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Ever had to just pack up and go, leaving everything behind, especially late in life? How did you handle it emotionally?

sandyw1952 6 Feb 26
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10

I am 68--was in a marriage that I thought was going to last. We would enjoy retirement together, be each other's help mates, etc. He changed. Got abusive to the grandkids, got very controlling, dishonest. Soooo--gave up my dream home, my hopes, my security and just walked out. It's hard--really hard. But in the end, it just stuff--the heartbreaking part isn't the material things, it's the loss of the dream. Some days are really lonely, some really stressful--but just take it one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time and move forward--even if it is baby steps. Don't let it sap your self worth. Look at it as a stepping stone. Sometimes shit just happens--

Beautiful.

Do you think maybe he entered some kind of cognitive decline that changed him?

that is what i thought at first< but then i realized the mask had just fallen off_after talking to some old friends of his and family i discovered that he had been like that all along but covering it up

6

I did it two years ago this past Thanksgiving weekend. Best move I ever made. Moved into an apartment but I'm building a tiny house and returning to my land this summer.

6

I had to do it a couple of times..it's emotionally disturbing..the things are exactly that..things.

4

Well I had been thinking about it for a while, I put the property on the market and I had done some packing but when the sale of my property went thru I had 9 days to find another place to live and go. Gave all my pottery equipement away, kept my bed, sofa and ben oak cafe' chairs and gave the rest away, hired a mover and did it. It felt liberating, I was a bit shell shocked and as usual looked on the bright side and dealt with the emotions sometime later. I miss the privacy and night sky but apartment living is easier than taking care of 10 acres by myself. Why did you have to pack up and go.

Adult heroin addicts sapping any strength or peace in my "golden" years.

@sandyw1952 so difficult

@sandyw1952 You are way better off. I'd hope to farm the 10 acres and be happy but my partner liked the bottle better so I made him go but in the end I could not manage the property on my own. Better to be on our own than with addicts. It hurts at first but way better off in the end.

3

I've been picking up and leaving most of my life. For me, it is a way of life. Even now, after having been here for twenty years, if I had to do it tomorrow, it would be no big thing. I am at home where I happen to be at the time.

3

I'm 68, and had to, basically, do that last year when my 6 yr relationship ended. I left half a houseful of furniture and appliances, taking only things very personal to me and things l considered absolutely necessary (most of it now in a 5X8 ft storage cell). And, of course, my dogs.

I'm not very materialistic, so I didn't have a problem leaving "stuff" behind. I'm pretty tough in that respect in the sense that I simply regard it as another life lesson, among many. I'm able to live wit h myself, either alone or with another, and see the opportunities in whatever case. For good or bad, I do not dwell on the past; it's gone, it's over.

Because of my situation, I accrued several thousand $$$$ in debt, but have almost eliminated that since I left. That has been a very bright spot. And the lack of stress and tension has been extremely gratifying for many reasons. So, as difficult as these things are, try to focus on what advantages and freedoms you will have if/when this occurs, it might help.

3

I had to do that 6 months ago. For the fourth time in my life.

Wow. This would be a first for me. I am so freakin' torn between leaving it all behind and saving my sanity.

@sandyw1952 Only you can decide, I hope you make the right decision for yourself.

@sandyw1952 sanity over all

@Shelton I would move to California from NC. I have relatives there. My sister recently died leaving my brother-in-law alone after 33 years of being together. We would be roommates and could watch out for each other. Neither of us is getting any younger.

@sandyw1952 sounds like an excellent plan.

Very good plan. @sandyw1952

2

Once when I was 18 and again almost 10 years later. It wasn't easy but I'm good now.

