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Brain Sees Men As Whole, Women In Parts.

"You look great, Mom," my daughter said on Christmas Eve. How so? I wanted to ask. Is it my hair, skin or body? I wanted specifics.

"Thank you, honey," I replied and let it go.

Later I realized I objectified myself, seeing myself as the sum of body parts. Scrutinizing my appearance is an insidious result of being objectified by society, men and women.

Last year, I canceled my subscription to Health Magazine, tired of seeing gorgeous, airbrushed swimsuit models in their 20's on the cover each month. What about older women?

"Women are more likely to be picked apart by the brain and seen as parts rather than a whole, according to research published online June 29, 2019 in the European Journal of Social Psychology. Men, on the other hand, are processed as a whole rather than the sum of their parts.

"“Every day, ordinary women are being reduced to their sexual body parts,” said study author Sarah Gervais, a psychologist at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. “This isn’t just something that supermodels or porn stars have to deal with.”

"Numerous studies have found that feeling objectified is bad for women. Being ogled can make women do worse on math tests, and self-sexualization, or scrutiny of one’s own shape, is linked to body shame, eating disorders and poor mood."

The Pressure on Women to Stay Young

"So. Yes. We're all dying. We're all crumbling into the void, one cell at a time. We are disintegrating like sugar cubes in champagne. But only women have to pretend it isn't happening.

"Fifty-something men wander around with their guts flopped over their waistbands and their faces looking like a busted tramp's mattress in an underpass. They sprout nasal hair and chasm-like wrinkles, and go 'Ooof!' whenever they stand up or sit down.

"Men visibly age, every day -- but women are supposed to stop the decline at around 37, 38, and live out the next 30 or 40 years in some magical bubble where their hair is still shiny and chestnut, their face unlined, their lips puffy, and their tits up on the top third of the ribcage."

-- Caitlin Moran in her hilarious book, “How to Be a Woman”

[huffpost.com]

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 Dec 26
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24 comments

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10

It's this kind of garbage that makes me even more determined to defiantly
refuse to conform to ANYTHING relating to how women are "supposed" to be.
I reject nearly all attempts to get me to act like how other people think I should.
I don't care what people think of me, or if they "approve" of how I live my life.

I don't think of myself as "parts of a whole".
I AM WHOLE, and don't need anyone to "complete" me.
Hell, I don't even want to be involved with anyone who would say "you complete me". I'd rather be involved with someone who is already "whole".

I tried doing the gender role thing. I've been a wife, more than once.
It doesn't suit me. At all.
Nothing concerning prevailing ideas about gender roles suits me.

I am enough.

That post would make an awesome dating profile on Match.com 😉

@Sgt_Spanky LOL
Too bad I have absolutely NO desire to date.

OMFG
I'm dyin'!!!

That was too fucking hilarious!
Thank you!!!!

@KKGator Even with that you'd still get replies. Mostly from the guys who just want to get laid. You could confess to mass murder and they wouldn't be put off.They'd just compliment you for having a forceful personality then ask you what positions you like best.

@Sgt_Spanky Guess it's a good thing I'm not on any dating sites. LOL

9

Some years ago I saw a documentary on Cuba. How men and women saw each other. It was lovely, men really appreciated women no matter if they were fat or skinny, and women appreciated their own bodies too. They women were very confident in their bodies, ugly or not. It all has to do with advertising, there is not advertising in Cuba about how women are should look.

Their bodies are not ugly

Really ? No Castro Centerfolds ? No Victoria's Secret bras sewn together in PRISON INDUSTRIES ???$$$ THANK YOU Jolanta for destroying censorship of Cuban Revolutionary ACCOMPLISHMENTS....DID your show include organic farming and the facts how Cuban medical schools send doctors to USA barrios where few Anglo docs go ? Sad to say TrumpOLINI has slashed free travel to Havana which Obama GREATLY expanded

4

Save me from those skinny scrawny women who are so thin they could give you paper-cuts every time you touched them.
Give me a 100% natural woman any day, it is NOT aesthetic outside that attracts me for that usually hides all kinds of faults and flaws, especially when they are liberally covered with ton upon ton of make-up, etc.
I suppose that I am kind of like the Artists of the Classic Renaissance Era when they painted women complete and without any of those modern aesthetic touch-ups, i.e. the pure, honest and natural body shape, etc.
Me, I look at the woman as a whole first and foremost rather than the bits and pieces.

