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Is it wise to get back with an ex?

My ex use to be my best friend and what not we share a kid together. He is the ex I have been talking about. Well. I broke down and told him everything that has happened since I left him and how I'm getting kicked out over June being a toddler. He talks about how he has changed how great rock hill is , which rock hill is great I loved it. I only don't trust he has changed and his family is just too much for me. But I do still love him. But with how his family is , that's the biggest problem and reason I left when I had a chance. And how he cheated on me. My question is this. Is it wise to get back together. To move back and live together as a family. So I don't have to be alone or be taken to court because our daughter doesn't take a bottle. And my family hasn't changed at all. I come from users. And it takes everything in me not be like them. But. Is it wise to get back with him after everything that has happened in the past two years , is it wise? Its beaficle for the girls. I won't be lonely and get my friend back. But once again I will have moved hours away from my family and have to be around his controlling manipulative draining family.

Jswearingen92 5 Feb 23
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54 comments

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I have seen it work, but it hasn't worked for me.

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Stay away

bobwjr Level 10 Oct 29, 2019
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Nothing ventured nothing gained. Says the optimist.

It is just life.

Live it without regrets as often as possible but live it.

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Trying to get back with my ex didn't work for me...

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No

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So I like to make analogies for different situations and here's the one I came up with for this...

What's your favorite movie?

Mine is hands down Casablanca...Now what if they made a sequel? Let's face it we all know it would be terrible..

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Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. I would step back, give it time, and rethink the whole thing. I always ask myself "Is this what I want for my future?" Write down the pros and cons, it never lies.

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I have done this it doesnt work! but at least you learn!

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I made that mistake and it cost me dearly. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You are a beautiful woman with an obviously good head on her shoulders as being a member of this community shows. Good luck out there...

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Only one woman in my life I went back after breaking up ...we broke up for about 6-9 months... I don't remember well... but we ended up getting married for 19 plus years and having 3 wonderful kids... she was never my friend not before, not during, not after. Your call to make and yours alone.

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People only change on a temporary basis.

Eventually people fall into familiar patterns. The ones that they are comfortable with or that make them feel good. As such it’s rare for people to make fundamental changes in their lives without complete change in the things that drive them.

All I can say is that I would be highly suspicious, though that is not a view I encourage others to have. Trust your own judgement and weigh things up based on the evidence you perceive.

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This scenario almost never works out and I don't think having your kids around controlling, manipulative people won't likely be helpful or teach them healthy relationship skills, nor will it be healthy for you...and that is all besides your ad. What steps has he taken to change? Has he proved this in actions? Trust your gut and stay strong mama!!

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Nope, cheaters rely upon faux forgiveness and faux love. ....my 2 daughters are healthy women because of negative re-enforcement not becoming like their moms ....I doubt they would have become the smart kind powerful women if I modeled being a doormat for their moms cruelty

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Yours or someone else's? Personally I would go with the latter.

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It sounds like you don't have much choice honestly. Do what you have to do to survive and make the best of it.

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Hades, No!

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Remember, you split up for a reason. I tried with 2 different ex's, fail and fail.

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I don't see any positives about your ex in that post, and no matter what a million songs and movies say, love just isn't enough to base a relationship on. You need trust, and he destroyed the trust when he cheated on you. (I'm pretty new around here, so I haven't read any other posts you've made about him.)

Would it be possible for you to try reviving a relationship with him without moving away from your family? That might let you see if he has, indeed, changed significantly. I seriously doubt that he has, but if you insist on considering taking him back, it would be wise to check his claims before committing completely by moving to wherever he is. A move like that would uproot your kids and take THEM away from your family, too.

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Women getting back with their ex is a cliche. Women look at the time and effort put into a person as an investment, and would prefer that over having to find someone new (and potentially better for them). It's why many women find themselves with men who are abusive, because the men use that "investment" against them. They know they'd rather make excuses and lie to themselves, I.e. "He's changed", "He didn't mean it last time.", "It was my fault. He loves me."

People do change, but not quickly.
When a person cheats on you, but nothing is done to address the "why" of it happening, then there's great risk of history repeating itself.
Don't let convenience, familiarity, and comfort put you in a situation you'll regret later, or worse, in a situation you don't have the means to get out of.

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Well that just depends on the situation, I guess. I’ve known some people to get back with their ex and the second time around, they’ve made it work when the couple was willing to fix what was broken. But for the most part, people just tend to move on.

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When my sons started the whole dating thing, I told the the following:

Relationships are like a gallon of milk. If you pour a glass & its sour, you don't put it back in the fridge & think "that will be better 3 months from now". They are an Ex for a reason.

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I think that you know the answer. For some people, some circumstances, it could be okay. It’s clear that it’s not just getting back with the ex. There’s much more going on here.

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Being alone is not easy but to go back to a toxic family and a guy who cheated on you so you won't be alone and you still love him WILL NOT make you happy and you will still be alone. NOW if he came to your home and left his I might re-think getting back together.
I took my ex back and we did another 8 years of the dance and then he left me. ONLY to come back and plead he'd changed and I am the only one for him. I had told him 15 years early, I will do my best and I am tolerant but when I close the door it stays closed. So second time around I had closed the door and got thru my sorrow and when he came round I told the door is closed and then he threatened to shoot me. lol yeah, really.
I sometimes wish I had ended it at seven years and not done the next 8 but there were many good things in the last 8.
Think and reason this out and the best thing would be to stay away from all toxic family members.

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From what you are saying, it was fine when it was just the two of you, but when you add family, either side, is when it gets crappy. Is there any way you can stay away from either set of "in-laws"? Or is he really, REALLY close with his family? If he spends most of his free time with his family, and you describe them as controlling and manipulative, can you really see yourself being in that situation every day? No one can really answer your question for you, but you seriously need to think things through before making the move. If you are just looking to keep from being lonely, try going out to community events, or mommy and me meetings, and make new friends. You don't have to go back to "what you know", when you're too afraid to go out to "what you haven't experienced yet".

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