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Have you ever had a frenemy?

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"

Have you ever been successful at this?

silvereyes 8 Mar 25
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65 comments (51 - 65)

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no, i'm too old. it wasn't invented yet.

I think that it was mentioned in Sun Tzu's the Art of Warfare which is about 2500 years old.

@FrayedBear, frenemy?! i read that term for the first time on fb coupla days ago, so assumed it's one of these newfangled gen xyz things.

@walklightly Not the word but the principle. Sun Tzu didn't speak English!

@FrayedBear, ok, in principle i could never stand the air of tension that accumulates between people who dislike, loathe, detest, disdain, abhor, disgust, execrate, hate, disrespect, misunderstand, abominate, despise, disrelish each other. love & peace shall surround me!

@walklightly That is how you miss forewarning.

@FrayedBear ?

@walklightly By not being close enough to hear "pull the trigger and shoot the bitch" you don't get time to duck or run out of range!

@FrayedBear, other than online i am not close enough to be perceived as a bitch. so shoot me through the ether!

@walklightly LOL. it wasnt meant personally walklightly ... ? hmmmm unless .... should I be keeping you close? ?

@FrayedBear, whoahoahoah! are you sure you want to ask that question? 😉

@walklightly Always!

1

I knew a guy in high school named Bob. He was a bully but one that I kind of liked. He just amused me for some reason even if he picked on me a little. He was probably the closest thing to a frenemy I've known.

1

Nope. I do have friends that I like to be faux enemies with. We call each other names and say really harsh shit to each other but help each other happily as well.

I have one friend in particular like that, esp during card games. we'd call each other evil names like you wouldn't believe. We have toned it down a bit, but we still call each other names when we meet

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Many, they are people you know can hurt you given the opportunity so you pretend to be their friend.

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YES! Mostly at work!

1

My brother who is just below me has been one. I didn't understand this until I was discussing our childhood with brother number 2. He said he would sit there and watch the two of vying for top dog (I was amazed at his astuteness). We have now had totally different lifestyles and when the 3 of got together last May I noticed the situation was still there. I finally had to say that even though we had differences he was still my brother and I still loved him. He was quiet after that.

1

It's really not all the uncommon in the music business. In some bands, egos tend to collide. I once played in a band with a guy, Tom (not his real name,) who was (is) one of the best, most talented guitarists and singers in the area. His problem was that he knew it and expected everyone else to know it too.

Tom came into the band when it was three piece -- myself, the bass player, and the drummer. I was lead guitarist for the band as well as lead singer for most of the material we did. One night, driving home after a gig, I dozed at the wheel about 10 miles from home, doing about 75mph, and went off the road. I clipped what was essentially a concete wall. It was just dumb luck that I didn't hit that wall head-on. Had I done that, I would certainly have been killed. As it was, I was fortunate that the crash resulted in only a single injury -- a broken left hand. The force of the impact had traveled up the steering column and ... snap!!

I continued performing with the band as lead singer while my hand healed, but could not play guitar with my hand in a cast. That's when the band brought Tom in to serve as lead guitarist for about three months, after which I was ready to begin playing again. Then he stayed on a while longer as I worked to get my hand back in shape and regain my previous level of play.

Once I had my skills back, we found ourselves in the enviable position of having two lead guitarists who were also singers, something that nobody else in the area had. So we made it a permanent arrangement, started doing material that few other bands had the instrumentation or vocals to do well, and the band started playing bigger and bigger gigs.

But there was a problem. Tom had the attitude that he was some sort of superstar and was extremely difficult to work with. He would show up at a gig, or a rehearsal for that matter, and twiddle with his guitar, or mingle with the crowd, or fuss with his hair, or just sit somewhere while everyone else in the band was busting ass hauling gear, setting up, tearing down. loading and unloading, doing the sound check, etc. Tom had joined the band as a substitute, but by this time acted as if we all worked for him.

Even worse than that, he was (is) one of these people who are obviously and obnoxiously Christian. God this, Jesus that, The Lord the other thing. Mingling around waiting for the gig to start, on break, at a restaurant after the gig, during idle time at rehearsal, or any time there was dead air (except on stage) it would almost never fail that he would say something related to his faith. Myself being an atheist, it completely rubbed me the wrong way and Tom and I knocked heads a few times.

Enemies? Yeah, pretty much. Friends? Well, we had a working relationship and had to act like we were friends when the band was out in public. Does that count?

After another few months, I would receive an unsolicited job offer in California that I could not turn down, and that was the end of my time with that band, which was probably the most successful band I've been directly involved with. Now I've returned to the area and am involved in a new band. No, Tom is not in it! I absolutely, positively, refuse to ever work with Tom again.

I've heard that a month or two after I left for California, Tom and the bass player got into a fist fight following a gig near Eau Claire, WI. I'm pretty sure I know where it was since we played at a place near Eau Claire several times. I'm also pretty sure I know what started the fight. I'm told the bass player threw the first punch. I wish I could have witnessed that!!

I won't even go and see Tom's latest band. One, I won't pay money to see him perform. Two, I don't want to chance getting into a fist fight!! lol

1

As an adult I don't have any enemies. If I am at a party with a group of people I have some who are friendlier than others. Or on holidays in summer my GF has a huge party which includes an old friend that I dated 9 years ago for 3 months. He has a live in GF now and she freaked out on the 4th of July to keep us away from each other worried his GF would get upset. I don't get into drama so I stayed away from them.

1

I used to some years back. He was actually my best friend for many years and the person I thought was the most similar to myself when we joined highschool. But as smart people, we are driven and it became so easy to drive each other apart. Finally one day he cut the friendship.

It's been quite a few years since and we occasionally see each other, but don't do anything more than talk about the weather until we split into two different conversations with other people. A true frenemy is too much effort and it's easier just to interact with other people.

By letting the frenemy in, all you're doing is adding chaos into your life. There are so many more positive ways than to do that. Maybe one day we will be friends again, but we will likely be very different people then

1

No. Can't say I have. But I don't try either. I'm nice to pretty much everyone even if I probably shouldn't be.

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Yes lots of people who called me friend turned out to to be

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I don't allow enemies, if they are too negative or not making sense, get rid of them. Basely people are good , about 2 percent are out to screw you.

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After retiring I became Facebook friends with a number of coworkers. Four were what I call “Christian Taliban “ and at least two voted for tRump.
After numerous debates apparently my logic and reason hit too close to home and I was defriended.
Looks like I became the frenemy !

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