@Triphid

"Save me from those skinny scrawny women who are so thin they could give you paper-cuts every time you touched them."

That was mean. This is what fit looks like.

Photo: I'm 66. Nov. 14, 2019.

@LiterateHiker Ah shit no, you're not what I'd class as being the 'paper-cutting ' type of woman, I can easily see that there is REAL meat on the bones, all the curves in the right places, etc.

@Gwendolyn2018 No, not meant as 'objectification,' but merely as a compliment to her ratio of physical health and fitness in relation to her years.

@Gwendolyn2018 No, not in any way at all.
In actual fact I know and am good friends with many women who are either my age or older and they are in excellent 'shape' given the ravages of time, etc.
Yet I know many younger women, much, much younger in fact, for the sake of an example, If they were a car then any Insurance Company would class them as being a Complete and Total Write-Off mostly due to the fact that they have ' used and abused' to an extreme extent both the inner workings and the outer body as well.
Personally, I much prefer to look directly at the face and eyes of anyone I'm talking to, etc, be they male or female, rather than to scan/ogle the body as ever so many other men appear to do.

@Gwendolyn2018 Aw, fair go, I was enjoy this 'fun' debate.

@Triphid

There's a compliment in there somewhere.

@LiterateHiker It ALL was a compliment.
"Fair Go" is an Aussie saying that can mean anything from. " Come on that was great why stop," " We're having fun and enjoying it so why stop now," etc, etc, right through to similar to " Hey ease up there, you're being a harsh, mean, etc, etc, " But I wrote to mean simply that I was enjoying our debate immensely and didn't want it to stop.

@Triphid I also object to this: "Save me from those skinny scrawny women who are so thin they could give you paper-cuts every time you touched them." I exercise and eat right and my BMI is in a good place.Insulting people for being thin is no better than insulting them for being fat.

@Stephanie99 "Skinny and Scrawny" in Aussie parlance means a whole different to what you are envisaging I think.
Possibly Cadaverous/ virtually Skeletal might better suit those whom I was describing, i.e. ( and again in Aussie speak) So bloody thin and bony that they have to run around in circles under the shower just to wet,

4

I like intelligent assertive confident women. It is definitely not about "tits" and "ass." The most important sex organ is the brain.

PS....smart women are fit and trim because they know that this is the way to be healthy and live a long life.....and find a man they can share with.

@nicknotes

Yes, the most important sex organ is the brain.

I think you misunderstood me. Women "CAN" attract a man if they so desire....if not it is a choice they make. @Gwendolyn2018

Gwen....I don't want to argue with you....@Gwendolyn2018

4

Everyone can look however they want. Most of the men and women I see over 50 don't seem to give a shit how they look. I am not one of those people. It is pretty obvious men seem to be more visual when it comes to attraction, but that is just biology and that ain't changing. I have also observed women are much more critical of the way other women wear their makeup or dress than men are. Men and women will be attracted to who they are attracted to, and that is fact.

@Gwendolyn2018 I have never had a particular type either. I have spent time with all shapes, heights, and race. There is nothing shallow about who we are attracted to. It just is what it is. Admiring really attractive person is no different than admiring a beautiful painting, or building, or a beautiful view. We did a show with Ricky Nelson a few months before he died. I'm not gay, but I had a hard time not starring at him. He was simply beautiful. We have all met someone we thought was really sexy only to talk to them for awhile and find we no longer find them so attractive. Attraction is a strange and mysterious thing. I have known men and women who do have somewhat strict ideas for who they are attracted to, but not too many.

@Gwendolyn2018 Because of my profession most women already assume I am whatever their idea of what a musician is and it is usually not a choir boy, 🙂

@Gwendolyn2018 I always felt when I got older it was a detriment.