2

I had to pack up and go in 2010. My ex husband tried to kill me with an ak47, then he cut my cats throat. He was a terrible drunk, right wing crazy. I took my dog and moved 2000 miles away from him in less than week. I’m glad I finally got away from him, had been trying for years. He’s a sad little man that now lives in his sisters basement. Lol

Thank you @VictoriaNotes

2

No...but I have surely wanted to!!! I did... once pack some things and ran away, from my husband and 5 little children! But, in about a week, I realized that was not an option and went home! I am not so sure it is all that bad to leave all behind (if you are not leaving small children). Things are not worth much and some people are so toxic...that you will add years to your life by leaving them. And, then on the other hand maybe you don't know who you are? First, you would need to grieve all your losses...that might take a while! Heck, I am confronted by my children, for leaving them, here in old age! They are not taking it lightly! But, I want a life...a life that I choose (don't know why all the other parts of my life seems chosen by others). If you can make amends... if people are hurt by your actions, do so...then live your life! It is good to remember, that when one, leaves...we must give up the good and the bad! That is price you pay, if you must go!

2

I suppose in 2010 when I sold everything and moved to Thailand to teach English when I was 57 years old, and to do bird photography.
How did I handle it? I fell in love with Thailand and within six months had forgotten what my ex looked like!
Photo is of a rare Nicobar Pigeon I photographed at the Mu Ko Similan Marine Park, Thailand, and of me coming out of the water there.

Loved pics...

2

I wish I had the resources to do something like that. I'm sure I could find a better life somewhere else, more specifically, a different country.

...I have sure had that thought enough! It helps to put a little more adventure in your life.

Resources are a problem. But no matter what I decide, resources will be a problem so I have to wing it.

2

A few times, 2009 was the last time, lots of emotions, hardest was I had to leave my pup behind. I got her back a few years later, she is under my feet at the moment. Also hard because I built the house, had so many plans, and all turned to crap because of people. People I trusted.

2

Lots and lots of therapy, more wine than I should have enjoyed 😉 and spending as much time as possible with my sweet grandbabies 🙂

Unfortunately, I would be moving away from mine.

I'm so sorry Sandy, that sucks. I hope you're not in danger?? If so, please reach out to your friends on this board. Maybe someone here can help.

1

I was in the navy. Yes.

1

I have so many times that I just stopped unpacking. As others have commented things are just that...things, and most of the times replaceable. The one thing that it has taught me is to not let material possessions rule over my emotions. Easy come easy go as they say, and you can't take it with you. Just look at it this way, whatever you have lost or had to leave behind you can replace with newer better stuff! If that's what you're into.

1

Looking at it from a different angle. Wife passed back in June and I'm rattling around here, eating alone and going to the gym. Could leave this house and travel to "where the weather suits my clothes." Its snowing today.

But I'd want to go where there was a friend to be with, That has eluded me so far. Don't know that I'll have the courage to go if a friend does show up and ask me go.

Waltz Level 4 Feb 27, 2018
1

Just Go. I do it all the time if I have to. Just don't be a hoarder.

1

No, never have done that.

1

I've learned that it's just part of my life. But it's an experience reserved for those without means, sadly. It just doesn't happen to those who are financially secure.

1

I loaded up everything I could fit in my Jeep and literally left a note on the bed that said “out for cigarettes “ and drove away from my Florida home never to return. Leaving basically my life behind was awful. Wardrobe, library, photo albums.....
problem was that it was less ruinous to leave, as opposed to staying with her. That was eight years ago, and I still have moment where I find myself mourning a lost life and future. Ain’t marriage grand?

1

Yep. It's just stuff. If there are people worth hanging onto, you will. Long distance friendships require a little more work, have to make the effort to stay in touch, but they do work.
I've moved so much throughout my life, I've become very adaptable. One place is as good
as another. You just have to be open to making your home wherever you are.
It's really not that big a deal, if you won't make it one. That's up to the individual.

0

I’ve lost everything. I’ve up and moved thousands of miles away. I’ve lost everything and moved far away.

Sometimes I feel like I’ll never find a place to grow roots.

Turn this negative into a positive. Change does not have to be bad. And you will not be alone, I like the CA plan.

0

Did that. The relief began as a small spark and grew with every mile I drove. By the time I was 700 miles away I was smiling, singing, and playing the radio.

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