Anyone ever just get mentally fatigued and emotionally drained?
Sometimes I just look at how my life was technically easier when I was a Christian, because I was able to fit in (to a degree) and have a sense of community with people that had a similar core belief. I really don't have much of anything like that anymore. I won't lie, I do miss the fellowship, but I get agitated just thinking about everything that comes with that fellowship. Mainly the part that causes people not to 'think' and question their beliefs. I have absolutely no intention of rejoining Christianity or any type of religion, but I do miss the feeling of being a part of a close knit community. This is mainly in person. I've connected with several non believers online, but it's just different when you have a closeness with people in person. I get mentally fatigued and emotionally drained at times by being surrounded by the religious in my area, because it's usually me enduring conversations with people assuming I'm still Christian or me just being quiet, because I don't feel like getting into a debate. It really is draining. I'm already picky about people I open my inner circle to, but now, I tend to find myself just staying away from a lot. I'm married and have a good relationship, but I don't really have friends to hang out with. I just look to enjoy the simple things in life now with good people. However, at my age (43) and in my location, I'm starting to feel even that may be far fetched. It hasn't been easy trying to build new friendships post Christianity. And the was society is set up, married men my age looking for friends (especially women) will carry a stigma. But such is life. The whole combination of all of this stuff is just draining at times. Anyone else kind of feel like this?
** UPDATE ***
I know that several of you have suggested I start a new hobby. I did that in the early stages. Music was my career so I was trying to get away from it since it was all in gospel music. I took up photography, filmmaking, and started walking/jogging. I'm an introvert and have a high tolerance for working alone, but it's just been years since I've really met new people that I actually connect with more than just on a surface level. I am a bit more unique in the sense that I'm an ex-Christian that was raised in a very religious black church (they believe in a lot of the extreme spiritual stuff that I don't anymore), I don't drink or smoke anything, don't really care to debate about religion anymore, like gospel 'music' (but not the lyrics), and not a militant atheist at all (which sometimes causes people to think I'm still a Christian by people in my area). I'm just starting to accept that I may not be able to fit in anywhere anytime soon unfortunately.
4
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16 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I have never been where you now are, so please treat anything I say with all due circumspection.
It sounds as if physical proximity (e.g. your own neighbourhood) to somebody who is important to you might count more for you than social media proximity to somebody else who would otherwise have the same worth to you. From my own perspective, I have had fantastic emotional relationships with people who I have never been within 5,000 miles of. Perhaps I have an unusual approach.
Have you ever thought of moving to elsewhere within the USA, or perhaps to another country? Would such an idea even appeal to you? Would it even be possible for you given your present circumstances (of which I am wholly ignorant)?
As a very dear friend who is also physically close sometimes says to her own intimates "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.".
anglophone
Level 9
May 1, 2020
1
I've considered moving, but my current circumstances don't really permit that. I'm married, have financial obligations, and would have to take many things into consideration prior to a big move. At this point in time, it wouldn't really make sense from a financial perspective.
Secondly, just moving to a new place wouldn't necessarily fix the issue. Might even make it a little worse. Having to find work, trying to find close friends that I can relate to, finding a comfortable neighborhood, and other things...all while trying to hold it together through the mental fatigue and emotional drainage. And let's not forget that there is a new concern now with COVID-19.
As far as proximity goes, yes, having people in close proximity would make a huge difference. But we have to have real chemistry. I had close friends while I was in Christianity, but they have since moved to various other states. And since I'm not Christian anymore, it's just not the same. It's just that I was raised in a bad area for being an atheist. But I didn't know I would be atheist 10 years ago and I built my life, career, and social life around a lot of religious stuff that I want nothing to do with now. Long story short, I was a well know Christian musician in my city and known my many people in the gospel music industry. I had a good reputation that fell apart when I left the faith. So generally, my reputation from being a well known Christian musician proceeds me. Not the greatest situation.
@MusicManDre Thank you for sharing all that. I do not envy you your current situation. All I can do is to hope for the best for your future, as I presume that you also might hope. ((Hugs))
It's this way in the rural area that I live in. The place is almost completely bereft of any cultural or artistic stimulae, unless you count quilting, and the big thing everybody does around here is whatever is going on at their church. You can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting a church or a bank. As a matter of fact, "What church do you go to?" is considered an appropriate and commonly asked question.
Deb57
Level 8
Apr 29, 2020
1
I definitely can relate to all of that. I want to be in a better environment to collaborate and work with other people that are more open minded about me being a non believer with similar artistic interests and similar skill levels as myself, but it's really hard here. And picking up and moving is just not an option right now.
LOL! Have you ever replied "I go to the Church of Satan."?
Yes. I'm bereft of emotion, energy, and enthusiasm.
