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Does online dating actually result in long term happy relationships? What is your personal experience? Iā€™m just finding it horrible for my self esteem.

BookishAngel 4 Mar 23
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In this age of technology, it is difficult to meet people. I've had the usual nightmares, but have made a friend I hope to keep for life, and have met the man of my dreams. I know I'm fortunate to have had such luck. Just don't take anything personally (harder than it sounds) and keep at it. I'm over 60, and there is someone out there...

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I found it a mixed bag. I've just come out of a 4-week dating experience that seemed to have a lot of momentum and really going places... then he switched very suddenly, for no reason that I could fathom. I sent a few more messages, got very cursory and short answers back and then decided not to keep pursuing it. It's a fine line between putting yourself out there and being so open and hopeful that when something like this happens you feel devastated. Many years ago, when I wasn't so emotionally stable and still needed to work on myself (a lot) I was really buffeted about by online dating, because I assumed people were open about their motivations and intentions (like I am). Big learning curve! Now, I allow myself to be vulnerable enough to be open for something good to happen, while not pinning my hopes on it too much so when it goes away it doesn't knock me over emotionally.

This latest episode had me feeling sad, lonely and disappointed for about 5 days, and then I got over it and decided it was his loss šŸ™‚

Good luck. It's tough. But you can find love!

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This is a good place unless the geography get in the way.

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Met my wife of 20 years on line in a chat room she is the one got me to come out about my
Atheist belief never told her but she is a very smart woman.i wish we new each other when
We were younger could have done many good things together. Glad we at least got these years

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My general experience from many dating sites is that online dating is absolutely appalling in the humiliation and despair it creates. One becomes convinced that no mutually happy match is possible for one, a conclusion magnified by going through many thousands of profiles without even one in-person meeting. Often it turns out when the other is interested there is an ulterior motive that is the only interest. When men seek women, we often discover the women are seeking: money or power, sperm, likes on social media, or are spamming to get people to visit some site. I'm hoping this one will be better!

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So far I've had one that was long term and a couple that were happy. One that was both if you count just over 12 months as 'long term.' Okay, the really long term one (17 years) predated the Internet thing and was a lonely hearts ad in a newspaper, but a similar theme.

Of course one key difference is that the old newspaper ads were text only. People got an idea of who you were by reading what you'd written about yourself. Now, most of the time, they don't even get as far as reading the profile. Swipe left or swipe right, based on a single photo. Personality no longer gets a look in, it's entirely about whether one picture creates a stirring in your knickers or doesn't. That saddens me.

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I know two couples who meet on line and have been married over 10 years.

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If you're going to do online dating, you better have a hell of a lot of self esteem. Prepare for quite a bit of rejection unless you're drop dead gorgeous.

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It's like any other social group. There's nice people , as couple jerks the more you talk to the more likely you'll find what you're looking for. Don't let a couple people stop you from trying it just means they weren't the one. You are the one you just need to find your other one. Until then just enjoy the community this group is growing everyday.

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I just spotted these and they fit perfectly.

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As a gay man, I dound tha tfindign peple via bars, or throug friends worked much better than online dating... at least that is how it worked for me.

I think technology has greatly reduced personal interactions a great dal and I expect relationships to suffer as a result of that.

I read an article and it said 3 of 4 same sex relationships start online while only 1 in 4 hetero relationships do.

@BookishAngel I think gay men are mroe casual about meeting people.

However, I find that until I see a person and interact with them, I can't tell how much I'd like them, as most online profiles are exaggerated. I do better i spotting possible matches in person than online.

@Admin, I noticed a lot of typos in my original reply above, but thee is no edit option for me to make corrections on that reply. I have noticed this previously on other posts and replies too. As I am legally blind, and I am losing finger dexterity due to autoimmune problems, my typos are getting worse, and I'd like to be able to correct them in posts where I was tired and forgot to check them when writing them.

This may be a bug or function error. Hope you find the problem and fix it soon.

@snytiger6 we are going to add spell checking to the forms. Hopefully that helps. You also can update your comments for a few hours after the post.

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My mom met my adoptive dad in a yahoo chatroom in 1998. They've been happily married almost 20 years

1

I think it used to.

I have had pretty good luck in the past. But the last two years it has been total crap. I think that the scammers and bad sites have chased away a lot of people that were serious about meeting someone and it has turned into more of a meat market.

It is kinda drives me nuts, as it seems you would have a greater chance of meeting a good match on a dating site as opposed to randomly in bar or elsewhere. You see if you have similar beliefs and interests right off the bat, and that seems it would be a great starting point. Not sure why it does not work. LoL

If Meetup is popular near you, that is a good choice, because a lot of the Meetups are more of a laid back no pressure way to meet people. I am not talking about the speed dating ones, but the others. In Colorado, we have a ton of outdoor related ones. Like hiking, biking, picnics, etc... It is a really good way to meet people with similar interests.

