Agnostic.com

66 7

Does online dating actually result in long term happy relationships? What is your personal experience? I’m just finding it horrible for my self esteem.

BookishAngel 4 Mar 23
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

66 comments (26 - 50)

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

My mom met my adoptive dad in a yahoo chatroom in 1998. They've been happily married almost 20 years

1

I think it used to.

I have had pretty good luck in the past. But the last two years it has been total crap. I think that the scammers and bad sites have chased away a lot of people that were serious about meeting someone and it has turned into more of a meat market.

It is kinda drives me nuts, as it seems you would have a greater chance of meeting a good match on a dating site as opposed to randomly in bar or elsewhere. You see if you have similar beliefs and interests right off the bat, and that seems it would be a great starting point. Not sure why it does not work. LoL

If Meetup is popular near you, that is a good choice, because a lot of the Meetups are more of a laid back no pressure way to meet people. I am not talking about the speed dating ones, but the others. In Colorado, we have a ton of outdoor related ones. Like hiking, biking, picnics, etc... It is a really good way to meet people with similar interests.

I have pretty much given up on dating sites. I am using this one more as a friends and interesting conversation place than actually trying to get a date. The conversations are much better than on Facebook. LoL

Try Meetup and good luck to you!

1

In my opinion, if you're not generally happy when you're alone, a relationship will give you temporary happiness at best. You'll always to back to the same level of happiness eventually. It's better to figure out how to be happy alone and find someone else who has done the same. Share in each other's experiences, support each other, learn from each other. And never ever try to shove yourself or someone else into a shoe they don't fit in.

1

Met husband online. Been together for 10 years.

1

It hasn’t worked for me in the way I want but I have meant a few nice people. Run across a lot of con artists, married guys, and straight up assholes, too. I get tired of being asked how big my boobs are. Really?? How about hello?
It did work for my daughter and she met a wonderful man that she’s been with for three years.

Iffy Level 5 Mar 23, 2018
1

Just from my experience it seems like everyone is on the fence. It has taken the personal aspect out of meeting new people. Personally I like to meet new people expecting nothing. Have a couple of drinks or a bite and if the conversation turned out good and nothing developed at least you leave with a full stomach, a lil buzz or just a good conversation.

1

I wonder why marraige seems to be the prize? I thought this was about relationships? I did the online thing a few times and feel fortunate that honesty was in the forefront with most of the people I dated. A couple resulted in relationships of 5 years apiece. That seems to be my cap, lol. I've now been alone for 6 years and I admit that I've become accustomed to loving me. I must say that I'm an introvert and want to know how could a person who doesn't like to go out find a like person to date?

1

I suppose it does work for some but older women face the challenge of men mostly looking for younger women. I chatted with some nice people but when I've listed my turnoffs, one can guess being as I am on agnostic.com the ones interested are fewer. I've been single 8 years now and I figure if the love of my life comes along so be it otherwise I just enjoy life.

I would work on why you would allow it to be horrible for your self-esteem. You are the star of your site/post on these dating services. People will lie, that's a given, within a few exchanges you can sort out the nuts and move on. Just be true to you.

Older men can also have that problem with the increasing number of 'Cougar' women. There are a lot of men who actually don't want young (<8years - remember women tend to be more mature than men) poster women. There has to be a shared cultural base for a true, meaningful relationship.

1

I do online dating off and on. My breaks are a recovery/"I'm putting so much time and effort into this without results" kinda thing.

I go into it this way: I'm my own best cheerleader! I'm not for everyone - as everyone is not for me and I can't expect to think that it'll work out. I have zero expectations. ZERO (which at times it is hard to keep this frame of mind).

I learn something new every time (as in there are waaaay too many drug abusers out there. Lol), but hey, I learn. Aaaaand - I laugh about it! I'm cautious (oh HALL no you're not picking me up at my house!!) but am nuetral about it all, you'll have to prove to me that you're who you are through time.

I'd love to meet a guy while just walking though life - but that doesn't happen. So online dating it is.

I have sooooo many bad date stories though! So great to share with friends and laugh our butts off!! Seriously. Soooo bad ahahahaha!

1

I don't know from a woman's perspective. I dated my ex for 5 years. I met her on POF. She had some weird dating experiences but mine were fine. I met some nice ladies. Some were a bit off and really not ready to date. I can imagine men can be a bit scary.

1

I haven't had any luck. There are a lot of freaks out there!

1

Online dating is inherently shallow. I met someone pretty amazing through tinder, but I broke it off after a couple months. I’ll give it another go after the summer. Just too busy right now.

Marz Level 7 Mar 23, 2018

Tinder is the most shallow of all of them. Choose the potential mate based on what they look like !what could go f** wrong?

1

my last partner, I found on the internet and I cared about her the most out of anybody I ever was with. her father had abused her and she took my trust for not caring and her daughter was a horrible little cow but my hands were tied so I threw the daughter out and obviously the mother went too. id keep an open mind really and not try too hard. we don't need partners, we just would really like one. I've been way more unhappy and lonely with the wrong person than I am on my own now. the trouble with online dating I think is people just say what the fuck they want or are after money or just taking the piss or its not even them in the pictures.

