There are tropes out there about stereotypical 40-something women who finally decide to get married and have a list of requirements two pages long for some hypothetical perfect man who is charming, handsome, fit, writes great haiku, is vulnerable yet strong, confident yet humble, etc etc. And these women wonder why they never find "the one". They overestimate the supply (maybe even the very existence) of perfect men and overesimate how perfect they themselves are.

I saw this up close and personal with my never-married sister-in-law, back when she was in her early 40s. My wife tried to help her navigate dating sites and evaluate candidates and she didn't seem capable of anything but very shallow snap judgments about things that aren't central to what would make a good partner. This one is balding. That one isn't tall enough. This one isn't perfectly trim. This one is too blue-collar. My wife pretty quickly abandoned her sister to her fantasies. There just wasn't much to work with there if the objective is to deal in reality. And I'm not even suggesting my SIL wasn't pretty or didn't have attractive qualities -- that wasn't really a problem. But her expectations were sky-high.

All that said, are some women also not picky enough? You betcha. And I could say the same thing about men, in both directions. There are almost unlimited ways to self-sabotage when it comes to seeking a life partner.

Awe hell no. If you're looking for some one to spend your life with you better make damn sure they're someone you want to spend your life with. Granted, being too demanding or uncompromising can be detrimental to your relationship and/or partner's mental health. But only you can know what's going to be acceptable for you.

Men and women are both too picky.
Not so much of an issue for me yet,
I have met many women who are not the slightest bit attracted to or interested in me, which is cool, as the feelings are mutual. However, come the day that I fouind someone of great interest, and she doesn't feel the same, then I will feel poorly.

You cannot answer this in absolutes. Some probably are, some aren't. Obviously, women I've dated weren't too picky at the time.

No, you are selective. Picky is too strong a word. You can pick your boyfriend, and you can pick your nose, but as they say, it's not wise to pick your boyfriend's nose.

Either they are, or I'm such a fucked up mess I don't even realize it. And I don't want to choose between those two things.

Too picky? I don't know.

I do know many wemon who expereinced bad relationships (years of wedlock) with really lousy guys so for those, I can conclude they were not picky enough.

"I think you are beautiful" Reply: "oh, tell me how" Full stop. Does this count as picky? It is a train wreck for me. My muse only attacks me at random and rarely when it's a romantic situation (not that said muse can't cause me to be romantic, I just usually have to think about that part longer).

We men might well find you attractive (would we be there if we didn't?) but we may not be articulate enough to express exactly WHAT it is about you that does so... worse, what if it's not one simple answer? What if we are attracted, DO find you beautiful but... don't know why? Meaning that it's a full package sort of beauty (personality, looks, style, heart, etc) rather than the perfect nose planted just so between the perfect cheeks, similarly hoisted beneath the perfect eyes and eyebrows, etc.... I think that I am articulate and let me tell you, I hear something like this and... TILT... I am done.

Are women, in general, too picky... aside from the above specific detail, it's a tough question to answer. In ways, very much so yes. Some of us guys would shine if we just had more confidence which would happen if we had more companionship. It's a sort of catch-22. Not getting dates, not associating with someone of your intended gender, causes you to lose confidence and thus be un-attractive to said gender and it is a vicious cycle.

I just asked a gal if she'd be willing to just be company for dinner. She has a boyfriend, I knew that but the way she talks about him led me to wonder if he is a BOYFRIEND or just a friend who happens to be male (and who just moved in, her words, which leads me to believe they are more like roommates than a committed couple... but, I digress). Me, I am looking to be able to associate more with the oppsosite sex (my gender of preference) and NOT be so alone for dinner. Would it be nice if it grew to be more? Certainly. Is it critical if it's just dinner? No. Right now I'd be happy with just the companionship which would increase my confidence, which would... you get the picture.

BUT, she said no. She pretty much HAD to say no because she is in a... relationship and he would 'freak out' if she were to do dinner with another man. Our culture doesn't allow us to be helpful to others. Granted, we men don't have a good track record of letting dinner be just that: dinner. So, I get that part of the issue and won't disagree with you on that one! However, I think that is another question and a bit of a side issue... and I see the text scrolling off the screen, I have typed far too much already!

I got reacquainted recently to a former coworker, not in the same office or department yet we did speak over the phone occasionally. She is unable to be sincerely interested in someone else due to childhood trauma. It bothered me enough that I no longer call or contact her for company.

I think a guy living with his mom is a deal breaker if you're looking for real relationship. He can't be committed two places at once. I took care of my mom for a few years and I had a girlfriend but it wasn't anything serious. It's like my job now it would be just about impossible for me to put any time into a relationship so I'm not trying. I would like to go on a date or just do something with other people but I can't do much more than that. Some people have a hard time Knowing their own limitations and will run into any relationship and have no idea how they will make it work. Some people will go into a relationship with anyone they don't even know, how can that work. You need to be picky and set boundaries you can't rely on the other person to even know what they want out of life. On the other hand I would at least go out with someone who I found interesting even if I saw a couple red flags and talk about it. Make sure I'm not discarding someone because of what someone else did. It's ok to date 20 people until you find one that works. This is the first dating site I've ever been on and everyone puts out a lot of "deal breakers" There should be some off the bat but some should be case by case. Just my opinion. I've known some really cool people I never would have met if I put out a list of who's not good enough.

I think you're going to have a hard time getting many guys to answer this question, because from the perspective of most guys the question is going to immediately present itself as a mine-field. I think I'm going to respectfully decline to answer it as well for those same reasons. I'd answer if I didn't think my answer might be used against me at a future date. Ha ha ha!! Just kidding, but it is a question that's frought with peril.

Maybe a bit but I hate to generalize and I do understand their point of view. It's more risky for women so a bit of caution is called for. I know your post asked me got an example but I really can't think of one.

Picky isn't what I would be concerned about, being shallow is. Something both genders are guilty of.

I think "picky" is just another wya of saying you are aware of what you do and don't want.

Granted it does narrow the field a gret deal, but in my mind, single and content is much better than coupled and constant irritation.

As a general rule I would say us men get to be the picky ones. There's a reason it's called 'patriarchy' .

Too Picky would mean that you are ignoring emotionally healthy and available individuals in favor of being alone. I think I am too picky, but then again, maybe I only want the best. No one is perfect, but ignoring red flags is to invite misery.

For me the older I get the fewer trade-off I will except.

Some of them can be. Men can be picky too. Both genders I find have their gold diggers.

Yes

Yes BillaryBOTS won't pick me because I voted www.jill2016.com

I think I'm pretty picky. I don't feel like I have to be in a relationship, so it doesn't bother me that I've a low chance of meeting someone I'd approve of. I think it's unfair to the other person to overlook certain flaws, particularly some behavioral flaw they could work on for their next shot at a relationship. I don't expect to be treated any differently, and I'd even go so far to be wary of anyone that makes a move on me to hastily.

Just last month a woman, who had only met me once before, was getting very phisical and blatant with the signs she threw my way (touching shoulders, touching my knee, looking for eye contact with me, bringing up sexual topics in the group we were in). The first time we met, I did feel a tug of attraction, but I didn't feel like it was enough to warrant anything more than a friendship. I think it's unfortunate that she's most likely deflated to the point where we might not even be friends going forward, but it's a small loss compared to the train wreck any form of relationship she had in mind would be.

I won't comment on this.