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Ever found love and got into a relationship with someone they met on agnostic?

If so, was long distance involved and how did you overcome this? How long did the relationship last or has lasted to date?.... and anyone planning to get married to someone they met from here?

Hazydays 7 July 16
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2

No luck for me and you'll find that's the case for most of us, unless we are willing to date someone hundreds of miles away and then face the challenge of one of the parties having to move to the other's area. I am not up for that kind of risk, heartache and disappointment. In my case, I am stuck with my local dating puddle because I don't have the strength to try an LD relationship, then possibly lose my local friends if I move for someone, because I know damn well that someone on Agnostic, most of whom live in far more desirable areas than me, are never going to be willing to move to Iowa for me.

Why would you lose your local friends? And you could make new friends? And you never know, someone might be willing to move to Iowa. Maybe they hate where they live. And if it didnt work out you could move back!

@GreatNani Easier said than done. I am 60 and not that strong emotionally to make a big move across the country. I have never made new friends that easily or quickly. I have asked several women on here that I have got to know in my age group if they would ever move to Iowa, and they all said NO. I don't blame them, because of not only the weather, but also the culture, even around Des Moines, not being equal to where they live already. And I know from experience that when you move, you lose your old local friends pretty quickly...Then moving back if it didn't work out, another big emotional labor and expensive too..I'm already retired and moved three times already this decade. I'm 8 years older than you and, with losing my wife to dementia as well as both parents this decade, I'm emotionally tired....

@TomMcGiverin Yes, that is true. Very big thing to move, stressful. I was given advice to join every liberal organization in the area, just to meet more people. This was when I lived in a more conservative area. Is that something you could do? To widen your circle so to speak? And also, do you know what is really important to you in a partner? Things you could not do with out? I was so hung up on my deal breakers I never gave thought to the things I wanted.

@GreatNani Not interested in attending political groups to meet women to date. Feels phony and I get bored and frustrated discussing politics with people who are either more centrist than me or else are just content to sit around and debate and plan while actually changing nothing. Seems too much like mental masturbation to me. Trust me, Nani, I know what I want in a partner so well I can recite it like an elevator speech by a job seeker. I even worked with a relationship coach and she totally approved of my relatively small, compared to her other clients, list of dealbreakers. Mine has only about 3-4 items. The problem is that most women in my area have a lot more than that, all of which would exclude me in most cases. Plus, my 3-4 items exclude the vast majority of women in my local dating puddle. Strongly religious women, conservative politics, liking country music very much. Being very family-oriented. Then you add in all the other reasons women reject me on dealbreakers: Being a (tho very tolerant and open-minded about it) non-drinker, not into college sports, and being childfree by choice. Even the childless women seem to only want family men with kids. Add all those together here in farm country, and I am screwed by the local culture and lifestyle mainstream from finding anyone compatible.

I can't change the fact that I am very far out of the cultural and lifestyle mainstream in my local area and that leaves me with only a small sliver of compatible women my age who are single on paid dating sites. So, as I told Jnei below, I take a very strong personal interest in how Agnostic.com has really no local dating options for me due to it's lack of growth in my local area. I have even put the word out about it to the local Unitarian churches, as well as the local Meetup groups for Atheists, Humanists, and Freethinkers, but it has yet to show any results.

@StRomain I have worked very hard to be more positive since I got divorced. And things have happened for me with no rhyme or reason, when I was least expecting it, so now I am open to anything and don't fret as much. 🙂

@GreatNani I was very positive after becoming widowed. It took a 2 year education of how brutal the online dating scene is and all that rejection and lying to make me as negative as I am now. I don't see how most people can be otherwise about it without giving up and getting out of it. Your statement about how things have " happened for" you sounds more like magical thinking that actual connection and reality. I gave up religion for that reason, no longer wishing to engage in magical thinking...