1

That whole online dating thing is crushing me too. Most women on there don’t respond to me and, those who do get bored of my political and philosophical talks.
You’re not alone!

I don't know what your profiles say on other sites, but your profile here starts out great, then delves into a bit o' apparent dysfunction that might be scaring off potential mates. Just a hunch.

@BlueWave looked at profile too and living with wife would scare women off. Best to describe arrangement as Complicated and not expound on it

@BlueWave I know but it’s the situation I’m currently in. It won’t last but I can’t lie, nor can I really hide it.

@SergeyCornwall Gotcha. I was just responding as to why potential dates might be steering clear of you in online dating.

1

yes it can be very good on two counts (a) because you might never meet the person you are chatting too 🍺 you most certainly not marry them. therefore yes a double wammy. they end up happy and you end up happy. James

Leon Level 5 Mar 23, 2018
1

This format makes it impossible for people to be real with each other. It is rather sad. I got full on scammed by someone online, and it was a woman i knew from childhood, we had been good friends and then one day she really swept me off my feet by being interested, and we started "dating" from afar.

Then we got together, it turned out she had been married three times and all she does is smoke, drink, and gamble and stalk her creepy ex husband. I ended up being robbed by her and her friends, nearly taken out to the desert, but the cat has claws.

It happens us all my friend and the nicer the people the more it happens. Just learn from it, but quickly. James

Ugh to what end with all this learning.? I learned that people are some real scumbags. Im up front about what i want and where im going, and people now are ingenuine skeezers out tinderfuckin on the side.

1

I don't know how long any relationship will last, I do know people who have met on dating sites and have even married. I met one lady on a site and we dated for 2-3 years, moving in together killed it. wow, we split 14 years ago. Time flies.
hey, it's not your fault the right people are not there.

0

In this age of technology, it is difficult to meet people. I've had the usual nightmares, but have made a friend I hope to keep for life, and have met the man of my dreams. I know I'm fortunate to have had such luck. Just don't take anything personally (harder than it sounds) and keep at it. I'm over 60, and there is someone out there...

0

I found it a mixed bag. I've just come out of a 4-week dating experience that seemed to have a lot of momentum and really going places... then he switched very suddenly, for no reason that I could fathom. I sent a few more messages, got very cursory and short answers back and then decided not to keep pursuing it. It's a fine line between putting yourself out there and being so open and hopeful that when something like this happens you feel devastated. Many years ago, when I wasn't so emotionally stable and still needed to work on myself (a lot) I was really buffeted about by online dating, because I assumed people were open about their motivations and intentions (like I am). Big learning curve! Now, I allow myself to be vulnerable enough to be open for something good to happen, while not pinning my hopes on it too much so when it goes away it doesn't knock me over emotionally.

This latest episode had me feeling sad, lonely and disappointed for about 5 days, and then I got over it and decided it was his loss 🙂

Good luck. It's tough. But you can find love!

0

This is a good place unless the geography get in the way.

0

Met my wife of 20 years on line in a chat room she is the one got me to come out about my
Atheist belief never told her but she is a very smart woman.i wish we new each other when
We were younger could have done many good things together. Glad we at least got these years

0

My general experience from many dating sites is that online dating is absolutely appalling in the humiliation and despair it creates. One becomes convinced that no mutually happy match is possible for one, a conclusion magnified by going through many thousands of profiles without even one in-person meeting. Often it turns out when the other is interested there is an ulterior motive that is the only interest. When men seek women, we often discover the women are seeking: money or power, sperm, likes on social media, or are spamming to get people to visit some site. I'm hoping this one will be better!

0

So far I've had one that was long term and a couple that were happy. One that was both if you count just over 12 months as 'long term.' Okay, the really long term one (17 years) predated the Internet thing and was a lonely hearts ad in a newspaper, but a similar theme.

Of course one key difference is that the old newspaper ads were text only. People got an idea of who you were by reading what you'd written about yourself. Now, most of the time, they don't even get as far as reading the profile. Swipe left or swipe right, based on a single photo. Personality no longer gets a look in, it's entirely about whether one picture creates a stirring in your knickers or doesn't. That saddens me.

0

I know two couples who meet on line and have been married over 10 years.

0

As a gay man, I dound tha tfindign peple via bars, or throug friends worked much better than online dating... at least that is how it worked for me.

I think technology has greatly reduced personal interactions a great dal and I expect relationships to suffer as a result of that.

I read an article and it said 3 of 4 same sex relationships start online while only 1 in 4 hetero relationships do.

@BookishAngel I think gay men are mroe casual about meeting people.

However, I find that until I see a person and interact with them, I can't tell how much I'd like them, as most online profiles are exaggerated. I do better i spotting possible matches in person than online.

@Admin, I noticed a lot of typos in my original reply above, but thee is no edit option for me to make corrections on that reply. I have noticed this previously on other posts and replies too. As I am legally blind, and I am losing finger dexterity due to autoimmune problems, my typos are getting worse, and I'd like to be able to correct them in posts where I was tired and forgot to check them when writing them.

This may be a bug or function error. Hope you find the problem and fix it soon.

@snytiger6 we are going to add spell checking to the forms. Hopefully that helps. You also can update your comments for a few hours after the post.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:41782
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.