BitFlipper
Level 8
Apr 28, 2020
2
You’ve described my situation with a few discrepancies of course, but this is also a problem I have regularly. I’m not religious in the slightest bit, but I also look for that same sense of fellowship. Problem is, most of the friends I associate with online are religious in some way or another; and most of my projects are based on my beliefs, so guess who doesn’t share much of it.
I grew up in a black christian family, also possessing extreme beliefs. Away from that, I want working relationships in my craft and personal life, people I can talk to without avoiding the topic of religion entirely—I hate feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. But I don’t have a lot of people to talk to in that regard, especially not people in a creative sphere: I’m an comic book artist, writer, and music producer; and I love having people to pique interest in my works, it can be motivating. I don’t have a tangible solution to your problem, but I wanted you to know you’re not alone.
KayaSummerland
Level 4
Apr 28, 2020
1
Yeah. It's a bit complex in that I'm in the arts as well. When I was a musician for a living, I also hung out with the people I worked with. There was a very thin line between work and social life due to the type of work I was doing. It was all centered around religion, church, etc. and everybody else was in the same boat. There are elements of the community I miss, but I will never return to it, because the core of it does not resonate with me anymore.
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you surround yourself with turkeys.
Surfpirate
Level 9
Apr 28, 2020
1
Well, surrounding yourself and being surrounded by are two very different things. I'm the latter. I'm surrounded by people that make it hard and just getting up and leaving isn't the easiest or smartest thing to do given my circumstances. Finances, family, and consequences have to be factored in. It might be easier if I was younger, single, and not as invested in some things.
@MusicManDre Very true and also important to remember to cut yourself some slack and remember that it is tiresome to be surrounded by turkeys. Soar as high as you can. 
You may want to check out Unitarian Universalism. It is a church with good fellowship, but does not tell people what to believe or not believe. Atheists and agnostics are welcome there. [en.wikipedia.org]
BestWithoutGods
Level 8
Apr 28, 2020
3
I'm familiar with it, but it didn't interest me honestly.
One of the great temptations of religion is that it offers easy answers and an easy source of community. Its never going to be as easy outside, but there is more to achieve, and real personal growth to be made, and real friends to be found. Not just singing, god does it for me, and people who pretend friendship to anyone who sits on the next pew.
And while we have to be careful of hubris, I do think that those of us who took the hard path, are allowed just a smidgeon of pride in that, to keep us going, though the tough bits.
Fernapple
Level 9
Apr 28, 2020
3
No. Nobody ever feels like that.
Of course! Everybody feels like that sometimes. Why don't you try to find a hobby with like-minded individuals? Tennis club, bowling or pool league, book club, painting classes, woodworking classes, any college classes, any instructional classes that interest you! Of course for the next month or two you just have to sit on your ass at home! Whatever you do stay away with those assholes that suck the life out of you! You would be better off home alone reading a book.
mooredolezal
Level 7
Apr 28, 2020
1
It was hard at the beginning when I left religion all together. It took some time to adjust. But, once I got passed the ‘weening’ stage, life couldn’t be better and I have fewer friends! But, the few friends are dear friends. Maybe this is a good time to invest in a new hobby? And art form can become a meditation! It is great! Best of luck!
Freedompath
Level 9
Apr 28, 2020
3
Translation: you exchanged lots of "shallow" (for want of a better word) friends for a few "proper" (again for want of a better word) friends. I am happy for you. 
You have my sympathy. It gets harder to make friends as we get older.
As an atheist since age 13, I am friends with Christians, Jewish people, agnostics and atheists. We don't talk about religion.
I feel lonely being isolated due to the pandemic. It's hard to not hug people.
Luckily, I enjoyed laughing phone conversations with three friends over the last two days. This helps tremendously.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Apr 28, 2020
6
Your "It gets harder to make friends as we get older." caught me by surprise. I have found the converse in my own life.
In the valley of the blind, the one eyed man is an outcast.
Gatovicolo
Level 8
Apr 28, 2020
6
I feel drained by many things but I don't miss church or religion. I'm aware at 73 that it most likely means I will live out the rest of my life alone but I will not tolerate nonsense of any kind. I look on my past sometimes but do not want to repeat it.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Apr 28, 2020
4
I don't miss church or religion, but the fellowship outside of the religious stuff is missed. Unfortunately, it's hard to fellowship with some Christians due to them not knowing how to cut religion off when they are just hanging out.
@MusicManDre I have that problem with a buddy I grew up with. He is still Evangelical in his beliefs and often we are discussing current politics and he goes off into Revelation and what is happening today. I'm the one who studied to be a preacher and he wants to baffle me with his bible knowledge. Revelation barely made it into the bible and it was not the only choice. What I want to say but do not is this. There is no book from the Middle East predicting anything happening in America today. Wake up! When the book was written nobody knew America even existed.
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