@Gwendolyn2018 I am not sure bait is applicable when it comes to ones profession. I dated a woman before I became a professional musician who had a thing for cops. I have dated to women who had been married to University professors and both missed that life style and the world of academia, and yes there are some women who like musicians and the life they lead as professional musicians. To me bait is money, a promise of a promotion or job, Meeting women playing was really not much different than meeting women when I was in advertising. The one advantage is almost everybody like to talk to the band. I can't remember ever walking up to a table of people to thank them for coming out and them not being happy you stopped to talk to them. It does make it a little easier because you don't have to come up with something to get passed that awkward moment when trying to meet someone. They already know who you are. When you are a musician most of the women you meet are at work just as in most professions. With the few people in academia I have known and the ones I have observed at Texas State University, it seems most those people date other people from the University. Most of us date within the world we live in most of the time. The real difference is the people in bars and at concerts are from very different worlds all participating in our world. Sorry, I got carried away. It might be the weed. 🙂

Is it biology, or is it societal conditioning? The idea behind the Trophy Wife is as much a symbol of success and status as it is any personal shallow preference.

@Deb57 It is biology. It has been that way in every culture since the beginning of recorded history. No one makes you be attracted to who you are attracted to any more they they make you like whatever it is in life you like, whether it is another human, a song, food, colors...it goes on and on. I have found most of those feelings about society come from being attracted to someone who doesn't share their feelings. Society will definitely influence the way most people dress or wear their hair but not who you are attracted to.

@Sticks48 I guess you're right. Based solely on your pictures, I think you're pretty attractive, but so many other factors hinder pursuing that attraction. Damn shame.

@Deb57 Thank you. That is very nice of you to say. You are also attractive. You are right about the other factors, especially distance.

4

I can see where women could feel picked-apart, itemized, objectified. But at least it gives women a chance to be attractive in one way or another.

For a man to be attractive he has to have it all. And that's why so many of us just don't try any more.

But at least it gives women a chance to be attractive in one way or another.

I'm hard pressed to think of any woman I know as not being attractive in one way or another already.

@BitFlipper

"For a man to be attractive he has to have it all," you wrote. I disagree.

What do you mean?

@BitFlipper don't worry, women say semi positive things like "well at least hes got some good features" all the time. Its just as awesome as the way men do it to women.

@LiterateHiker just as you have described your recent dismal dates. If the guy has a belly, or is short, or bald, nothing else matters. We only need to have one flaw to be rejected.

@1of5 you haven't seen the women who contact me on the dating sites. It's the number 1 reason I've decided to take radical action on my appearance. I keep asking myself: what is it about me that attracts these very unattractive women?

@BitFlipper What if one of those unattractive women had a personality that was a perfect complement with yours? Would she seem more attractive then?

@BitFlipper bummer. The ones who contacted me were great. Even married one.

Must be the bait you use.

@Sgt_Spanky There's more to an adult relationship than personality. I already have friends with personalities that compliment mine.

It's frequently called "chemistry", and women have no problem demanding it.

@1of5 Precisely. I don't have bait. I just have me.

@BitFlipper sigh

And what if we don't want to be attractive according to our body or the sum of our body parts? What if we'd rather be valued and appreciated for our intellect, our wit, our knowledge, our kindness, our skills or any other traits THAT ACTUALLY MATTER. To say that women are lucky because we are looked at as meat or as fckable bodies aka objectified, comes across as male privilege blindness.

@demifeministgal I agree with you, except that being unattractive, by choice or by nature, isn't a condition that only women experience.

What if we each, men and women, do want to be appreciated for our intellect, our wit, our knowledge, our kindness, our skills or any other traits? What if those traits are all we have to offer? My experience is: it's pretty lonely.

@BitFlipper But at least you are looked at as a human and respected rather than looked at as a walking fleshlight. The alternative is not so great, unless you desire to be part of the hookup culture.

@demifeministgal I hear you and I sympathize with you. Society puts each of us in boxes. I don't experience being treated as human nor am I respected. I am either ignored or distrusted. If you knew me you would probably recognize me as an ally.

3

This is interesting article. I consider myself somewhat of a shallow person, as I am looking out for the prom queen. I am attracted to beauty and like most men my first initial measure of attractiveness is visual.

The best way I know to articulate this is that no one walks past someone in the bar and mall and says that person has a nice personality. This comes after the initial physical attraction.

With that being said, after this, a unpleasant personality definitely takes away from that initial attractiveness. I would admit that with the Halo effect, the tendency to view attractive people as possessing admirable personality traits, it may take a longer time to realize this person has a bad personality. Men, again, being more visual may be more prone to this than our female counterparts.

