(((( Anne ))))
I've been looking for something "wrong" with him (so I could kill my crush on him) for weeks in vain (mostly) .... then he finally gave me pause just yesterday. Lots has happened since then.... but us both being animal people, have a huge chasm between ONE thing......

He finally confessed to me, based off something I said in passing about feral cats... that he's in "TNR feral cat culture".... in hindsight my comment vs his body language I'm leaning toward believing him...
While I'm firmly an Audubon society sympathizer and am very much against supporting ~invasives~, and I consider feral cats damaging to wildlife & invasive due to human idiocy.

.....sigh... a tense conversation in txt was had.... he didn't answer my POVs on animal husbandry... but chose instead to send me flirty texts... so Idk.... not in a very good mood about it all today. So I"m very much still a "free agent".....but if it's over, it was A LOT of fun while it lasted. A lot a lot a lot. LOL

@Qualia why would trying to humanely reduce feral cats be a sticking point? What am I missing here? They suffer terribly.....

@AnneWimsey feral cat culture does not care about the consequences of setting cats loose. Nothing else matters to them but the cats, IME. He told me he provides food, medical etc etc for them on the daily. Could it be a ruse to turn me off? Maybe, but all the paraphenalia for it was right there in the garage.... altho I missed any bags of food if he has them.

And now I'm wondering if he's not feeding the couple loose cats in the neighborhood. I've seen and DO NOT WANT these cats in my yard.
Dogs love cat***t, which is notorious for transmitting things like ooooh, toxoplasmosis, lepto (with urine) etc etc. Just NO.

@AnneWimsey I DO know he tosses leftovers out for oppossums, skunks etc. IDC about that, those critters belong. In fact found that endearing.

Cats on the loose? Not so much. I *****ing hate feral cats, altho maybe contrarian to some I do generally like cats, just not wild domestic ones.

@Qualia maybe that’s the only thing you don’t agree with him on. I doubt it, but maybe.

@AstralSmoke We'll see. And it's entirely possible that he's more bothered by it than I am, and I"M pretty bothered by that, tbh. ... because that thoughtline is typical of certain ideologies that are completely incompatible with mine. He knows I've a show dog...although I explained early on why that was...

@Qualia just a thought...the bottom line is, you both care about critters, just not in the exact same way. How perfect does a match have to be?!!? It's not like he's a drumpy supporter, right.

@AnneWimsey LOL Idk who he voted for... I've yet to ask.(so many other things to talk about so far! lol) ~8D And don't know if he'd tell me if I did. Right off the bat tho did inform him "I'm pretty liberal about most things"...
If the ideology crosses over into where I acquired my dogs that will indeed throw a wrench in it, on my side. If where I got my boy bothers him... he'd be wise, if he wants to continue seeing me.... try to understand why that came to be. If I so much as smell peta AR whackadoo stuff i'm out.... altho in fairness idk what their stance is on support of practices that result in harm to wildlife... (not that it matters much, to me)

So far on his side, my position hasn't resulted in his ceasing to blow up my phone... today.
-_-

@Qualia I'd write him off. Already too much drama for my liking. It does not bode well, at all.

@KKGator NWB... but yeah.

@Qualia Sorry, NWB?

I'm not sure really..... he is an excellent communicator. That said, something just happened yesterday that may well ice the whole thing.

@Qualia Sorry if the 'feeling' has dissipated for you. Maybe good while it lasted? Anyway, your discussion with @AnneWimsey compelled me to post something about this 'situation' which I have been thinking a lot about lately. So thanks.

@AstralSmoke ((( hugs ))) yeah.... now all I gotta do is find out if he was a trump voter and it's done. LOL

@Qualia maybe he voted for Bernie!

@AstralSmoke LOL.... look I'm tryin' to protect my heart here!~ That would make a retreat so much harder!!!

@Qualia I was just trying to be helpful.

@AstralSmoke LOL thanks?

well you 'splained me. Good job ....

Yeah maybe, I'll have to look that one up, or not.
Anyway I'll probably never speak to him again after this. The cock blocking responses here have sold me into not! LOL

@Qualia lol

I would actually avoid it, because if it goes badly... it could be very awkward after the fact, since he's a neighbor.

