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Question for People Who Have Sex With Women

I just read a comment in another thread that included the paraphrase "....the sex [with her] wasn't good...." So, now I'm curious.

Without getting into graphic details and keeping your response as close to PG-13 as possible, what are some general factors that might leave you thinking "The sex with her was not good"?

I'm sure we can all imagine the things that would make it good.

I'm specifically interested in what it might be about a woman OR her performance during sex that would leave you feeling underwhelmed.

BlueWave 8 Feb 21
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22

Naughty naughty rule-breaker butting in here: I don't have sex with women, but I've had sex with men who do.

All my sexual partners have been invested in my pleasure--always before, and often above their own. All my partners would have been very unhappy--perhaps to the point of a minor emotional wound--if I had given no feedback whatsoever, or indicated displeasure or pain at their hands. It's not so much about the woman's performance; it's about the woman's appraisal of the man's performance.

I never understood the stereotype of the guy who just wants to bang away and get his rocks off with no thought toward his partner's experience. I never met a guy like that. Maybe I just got lucky. 😉. I've only ever been with men who couldn't have a good time unless I did.

The other responses in this thread are wholly consistent with my experience. They don't just want to stick it in--they want you to want them to stick it in. I think there's some adaptive advantage to that, natural selection-wise.

An adaptive advantage for women, you mean?

And I was thinking you were some buddhist monk.. My bad.. 😉

What she said.

Probably porn. Not that I haven't watched it, but i think too many people perceive porn to be some kind of standard. Jesus, I know anal has always been a thing, but a few years ago it became a big focus in porn and suddenly its all the rage.

@Srijith: I am working my way in that direction, releasing attachments one by one. Sex was easy because my libido dried up last year; I don't miss it. Now it's something I talk about in the past tense. I'm grateful for the experiences that have shaped me, and I'm looking forward to further development and the next phase of my life. Might be a yellow robe in it, some day.. 🙂

@stinkeye_a good luck with your nirvana

@Lysistrata Nope for men. Adaptive is not the right word. Selection, maybe. Better chance of reproducing if the female will let you mate more than once. Better chance of raising offspring successfully (in humans) if the female likes you and wants you to stick around.

@AMGT How did you not laugh you ass off! Posing?

@AMGT LAUGHING!!! That’s comical. Serious question - Does anybody out there actually get turned on by a man flexing for you in any situation in a way that suggests he really wants or needs to be complemented?

18

Not something I would normally talk about.
But given we are all unanimous here. (Mrs Slocum).

Too loud annoys me but doesn't mean it is lousy.
Think starfish, that is lousy.
The mind is by far the largest sex organ, use it.
Pretty much all of the same advice that has been given to men over the years applies in reverse.
Interact, engage, it is not just about the deed, take notice of what works and what doesn't, each guy is different. It is a mutual thing. Despite what you may have been raised on, it is not about the girl just lying there and thinking of England.

My best lovers have been able to talk freely about what they like and don't like, I am not good at guessing. There is so much more.

Lol on too much noise and starfish.

I'll never forget this comedy routine where the woman is looking up and saying "Beige I think I'll paint the ceiling beige".

@RavenCT LOL!!!

15

Her just lying there like a crash test dummy. No interaction, (except physical), no reaction, no input, (pun not intended). Like having sex with a dead body that has a heartbeat.

Starfish experience

11

I had one girlfriend who called me "papi" during sex. It made me feel uncomfortable to the point where I could not really preform anymore.

Oh gosh........but laughing out loud.

Reminds me of a conversation. No offense to anybody who employs this verbalization - really.

I am completely 100% turned off by even the mere IDEA of calling out "Oh, yes, Daddy!" at any time to my partner -- and especially during sex.

One time I was relating a story or just that general topic to one of my very good lifelong woman friends. I was laughing and saying all kinds of things related to "I could just never, ever......"

Then, crickets. And finally after too long of just crickets, she suddenly was laughing hysterically, and I was laughing and yelling at the same time "No Way!!!! You do not call Jeffrey "Daddy" during sex -- you do not! Do you, really?" She was laughing up a storm.

Apparently she does. 😀 😀 😀

I've been there.
It weirded me out and I just couldn't any more.

That and "Daddy"
Shit has always creeped me out.

10

Good: enthusiasm.
Bad: inanimation.

9

I'd like to hear some response from the females that are reading our responses. I think it should be a two-way conversation.

dc65 Level 7 Feb 21, 2018

Copy that!

Absolutely! The question was not just for men. It was for anybody who has sex with women.

I have no doubt that if and when women have thoughts they would like to offer, they will.

9

Well, there are men who are pleasers, and those expecting to be pleased. The former likely have few ‘complaints,’ the latter likely made the statement you refer to..