@TomMcGiverin not magical thinking at all. I did almost no online dating before getting on here so I can't speak to the rejection and lying from personal experience though I know it happens a lot from friends. I met my partner on here on the very day I was changing my profile from interested in dating to friends only. That happened randomly and I was lucky. The job I have now was found accidentally when I was on line randomly looking at schools. I think what I am saying is, after a terrible marriage, divorce, death of my mother from dementia, a daughter who is a recovering heroin addict whose child I am raising, and various other traumatic life experiences I have learned not to worry as much and let things play out the way the will. My guy is not within the 50 mile radius I wanted, or within 10 years of my age but I went with it anyway. I hope it works out. I just learned the hard way that for me, I live the best life I can and try and make myself open to anything that comes my way. Even things that may not be exactly what I thought I would like. Maybe open yourself up to a woman who is not as good looking as you would like, or has a strong relationship with her family. Maybe that could work for you. It may not be your preference but it may be great overall.

@GreatNani We appear to have had equally hard times in recent years. I will address your points in order. The rejection and lying of online dating are very real in my case. You can accept it's true or not in my case. As far as Agnostic, I have been on here two and a half years and have yet to meet anyone at all in person, even tho I am willing to date 55 miles away, no further. As for dating someone less attractive than I want, meaning less than average-looking, no, I won't do that. I don't want to experience the disappointment and miserable experience again that it always has been for me when I meet someone, seem to be very compatible otherwise, and then quickly discover they are never going to be more than friendzone material. The women can easily see it, feel let down and often insulted, and I will not knowingly set myself or them up for that. Same with someone who is close to their family and has a strong relationship with them. First off, they will most likely reject me for not being family-oriented enough and, I am really not interested in spending much time around someone's family. Once a month maybe on average, but that's it. I don't mind getting to know someone's adult kids, it might even be nice if they became attached to me as family so I could get some support from them when I am older and sick or if I become widowed again, hopefully not within the next ten years. But not seeing them or her grandkids every week or more often than that. I really like doing couples stuff as well as seeing my friends some outside the relationship. I know there are women like that my age here on Agnostic that are independent and emotionally healthy, not tied up and emeshed with their families. But they sure don't seem to be in my area on Match nor in my area on Agnostic either.

You have a valid point, I think, about the idea of being more open towards women who are family-oriented and such, but, at least on Match, any change in my attitude will make little difference, Nani, because, in my experience on there, for whatever reason, the vast majority of the women my age in my area indicate in their profiles checklist of traits at the end of the profile, that they are only looking for men with kids, even the women who don't have kids. How do I fight that, Nani?

@TomMcGiverin I believe you about on line dating being difficult. Tough where you live for sure. However, meeting a woman with grown children that you may want to help take care of you in your old age is unlikely if you do not want to see them very often 🙂 Relationships take time to build. And I have never met anyone who had luck with Match. I am sorry, you are in a tough position.

@GreatNani Thank you for validating my reality and not trying to blame me or say the problem is me, rather than my situation. On the one hand, living in farming country makes for a very poor dating pool for an Agnostic hipster and non-conformist like me. On the other hand, it's really hard to even think about dating LD or moving far away and starting over, either with making friends or with moving back and rebuilding my life if the LD relationship failed. Because very few women on Agnostic who live far away would move to my area, for good reason. And I am emotionally wore out and tired enough, after moving three times already this decade, losing both parents and my wife, as well as being a dementia spouse for over 5 years coping with my wife's disease, I am not ready to risk being broken completely by trying to date LD and having it fail or trying to move away to a better dating pool and starting over by myself either and have that not work out. One can only take so much loss and disappointment in a decade. And my local friends are really all the support I have in my life.

@TomMcGiverin Far be it from.me to judge. It took me 7 years to even want to date. There may come a time that you decide moving or a LDR will work for you. U till then, do what you can to have a happy life. Do the things you love and hang out with your friends. That is really all you can do. And not at all a bad way to live your life.

@GreatNani I was ready to date soon after my wife died, because I began anticipatory grieving a few years before she died, with the encouragement of my therapist, for her eventual death and for the loss of the person I knew. Most people who have never been a dementia spouse don't get that, because they haven't been there. But, even tho my therapist says I've been ready for a couple years to date, seems nobody compatible in my area will give me a chance. One woman who I rejected from Match, mainly because I had no attraction to her when I met her, even said to me she was sorry nobody besides her seemed willing to give me a chance. I met only six women from Match in almost two years now. It's really not that I am too picky, I am just too far out of the mainstream for my area.

