While I sympathise with your sense of frustration - at being so mislead - please don't beat yourself up with such anger. Acknowledge it and just let it go...... aaaahhhhh. Just being alive is too amazing an experience to waste it in regrets or recriminations. Remember the song - 'Don't worry. Be happy'. Great advice. Cheers.

To prevent feeling angry and frustrated all the time, I learned to see the humor in it all. If you have some time ask one to clarify something from the bible you found contradictory or just wrong. Don't hound them too hard or you will get the classic "it's in the Bible. God said it so it's true " .Pointing out that the bible is not god's personal assistant's notes ,straight from the horses mouth is counterproductive . If you can keep them talking they are a wellspring of ignorant comedy gold.

Irony for you? I grew up with very little adult supervision. Heathen, Bohemian from the start. Growing up in rural Alabama I heard the shit all my life .The bible thumpers feigned concern and sympathy. I saw right through them, they had no genuine concern for me. They considered themselves above me and didn't want me influencing their daughters and sons I suppose in a different way. I laughed my ass off at the parents and felt bad for the brainwashed kids. I wonder if they will ever have a clue how sad and pitiful I have always thought them to be.

I share your take on religion, but you will eventually watch the anger dissipate. I still have remnants of it myself, and I got out more than two decades ago.

Believers will see your raw emotion, and just say that you're angry at god; their way of defusing any otherwise good arguments you may have presented.

I like Thailand, for that reason. Thai Buddhism accepts a Third Gender and is so tolerant that animals wander in and out of the glittering temples, where you are free to come and meditate. The school kids often meditate before classes, twice a day, and it makes things peaceful and calm. But nobody bothers you, preaches at you, or condemns you.

What a perfect response.

And then there's our extensive and suppressing social conditioning to attend to - much of which we re totally unaware of. Until we REALLY start asking questions of ourselves and the 'reasons' we do what we do.

I like the way you think

@HopiMoon when I was 9 my mom converted to my sister's church from Methodist to fundie. ...so I was there when she had a white baptismal gown on standing in a deep 4 foot tank of green slimy water next to preacher in black robe. ...he mumbles puts a hanky over moms nose and dunks her.....then she blows snot and water out her nose and everybody can see her bra and panties though the sheet. ...next Sunday she kept elbowing me to go up front for the same torture. ...never happened

Some probably have things about it they miss, like friends they've made lol I guess they get used to being in there. But I see what you're saying lol most of it you don't miss. I don't miss most of the things from being a christian.

Stockholm syndrome

i don't miss anything.

I don't think that's really fair. Lots of people lose friends when they leave a church, or simply miss the fellowship. Not everything about religion is bad.

You are probably right, which blows my mind. I have always had trouble understanding and relating to "normal" people. The concept of a need to belong and be part of a group is completely foreign to me. I have friends. I am not totally anti- social but the idea of wanting to fit in, inviting people over for dinner or any other reason, creating situations/ events for the sole purpose of socializing is utterly foreign to me. I would get so tired of explaining my jokes. All the humor is gone when the tutorial begins.

Yeah. For some people socializing is more of a chore than a pleasure. I have reclusive tendencies myself. Still, having studied Sociology in college and through observation, I think most peopel need to feel a sense of belonging.

From an evolutionary standpoint, there is some advantages for sporadic mavericks who don't go along with the crowd and are curious instead of just accepting. They can be innovators, or if the village gets wiped out while they are away, then they are a survivor. Not fitting the norm is not a bad thing, it is just different and helps make humans more diverse to better survive.

As a politician I have been inside hundreds of congregations and many are like the tv show CHEERS drinking grape juice and crackers instead of beer I WANT TO GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME. ....but I was repulsed by it all by age ten quitting Boy Scouts and my sister's church even @ age 5 I thought Santa Claus lies were equal to Easter Bunny lies and vaginal virgin birthing alleged baby gods in dirty donkey stable lies....I memorized hundreds of bible verses like poems or the Gettysburg Address not believing just reciting to stand above the fool preacher. ...2 years in a row I was sent to bible summer camp and there I dared ask Atheist questions like : " Who invented gawd ? " dumb shit counselor said: gott has always been " Einstein my hero knew better

How about on the other end of time and quality, for instance Johann Sebastian Bach? Much of his music has religious themes. I find some of it just wonderful.

It's funny because when I was a kid my religious Grandma and her friends used to say in the 1960's that rock music of any kind is devil music or the kids are possessed by satan.

When religion loses followers, they will change so they can be more modern lol.

@ZebZaman Sadly, in the Middle Ages the main employer was The Church, so artists and musicians who wanted to be paid often had to play the religious game. Some had royal or wealthy patrons, and wrote music to fulfill certain obligations. I'm grateful for whoever/whatever inspired these people to make such beautiful music and artwork.

