Agnostic.com

16 16

When my daughter was nine (so, tens years ago) we moved back to Alabama. The long-time friend I was engaged to decided she wanted to expose the kids to Church. Southern.Baptist.Church.

Now, keep in mind that I had been raised with a Catholic father, and a Sounthern Baptist mother. I was literally told to drink wine for communion, then told to ask forgiveness for drinking the wine. So - obviously - I had some trepidation.

So, the first time we went was Easter Sunday. We're sitting together in this large, metal building - the kind that my uncle had run a mechanics Garage out of for fifty years, only with folding chairs and a stage, instead of a grease pit and a lift. The people on stage are dancing and singing. Hell, they may have been drinking Strychnine for all I know, and I am sure there were snakes in there somewhere. Anyway, the people start talking about all the horrors that Christ was made to endure as he walked down Crucify Lane. My daughter was completely aghast (as only a nine year old can be) as her soon-to-be Grandfather started explaining everything. At the end of the tale, he told Branwyn that it was all ok, because even though he died, Jesus came right back.

As stocially as you can image, B looked at him, folder her arms, and said 'That's the part that bothers me!'

She thought that made Jesus a zombie.

Good times!!!

DerekD 7 Mar 15
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

16 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

0

Amusing - and clever - comments....love it!

0

Guess she believed in zombies?

0
1

"Zombie Jesus". If it hasn't been done already, somebody needs to make a movie with that plot.

1
1

Good one.
And as per me - when they say do I believe that Jesus died for my sins, I answer that I do not need (and correspondingly haven't authorized) anybody to die for my sins. My sins are my own and when the moment comes for me to stand in front of God (if we assume there is one) and he asks have I done these, I will answer "Yes, I have", for not taking responsibillity for your deeds is the biggest sin of them all. Up till now haven't met a Christian to give a proper counter-statement to this one.

2

Branwyn actually sounds like a perfectly Pagan name.

What is the origin?

it's old Irish, or old Welsh (depending on spelling, and your worldview). And - THANK YOU!

1

I hope that was the end of the Church exposure...

oh yes; she's smarter than that (and so am I)

1

Lol @ Crucify Lane

dkp93 Level 8 Mar 15, 2018
2

If it helps, she's right.

JimG Level 8 Mar 15, 2018
4

The first Catholic Mass my Jewish SIL went to was Easter Sunday where the enitre congregation responds "Crucify him!". Watching her face was priceless!

Crucify a Jew? No wonder Adolf was so liked in Catholic Germany.

1

HAHAHAHAHA! Good one!

3

Crucify Lane.

Better ring than Golgotha Hill.

Which sounds like one of those bad found footage horror movies.

2

wow....just be yourseff and be human for just a whilie now..wo

w

6

When my daughter was small this dumb-ass church actually thought it apropriate to have a puppet show where a quesioning monkey got swallowed by a snake.

My parting words were "Fuk all'yall"

Which is perfect dialect in that region.

It was summer Bible School by the way. Which was generally benign even in my hell fire upbringing.

A questioning monkey being punished by being swallowed alive and screaming?

What serious sick fuk thought that was a good lesson?

8

Love those daughters ..and their honest observations 😉

Varn Level 8 Mar 15, 2018
Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:37670
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.