I hope you are right about the future, I really do, but in all honesty with how I feel now, if I end up going another 5 years or more going it alone, I probably won't feel after that that life alone is worth living....

@StRomain Thank You! And I hope the same for you.

3

Here is what I found. Since I have no photos of me anywhere on the internet I have had 1 asshole that went searching for me on FB, Twitter etc. He was reported & blocked. Another I got rid of when I refused to send a photo. Their are bad ones lurking around, even on Agnostic. so be careful, suspicious & savvy. The good ones are gay, taken, into poly, are proud of their obesity, or dead. Just like the real world. Cynical? You betcha.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people make this exact assumption about me. It's not true, but the truth seems to be irrelevant when people don't take the time to look for it.

What do you have against the poly community and people with a positive body image? I can just imagine the backlash if I had said something similar about obese women or those that want to be monogamous. It's fine if thats not for you, but try not to sound so judgemental.

@Brian81 I am very judgemental. Obesity is not positive. It is gluttony. It is unhealthy, placing a major burden on our health system with dysfunctions that can be avoided via proper diet. Nothing against the poly community but she is not interested in that lifestyle. I was responding to her inquiry. Obese women are just as poorly informed concerning health as obese men.

I am none of those things and I am on here and Match, so you're justly cynical, but you are not completely right about all men. Since you have no pics of yourself and only have them of your cats, plus you don't give your real age, I can't say whether we might be compatible if we lived near each other. Best wishes...

Can't possibly understand why you are still single 👀

@Kitz
Hahahaha
Well said

@Kitz What makes you think I am single?

i totaly agree with you i find them all over even in the many churches i have visited trying to find answers

@Mooolah it’s the way you tell ‘em 😂

@lost We women are hunted....constantly.

1

I've tried so far nothing has worked out. Some of that is on me. But , mostly it's been difficult.

46_2 Level 5 July 17, 2019

@Ms_McSteven that is correct

@Ms_McSteven idk how old you are but . I'm sure my moms older than you. Thanks I appreciate your response!! Not many tool fans on this site .

@Ms_McSteven I love Old school music. Even though Tool and Radiohead isn't lol But I love listening to all of them !

@Ms_McSteven yeah even though I grew up listening to metal. It wasn't a really popular choice both at my school and household. But nevertheless I don't regret any of it. One my favorite bands of all time is Soundgarden who happen to be the pioneers of whole grunge scene .

8

There have been a few and, I believe, one marriage - though both people involved in that one decided to leave the site, so I have no idea if it went ahead.

That whole dating aspect of the site has become very secondary, however, and if it's what you're looking for you might not find it here. If you enjoy chatting with (mostly) intelligent strangers who are (mostly) a cut above the pondlife on Twitter and Facebook, on the other hand, this isn't such a bad place to hang out.

I actually feel a bit sorry for @Admin, who no doubt thought a dating site for agnostics and atheists was a great idea - but then we all started talking to each other and turned it into a garrulous social media site instead. Sorry!

Jnei Level 8 July 16, 2019

<At least two characters here>

It would, and still could, be a great dating site, but only if the membership numbers grew way bigger and we were not so scattered. But doing that would require a lot more advertising and money spent on it that the admin. apparently either doesn't have or doesn't want to spend on it. Relying on just word of mouth from members to promote the site to other non-believers doesn't seem to be working. The three likely places to advertise or get the word out about this site would be FB and Twitter, Unitarian churches, and local Meetup groups for Atheists and Freethinkers and also Humanist groups. I do very little on FB and probably so with many others on here, so only paid ads will work there. Unitarian churches may allow free promotion of the site thru word of mouth or even posting handmade notices on their bulletin boards about Agnostic. As far as Meetups, I have not attended one, but I'm sure they would allow people to mention or promote it at meetings.

I hope the site grows in my area, because paid sites like Match just aren't working for me when I am surrounded on there by so many intolerant, traditional, conservative believers, instead of non-believing hipsters like I am on here with the forums.

@TomMcGiverin personally, I think it's ticking along quite nicely. If people found it and turned it into something else, why not let it be that?

