There an ex for a reason, leopards and spots come to mind.

Hardly ever. It's a very rare occasion when it works.
Most of the people who try it, find out they've made a mistake.

I don't think anyone can answer that for you.

I'd make up a list divided down the middle of pros and cons. When you've given yourself some time - look at it again.

It's not the number of things in each column it's the importance of those things to you.

Also why can't he move to the area you are in? That sounds so much smarter. His family sounds sort of toxic?

I've made that mistake. Going back for more when my gut told me to stay away. Listen to your gut.

I would need to get back eith my ex like I need a hole in the head. Not much I have to offer you.

every situation is different,
I have friends who split for a few years and have been very happy for the past 4

Always look forward, never go back.

It is your call to make. Nothing I could say about my life will mirror your life so....

If you had a carton of milk in the fridge and you took it out and smelled it an realized it was bad you'd toss it in the trash. Would you later go back and think "is it really bad" and then taste it again? No, you'd leave it in the trash.

You can make your lives work together however you want it to. But if your family and/or his family is fucking up the way you want to construct your lives, you kick them out. Your household, your rules. They can respect you, or they don't come through the door. Now the cheating part... That's personal and its got to be up to you.

Trust your gut. The one that had you write "I will have moved hours away from my family and have to be around his controlling manipulative draining family." And, he cheated on you. What has changed that you think he won't cheat on you again? If nothing has changed, your going back to him teaches him he can get away with it (at least, potentially this is the message he gets).

Again, trust your gut. If it has ANYTHING negative to say about him... don't.

That said, only YOU can make this decision.

Nope. Did it once. Big mistake. Thought we'd both learned some things, but he was still Mr. Alpha Male who always had to be right. I was directing a play and he was perfect for one of the leads. However, when we started rehearsing he treated me with such disrespect, it was painful and infuriating. If an actor in a play he was directing had done half of the things he did, he would have gone off on them and kicked them out of the cast.

My take is that there were reasons for your breakup. Do you have real, realistic evidence that those things have changed? Not just HOPE that things have changed because that’s what you want to believe. If not, history is likely to repeat itself, and will do so when your kids are old enough to see things fall apart and grieve the loss.

Will you be able to forgive yourself if it's just the same ole 2.0? Really?
JMO but I'd be wanting to simplify and put out the main fires under my feet one at a time, rather than adding more fuel to the chaos.

Some people boomerang and just become "static" to your focus. Sometimes "the devil you know" is still the devil.

i don't know of course...but your post sounds like your wishing things could be good for good reasons, but you sound more sure it wouldn't be. just an impression. i wish you the best.

There's no simple answer. Proceed with caution and prepare to be hurt.

Yeah. Lots of people end up marrying there ex’s. Sometimes a little time off to reset is needed.

One of my favorite sayings and a source of great motivation for me these days is 'nothing changes....if nothing changes'. So, what has changed to not make a reunion with your ex a 'same song - different verse' scenario? Avoid the nonsense in the poems about following your heart: it just might lead you off a cliff. Same with those telling you to think it through: you can justify all sorts of bad decisions with a wounded brain. But your guts...those never lie to you and always shoot straight. What are they saying to you? Good Luck!

Nope. People don't change.
But women with a high level of male traits are often like men, in their tendency to "fall in love," cling to one person, be co-dependent, forgive anything, make excuses, etc, putting themselves constantly at risk from their lack of boundaries. That's how men act with their girlfriends.

But typical cis women, who are heavy in female traits, don't put up with nonsense in men. They are the "choosers"..looking for the best match; one that gives them the most advantages. If the man messes up, he will likely come home to find his stuff on the lawn, the locks of their house changed, and she will move on without a backward glance..

OMFG, NO!!! Was my initial reaction...

Of course you will make your own decision. I've tried it, didn't work. It hasn't ever worked in my personal experience and from what I've heard from others. Unless you have some hard evidence that he has changed, you shouldn't expect anything different this time.

Listen to what you said / wrote. And how he cheated on me. And his controlling, manipulative, and draining family.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. I've done it. Learn from my mistake and my life experiences. I wish I had someone who told me that.

Either way, good luck to you. We'll all be here however it turns out.

People aren't all good or all bad and people who can be really nasty can also be really nice for a while, if they want to be - but that doesn't mean they have changed. Without knowing what your ex's motivations are it's difficult but my gut feeling is that he won't have changed deep things like his moral boundaries or the way he treats other people around him because virtually nobody does unless they have had a huge thing happen in their life, like a near death experience.

I took my ex back so many times when it looked like she wasn't so selfish ... but as soon as we got back she started to go selfish again and it all went back to just the same old stuff. Just remember the old saying, "the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour".

The gut thing
It is seldom wrong.

I don't think it is ever a good idea to get back with an ex, but I do believe everyone has one that they wish they could try again

Trust me on this, because I’m on the other side of that decision, RUN! Do whatever you have to to NOT get back with him. He WILL cheat again. His family WILL abuse you again. But most importantly, your daughter will suffer for it. I made the decision to get back with my ex because... reasons... much like your own. My boys are now grown. I was nearly destroyed by his family, our friendship went down the toilet, my youngest doesn’t speak to me, my oldest (now 31) has had 2 failed marriages because we set the standard. Hun, it’s hard. And the choice sucks. Your baby, heck, YOU deserve better! I don’t know the particulars, or you for that matter. But certain things have certain inevitable cycles. You only get this one life. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. You have to choose your own path, I hope this helps you some.

Disclaimer: The following is speculation and based on assumptions made from my own experiences so please forgive if I offend you. Check your true motivation because it sounds like you are in a tight spot with your living situation etc and think a reconciliation will solve all those problems. Actually it will just bring it’s own set of problems with higher stakes. I think you know a reconciliation is not what you really want. I also think if you just reread your own post that will become clear to you. For instance, read these two sentences together: It will be good for the girls. I will have to be around his controlling manipulative family. Those two things do not mesh. My best to you!