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Do you feel as lonely as I do?

Sometimes I wish I would not have a curious and skeptical mind as I do, because it makes me feel quite isolated. My friends all gather once a week and feel connected to a greater purpose, have communities they can rely on, and have fun watching and sharing ghost stories. I have a family who feel cheer when life gets hard by praying, reminding me that God makes my life great and those without god are immoral heathens (They don't know I don't believe). At least my siblings are atheists too. Dating profiles online in my area all say " Religious, and it's important to me." I feel like I'm gonna die alone.

Adrielbass 4 Mar 4
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44 comments

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17

Check to see if there is a Humanist Association in your area. I found my local group through Meetup.com. And sweetie, I don't want to sound condescending, I have kids older than you. You've got so much time ahead of you to find someone. It's too early to panic. Work on being the best you that you can be, and you'll find someone. And if you don't you'll be a great guy who is single. There are worse things to be, trust me.

You are so sweet

@HippieChick58 you're pretty awesome,you know that?

@Blindbird , @Adrielbass , thank you, thank you. I've been around too many blocks too often, I'm happy to help others on the journey.

2

Move and make new friends ?

3

Yeah, I'm sorry. There are no Humanists groups in your area. Doesn't mean there aren't other atheists/agnostics/humanists. Just aren't under the umbrella of the American Humanists Association.

2

I wonder if you'd feel better if you weren't living a lie?
There is remarkable freedom in living your own truth.
There may be others who actually share your lack of belief, and
might make themselves known to you, if they were aware.

Coming out is terrifying, but I'm afraid I have to. Thanks

@Adrielbass Good luck to you! I really hope that your fear is unfounded, as most fears usually turn out to be. Be bold, be brave, trust yourself and your ability to live your own truth. You CAN do this. This community is here for you.

2

I always feel alone it's who I am I do have friends but I like being alone with my thoughts.

And we 'bloody well,' better like who we are with our thoughts...or...it really will be a lonely, 'hell!'

@Freedompath sometimes I'd rather be alone in hell than popular on earth

4

Yes. But being faithless is like being sober.

1

Maybe you'll meet someone here, or just keep emphazing your nonbelief in your online dating profiles.
Meanwhile, CBD oil is said to raise the mood and keep people feeling happy, and since it has no THC, it's legal most places.

3

You are not going to die alone, unless you want it that way!! I looked at your profile and you are young and handsome...there is a good start! I cannot stress enough how important having friends are in this life, is. Not just because you are lonely, but because you will never know your whole self, without your reflection back to you from your friends. Now that can be both fun and hard. So find some friends that you have something in common with, too! Join a group that does something that you really enjoy, and that you feel is worth while! And, believe that you will be connected to a gal, that will be just right for you and for her as well! Best of luck!!!

I joined the Serra club, we went hiking, cleaned the trails in spring and it was great fun.

Thanks so much 🙂

3

I feel the same most of the time. Unable to express yourself in a red area basically.

Kudos to you, Austin, for reaching out and finding community here/online.

9

We rational-minded people do seem to be pariahs. What a disgrace! We need a new Englightenment which will include communities for us to belong. For now, it seems that we have to make do with the online community, but it's not the same as face to face.

1

My best friends tend to be people who believe in God. I met them through other avenues. I'm very up front about my beliefs if it comes up but I also respect others right to believe what they want to. I don't feel the need to talk about being atheist. It's personal to me and I don't really care about what someone else believes. I don't have a lot of friends but I have some really good ones. Being atheist doesn't make someone a good friend or good person any more than being Christian makes someone a bad person or friend. Just my opinion. It's like saying I'm the only straight person or gay person. One of my best friends is lesbian and believes in God. You can find commonalities without letting your differences confine you. Try being more accepting to others and they will be more accepting of you.

Good point. Thank you for your words. I don't view any of my family or friends who believe to be bad or inferior in any way. I guess I'm scared of losing the ones I love because I don't share a belief with them. My grandma screamed and cried at my mom for being an "Atheist" because my mom did not want a colorful Jesus statue and preferred a black one. I can't reason with my grandma, but I still love her, and it hurts that she probably would not love me if she finds out who I really am.