@Jnei Because there is a real need for a specialized dating site for non-believers, since mainstream dating sites like Match just don't seem to work for us, that's why. Maybe you are fine with being alone the rest of your life or finding people to date only offline, but I am not....

@TomMcGiverin Erm - that's quite a large leap from what I said!

@Jnei As they say in the UK, maybe I'm just a bit thick, so spell it out for me how I made a huge leap?

4

I haven't. To be honest, I have so little luck on sites intended for dating that I have reason to doubt I'll ever find someone. Since this site is mostly a ghost town in my area on top of that, it just doesn't seem very likely. Maybe someday somebody will prove me wrong...

There are many Atheist women from Iowa City to West Des Moines but being great Feminist Atheists they have their pick of Chippendales and leave us linebackers lonely

Can you handle some constructive criticism???? After reading your post, I think you should try a makeover. Go to a metro area and get a new cool hairstyle...something really hip and edgy. Get a new sexy wardrobe like some cool skinny Jean's and leather jacket or something like that. You look super conservative! I already know you have a cool mind cuz ur on this site!! Very good!!
Go to a professional photographer after getting your makeover and then hit the web. You're young and can get a great partner but be on the creative side and see what happens..you may have to move to a more happening city but it may be worth it!! Just sayin......
Don't take offense...trying to help is all. 😊👍

My closest town has about 2,000 or less people and I meet people from 15 minutes away. I've been married almost 30 yrs. My best advice for getting a woman attracted to you is " make her laugh". Try a " knock- knock joke.

2

I met someone on here, that I had actually met on another site, and we met for a hike then. We match up in many ways - but still something not quite right. I gave it a second chance, but the disconnect remains.

Oh well ...

@Larry101 Well - being as we're actually in the same state - ya never know - right ?

I swear this is my life story!

1

Why ask if you are only here for community?

Because my availability has nothing to do with my curiosity.

@Hazydays fair enough....that's what makes us such a great community....Einstein praised curiosity above all else insisting upon the value of ZERO for any alleged gawd in physical equations

@Larry68Feminist , I always thought he used a ?

@Boudica Einstein always condemned "personal" gawd claims and observed natural law without "miracle" exceptions....thus the zero value to alleged deities

3

don't be shy hazy. it's ok. you can just ask me. yes, I think you're cool. but I'm too old for you and we could never make it work at this distance. so let's just suspend the heartache and remember each other fondly as we do now. perfect in one anothers' minds. namaste.

Fellow smart ass......

It was fun while it lasted🤪

@Hazydays it was the best baby. the best.

4

This would have been a great question for a poll with multiple selection such as:

A) Found love and got married
B) Found love and planning long term relationship
C) Found interesting people that I have met in real life but no plans for serious relationship
D) Have encountered (only via text) some great minds but significant miles between us have made physically encountering or hope for a long term relationships highly unlikely.
E) No.

I would rate a D

@Veteran229 you're adorable

1

Didn't find love and no relationship but had sex with a couple of guys from this site.

zesty Level 7 July 16, 2019

Pardon me, zesty, but I always had the clear impression that all you are ever after here is recreational sex with others and that you already are in an open relationship. Feel free to enlighten me....

3

I had some conservative guy really mad at me online for a couple days.

Just one conservative? C'mon - you're not even trying.

@UrsiMajor let's just say I'm a legend on FB. While we have a few conservatives here it's not a big % , since you have to drink the Kool aid to be conservative it's stands to reason they easily drink the Kool aid of religion.

2

Only met one female from this site, as company for a trip to france to drop my son with the ex. Bipolar and off her meds and an alcoholic. And of course we couldn't get passed the duty frees without her grabbing a big bottle of spirit. By the time we reached the M25 she had got real aggressive and abusive, then tried to exit the car at close to 100mph. Wanted rid ASAP, hence the speed. Next service station I let her out to go ranting around and left her there. Got message next day that she got arrested for being drunk, and probably abusive.
This is the thing you need to remember when traveling with a pirate, if you fall behind you get left behind. 😉

Savage Level 7 July 17, 2019

i have been there and many times i was tempted to kick her out of the car in the middle of nowhere but had second thoughts we both were drinking at the time and she took me as her hostage

3

Nope … I just realised that my profile usually only attracts old codgers like myself

And the problem with old codgers is?