Another problem with men being more visual as far as dating is concern, is that a woman's beauty or lack thereof is held to a higher standard than men are. If it is any solace as a 35 year old man, I am starting to become more aware of my mortality and the fact that I am getting older. This has caused me to invest in facial creams that promote to keep wrinkles at bay.

I am a firm believer in look good, feel good and think everyone should strive to keep their outer appearance looking good, especially if you are in the dating market. Many of us will never be Henry Cavill or Gal Gadot but we can all take care of ourselves as our bodies are part of us.

Also, I see nothing wrong with asking for specifics, though the best thing to say after a compliment is Thank you. Maybe you needed a little reassurance at the time because you were recently feeling insecure. A little reassurance every once in a while is not bad, the problem comes when we have an excessive need for the approval of others.

3

I am quite the visual person,most men are but i do find i am attracted to the majority of the different body types,ones face smile and attitude and openness pays a very big role and puts those women to the front of the list ,Though i rarely date do have a couple of long distance girlf friends I see a few times a year,mutually agreeable, I frequent coffee shops not bars ,were you see the majority of women as they really are no make up of very little some well groomed some slovenly and all sorts of body styles and a lot of the times it is not the one with the prettiest face ,it is the overall package ,then I would want to know about her intellectually ,hobbes , family sports likes and dislikes etc from there one can take it, but i use to judge and make assumptions in the past and the majority of times I was 100% wrong ,Was actually judging my self in her ,so i stopped doing that and started with no presumtions and see where a chat leeds

3

Nose hairs, hmm yes, and ears. Fairly free of wrinkles though and the belly hasn't quite overflowed the belt yet, but Christmas is here and I've not finished eating everything before it all repeats itself over new year in true Scottish tradition.
However, we are our nature. We are driven to mate and therefore seek out those we find best suited to make babies with us. Females and the feminine brain look to themselves as mateable body parts. It's partly nature, but also nurture as there are considerable differences in what different culturally we are trained to think as attractive.
This is a very interesting subject when taken apart. There is a huge hole in research into what we feel about ourselves as we hit certain age milestones.

3

Damn - I really dislike these kinds of generalizations, about humans in particular .

There is no age that marks all of us. There are floppy, funky, unkempt specimens of all ages, and fine, firm, easy-on-the-eyes folks as well - again, occurring in all stages of life.

Maintaining health throughout life, along with lucky genes can do wonders (or not) !
We each get to choose ...

3

Pretty much agree. There are of course individual exceptions. But our society socializes us to be pretty shallow in evaluating others, and it's much harder on women than on men.

3

Wrong I see the person as a whole. Age doesn't bother me

bobwjr Level 10 Dec 26, 2019
2

:::: looks in awe at the thread ::::

This makes me quite glad of two things:

    • Cat is not in the market at all, and,
    • Cat is a cat.

(( yes, I am aware that this post was completely and totally unhelpful. You are all welcome! ))

2

Men are more likely to have fetishes.

twill Level 7 Dec 27, 2019

I have noticed that fetishes seem to be a man thing. What's the reason for that, do you think? Is it because they tend to objectify women?

@Deb57 Hmmm. I'm not an expert! But I think (guess) it's biological/ physical .
Maybe objectifying women is the result of the fetish, not the cause of it .

2

Damn right

2

I think anyone wanting to believe and function as if this shit is factual has a surplus of time on their hands. Yes, some men do this, perhaps some women also do this, women can look at me as if I am nothing more than parts. I cannot do anything about this. I do not pay attention to it. If you see me and think I am something, an object, only gaze at a part of me, fantasizing, whatever, then you are trying to tell me more about how you see the world that what I am.

@Gwendolyn2018 I do not mean this as an insult or anything else that might be negative. I don't know if you are sexy of not, I have not met you, I do find you extremely intelligent and knowledgeable, so just saying? I am lost here as I want to say something but I am married and have no agenda other than reading your and other people's posts. I want to learn as so I am. Now if you need to yell, do so I am listening.

@Gwendolyn2018 Thanks for the answer.

2

Another thought here @literateHiker. Looking back on your posts about disappointing initial meetings with guys. You're comments indicate that you evaluate on physical appearance, at least initially. I think this is simply a human, maybe primate trait.