Lack of imagination would get old fast…

Varn Level 8 Feb 21, 2018
8

you make it hard to answer and keep it PG-13 the man needs to be responsive to the female's need and she needs to communicate her needs to the male. Both people need to communicate their needs to the other, some people find it difficult to talk about their sexual desires.

dc65 Level 7 Feb 21, 2018
8

To be stone cold silent, to not make eye contact, to not breathe excitedly, to be dry (usually the guy's fault for lack of foreplay), to snore, and to lie there like a bump on a log are the cardinal sins in my sex universe.

Specifically speaking to natural lubrication, have you have had sex with a woman who is anywhere near, or in, or beyond menopause?

@BlueWave yes

@BlueWave
So now I'm curious as to where this conversation is headed...like how is sex with menopausal women different from non-menopausal women?

@Freespirit64 it is not different we need longer foreplay as we age I believe,this is a good thing I think especially for the female, you would know more about that than I do. we can talk about that later.

@BlueWave yes, what do you want to know other than Vaginal and anal lubricants are required and always in stock.

@Freespirit64 There may be a difference, but it would probably be the result of hormonal transitionings - that may or may not affect lubrication happenings. I'm responding here - not as an expert or one who has superior experience. "They" say, however, that some/many women loosen up after menopause - if only because the possibility of getting pregnant goes out the window - and that they may or may not really modify their appreciation and enjoyment of sex. As for me, because of age differences, I have no visions of ever getting together with pregnable females in my future. However, the discussion could change to something like male menopause. Is there really such a phenomenon?

@Freespirit64 Hi Freespirit!

mkeaman said "...to be dry (usually the guy's fault for lack of foreplay)" With that statement, I asked my question -- had he ever had sex with a woman.......menopause.

You asked "how is sex with menopausal women different from non-menopausal women?"
Here is a link to some basics that answer exactly that question.

[rd.com]

@BlueWave I will admit that I'm guilty. LOL My last relationship, a 13 year experience, had me relating with a pre-menopausal, a menopausal, and a post-menopausal woman (all with the same woman who transitioned). Lubrication wasn't a problem. However, towards the end, my high blood pressure medication finally caught up with me - and I became some kind of problem (that I don't think was the cause of the relationship's demise). But what do I know? I suppose the bright side of that situation is that I'm now a member that is "open to meet women." So it's possibly - her loss and your collective gain. LOL

@mkeaman I concede that according to the information out there, vaginal dryness is not a problem for every menopausal woman. Apparently it was not for you in that relationship. I was just not comfortable with your broad brush of dryness = lack of foreplay. For some women, vaginal dryness can persist despite her or her partner's wishes and intentions.

8

Well performance isn't always the deciding factor..There are other more important factors.. Hygiene for example.. Certainly a big one..... What's the old saying? If it smells like trout..Get the fuck out.

I am no longer wondering if I want to eat any supper. Thanks...... I think.

@HippieChick58 Ms.Hippie, just being honest.. Enthusiasm is helpful and participation from any and all parties involved is helpful as well but I find one of the first things to kill it for me is gona be smell. I don't mean perfume or anything I just mean if a lady can't keep that shit clean then she can be the most beautiful woman on the planet and I wouldn't go near her.

That conflicts with an old sailor's saying: if it smells like fish, that's the dish, if it smells like cologne leave it alone. Could be that the cologne is masking something worse and the ditty is advising to choose the lesser of two evils.

@Hicks66 they've recently invented soap and indoor plumbing.

@Anonbene You're assuming these things are available at all ports of call.

@Hicks66 not one to visit ports anymore I went with my house for that answer.

@Anonbene so you're not a sailor.....

@Hicks66 I myself got out in August... We had one female in my line shack who didn't understand the use of showers and soap..... WE had to assign a shower watch to her....

7

For me, the female needs to be into it, they act and react, and there needs to be an emotional connection. Hot, great sex is in the mind.

7

My first girlfriend would cry after sex, and say she felt bad be she was committing a sin. That was the only bad sex I ever had.

OMG, that poor girl. I mean it sucked for you but really? A sin?

Oh gosh.......what a downer.

@Marcie1974 - That reminds me of an ex. Her best arousal was knowing she dumped her Catholic up-bringing.

@Marcie1974 As a former Roman Catholic I can identify with that one.

And then I got rid of religion.

@Marcie1974....it was o.k., it happened about 5-7 times, then we just stopped having sex. I was in love, sex bothered her. We were together for another 10-12 months. Then I got a job offer up north and I took it.

Damn, can’t even imagine that.@RavenCT

@Marcie1974 I was 18. I got better. Thank goodness!

