, then they would be denied all the religious arguments which woudl deplete all their ammunition against my being gay. It worked. Also, they were much more co9ncerned about my beign gay than my being atheist.

My intentions were rooted in the fact tha there were just some thing that my family nhever talked about, as in "ignorance is bliss", and if they don't know about things they dont' like, then they can't be upset by them. I just was plain tired of editign my life to suit their preferences, and wanted to just be myself and decided if they didn't like me for who I was, then I could do without them and woudl be much happier beign myself with or without them. It was kind of a reverse of what usually happens in religious families where the believers usually give the ultimatum. There are advantages to putting the decisions on them instead of letting them try to put the decisions (or blame) onto you. It shows them that they can't guilt or shame yhou into doing what they want you to. you take their power to manipulate (you) away from them.

If you take the initiative, then the idea of their using a "tough love" or "shunning" approach, in their minds increases the chances they will lose you forever. You then get to deal with them on your own terms.

0

Great question.

Lots of different stories. For me I really didn't spend any time pretending to believe in religion based fairy tales - - my mother figured my lack of belief was (just a Faze) that I would grow out of. Both parents have now long ago accepted my status of not drinking their Cool-Aid and have learned (the hard way) not to bring up any faith based assertion as my arguments (based on facts and reason) are stronger then any faith (belief without evidence) argument.

1

I told my (now ex)-wife that I no longer needed a god in my life. And she replied, "Well then, we have a problem." To save us both (and her family) a lot of difficulty, I moved out of state, and our divorce was quick and tidy. We miss the "good old days" when we were together, but we continue to grow further and further apart. It was a very sane decision, apparently for me, as she and her whole family are now trumpsters. Funny how that works.

5

I want to tell them that but the thought of my decapitated head upsets me so i decided not to do it

0

For me the reaction whatever it was, is not the problem .. if what I believe is the truth

belfo Level 6 Jan 7, 2019
0

I started giving clues for a long time before I actually had the courage to tell them. I just said that I didn't believe God exists during a family discussion about some religious topic.

Reaction: this happened around 10 hrs ago. My family is still in denial and thinks that i m going through a phase .

0

One day, over dinner, we started talking about how my step dad is jewish and my mom is Catholic.... I took the opportunity to bring up atheism and agnosticism. Raised points of religion, morality, and ethics during dinner. I was really clear about my views on science, universal morality, and categorical ethics. By the end of the conversation I had raised points on Christianity, Judaism, Kantianism, and Utilitarianism that opened the door for me to be able to utter the words... "for these reasons I'm an atheist". They were disappointed.... But wanted to continue the dialog. We're still talking about it..... 🙂

Have you started this kind of conversation with your family?

0

My immediate family doesn't care one son is atheist

bobwjr Level 10 Apr 19, 2020
0

I just told them... No big deal..

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