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Worth the wait?

How far would you go to find someone? How long would you wait before settling for less?

ChasingShadows 3 Nov 16
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i rest my life waiting for the one person .If that means there is a chance that I will remain alone for the rest of my life, I will. This is better than spending time with someone to avoid loneliness .

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I think you can try your hardest to travel the world and never find anyone, and you can not try at all and find the perfect one while walking in your own backyard. In other words, if you try too hard and think about it too much, it's less likely to happen. My maternal grandfather had a saying that applies here. "Happiness is like a butterfly. If you chase it, it flies away. If you just sit and let it be, it lands on your shoulder."

In my personal experience, I find that a combination of this attitude and exposing yourself to the world/public is the best way to meet viable suitors. In the recent past (ie earlier this year) I've met two girls who I had a shot with. I never ended up getting the girl in either case, but honestly, I think that's what happens most of the time. If you're looking for "the one and only," there are billions of people in this world. The odds are literally one in like 7 billion that you'll find "the one." But despite those odds, people all over the world find their soulmates. It just takes constantly exposing yourself and putting yourself out there. And taking chances doesn't hurt either. There's a TSO lyric that applies here: "Hearts can confuse, that messed up bundle of nerves that tends to bruise. Still lay it bare, it's better to bleed than to need and never have dared."

And hey, despite striking out twice in the recent past, I've met two other potential suitors recently. The one girl I've talked on and off with about politics and science, and we seem to gel on that front. I only see her occassionally on campus, so I haven't felt it out enough to really ask her out or anything. However, when I do see her, I give her a quick hello and be like, "Hey, I'm that crazy guy that you talked to about kneeling in the NFL!" It may go somewhere, but it may not, either. And that's ok. The other girl is one who I thought was single, but apparantly she got back with her ex, and that's a can of worms that I do NOT want to get into (again...but that's another story). Still, we have a farm internship class together and we get along super well. Great chemistry. But like I said, she and her ex are doing weird things, and I don't particularly want to stick my nose into that thorn bush

But yeah, point is, it's going to happen, but in the words of Adam Savage, "Failure is always an option!" You're gonna blunder. And even when you don't blunder, look at me- sometimes the cards still don't play out in your favor. But that doesn't mean you go folding because of one sour hand. You just keep on playing, have fun with it, and wait for that one inevitable time when the cards DO work out in your favor.

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If I settled for less than wha tI wanted, I would not be single.

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I search the whole wide world just to find her (Cage The Elephant "Whole Wide World" ). Time is a problem when I'm impatient. Why settle? And there is no perfect!

1

If it does t feel like settling, than it's the one. Although, if you feel you'll never be happy you'll always have that empty feeling of settling.

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There's no particular distance as I don't actively seek. The right one will come along, drawn by my living my life joyously and well. That could happen here, or half way around the world. Regarding settling: nope. No one deserves to be settled for. Each should be loved fully, for exactly who they are.

Zster Level 8 Nov 16, 2017

I'm seeking because I need to be doing something while I'm waiting.

1

I'm holding out until I find someone with whom I'm as comfortable as my favorite pair of sweat pants. I'd like to date more to find that someone, but that's my end goal.

I hold this view because I know a lot of married people among my friends and family. And somehow, none of those married couples seem the least bit mismatched. Both of my brothers have very particular personalities and they both found wives that perfectly complemented them. Two of my friends are tatted-up, straight whiskey-sipping rock n' roll-loving bartenders and they've been happily married for years and have a beautiful daughter. Two others are a sex-positive couple with an open relationship and they just became parents to a baby boy.

I don't know if I want kids or not, but I want that ideal perfection that everyone I know has. Someone who maybe deals with anxiety or depression because I do, too. Someone who loves geeky things like Doctor Who and MST3K. Someone who loves going to shows and has a taste for esoteric things like old sci-fi and horror movies. I suppose waiting for that exact package of interests is unrealistic, but if the only thing we have in common is a disbelief in an afterlife, I don't think we'd get along.

2

The only person you should be finding is yourself. Don't value yourself less than others.

1

Never settle!! It's not worth wasting your time with someone who isn't on your level. My advice, should you seek it, is to be patient and don't give up. Find other things to fill your life, like travel and learning about new, fascinating subjects. And if an opportunity with someone special comes up, grab it. Your life is what you make it. If you don't want a sub-par life, don't surround yourself with sub-par people.

1

Hmm… good question. I'm not sure, honestly. Is five miles from my house too far? I'm being flippant, I know, but I can't imagine traveling very far. Being honest, maybe up to a couple of hours by car. I don't do casual flings, so it would need to be someone I really connected with and close enough that I could realistically visit them with some frequency.

As for settling for less, I won't. That doesn't mean that I'm looking for someone flawless, just that I'm not willing to compromise on the important things to me (e.g., kind to animals, children, and disenfranchised adults, preferably in that order, someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, financially responsible, no substance abuse problems, compatible values / worldview&hellip😉. I've been alone a long time, and I'm prepared to be alone a lot longer.

I was thinking more like across the street. Drive time ... blah. 😉

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I didn't even have to leave my office to find the right woman for me.

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Preferably not outside my state, but there's a lot of people in it ...

As for waiting, I'd rather be alone than settle !

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I've always met someone by accident.
I wasn't especially looking for anyone, or in a hurry to do so.
When it happens it just happens.

I don't mind waiting, and I certainly won't try to force a relationship to work with someone I'm totally incompatible with.

Sounds promising for me because I suck at finding women and starting conversations.

@Mr_Dj
I suck at starting a conversation too, but if she's possibly someone that's compatible, it comes easily and effortlessly.

2

There is chasing perfection, being realistic and getting desperate. Depends on your situation and state of mind I guess.

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