@bingst totally agree, think the fact it was the 1st time I've been intrigued in person got me too wound up there for a second, err week. But he's never out so there's that? Maybe if it went south could inspired me to buy a couple acres and get the chickens and goats I'd love to stare at all day ~8D

@bingst but the fear of hooking up with a repressed "not the kind to make waves in critical situations" type person is huge. That's a fail from the start.

Yeah ok. Robert Duvall pretty hot back then too.

This hyperbolic thread really got your goat didn't it. Sorry not sorry.

@Qualia

Why yes...yes it did. It hits close to home. You don't happen to live in Covington, GA, do you?

@Reignmond No but I'm from the south originally. I'm really a goof and a moosh so the fact so many people took exception to this "joke post" caught me off guard. Perhaps my humor doesn't translate well online.

@Reignmond re: shyness. My girl is horribly shy in person vs online. I'm always having to work on her that "she has a right to be and question and say Hi to people". She's a different animal online. I think some of this must be genetic because I'm ok with "faking it til I make it" in a lot of scenarios. I easily fool people for brief periods of time that I'm an extrovert when am really a homebody for the most part. Social in small doses here.

The only situation that gets me is going into the ring with my dog, I turn into another person sick with nerves, but even there I just "wing it" not expecting anything and have done well with that.
Remember your "shit" is somebody else's cake. Don't sell yourself short.

@Qualia
My introvertedness in due to being inherently a loner type, not due to shyness. However, I have had a few jobs that required me to be a extrovert (sales, public speaking, para-law enforcement). So I have learned to turn it on and off as needed.

@Qualia Oh, it's meant as a joke?

My original thought was to give them to the elderly neighbor to deliver. That's what I'm leaning toward today.

That might work!

@Zster Doubtful any of this is going to 'work' per se but 1st thought definitely takes the pressure off.

LOL!!!

What are the chances someone who happens to live across the street all this time would be cool and into a quirky atheist doberman lady- slim I think!

@Qualia GAWD works in mysterious ways, or so I am told............

@AnneWimsey LOL

I get your point, but statistically speaking the chances of your being female and a serial killer are exceedingly remote.
Please read the comments below. And now I'm having second thoughts about this whole thing. Maybe there's a reason my dear elderly neighbor didn't want me to know who the benefactor was. He & his wife actually have a very clear history of watching out for us.

@Qualia True, people probably don't think I'm a serial killer. But all of your option were negative. As a single person who has lived alone for a long time, I'm hyper aware of the negative stereotypes about women my age who live alone, and (gasp) have cats. So I felt a kinship with this neighbor of yours who seemed to only have one positive aspect - he's handsome. Other than that, the assumption seemed to be that there was something "wrong" with him. Even dangerously wrong. I've read the whole thread and I still can't figure out what's so off about him that scares you.

Sounds like me. In Buffalo, (people are much friendlier than in semi-rural Georgia) we would often help each other with snow shoveling, even when you had almost no other discourse with them.

@Reignmond I have to do the sidewalk in front of my house, and it's actually easier for me to go all the way past her house to her driveway to turn around. Otherwise, I'd have to just stop at her property line and back up. Plus, it just feels good to help someone out, especially when it literally takes about one minute. (I'm less than an hour south of Buffalo)

@carlyhorton I miss WNY.

@carlyhorton Which witch?

Have you ever seen Michael Moore's TV Nation back in the day, where they did all the things notorious serial killers did, then interviewed the neighbors?

My gut is telling me there are reasons why I feel the way I do, despite having attempted to make light of it, am being minimized & 'splained about it on this very thread, by both men and women. I'm a bad, evil bitchy, person, well yanno what. That tells me who I'll never waste time on on this site. Granted I'm not be the best writer but geez.

Nothing is likely to come of it all but all the painfully shy people are angry about it. Well it goes both ways. I can see this going nowhere fast. It's gonna be cookies and that's that.

Maybe! But based on the kind anonymous gesture after my husband passed that would seem contrarian. What is kind of bugging me now is why the neighbor who delivered the gift never divulged who it was from so I could thank him earlier.

everyone doesn't need to be recognised for being a good person. I hate millionaires who give a few thousand to charity to just use to better themselves. though it serves a purpose for the charity but I still prefer anonymous donators.

maybe you never sore how your late husband and this strange man interacted when you weren't in the equation. I'm not suggesting anything.maybe he likes woman more than men. perhaps you could just ask? just a thought.

