What's your favorite insult?
I recall many years ago when a woman called my office and was incredibly irate because she saw our number had come up on her caller ID and she wanted to know how we had gotten her number and what we wanted. I explained to her the nature of the work we did and that we may have been calling her if she had answered an employment ad (for which we scheduled interviews), or perhaps our records were wrong and we had a typo in our database. I asked for her name or her phone number so I could check our recent call list and remove her number if there was a match. She refused, and then kept insisting that we had done something illicit because her number is unlisted. After several minutes of this berating, I finally said, "You won't give me your number so I can check, and you say you didn't answer any employment ads recently, so I can only assume that we dialed a wrong number. This isn't a difficult concept." Okay, in retrospect that probably wasn't the best, and certainly not the kindest, way to resolve the situation. But it did get a spontaneous laugh from my coworker and my boss, so… gray area.
Okay, now it's your turn. Do you have a favorite phrase or other expression you've used to insult people (presumably people who are being antagonistic or otherwise abusive toward you)? Or, perhaps an insult you wouldn't use but you find rather funny?
8
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41 comments (26 - 41)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.You useless, pustulent goat scrotum.
If you were any dumber you'd be brocolli.
Dicksplash.
Mere obscenity doesn't cut it any more.
RobAnybody
Level 7
Mar 30, 2018
2
I don't usually try to insult people, but do swear. One insult that I thought was funny though. When I was working one night, a patient came in through the ER, and was obviously quite drunk, and had not bathed in a very long time, and a resident said she smelled worse than the shit house on a shrimp boat.
Wisewoman3
Level 7
Mar 30, 2018
3
I'm not sure if this counts. I currently serve in the military, I've done so for about 8 years now. Because of this I have met many varieties of people, but most being annoying and/or stupid. I was deployed in the desert and had this one guy who I didn't know all that well. We were in a small group... supposed to be talking about work and how to finish the job. Instead he was talking about something useless that had nothing to do with work. Everyone else was too polite to tell him to shut it. After about 10 mins I finally gave up and said " Please for the love of all things unholy can you tell us about more useless nonsense!" I was staring him right in the eyes with a stern look. I was completely done with his shit.
richdust
Level 5
Mar 30, 2018
2
Are you naturally this stupid, or did you go to a special school?
If you were any slower you'd be in reverse.
evidentialist
Level 8
Mar 30, 2018
1
I'm not one for hurling insults unless the situation absolutely warrants it, but I like this phrase-why don't you pick on someone your own IQ...like that chair over there.
SpikeTalon
Level 9
Apr 8, 2018
1
"Is it hard for you to breathe with your head so far up your tailpipe?"
WilliamCharles
Level 8
Apr 1, 2018
1
Thank you very much. I'm sure that is the kindest thought you have had about anyone for quite sometime.
CGDEvermond
Level 5
Mar 30, 2018
1
I like it lol. I think you let the insult fit the situation.
LeighShelton
Level 8
Mar 29, 2018
1
"If there were such a thing as a tartuffel, you'd be one!"--WC Fields
Blaqjaqshellaq
Level 3
Mar 29, 2018
1
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