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Monogamy

Do you desire monogamy? Is it something you search for? Is it a personal choice? Are there building blocks to monogamy or is it a building block to, say, polygamous relationships?

ashortbeauty 8 Mar 18
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42 comments

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5

monogamy sounds complicated enough for me

3

It feels like I never been wanting to be in a monogamous relationship but it’s so imbedded in society that it’s almost a must.

2

I would love it, but my circumstances make it impossible now. If I could, I would want that. But since I can’t, I make the best of my circumstances. Poly is nice, with the right people.

miffy Level 5 Mar 18, 2018
10

Isn't being single monogamous?

Nice lol you know what I mean 😛

Or is being single monotonous?

@HippieChick58 All I know is that it's the most boring kind of mono you can get. 😉

In the same way that masturbation is 'gay sex for one?'

10

No. As a child I watched people in strictly monogamous relationships cheat on one another, keep secrets, and basically tear themselves apart for the sake of maintaining some illusion of "normalcy". It's definitely an individual choice as not everyone is suited to monogamy, though I personally think it breeds more jealousy and frustration than a polyamorous relationship does.

It's never been something I actively sought out. I'd rather my partner be happy, whether with me or with several people, than feeling trapped in a two-person relationship that limits them in one area or another. I also, of course, prefer having my options open and it doesn't diminish my love for whoever I'm with if I happen to develop an interest in someone else.

Bravo.

I identified as "polyamorous" for about 35 (+ or -) years. People who self-identify as polyamorous can lie, be jealous, and keep secrets from each other, too. Serial-monogamists, monogamists, etc... don't have the market cornered on deception or self-deception.

Absolutely true, @ailurophile. But many poly people are also able to work through jealousy and keep to agreements.

@Atheopagan I'd be curious to see stats. I suppose they would be self-reported stats, so...
hard to get a ballpark number. I've known a few people in successful poly relationship geometries, but even more monogamous people in successful relationships. Of course, this is all anecdotal. 🙂

2

This is root core question. To have a mate and be true gets down to the id, where fear comes into play of losing your companion (not jealousy). From a health standpoint single lover is by far the least risk of infections.

Interesting viewpoint

3

Not anymore.
Not now.
Of course.
Sure.
What?

You do know I had to scroll back n forth just to respond to you...right?!? 😛
Now, your What response. Can monotonous relationships build into polygamous relationships?

6

Monogamy is the only way for me. I can’t share I tried. I’m to jealous for that. I’m not crazy kind and f jealous I trust who I’m with till they give me a reason not to trust them and then it is over. But poly works for some people just not for me.

I'm with you on that. I've tried it and there was more jealously than love flowing amongst us.

8

Monagamy is a cultural practice in our society and in many others. Even if it were not, I believe that I would prefer monogamy. I think that it would be too difficult to sustain tryly loving and caring relationships between myself and more than one woman.

6

It's my favorite furniture. Oak is not a warm color.

Another jokester welcome

I always thought the practice of putting your initials on everything was an ostentatious thing mostly done by rich people to show off.

@ashortbeauty Thanks 🙂

@TerriCity And sometimes your mother would put them on your underwear so you wouldn't lose them at summer camp.

6

I was just having a conversation about this with someone yesterday. I don't think monogamy comes naturally. I think a lot of relationships get destroyed unnecessarily when one partner falls for someone else. I also think that monogamy and marriage,in particular,come from a place of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of losing a partner, fear of being loved less. I decided a while back not to be afraid anymore. I want someone who wants to be with me, and it doesn't bother me if they want to be with someone else as well(and vice versa). I think demanding monogamy is on par with demanding that your friends not have any other friends because you're jealous.

Well put

@ashortbeauty thank you

1

I'm slightly fluid on this. I have a little give on which direction to go. I think everyone has their own decision or range on what they are comfortable with. For me I'm good with monogamy. But if I was with a bi woman I wouldn't mind if she brought another woman into the relationship on a long term basis that is acceptable to both and loves both. More women would be acceptable if it was their desire and could be found in which all partys involved had love and adoration of all parties. My hard limit is that I am the only male as I am completely straight, and if they want to be the only female thats absolutely fine too. Thats just my range though, I think its something you have to communicate and work out with each individual partner, and have to keep in mind the more you add to the boat the more you increase the risk of it tipping over. I'm also personally against open relationships but understand it works for others. Thats not polygamous but some get confused about it.

That's a pretty controlling definition of polyamory. You realize that,right? The whole idea is that you're NOT dictating your partners choices to them. Ugh

@Blindbird Thats open relationship not necessarily polyamory. Like I said each relationship has their own comfort zones. I simply stated mine.

@Pernbronze dude you're still placing limits on your partners life. That's entirely contrary to the whole spirit of polyamory. Yuck.

@Blindbird This is about polygamy not about open relationships, they are not the same thing.

@Pernbronze no. It is about POLYAMORY. Polygamy is guys keeping a stable of women because they think they're entitled to special priveleges that their partners are not. I suggest you go find yourself a dictionary and someone to explain what equality and mutuality means. Also in case I didn't make this clear, I think you're the worst sort of misogynist. The kind that hides behind a thin veneer of liberality. I see you are correct in that the OP did state polygamy. I suspect that was a mistaken term however, knowing what I do about @Ashortbeauty.

