Do what you feel like doing...(spoken as someone who knows nothing of the deeper dynamic)

Drop him like the jerk he is.

He was a asshole

So I told him that I couldn't be his friend anymore and he's come back with a short monologue with how this world provides single mothers options, which puts men at a disadvantage and forces them to die alone. He's in his fifties but believes he will die soon. I'm so revved up I want to tell at him that if what he has to offer is less enticing than what single mothers are offered by this world than that is pretty poor fare. But then it goes downhill from there and gets really mean. I'm kind of feeling surprised at this point of how I let things go on so long with him. He really was a charmer in some ways.

Okay, had to get that out of my system. Going to bed now. I can decide in the morning how snarky to be in reply.

This is an ex-boyfriend - saying to people who help support you - that they are in some way preventing you from making a life choice - by helping you?

So - (do I have this straight?) - he was trying to sabotage your income? By telling a lie - to people who are supporting you?

i.e. If you weren't Financially Independent it would FORCE YOU to marry him.
A person you aren't dating.
Who you do NOT want to marry.

I think you know what you need to do. You're just being nice.

Just do your best to get independent and just remain friends.

It sounds manipulative to me.

It was not his place to say that to your friend's. Some people are good to have in your life some are not. You get to decide who.

Yeah...not exactly a solid base to build an adult relationship...no one should marry to be financially dependent on the other...he is either immature, manipulative, or selfish...maybe all..I would think that he would be appreciative of those who care about you enough to help you out before he thought of himself.

He has laid his cards on the table plainly...you know already what you need to do...no need to make it anymore dramatic...what is there to forgive besides bad behavior? I would move on and take him off the list of "friends".

You guys are so right. My friend knows the guy and I think that's why she is advocating for forgiving and keeping him as a friend. But he isn't really being a good friend, let alone a good romantic partner. I'm not respecting myself by allowing this sort of thing to continue.

on what basis do they suggest forgiving him? he obviously would be okay with a loveless marriage based on dependence. that's not love on his part. that's not even like on his part. in true love you want the other person's good. in romantic love you want the other person. pardon the unattributed quotation; i forget who said it. anyway, why would you want to see someone who wants to trap you into a marriage by making you need him for his money? ick! the forgiving friend is giving you bad advice.

g

My advice: Do both. Forgive him (so you don't carry the weight of his bullshit with you) and tell him you never want to see him again. Whichever order you choose.

You should forgive yourself for having put up with a twatt for the time you dated him. Once a twatt always a twatt.

What does she mean by forgive him? As in take him back? Because you can forgive someone AND never see them again. So I am confused by what she meant.

Maybe you should ask your friends to tell him that this is exactly the sort of behaviour that will push you further away.

If you were looking for support to forgive him, I don't think you will find it here based on the responses. If you were looking for reenforcement to dump his controlling ass, I think you found it. I have to agree with the dump his controlling ass from your friends.

Why are you depending on others for support?
That's not very adult.

Sounds quite creepy and controlling to me. I'd be very careful about moving in or marrying the guy.