Hang in there and hopefully find a way out. America is not perfect but we still have freedom of religion and from religion. I think of you sometimes. I hate that you are being held back from reaching your potential f peace of mind and all the opportunities available to women that are not there yet.

@CaseyGoodwin i'm glad you've found freedom from religion in america. i live in florida, i'm a senior- seems everyone where i live are "christians". it gets rather lonely and frustrating when ppl don't want to talk to me, will openly chastise me and comment "i'm a christian! don't talk like that" (i was joking about a patch i was wearing to remove a wart). in a hurricane evac last year i was refused shelter in a neighbors's sister's home cuz I said god damn- told me they were christians- i'd thought supposed christians were charitable, didn't they want the time i woulda been confined due to the storm to "save my soul"?

you just keep the illusion going on my friend for an easy life. Could there be anything more productive you could be doing with the time. After all as a non believer time is the ultimate currency

sounds like you are supportive of your wife. is she also supportive of you? while i do not believe there is a god, i do not devalue others beliefs.

@chucky2001 My wife has serious illness and I don't want something to happen to her and me not be there. It is an interesting situation. My preacher know how I believe and I think he know I don't want to be converted so he never tries to discuss religion with me. I think I have to keep quiet in church because sooner or later somebody would say they don't want me to attend because I am not a believer.
Most of the people in the church are old because the number of young believers is dropping. It's funny to me because the preacher really preaches his heart out every Sunday and he sees me sitting out there and he knows I don't believe a word he is saying.

I don't see anything wrong in extending community and humanitarian support thru a religious group, it's a good social circle even if you don't believe in their faith. Giving help to others is beyond religion

I understand, and some won't associate with you unless you're associated with their belief system, rituals, and/or 'church'.

I also tried that for two years in my search for 'truth'. Funny that I needed not to search to find the truth that I was looking for.

When you understand that, removed from ethnic variations, Buddhism is not a religion as such - you are not required to believe anything - but more a philosophy of life, then you might find more value in what he had to say. The 10 days Vipassana courses I've attended have been a wonderful means of 'opening my mind'. -- almost as good as psyllocybin or other 'emissaries' of the planet we inhabit.

You may enjoy something like Sunday Assembly, which is like a 'church' for non-believers.

I can see that. I'm an atheist but I love going around the medieval churches of Europe and I'm also interested in devotional music. Remember this - you don't HAVE to throw out baby with the bathwater

yes traditions. as a former christian i kinda miss christmas. i'd taught my son that christmas means christ's birthday. he's 31 and also atheist. when he asks what i want for christmas, i respond by telling him what i want for a winter gift. not the same. and NO TREE! what?

be interesting for you to spell out the negative things

@Flettie Well, let's see. Of the 3 churches I was a member, all 3 pastors had to resign, 2 for sexual scandals. The other was because he was too liberal and supported the SCOTUS decision on school prayer...and he smoked cigars. The last church we attended, my wife got greatly offended as she was shamed because she did not home school. We never went back.

how about believing in yourself?

I understand the difficulty. The community and camaraderie was the best part for me.

I've said the same to myself, "closes a lot of doors." Challenging yes; however, it can open other doors as well.

I can relate. I tell myself, it offers a new and different opportunity for growth and socialization; just beyond my comfort zone. Definitely hard, but possible

When I was still a teenage atheist, and thus living with my still-Christian parents, I tried out a few other neighborhood churches, including one where the pastors are trained to lead 4-part choral singing, and the congregation sang all their hymns in 4 parts (mind-blowing concept in the church I was raised in). I was atheist for sure by then, but I still loved the singing. I joined a church choir in grad school too for a while, one run by a choral conductor I knew, because under his direction the choir was taking on some of the more difficult choral pieces with a weekly audience and a church building with great acoustics to perform in every week. The religion was annoying, but the music was fun.

I also miss the community . It is sometimes lonely when you stand up for what you believe. It is worse to be a hypocrite.

... but liberating in it's own way?

hahaha! good one!

I wish I had been born non-religious, you are so fortunate.

I have considered starting an atheist church. A place to commune for positive reasons. I would like to have motorcycle poker runs and other fund raising projects to benefit various local charitable causes on a personal level. Not a write check to an organization thing, more like a build a wheelchair ramp at a disabled, fixed income persons house. Back to school supplies for kids that can't afford any. Meals to elderly etc. Show people that they can do good things without sticking a church label on it. Everything positive that is done in the community can and should be accomplished without the god baggage attached to it.

Someone on this site recommends universal Unitarian..it looks interesting...

IKR that is just mental and emotional abuse. I’ve actually had people tell me that we are all just sinful, wicked humans that don’t deserve God’s grace.

Sad music. I love it. Lol.