Lol sorry feel like I totally unloaded tons of emotion on you. Not my intention! Just sharing my thoughts 🙂

That's what we're here for. I've had a few aunts and cousins disown me. It's not all perfect but what works for me is to be me. The true friends won't care. And the ones who leave doesn't respect your right to believe differently than they do. If you need to pretend to believe something to make someone like you they don't like you. As long as you like you it will be okay

4

I have felt that "separateness?" for several decades now

8

Adrielbass, my experience is that the 20s are tough, and each decade following becomes a little easier. Now at 53, I am content, alone often and rarely lonely. Your curiosity and skepticism are not the problem. The world is a crazy place. It's very hard for sensitive people to find footing. I found my connectivity by hiking. Walking into the woods daily became my release: crying to the wind on my wretched days and eventually really finding spirituality in being out in Mother Nature. I began to realize how connected I really am, how deeply rooted we can all be when we dismiss the trappings of whatever narrow culture we're living in and reach for thoughts and feelings that are universal. Don't be afraid of who you are. Instead I hope you embrace yourself as you are and remind yourself every day of all the things you are about that you are proud of, keep your chin up and maybe try new things so you can caste a wider net. I agree with the others, you are still youthful.

This made me cry a bit, a good cry. Thank you. I needed to read this.

Crazycurlz that was awesome and exactly how I feel. I do think age has something to do with it. From my own experience and watching my 4 kids grow up...the 20's are rough!

5

Saaaame it sucks. I like to think if I could just escape this god forsaken state (hah get it?) I'd be much better off.

Some places are more liberal and open minded than others. If that is the problem maybe you can work on finding a way out.

I have lived in Kansas. RUN GIRL RUN!

You do have a challenge before you, but remember that timing thing...everything comes in it's own time. So figure out a way to have fun as your life unfolds.

@Sticks48 send help

@LadyAlyxandrea lol

1

I guess a lot of it is location. I live in a community evenly divided between Democrats and Republicans according to the town's web page. As a musician I can't afford to piss off half the audience. My brother, our lead guitarist, and I think pretty much the same about politics and religion. Our base player not at all, so we seldom get into discussions about those subjects especially religion. I am OK with it. My closest friends are non-believers. It wasn't something I knew before hand, but it did strengthen our bond. I have moved a lot and always seem to find those folks. I do work in bars where the heathens hang out so that my be part of it. What I'm trying to say is there are more of us than you think. You do have to get out of the house to meet them. Did not mean to get that wordy. Sorry about that.

Your awesome, don't worry about the word count 🙂

I'm a musician myself 🙂

@Adrielbass I take it you're a bass player. Hard to find good bass players. Hell its hard to find bass players. Drummers are the heartbeat of a band and bass players are the soul. As long as you have music in your heart you will never be completely alone. How sappy is that?

3

I can feel some of the things you are feeling regarding the isolation experienced due to our skepticism and curiosity. It seems every one here in lower Alabama either go to church or have a belief in God. They might not show it in their daily lives, but when you ask them they are adamant that they believe in God.
I don't know what to tell you regarding the dating aspect and finding that someone to share life with. I guess you can do the same thing you do with regard to religion. Just keep searching.
Me personally, I don't think I would let it get me down and dwell on the thought that you are going to die alone.
Live life to the fullest and who knows, when you least suspect it someone might come along and pull your heart strings.
Hang in there!

3

i have had times i envied that ability to believe

There are times I feel like that too. Sometimes I feel like I'd be happier not knowing some things that I do know --- a sort of "ignorance is bliss"way to look at it, I guess. But usually I feel like it's better to be aware.

6

Everyone here is amazing. Thank you all for your sweet words. Online is different than face to face, but I feel I've found my people, despite the difference in distance. Happy I found this place a few days ago.

I just found this site too. Glad you are here! I live in Oregon, which is way less religious than many areas I think. I grew up without religion, but sometimes I wonder about the community aspect. Looks like you are a teacher so you have your own greater purpose!

0

I have never in my 69 + years felt so alone as when living with my (now ex) husband. Another person "around" means Nothing!

2

I totally hear you ! Not easy being a minority.

1

Well crazycurls pretty much summed it up. The 20's are rough! The desire to have a mate rides some people really hard. The lonliest I ever felt was when I was married! Once that whole mess was over and I put myself first and just started living my life and finding things that have me joy, I've not felt lonely in years. I think getting rid of expectations and taking life day by day is the best thing I can tell you. Simple. But it works.

1

I am very close to a hermit, so I probably don't feel as alone as you. I think all humans have that feeling in one degree or another. I hope you fill your need.

0

Noyou're not. We all get lonely. Reach out to Meetups.com for new social contacts

1

Lonely, scared and broken. But I'm working on it hard and with help.

2

For me, life didn't truly begin until after 30, so hang in ther. The best is yet to come.

At 26 I had lived already so much of a good life that before the bad things started to happen I found refuge in the military. Only way to slow down and be alive today to tell my story.

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