Is there guilt involved? My mother will try guilting me into talking to family members.

I think when you have family whose core values are just not good, it sort of just happens naturally where even if you see them at the gas station or grocery store you can honestly say that you could care less about saying hi or even waving at them. Funny thing because I just saw my uncle this afternoon and ive talked to him once in like 6 years and had no intention of going up to him. The bicycle ?? Lol ... your username

Most of my family are independent introverts. I love them all, but I too get my energy drained when I am around them.

Thank you, Labicicleta. I'm here if you need ME.

I left home at fifteen as my family were so awful to me I never regretted it but never let my children see tehm on their own as my mother was trying to get her taken away friom me.

Both my sister and I kind of dread family get to gethers. At least we both have one sibling whom we cn relate to.

Being gay though, I have met many who have "chosen fmilies" rather than relying on their biological families. Blood may be thicker in water, but I think people can drown much faster if enersed in blood.

We have one brother who lives in Kansas (he actually likes it there, because they are his kind of people), who my sister and I see as beign a person who only brings problems into the family. I hve never goent o visit him, because I would nto enjoy his company, as he is a far right wing conservative, Mormon, hypocrite and racist and not too terribly bright.

Sometimes it is better to just let come bllod relations drift away for your own peace of mind. My measure for friends and family is simple. I ask does this person bring more happiness and good into myu life than misery and unhappiness? If they weigh heavier on the side of misery and huhappiness, if a "friend" I cut htem off, and if family i let them drift away.

Some of my family are estrange, some estupid, and some estoo far away to deal with.

Everyone has an estranged families in thier own right
See control comes in to play again is indoctrine in us to control others

You can't choose your family but you can't choose your friends . I used to think that meant you had to like them ....hell no it doesn't it means you have the choice to surround yourself with better people . My family sucks donkey dick one half are rugby fanatics the other army boys ....me a long haired metal head so have nothing in common with any of them

Yes. The less contact I have with my family, the better off I am. You don't need to struggle with it or allow your mother to manipulate you. Do what you need to do for you.

Yes. My family seems disapproving of much of what I do..my diet of health food, my insisting on natural healing methods, the people I choose to date, my assertion that I'm partial transmale, my running off to Thailand to teach ESL, etc. But my belief in their disapproval no doubt causes/contributes to it.

If I didn't pay any attention to their insults, or just laughed them off, it might be OK, but I saw some emails they sent to each other about me, and their comments were so unexpectedly cruel and hateful that I lost interest in being around them. Every time I've considered trying harder to relate to them, I remember the stuff they said about me, and feel sick.

But my remembering those things is probably the only reason that bad vibration is still around. Paying attention to it keeps it in play.

Yes, I realized at an early age that something just wasn’t right with my parents. They were very negative and belittling, cold and absent. Communication was never a strong suit and nurturing was pretty much non existent. I left them, and my home country at age 19. Best thing I could have done. Happy to visit and love them from afar and in small doses is doable but still highly stressful for me.
Toxic people and as Rumi says...“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames”...so I did.

My family always brought me down. They were too controling. Today I am a basic homeboy even though I work with the public Monday thru Friday. Dad is in a nursing home and my mom is dead. My daughters try to understand how I am and why. Sometimes I visit them or eat with them but mostly I am a recluse. The funny thing is that they both seem to act a whole lot like I do with the difference being they still have children at home.

Yep, but for me it isn't a struggle. I cut them off and we all seem to be happier for it, as none of them have tried to contact me, either.

Yep. My brother moved he and his family 1000 miles away, and cut off all contact. Even returned Christmas presents I bought for my nephews. I didn't reconnect with my nephews for nearly 20 years, when they moved back into the area. Still don't have a relationship with my brother, but I'm glad to have the nephews back (and one just had his first child born last Monday!)

I don't have friends as such, but I have lots of younger people around me.
I have abrother who has destroyed our family, I will not have anything to do with him, my mother blames me because I am the one refusing to talk to him whereas he says he will talk to me. He is crude, disgusting and abusive, 56 years old has worked twice in his life for less than 6 months each time, inherited some money and drugged it all away, this enabled him to get on a disability pension at 22, and also claim on a disability insurance policy, enough to buy him a unit, but no, more drugs. He lives in the family home which has been bequeathed to him. My youngest brother shops for him, takes him to the dentist etc because my mother insists, and now my youngest brother is resentful that I don't do any of it. (I am also interstate). It is easier to pretend they don't exist. I keep dealings minimal and no longer feel bad about it.

My oldest brother’s a jerk and, since he sided with my wife in our divorce, I haven’t spoken to him. That was 11 years ago.

Stupid stuff. Ex remarried, wife & I emailed frequently, got along great at gatherings, then after several years she blew up directly at me at a family meal because I gently suggested that the toddler she'd just Chewed Out had not been in error. Now gatherings are separate, son & family with them & me not, plus the ex & wife ( my DIL talks) are critical of our adopted daughter who desperately wants her father's love. (There's nothing wrong with her- she's delightful, stable, works, has her own family, is a terrific mom). It's a story of their making, exclusion that asks nothing of them relative to patience, reaching out & acceptance of others. I suspect the wife had issues all along of having to share my ex as well as not being the mother of his children. Build a bridge & get over it. I keep mouth firmly shut.

I'm not close with a lot of my family. I wish I were. I don't know why many of them seemed to have shut me out. My father was not a good guy, and I sometimes wonder if they think because I'm his son that I must have inherited his bad traits. I certainly haven't - in fact, I used them as guideposts on how not to live life. I'm close with my sister, so I'm really thankful for that at least.

My daughter stopped talking to me over 2 years ago when I left her father. I waited until she was 18 to leave and I was a good mom to her. She only sees his heartache and knows nothing of the heartache and sadness I endured for many years. It has been soul-crushing to not have her in my life and still is. I wish I had a solution. I have already tried different ways to resolve it, to no avail. She has blocked me and sides with him. She is almost 21 now. It kills me to not be able to speak to her or give her a hug.

I don't associate with my mother or any of my siblings.

Semi-estranged. My 90 year old mother lives in FL-my sister is always flying down, they went on a cruise together, always cutting me out. I see my mom once a year when she flies up to stay at a hotel near my sister. Dysfunctional family what can I say?

All I have are a sister, 2 uncles (+ 1 aunt by marriage) and 4 cousins, not counting the extended. I talk to my sister fairly regularly but I tend to try and avoid most of my local (Texas) family since we don't agree on much of anything, especially religion and politics (they are right wing Christians). I'd like to see my uncle (+ aunt) and 3 cousins that live in Kentucky & Virginia more, but I just don't get much of a chance.
I'm generally much happier with the friends I've chosen as family so I really don't feel like I'm missing much in the blood department.

Me and my family have a deep-seated stupid but not on my part feud going on that has kept us separate so I only talk to my mum as shes 86 but flits between me and them. when she's gone they are gone. fuck them all. you can't choose your family.

I've been an Atheist all my life. I've also been a loner most of my life even during three marriages. I'm alone, now, and on Social Security. Plus, I'm homeless and live in a temporary shelter.
I don't think I'm a bad person. Anti-social perhaps, but I'm not an ogre.
I kind of like being alone (independent), but I don't like the loneliness of my life (existence.)
There has to be someone somewhere that could be my friend and/or partner in life.