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LINK Death

Expanding discussion over a topic we will all face someday. In order to alleviate suffering (possibly our own) this needs to more of a topic of discussion and action.
[deathoverdinner.org]

JackPedigo 9 Feb 18
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1

Quite agree. The only certainty in life. We discuss politics, religion and sports quite readily but they are transient and ultimately a distraction. Perhaps we should embrace death and, by so doing,give more meaning to life rather than treat it as a bad turn of the page in the manuscript of our lives!

1

There is nothing cool about death or being dead despite what the media tries to tell us.

And there is nothing less cool than trying to hide it under the rug and only talk about it when it is too late. Suffering because one has not planned for their demise is also not cool.
I have had examples of 2 extremes. My mother put off going to a doctor to check into a tumor. Later the cancer spread to her lungs and she had to go to a doctor. 6 months of chemo and misery before she died. My late partner opted for DwD immediately upon the prognosis of a massive brain tumor. She did not suffer ad was surrounded by the community and her kids. She had all her ducks in a row and died knowing things would be taken care of. Our death was something we did talk about throughout our marriage and we were prepared.

@JackPedigo Not everyone is lucky enough to be surrounded by their community and kids.

@PatrickKerr I am aware of that ans, I'm sure, so was she. But the idea of death at dinner or death cafes can connect more people with others that can be there and help.
The thing is not everyone wants to be surrounded by others. Recently, an older woman who was a big part of the local tree fruit group and the president of the Seattle Mycological society (she had a lot of friends and a loving son) went for a hike. She went to a mountainous, wooded area in central Wash. She was in her 80's and having health problems. Her car was found unlocked with her purse in it and 2 large search parties were held. She simply felt it was time and walked into the forest and disappeared.

2

Interesting article. I have never heard of or been to a "Death Café," but I would go just out of curiosity.

I have the odd position of being in a profession that relies fairly on the dead. Death is not a topic that is foreign in my line of work. Not that I bring up a lot of work talk at parties, unless it consists of fossils. 65 million years seems to soften the delivery. Har.

This article brings up a lot of good topics. But the author seems to assume some things as well.

For example, the author writes that 80% of people die in hospitals rather than at home. They write it in such a way that it leads the reader to think that dying at home is better than dying in a hospital. Not saying that one size fits all, but for most people, the reality is that if the first priority is about comfort and alleviating suffering, the hospital is realistically the best place for end of life of the patient. To guilt people into romanticizing otherwise, is in my opinion, not only false, it's cruel to their surviving loved ones to bear a label they don't deserve.

hops off my soap box

My follow up would be a question. Who here has checked the box to be an organ donor or donate their body to science? (Full disclosure. I'm an atheist who agrees to be an organ donor and/or donate my body to science. My husband, who is religious, agrees to neither.) My only stipulation I've agreed to change has been the donate my body to science box. In the event that I pass before my partner, my wishes made clear, I understand that he is the one who would have to live with it. If he can't bare the thought of my body being dissected for research, I've given him the option to do whatever brings him peace.

But if an untimely death can help others survive, his romantic squimishness be damned. I'm still an organ donor. No exceptions.

Books on this I've enjoyed are Stiff and Smoke Gets In Your Eyes. It probably helps if you have my sense of humour.

Thanks for your comments.
This issue has been a big one for me since my partner died 2 1/2 years ago. I have read "Stiff" and also read and joined the "Final Exit" book & group. There is another one which I forgot written by an Indian doctor (in the US) who dealt with his father's (also a doctor) death. He said that some 2/3 of people who are suffering and want to die are prevented by 'loved' ones. He then goes on to commit the same mistakes he cautions others about. You don't have the Death with Dignity where you are and are missing a lot of the issues around it. When my partner was first diagnosed with a massive brain tumor the first out of her mouth was would they honor DwD. It is legal here and they did honor and she got into the program. We discovered , on our small island there were 2 important doctors in the program (one who helped write the law and the other became instrumental in the endoflifeWA program. We heard many stories of peaceful deaths. My partner suffered very little and hours before the meds. were delivered she went into a comma and died hours later. She was from Iran but was an atheist her whole life and understood the life-death connection and appreciated she got to go as easily as she did. We have had a lot of conversations on this site and here is a link I wrote which appeared in all 3 of our local papers. Pay attention to the link at the bottom to get an idea of how hospitals use death and suffering for their bottom line.
[sanjuanjournal.com]

0

Funny, but I'm right now reading a new book called Curing the Dread of Death: Theory, Research and Practice. Maybe not an exciting title, but I am not a neophyte in this subject. I'll be making a post for my blog before too long on the book. Of course, if you have no fear or anxiety over your own mortality, you're fortunate. Most people do, even knowing that we simply cease to be. I think it has to do with more than simply fearing our own end, but the absolute fact that we leave people we love behind, and the world goes on without us, and we have no way of knowing how painful the process might be.

Sooz Level 6 Feb 18, 2019
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