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Why do so many men think sarcastic humor is positive?

On their dating profiles, many men say they have sarcastic humor. I noticed this in the Plenty of Fish forums, particularly with young guys who complained they got no replies.

Sarcasm is defined as: 1. Harsh or bitter derision or irony; 2. A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remarks; 3. Bitterness, ridicule and jeer. (dictionary.com)

“Sarcasm is really just hostility disguised as humor,” said Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D.

“If you want to be happier and improve your relationships, cut out sarcasm," Lazarus said. "Despite smiling outwardly, most people who receive sarcastic comments feel put down and usually think the sarcastic person is a jerk.”

"Perhaps young men aspire to be like “the meathead clowns floating through the films of today,” said Linda Holmes in “Bad News, Men: You’re Not Very Charming” in The Atlantic.

Why do young men think sarcastic humor is positive? This baffles me. What are your thoughts?

*Source: “Think Sarcasm is Funny? Think Again.” by Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., Think Well, June 26, 2012.

LiterateHiker 9 June 12
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39 comments (26 - 39)

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2

WOW..loved all the points on here about the sarcasm,,It has given me a whole new prospective on it and what i should not be doing ,Thank you

2

Too many people (I'll say it seems to lean male) define their worlds by competition.

And a couple of related observations:

  1. A lot of people have twisted definitions of competition. For them it's not enough to win, the other side must lose.
  2. I think a lot of the behaviour is driven by insecurity. A lot of people so lack confidence that the only way they can build themselves up is by bringing others down.

I'm afraid we live in a society mostly made up of immature (to the point of being stunted) adolescents. It's going to be a long slog working out of our situation (that is assuming we ever do).

Update: It just occurred to me that almost everyone (including me) is interpreting 'sarcasm' as denigrating others. No one even considered self-depreciating humour. We're in bad shape.

RichCC Level 8 June 12, 2019
2

I never thought of sarcasm as being necessarily harsh or bitter. To me it means saying the opposite of what you mean and it can be quite hilarious if done well.

2

For me I would say it has to do with the conversation I'm involved in.

2

I think it's something they pick up from their fathers, and older male relatives.Also, not all men are sarcastic. That sounds like a stereotype.

I read "many men" not "all men." What did you read?

1

By the way, empirical observation supports that sociologically sarcasm and irony are key parts of British cultural humour dating back well over a thousand years.

1

Interesting, I'm writing a short report on this, so I'll let you know what I find out next week. And in advance, thank you for the extra source material.

1

I agree with everything in your post.

I abhor sarcasm with ONE exception -- when one is OBVIOUSLY, gleefully, and lovingly playing with another.

Besides that, to me, it is a destroyer of good will, good feelings, and trust.

Agreed

1

I think sarcasm is thinly disguised meanness. I've never enjoyed being around people that can only communicate in put-downs.

Orbit Level 7 June 13, 2019
1

I’ve read a number of female profiles who admit to same. I figure they’re just being up front with it, hoping to meet a male of similar persuasion (and therefore - mutual appreciation)...

1

Depends on the sarcasm.

Never about personal appearance or intelligence or the things that you know will cut someone down. (There are exceptions see example)

My entire family is wonderfully sarcastic. It is a holdover from our European heritage (we think).
You have to really know each other well and each other's knowledge base to really send out a great line.

Example -
My sister tells the story of how she fell down some stairs on her rear end while pregnant with my last nephew.

His brother pipes up "Well that explains it!" ( he and his sister are very tall his youngest brother isn't).

A few beats later the youngest brother says "He's not wrong." .

The entire table of family just loses it.

A lot of the replies throughout this thread lead me to conclude that many people have different ideas of what sarcasm is or isn't -- the definition.

I see your example, Raven, as a friendly, funny, family joke.

1

I love sarcasm. It comes to me so naturally. There are women on this site who use sarcasm ( Ursi, Mary, Gator, Pralina ), I am sorry if I missed someone, and I find them funny and insightful. A lot of people thought Bob Hope was funny. I was not one of those people. To each his or her own. 🙂

1

Seems like a rather misandristic post. No doubt not all men do this, and not all women do not do this.

bingst Level 8 June 12, 2019

@bingst

I don't hate men. For years, I noticed this on men's dating profiles.

My alcoholic, brilliant father used sarcasm to put me down. I had years of therapy to heal from his cruel "not good enough" messages.

@LiterateHiker I got that same crap from my alcoholic father. You're lucky to have gotten therapy. I never have.

@bingst It's never too late to try it. <hug>

@BlueWave It isn't because I don't want to.

0

It's because a third of the women's profiles say they are also sarcastic or say they like sarcasm. In fact, I would argue that most men who say that aren't actually sarcastic but say they are because they see it so many times elsewhere, and if they actually are sarcastic then they probably know they can't say anything sarcastic on the internet because it doesn't work without voice inflection.

GregM Level 5 June 12, 2019
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