7

There are those who lack passion, those that are too inhibited, and those who behave as a corpse. Only have had two bad ones in my life

6

I've got to feel a connection... go figure ?

That's the only thing that works for me.

Me too.

6

Chemistry matters. Beyond that, enthusiasm and a true desire to please your partner. If you are both doing that, things work pretty well.

When you touch your partner, is it because you really want to touch and feel them? Are you fascinated by how they feel? Nothing worse than an unenthusiastic partner.

There is no place for self consciousness during sex. If you are thinking about how you look, you are distracted from the task at hand.

5

The only time it was ever bad for me was mostly due to my fault. I was on medication at one point in time for my anxiety and apparently one of the side effects I experienced was "inability to ejaculate." I grew up watching porn and obviously thinking I was "smaller than average" as a teenager so I made up for it with learning as much as I could about foreplay. Now to put it all together I will lay out the scenario. (this was about a week after I got on the medication mind you.)

My third girlfriend came over and things started getting hot and heavy. I decided to woo her with my foreplay skills. After about 45 minutes of that I felt like I could proceed without her feeling disappointed. That was the longest it had ever taken me to climax in my life. Four hours later we had to stop and take a break because I had to go to the bathroom and she had to catch her breath. Another four hours later I finally gave up and she was laying there looking like a puddle in an earthquake.

She finally asked me how in the hell I did that and how many times I came. When I admitted that I didn't she got this look of pure disappointment on her face and started bawling right there in my bed. I spent pretty much until dawn comforting her and trying to convince her that it was nothing about her that was an issue. It took a couple weeks before I could finally sit her down privately and explain about the side effect of my pills after finding out about it.

For me it's not really about me getting off as long as I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my partner is enjoying the hell out of herself. I enjoy climaxing, don't get me wrong but I get more mental pleasure out of seeing my partners' pleasure than my own.

5

If the woman seems really distracted (or otherwise not 'into it'.. ), that's a real turn-off. I have actually stopped during sex because of this. Another turn-off is if she just lays there and doesn't want to take an active part in it. It takes a lot for me to open up to someone enough to share the most personal of all acts, so for someone to just lay there like a corpse is practically a relationship-breaker.

4

If she's not aroused, what's the point. After all, it's not just for the man, it's for her as well. For me, that's the only thing that makes sex bad. It's not one sided. Always remember that.

4

One of my exes, though affectionate, was pretty unresponsive. No direction, faster slower, nothing. And no return of foreplay. Great person. Intellectually and emotionally compatible. Just not so much physically. Desire was there, but radically different ideas of sex.

I have an ex who was like that -- maybe spoke 15 words during sex during the entirety of our long-term relationship.

Does "no return of foreplay" mean she was not really into giving oral sex, or does it mean that she never gave you oral sex at any time? Or something else?

Oral, manual, not much of anything. Both combined, maybe 4 times in almost 10 years.

3

Looking back from my youth till now.... I realize that the only bad sex I had is when my expectations of it were shattered. I assumed I would have a euphoric moment with this lady and it didnt happen. A guy will eventually roll over and start a little foreplay with his wife and she says shes tired but if I really have to have it. It becomes less then what you imagined it would be. Today .... sex is an art of sharing enjoyment with each other. I try hard to please my wife before I get mine. That leaves me satisfied knowing shes satisfied. To me.... bad sex is all in your mind. It really has nothing to do with the female. You can always say let's go take a shower before you start. Then you can wash each other and dry each other. If you approach for sex and it dosen't happen...then it's not sex. If you have the shame or beg then it's not going to be want you want. It takes teamwork and fascination and being open minded and not using pressure to have great sex.... that's my 2 cents. I have great sex today because I make it that way....

Very thoughtful and great response, Bob. Thanks!

3

I would say not being “present”, not engaged in the sex that is happening. When the woman is just coming across as mechanical or routine in her actions. Being a woman that has sex with other women, it rarely happens to me but I see it happen with hetero sex often when I am having a three-way

3

Each person is different I had a girl once wanted me to be rough pull her hair that kind of stuff I'm not into any of that. That was a big turn off for me but someone else may have been crazy about the idea so I would say it's a comparability thing more than something she's doing wrong. I like what whoopi Goldberg said once if you're having sex and it's not good you have the wrong partner.

we are all good at sex but we are not all good together

3

Stress is usually the culprit.
I dated a woman once, we were both in our thirties. She needed to be alone with doors locked to have an orgasm. She told me this after I unsuccessfully tried to get her aroused.

3

For me, it's all about whether she is in the room. If she is drifting off to someplace ... well...

3

I wish I could answer your question, but it's been so long, I'm not sure.

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