@Qualia Not divulging says more about that neighbour and definately means that I support the cookie lobby

@ipdg77 Thank you

@LeighShelton "maybe you never sore how your late husband and this strange man interacted when you weren't in the equation. I'm not suggesting anything.maybe he likes woman more than men. perhaps you could just ask? just a thought."

LOL right.

I did use the word perhaps as I can't possibly know you at all hardly apart from we do have somethings in common ie we are all 4 humans and I probably would ask but I'm not you.

ALL RIGHT LOL?

FO.

@Qualia I can see why the guy avoids you. I would too.

@Anonbene Cool. I"m an acquired taste for sure, no lie. My mixtape can be too fire for some, no need to expend energy needlessly. TaTa .

Read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker

sounds interesting, ill have a look thank you.

looks very good. I have it on the way as we speak.

@LeighShelton It should be taught in schools and given to every female old enough to comprehend it. Women from birth are often "groomed" to not make waves or appear rude.
It has all sorts of situations in it, institutional etc that everyone can benefit from. I've given it to a couple of people as gifts. You can get it for a song on amazon.

I've ordered it already thanks to you. let's face it woman are vulnerable from birth to death though it's completely wrong.

I remember doing a snowshoeing demo at a Buffalo Winter Carnival. Next to me was a group of people with extensive tattooing and piercings, and I have to admit I was put-off a bit by them at first. They looked alien! They were in fact, some of the nicest people you ever met.

I fully understand as humans we are constantly groomed to look like everybody else so no surprise really @Reignmond. here's a great film that reminds me of this called they live.

@Reignmond I have some heavily tattooed "out there" friends and they are indeed some of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet.

With all that being so closed is a big turn off to me. You know why? I have seen that ***t in action on the oncology floor where certain family members just went with whatever at the hospital. Pain pump left on equipment you couldn't reach if someone wasn't there to put it back in your hands?
How about an intern treating your SO's #10 pain as if they just fell into the hospital for the 1st time- roughly "palpating" them unnecessarily when they're dying?
Would you question this? Even get that intern off your SO's case?

Are you(global) going to be so lily livered that you just allow your SO to suffer without having the sack to question staff when needed?

There are people like this and I don't want to be in any sort of relationship with them.

you are indeed right but I just am not one of them but I can say that about a hell of a lot more people without tattoos too. I'm an artist and just see my skin as another canvas really and have done quite a few of the tattoos myself on myself. I still like them and chose them after I became disabled. unfortunately for me, some tattooed people think they look tough and there are prison tattoos, especially in America on lifers or gang members. also, they are becoming much more acceptable now so I've become a victim of fashion and I hate conforming and being fashionable. im much deeper than that.

clearly my humor isn't coming through here. Allow me to bake your potato with my steely glance. LOL

If the situation were reversed I'd want him to have the guts to ask me out. Read the whole thread maybe.

@Qualia I did (don't assume). Maybe it's not a case of him not having guts, maybe he just doesn't want to.

I'm an introvert with bouts of extroversion myself. My circle IRL is small. Those rare times when my social dance card was full were very stressful to me and began to feel like a job.

@Qualia I understand it is very hard for some. I only have that problem when I am depressed, and can only imagine how hard it is for those who are socially challenged, and I have known a few. I have been able to build relationships with a few, and they are usually quite interesting people.

That is rather like me. I can find small talk challenging because I have no interest in sports, hunting, "destroying the environment", church, local politics, or gossip. Now if someone wants to talk about ecology, the nature of reality, sci-fi, National Politics, morality, photography, or a bunch of other stuff, I am all in.

Thank you for not dogpiling me! It was meant as a cynical humorous post. There are cookies in his future whatever the case.

LOL ook, so you wouldn't want someone to be curious about you that had previously barely known you were alive, gotcha. We watch out for our neighbors too.

@Qualia
Every choice was rather negative. Could have had a choice to "mind your own business"or to be friendly.

I wish I had more neighbors like you here!

My late dh & i were fond of gallows humor, but yeah.