I have pretty much given up on dating sites. I am using this one more as a friends and interesting conversation place than actually trying to get a date. The conversations are much better than on Facebook. LoL

Try Meetup and good luck to you!

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I've been on a few dating sites and they were all a waste of time, nobody appeared that serious about even having a conversation. Most of the women had a list of prerequisites that were so long I'd lost the will to live before I got to the end, the one that pisses me off the most is that I'm not tall enough!!! Tall enough to what, play basketball #FFS
All that being said i did have one relationship that lasted 6 months and it was delightful but there were other factors that got in the way so all I would say is don't take it too seriously, be very careful when meeting up, applies more to the girls than the boys, and stay on here, at least we talk to each other šŸ™‚

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It turned out great for me and my girl. I think what matters most is keeping an open mind and weighing goods/ bads objectively.

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In my opinion, if you're not generally happy when you're alone, a relationship will give you temporary happiness at best. You'll always to back to the same level of happiness eventually. It's better to figure out how to be happy alone and find someone else who has done the same. Share in each other's experiences, support each other, learn from each other. And never ever try to shove yourself or someone else into a shoe they don't fit in.

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Met husband online. Been together for 10 years.

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It hasnā€™t worked for me in the way I want but I have meant a few nice people. Run across a lot of con artists, married guys, and straight up assholes, too. I get tired of being asked how big my boobs are. Really?? How about hello?
It did work for my daughter and she met a wonderful man that sheā€™s been with for three years.

Iffy Level 5 Mar 23, 2018
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You are pretty by 5he way

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Just from my experience it seems like everyone is on the fence. It has taken the personal aspect out of meeting new people. Personally I like to meet new people expecting nothing. Have a couple of drinks or a bite and if the conversation turned out good and nothing developed at least you leave with a full stomach, a lil buzz or just a good conversation.

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After breaking up with my second partner (96'šŸ˜‰ I joined some dating groups (not online) and met quite a few interesting women. One was a former nun who decided that, that life wasn't for her and I was the first guy she went out with. I was a mild atheist and she was a 40+ year old Catholic/virgin and totally inexperienced with men. Another woman (who didnā€™t respond to my interest but who I met later - she didn't recognize me but I did her) was a PhD in toxicology. She was petit and it was at a Sierra club picnic. She was with some big, dumb guy and she was ordering him around like a puppy dog. That sent a big, scary message. Another was a Psychologist who had a chain of offices along the West Coast (needless to say she was wealthy). She had no children and was looking for a mate to babysit a child she was going to adopt from China. Nothing came of a year of that experience and I actually met my perfect partner through an introduction from my sister. Now I am with an online group (and here) as, to me, it gives more choices than if one looked on their own. It is also better to get to know someone before meeting them as sometimes chemistry can actually get in the way. But, as with life itself, luck plays a big part.

1

I wonder why marraige seems to be the prize? I thought this was about relationships? I did the online thing a few times and feel fortunate that honesty was in the forefront with most of the people I dated. A couple resulted in relationships of 5 years apiece. That seems to be my cap, lol. I've now been alone for 6 years and I admit that I've become accustomed to loving me. I must say that I'm an introvert and want to know how could a person who doesn't like to go out find a like person to date?

0

You only get those things written on your birth guarantee. What? You didn't get a birth guarantee? Well, then nothing is guaranteed.

One of the greatest of life's lessons is that there is no certain way to get or accomplish anything. That life is what we make of it and how we respond to the randomness of the whole process. That self esteem is an internal process that can be coopted by external events only if we allow it to happen. That much of what we think of ourselves and about our world was generated in us before we were old enough to form strong, independent thoughts of our own.

Time now to cut that cord, open the cage door, stretch out the wings and fly away. Anything less gives up your power to the before world.

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For me, I find meeting in person to be a better fit. A lot of the guys I met online were not very much like their online persona. I get a better read on people in person, so I've decided to stick with that.

The problem for me is that I'm a liberal atheist in a conservative location. The odds are slim that I'll run into a romantic match. At my age, though, friends are enough. I'm not wondering about raising kids with someone or things like that anymore.

1

I suppose it does work for some but older women face the challenge of men mostly looking for younger women. I chatted with some nice people but when I've listed my turnoffs, one can guess being as I am on agnostic.com the ones interested are fewer. I've been single 8 years now and I figure if the love of my life comes along so be it otherwise I just enjoy life.

I would work on why you would allow it to be horrible for your self-esteem. You are the star of your site/post on these dating services. People will lie, that's a given, within a few exchanges you can sort out the nuts and move on. Just be true to you.

Older men can also have that problem with the increasing number of 'Cougar' women. There are a lot of men who actually don't want young (<8years - remember women tend to be more mature than men) poster women. There has to be a shared cultural base for a true, meaningful relationship.

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