Agnostic.com

9 2

What to do about a friend's obnoxious significant other?

I have a close friend whose husband is an ignorant creep. Though she's religious, I'm able to have intelligent conversations w/her that don't include religion. OTOH, during get togethers, he seems to get off on constantly interrupting my conversations w/others regarding politics or any other subject that requires real thinking. For instance, before the election we'd talked about our appreciation for HRC, and how scary the prospect of Trump would be. He then jumped in and instead of providing input, he said HRC is a c*** and where do I get my news from- the Huff post? I replied that I get my news from various sources to come up w/a proper conclusion about issues. Meanwhile, he inherited everything he has, his wife runs everything, and don't think he could wipe his own butt w/o her. He seems to be against anyone who's educated or academic. I really want to tell him off, and wish I could avoid him altogether, but then I'll have to avoid her too. I fear a huge fight could ensue due to his insecurity and ignorance, but I also feel I should be able to talk to others w/o this idiot chiming in. What would you do?

LoveThyDog 6 Oct 30
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

9 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

0

Tell your friend he's obnoxious to you & it offends you that she doesn't interviene on your behalf - if she still doesn't do anything about it, then tell her he's been that way ever since you turned down his sexual advances on you .. that'll put a stop to it!

0

Make your time with her be just the two of you, better too few interactions say lunches, than suffer a bore.

0

Nothing, not my business

2

So, instead of engaging him when he interrupts your conversation with someone else, look him right in the eye and say "was I talking to you?" and return to your conversation.

GwenC Level 7 Oct 30, 2017
2

When confronted with someone like that I can be pretty abrasive as well but I like to do it with humor. I would go to the ultimate left which I am anyway. I’d say I get my news from Rachael Maddow and Steven Cobert. I’d talk about his invisible friend and make fun of Drumph. You’d soon find how good of a friend she is. It has worked a couple of times for me and I’m still friends. No guarantee so use your own judgement.

gearl Level 8 Oct 30, 2017

He wouldn't even know who those people are, and she isn't aligned w/him politically. Thanks.

2

Be honest with your friend and tell her your feelings. Give her the opportunity to try to get her husband to show more respect. If that doesn't work cut them both loose and find a better more respectful group of friends.

SamL Level 7 Oct 30, 2017

You know, I've thought about that, and I already avoid the whole god conversation to avoid an argument. Guess it's solo or no-go.

0

I am gay, some of my siblings are Mormon, and we just generally dong' discuss th controversial stuff that we will never agree on. It is just polite to not cause acrimony or disputes, because we really don't get together all that often, and to not be pleasant would just be wrong.

My father tended to also demonize people with educations, mostly, in my opinion, because he found them threatening to the religious beliefs he based his life on. If he dosn't like people with educations, he may fidn them threatening. Most religious persons have to practice willful ignorance to some extent, in order for them to foster their beliefs. They have to disregard blatant facts, and some choose to agressively attack those persons they see as threats to their beliefs. The least educated persons are generally the most defensive, because they realize on some level that they are ignorant of a great deal. They don't wan tot be shown wrong, and often will adopt a strategy of aggressive challenge as a way of warding off challenges to their beliefs. My father ws like that.

It is ironic that it seems the more ignorant a personis the more agressively they will try to prove themselves to be right.

I think he challenges where you get your news, with the goal of beign able to discount any of your views which may challenge his own knowledge or beliefs.

Anyway, I'd talk to your friend and explain that you really enjoy her company and like spending time with her, but her husband's attitude makes it difficult to really enjoy time with her, and ask if she and you might be able to spend some time together without him, because you think it would be generally more pleasant and relaxing for both of you, to not have virtually everything you say be challenged... or along those lines. Don't use my words, but adapt the idea to fir your won personality and to what would be best to say to your friend. There is probably some nice way to say that her husband has been putting a major damper on or ruining the enjoyment of the time you spend with her, and it is her that you want to spend time with.

I hear you and appreciate your advice and everyone else's on this very cool panel. The example I used was just one very flagrant example of how this returd operates. If I say black, he says white, and on and on.

0

Maybe you could just agree to visit when he's not around. My mom married a man that neither me nor my sister can stand, and so we agree to meet when he's not around or where he's not around. It's the only way we can do it.

3

You can tell her that you don't like her SO's politics and suffocating the conversations. Ask to only see her. If she says no then you'll either have to put up with him or not see either.

Ha ha- he knows nothing of politics or anything- high school drop out. I'm really tempted to totally embarrass him by asking what are the 3 branches of gov't and what are their roles. Since I don't have family here, we tend to get together on holidays, but I have had the occasion to hang w/o this oger hanging around. Thanks.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:2546
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.