@bigpawbullets

Not attracted to rolling folds of fat. Most men agree.

As I wrote in my profile:

I'm seeking an athletic, intelligent man with a great sense of humor who treats me with respect and kindness. Shared recreational activities are a bonding experience for couples. That's why I want a man who also loves hiking.

I met Dave in 2019. He was born with a severe cleft palate and lip. His face was disfigured (nose, lips and eye). Many surgeries as a child.

I gave Dave a chance because he seemed kind. I hoped bullying he experienced in school gave him compassion. That was not the case.

An obsessive rock climber, Dave hated hiking unless it was a route to rock climbing cliffs. He refused to hike or walk with me. With erectile dysfunction- he didn't tell me- I thought he wasn't attracted to me. He couldn't maintain an erection and refused to take his Viagra prescription. Selfish.

To make matters worse, Dave endlessly lectured me on obscure jazz musicians and music producers. He couldn't hold a normal conversation. Not a good listener.

After dating Dave for two months, I gave up. Too frustrating.

@LiterateHiker Two months? I am surprised you gave him 2 days!

@Mitch07102

It take awhile to get to know someone.

@Mitch07102

A jazz lover, I enjoyed listening to Dave's collection of jazz albums. He reintroduced me to the album, "Spellbinder" by jazz guitarist Gabor Szabo. My albums were stolen including "Spellbinder."

Listening to Dave's jazz was like meeting an old friend. My father was a jazz trumpet player in Detroit, starting at age 14. I played jazz flute in the University of Michigan Afro-American Studies Dept. for years.

@LiterateHiker That helps explain the delay🙂 I too like jazz, though I lean to more contemporary versions. I did recently have the pleasure of listening to jazz saxophonist Oliver Nelson's 1961 album The Blues and the Abstract Truth. Outstanding......

2

Hmm. Will have to check the study out. Did they conclude if this reflects neurology, culture, or that weird combined “nature/nurture” zone influenced by both? Also wonder if this would hold up cross-culturally, beyond the Western European-North American culture zones. It’s still worrisome, as I think objectification leads to otherization/dehumanization, which is a fast track to exploitation ... and some folks may seize on this kind of study to claim that sexism somehow reflects “human nature.” Ugh!

biological essentialism is the worst aka guys using evo psych to defend their sexism.

2

Partically true. At least from my experience.
I personally evaluate both guys and gals physically first. Seems natural as your first contact is usually visual and maybe then immediately physical with a handshake. Auditory cues would be the third evaluation. Voice timbre and inflection is an important indicator of health and "normality".
Intellect, morality, & personality take more exposure and therefore time to evaluate.

2

1st thought was maybe this'll get guys to stop sending as many dick pics. 2nd thought was "that's stupidly optimistic of myself".

At least it appears to be reversible which should get a big, collective "hooray!" from us until we realize that where this is pushed the hardest is in our visual media to sell us things. They like making money, objectifying women sexually sells things to both sexes, so they will continue to do so.

1of5 Level 8 Dec 26, 2019
1

"Men visibly age, every day -- but women are supposed to stop the decline at around 37, 38, and live out the next 30 or 40 years in some magical bubble where their hair is still shiny and chestnut, their face unlined, their lips puffy, and their tits up on the top third of the ribcage."

Wow...sexual bias/resentment/hatred for sure there!!

It's a two way street, IMO.

If you want to live long and well...you eat smart, you push yourself to exercise; you learn to deal with hunger, and you do the best you can to stay clean, neat, and well rested...

Male or female.

1

Interesting comments here!
It occurs to me that I may be confusing two sets of criteria. One set of evaluation criteria would be focused on selection of a partner as in "mate" while a second set of criteria might be labeled as selection of valuable tribal member. The two sets of criteria would most assuredly overlap. But not have the same prioritization or exclusion of individual criteria.
<Jeez! See what a glass or two of Malbec does to my brain? 🙄 >........

1
0

5 days of pillow talk sucked me into the believers parts....the magic that cured her leg ....the wisdom she shares with needy people ....all the giving and community dinners where all are welcome EXCEPT Atheists.....ok for her son to be an Atheist scientist weatherman but not lonely Larry or at least the Atheist part of my brain needing injections of Baba Ram Das and psilocybin

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