@Blindbird pol·y·am·o·ry
ˌpälēˈamərē/Submit
noun
the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.
No where in there does it there should not be limitations or that everyone cannot love each other. Also polygamy is married to more than one person, gender doesn't matter. Your sexism is obvious. Its fine that you like open relationships, I however do not. And I am far from a misogynist and happily a feminist. At no point did I say she had to do anything I wouldn't do. This was all on her choice and interests that I was willing and able to accept in a romantic partner. Its quite shameful that you bash someone for their sexual and romantic. preferences and being willing to yield a little extra to the person he is with so that they do not have to choose between male or female to spend their life with but can enjoy both sides of their sexuality freely and be accepted for who they are.

3

I do not want, nor believe in, polygamy. I have a lot of negative opinions and beliefs and distrust from polygamy and that has been from personal experience.

I do not tell others they can't, nor do I try to hinder their rights, because I would be a hypocrite to advocate LGBT+ rights if I turned around and treated polyamorous people with the same cruelty, however I will not lie about how I feel about it.

The only exception to my "not try to destroy their rights" is brainwashed and cult-ish abusive like the FLDS mormons and that creepy AF sister-wives guy. He is a chomo, I am willing to bet money on it. It's just a matter of time before it comes out...then he'll be advocating that it's also his right to take children as wives...just like the FLDS...Dude gives me the serious heebie-jeebies...

I've always been this way too, but I thought I'd give a polyamorous relationship a try, and it only solidified my severe dislike of it.

2

I personally have a hard enough time with trust and relationships that I tend to be monogamous. I have friends who are polyamorous, and more power to them.

1

I believe in monogamy just not monotony.

4

To each his own. I personally could only be monogamous. I've never felt any need to be anything else.

10

This is going to sound odd but I have no desire for monogamy nor polyamory. I am open to both. I've been in both kinds of relationships.

I am currently sexually monogamous but emotionally polyamorous. It's not that I wouldn't be open to others sexually. If and when I felt it was something I wanted, I would do something about it. I haven't in a long while (4 years now).

I do go on dates though. I have had some wonderfully romantic dates that didn't lead to sex.
And I love kisses, but other than kisses and cuddles, not much else happens. But the additional affection is wonderful. I love my friends dearly and I value them as highly as the partner I'm living with. And on some days even more because my partner and I can bicker a lot about stupid stuff. My friends and I never do.

But I only date poly men. I don't like the pressure monogamous men put upon me for sex or sexting. I also don't like how many men were married and looking for something "discreet".

It makes me feel sad and ill these days. How many people actually get a charge out of the secret-keeping. How many risk destroying their families not because of the cheating (which is bad enough) but because of all the lying that has to be done to cheat (I think that is the worst part of cheating).

Poly people work a lot harder at honesty and openness and they often get STD tested far more frequently than their monogamous counterparts that are cheating.

I think everyone is different and should do a lot of soul searching to decide what they really need and be honest with themselves. Monogamy is great. But so is polyamory.

There is no one right way to do relationships, but knowing yourself is key. Don't force yourself to be something you aren't.

Beautifully worded. Highly insightful. Ty

9

In any and all relationships trust and communication are key buliding blocks. 🙂

Betty Level 8 Mar 18, 2018

VERY true 🌼

6

I am monogamous. I do not judge others' choices, but I am the sort to commit to one woman at a time. It works best for me.

3

I can only do monogamy. I can't even date multiple people at the same time...I lose track of who is who, who I did what with, even call people by the wrong name (which can happen anyway...it, and bad sense of geography, run in the family). Plus, I prefer someone I can be alone with...not all the time...but our relationship must be alone together. I never have the urge to cheat, because I do not find sex for sexes sake very interesting. I have been in relationships where the other person was in a polygamous relationship, and I was 'the other guy'. But it didn't last long. And the funny thing is, I sorta don't mind it, though, as I got older, the realization of playing 'v.d. russian roullette' became more and more real (I am clean but so many of my friends got the Hep C and a few have died or are going to die from it).

Hep c can be cured now. Have them see their docs

@ashortbeauty eh, the liver damage is done...bad living choices that they refuse to change...so I guess it isn't the hep c, but the things that were enfolded around it.

@JohnnyThorazine gotcha 😟

you are right on johnny thorazine. it only takes one poke to get a vd and i'm not wanting that to be the 100'dth poke in the same girl where she got it from doing one guy the week before and a month after i met her.... i'll say it again - i'd NEVER want anything other than a monogamous relationship....NEVER. lol i know a guy that was on thorazine - are you a vietnam vet?

@Maiasaura Exactly! I remember watching some show when I was young...might have even been an after school special...they traced a strain of vd....great show, because to this day, it has kept me safe!...haha

@SeeCanU My dad was. I am an old punk rocker...haha....and a former marine....I got combat pay, so I suppose I am a vet...don't think about it...haha

thank you for your service, sir! and thank your dad!

2

Iwould never want anything other than a monogomous relationship.

4

I totally desire Monogamy, if i can't have that in a Realtionship that ,we can't be involved . Im a touchy feely type of person when with a woman, so totally no affection or Monogamy wouldn't ever work out

0

I like the idea of monogamy. Ideally, I would like to give someone all of my attention, and have them give me all of theirs. The idea of being in a relationship that lasts over the years is appealing: knowing that other person would always be there.

Of course, at my age that is almost flat out impossible.

0

I think we should date established couples

1

I just recently started a relationship with someone, and after just a few weeks, she told me she may be sending me to the friend zone and she cheated on me with another guy. She said it wasn't supposed to happen and she had told this guy she wasn't interested in him that way, but it ended up that way. I have always believed that if you are with someone, just dating, or in a commited relationship you should always be monogamus. If you just want to be friends with benefits, say so. I personally like the benefits, but I prefer some kind of emotional connection before the benefits part. It makes the sex much better

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