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Should I write a letter to try to revive a relationship?

I found a woman I thought would be perfect for me. We had several dates and everything seemed t be heading in the right direction. A very good match.
But she became afraid of letting the relationship keep going. She was not angry at me, but felt I would someday wander and seek out someone else. Based on her history, it's understandable. She was badly hurt in her first marriage.
But, we both felt very close and it was almost love at first sight (if that even exists).
Though I would never write it this way, I feel she was a coward for not giving us a chance... for not trusting me when all I was being was honest and up front.
I am thinking of writing her a letter to tell her I can't stop thinking of her (which is true) and that I think we deserve another chance.
Part of me just doesn't want to give up and thinks I am a coward if I don't try.
Another part of me just thinks I may be an idiot.

Advice?

MrLizard 8 Feb 24
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18 comments

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0

Do you have an update? I'm going through the same thing right now and I was thinking about writing a letter.

0

So you are a stubborn, cowardly, idiot. Go for it!

0

I would say no.

0

Follow your heart.

1

If you do write a letter (I think writing letters helps), write it for yourself, and not in hopes of getting her back.

0

Write the letter. For all you know she might be writing one to you right now or thinking of writing one. Love is a rare and hard thing to come by. Tell how much she has been on your mind and that might allay her doubts.
He who dares wins

0

I think I would try communication. I do have to wonder, why and how this person became an ex. This may flavor any attempt to re-establish coupling.
NOTE: It may be helpful to think of perfect as verb, rather than a noun.

0

NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED. Go for it, you will at least obtain an answer
to what you are seeking, whether it be good or bad, Do nothing and you will never know either way... She may well be wondering whether to contact you ?. This could well be a missed opportunity.

2

do what your gut tells you, don't listen to me.

1

I'm in a very similar situation. It's hard to know what the right thing to do is. Good luck though.

4

Chap, write that letter right now.

You clearly love her. She clearly loves you, otherwise she wouldn't have been afraid she was going to be hurt again. Write it and put your whole heart and soul into it (if we atheists have souls, anyway).

You owe it to the world.

Jnei Level 8 Feb 24, 2018
1

You can't make someone want what you want. I would not pursue someone who made a decision to leave a relationship with me no matter how I felt for her. I would respect her wishes . If she said stop it would be up to her then to contact me.

3

I think a letter would be a good idea. Tell her specific times when you thought of her, and what exactly you thought. If you haven't been out with anyone since, tell her that. If you have, tell her, but add that they (whatever is your honest opinion, without being insulting - couldn't get your attention because you were still interested in her? just were not her? would have been fine for somebody else, but you did not feel the connection to any of them that you did with her? You get the idea).

Tell her that you would like to get back together with her. Tell her that you are not interested in dating anyone but her, but that you would understand if she has moved on. Give some time frame where you would be willing to eschew the dating scene for her, waiting for her to consider the two of you getting back together - but let her know that if she is not interested, after (insert end of time frame here) you would start dating again, and try to accept that it really is over - but that you really hope that isn't the case.

Then don't expect a darned thing. Don't date during the time frame you promised. You aren't likely to find anyone else who things would work out with while you are still pining over her anyway - even if you met the truly perfect woman, so just give it a rest for awhile. It's better to meet the real Miss Perfect when you are truly open to meeting her, rather than waste a good chance by you not really being ready yet. If the woman you previously thought would be perfect comes back, that's great. If not, grieve the relationship and all the hopes you had for that relationship, gain your closure, and continue your search when you are ready.

Good luck.

4

I'm curious as to what you said to her that made her question the relationship. To be honest, I'm not even sure if you know.

I've been that woman. She would probably appreciate a letter saying that you've been thinking about her, but I wouldn't go as far as telling her you believe you should have a second chance. See if the letter/email gets a response and go from there. And if you get a response, take it slow.

I understand

0

I was in a similar situation. Unfortunately, you cannot make someone love or trust you. I did write a couple of emails to the person with whom I was in love, and he never answered them. This sounds like the same sort of thing.

3

No.

There's no cowardice involved. You cannot make someone trust you. She's simply not ready.

Been there, done that, I still have the scars. My advice would be let go, as painful as that is, it only gets worse.

JimG Level 8 Feb 24, 2018

What he said

coward is kind of harsh, Why shouldnt she protect herself from similar hurt?Courage would be to wait it out if that is even possible

@MrLizard, what do you mean? That is your exact word:
" I feel she was a coward for not giving us a chance."

6

Your answer lies in how you will feel about your question a few months down the road. Will regret not giving it another try? Nothing ventured; nothing gained. As that man said: "What have you got to lose?"

Totally agree!

1

You have to follow your heart and see where it takes you. Accept the decision.

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