@Mooolah I have to live with one 24/7 … Sometimes I refuse to shave him.

2

I met a friend here and through that friend, I met my current bf... Moved to NYC to be with him.. Have a three month baby girl now.... Is about 150 miles long distance? I still have my house though..

That's awesome.

That sounds really lovely. I hope it continues to work out for you. I think it's a great idea to keep the house. When we know the door isn't locked we feel more comfortable in staying.

1

One almost married together 14 years

bobwjr Level 10 July 16, 2019

Could you clarify a bit more what you are saying here?

3

I've made some great friends here. I've met five people in person from this website. All of them live at least an hour away, three live in different states. The distance was long but I like to drive so that part was easy to overcome. I'm also blessed with a job that I can work from home twice a week and could travel from anywhere that has high speed internet to work in the office Tuesday through Thursday and be "at home" four days a week.

Hopefully I will find my life partner one day. That hasn't happened yet but I'm hopeful. If there weren't hope, I wouldn't be here.

You will find what you need. It just may not be what you thought🙂

7

Yes! Still with him, going to visit him for the third time next week! So far it's been awesome! It is long distance but we have time to get to know each other more and figure out if I move there or he does here!

I also have made friends on this site and have met up with them IRL! Awesome people!

11

Yes, meet my wife here. 1500 mile LDR that neither of us wanted. I flew down for the weekend, then for a really long weekend the next month, then she flew up for almost 2 weeks the month after that, then i flew down for 2 weeks every month for 3 months, then moved down there, and now we've moved back to my place and looking for a house in the area we both want to perminantly relocate too.

Besides the travel we communicated constantly - codependent levels of communication (which actually started around 2 months before my first trip down) bordering on unhealthy. There were weekends where whoever got up 1st would call the other and we'd spend the whole day with our headphones on just going about our day "together", rinse and repeat.14 to 16 hours per day sometimes.

On top of that, when we couldn't talk we'd text fairly constantly using the sites PM and the phone. I remember laughing with her about someone on this site reporting on how well thier relationship was going, saying it only took a couple days to text each other about 100 times - we did that every day, minimum.

We also would watch utube "together" using a video sharing program, but I think the most importaint thing we did, and still do to this day, was take walks "together" while on the phone (no, we don't talk on the phone while walking now).

So anyways, that's how we did it. It was a pain, and a lot of effort (that wasn't actually effort, it was amazingly enjoyable) and we couldn't have done it if I didn't have the time and means to visit as often as I did.

1of5 Level 8 July 16, 2019

Thanks for your reply. That’s a great connection you found and I’m happy everything has worked out so well for you both. I’m sure it will also provide hope and proof that it is possible to those who are looking for the same thing on here. Congratulations.

5

Not love but a few friends.

Ditto!

2

Not a huge group of locals on here in my area and I'm not available for long distance complications so no not really. Plus I'm super socially awkward so I usually panic and ignore private messages so there's that..
I have heard of it happening.

MsAl Level 8 July 16, 2019

I should have written their names down but I recall three couples who got married thanks to this web site.

About everybody else keeps find the love lorn to far too far away to meet.

1

I would love to but it's hard here in Florida.

I used to live in Florida and had two affairs thanks to the Internet. It's hard to forget one woman who said she decided on me because of my picture.

"You," she explained, "where the only one with all your clothes on. You even had a hat."

The hat gets 'em every time.

1

No one really close enough to me, sadly.

Same here sadly

4

I did. Didn't join to find someone, but 15 minutes away there was a beauty who chose to keep me.

Wow. You are an exception. There is hope for those seeking.

2

Never say never. It can happen. Rare, perhaps, but you never know where or when you’ll just click and have that connection with someone. Stay open, alert and optimistic my friends.

My philosophy exactly!

2

"Distance doesn't matter when it comes to love," a 41-year-old guy in Iowa wrote to me on Agnostic.com yesterday. 25 years younger! I sent the usual reply:

"What your plan? You will fly to Wenatchee, WA every two weeks so we can get to know each other?"

crickets

Most younger people expect to spend time on social media " getting to know each other" now a days.

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