After they introduced themselves tell them that your time is valuable and that for the low fee of $50 payable up front you will listen to what they have to say.

I tell JWs and other door banging evangees to go read Richard Dawkins. Honestly, invoking his name sends a bigger chill down their spines than invoking Satan. Seems if you're lost to Satan you're lost, but if you're lost to Dawkins you're REALLY lost. He should be proud.

If I'm bored or have nothing to do or feel mischievous I let them in and while my dogs surround me they go through their spiel. One of my boys is a 105 pound Lab/Boxer mix who looks like a huge Red Nose Pitbull, he loves people and when excited he farts (really bad stinky farts that are silent). I ignore the farts but ol Fred is trying to lick their hands and emitting those butt-burps. The church people are so dedicated they just continue on, hoping for a convert. When they are done I say "Sounds like as good a story as any other.", then open the door and thank them for their time.

A friend of mine, when he knew JWs were approaching, stripped to his boxer's, covered himself with tomato ketchup, and answered the door with a shout over his shoulder of "keep the goat still, this won't take long".....

There are a few things:

Tell them we only discuss religion in the bathtub naked, invite them in & start to disrobe.

Tell them they have come at a bad time, you are prepping for a ritual & its your turn to pick up the sacrificial goat & say in a most reverent tone "hail satan".

Tell them you're a witch & always wondered about why they are involved in such an intricate death cult then start asking why they shun blood magick.

Those 3 have them fleeing...we've been put on a do not convert list.

Years ago they’d send young women to my door on a regular basis. I was fed up with it so I went to the door in my underwear with a B.B. rifle. They never came back.

I ask them if there is anything I could say that would change their mind about jesus and when they say no I say then we have nothing to talk about and close the door.

Invite them in for tea and prove I know their book better. Here, it's mostly Mor (m )ons.

I talk to them. I'm curious about what makes people different than me.

If they look tired / thirsty / cold I'll invite them in for a rest. It's tough work bringing their misinformed ministry to the masses, a little human(ist) compassion can go a long way

I cheerfully say:

"I don't believe in an invisible being that resides somewhere beyond the clouds." This stumps them. While they puzzle, I smile, say goodbye and shut the door.

"We are all atheists here," I say, waving grandly like it's a big family compound. (I live alone.) They leave.

"I stopped having imaginary friends at age four." Huh?

"I don't believe in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus or an invisible diety." They don't know what to say. Perfect.

I would answer the door, I am usually up for a debate after a couple shots of Scotch.

I tell them that I'm an atheist and goodbye. I used to tell them that I was Jewish and that made them go away, too.

I always wanted to do wha the cartoon depicts.

The same thing i do when anyone knocks on the door, I pretend like I'm not home. I don't like surprise visits . My husband on the other hand, answers the door, invites them in for coffee and engages in a civil argument with them. It probably helps that he was a Jehovah's Witness, and pretty much can quote the bible. They usually leave a bit bewildered.

I live alone in a rural area, no visible neighbors and off the beaten path. Rarely does anyone show up unannounced. For that reason I consider clothing optional. I putter around the house in the morning in the buff, swim nude and sometimes relax outdoors in the altogether.

Ten years ago a team of JW's came to share their nonsense, the dog barked, and I grabbed a pair of boxers to answer the door. Modest enough, thought I. Anyhow, the team of proselytizers stood silent for a moment while I explained that I personally was an atheist. And, I added, so was my friend, Anton Szandor LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan. They left. I have to assume I made their "Do Not Visit" list. Should they ever return I'll invite them in for coffee and group sex.

That's so funny, I remembered that my husbands mother had a carved wooden plaque on the wall near the doorbell, it's simply said "NO JEHOVAS" I was gobsmacked.
I just say, I'm sorry, I have a daughter who I love very much, and if she ever needed all of my blood I would gladly give it, I understand your god would rather she died. They just walk off.

They seem to like to visit my neighborhood but haven't been by resently. When they do show up I usually step out onto the porch, I don't invite them into my house, and let them voice their opinions. The last time a young woman and an older woman came to convert me and the young one got on her soap box and vomited so much scripture that you couldn't tell anything personal about her. When she finally took a breath and started asking me questions, all I said was, "Do you really want to hear what I have to say, please I would appreciate you're not interupting me the same way I did not interupt you. They always agree and I just took off with the Bible was written by man and the guy who started it all saying that God spoke to him, had to be crazy because now a days they put people in insane asylums when they admit to having voices in their heads. The older woman laughed and it was all down hill from there for them but I had a great time. The younger woman was very frustrated and the older woman thanked me for my opinion and they both left. Hahahahahaha! Great fun.

I point to the sign that says "god is not welcome here". Say thank you, good bye, & close the door.

Confront them. They brought it to my house. So they're gonna hear what I have to say

Depends on what I'm doing when they call. If busy and can't be disturbed I have yelled at the door " No ones home !!" Other times I answer the door and smile gleefully while they durd thier schmeel on me, then tell them I'm secular and I'm not interested. I think I'm on thier watch list because when I was seeking info I did converse with them & the mormons. I even went to a meeting at thier place of worship and felt out of place, while they exhuberantly smiled and laughed congenially.

I point to the sign by the door which says "No Door Knockers", ask if they can read then tell them to piss off.

I hide till the coast is clear!

Run from my home screaming, So the voodoo, space logic does not get on me and contaminate my precious bodily fluids. *whew

I haven't done it personally, but I've heard that if you answer the door naked, eating an ice cream cone, and make intense eye contact with them while devouring the ice cream, they won't come back.