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Have you ever felt suicidal?

I want to live far more than I want to die and the few times in my life where I have reached the feeling of wanting to end it all, I've known that it's a temporary condition. I dealt with the pain, and it's gone away. It always eventually works its way back to normalcy. I'm in that slump right now. I feel like everything is about to implode and I'm battling to get back to normal. Do you ever feel this way?

PS. Before anyone panics, I'm never going to commit suicide. Life is short enough as it is to take my own life

paul1967 8 Apr 3
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48 comments (26 - 48)

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2

Don't panic? It starts out by talking about it Paul. Get some seroquil before it gets worse.

2

Yes... on occasion.

2

Nope, I don't think I have those cells in my brain. I've had my share of whatever but the idea has never crossed my mind.... Not at all

My first thought was this has to be a kid who just hasn't had to deal with life yet but I looked at your profile and you're a little older than me. I'm glad to know you haven't had to feel like this ever in your life. It truly sucks lol.

2

If you commit suicide you'll probably live to regret it. 🙂

Your right...

2

Indeed I have

2

Nothingness has always been the most difficult concept for me with respect to aethism. It is both terrifying and strangely reassuring at the same time. Is suicide cowardice or the epitome of courage? Only you can decide.

I have plenty of time to be dead and only a brief time to live. Anytime I think about ending things I think about that. My 50 years on this planet have gone by in what feels like a blink of an eye, and at best I have another 35 years ahead of me, and that is being incredibly generous.

Aethism makes your time on this mortal coil that much more valuable. Religiosity devalues it.

2

Songs about death have always cheered me up.
Bo Burnham - Kill Yourself

R.A. The Rugged Man - Shoot Me in the Head (vulgarity warning)
20 More upbeat songs about death [everplans.com] I hope you swing back real soon
2

yes

2

I’m suspicious of people who haven’t.

2

Pfft. It's almost a daily thing. Once you're dead nothing matters. I'm too lazy and uninterested ti do anything.

1

I currently feel that way, Paul. but i'm the same as you: I wouldn't go all the way in action, because as long as I have the energy to pro-actively do mortal harm to myself, there is also enough energy to bear the pain that little bit longer - until it abates. or in other words: i'd have to be miles-down depressed in order to wish my self dead - but then I wouldn't have the energy.

but yeah, currently i'm at a real low again. at times I flow with it, or rather let it flow out of me; at other times I just watch it & am overwhelmed.

wishing us all more love ❤

1
1

I'm not trying to be condesending but I would seek some help for that. At least make sure that you've talked with someone professional about it. These thoughts alone are signs of depression. There is medication which can help substantially.

I truly appreciate that, but I know myself well enough to know I would never kill myself and I would never take meds to help with my mental issues. I have no problem with pills except when they psychologically alter my brain. I'm sure they are of great use to many people, but I'm not one of them. I depend on my ability to deal with my psychological issues on my own. I have an excellent network of people here like yourself willing to talk to me, and that is a huge help.

@paul1967 The best to you in your journey!

1

Yes. I even attempted suicide once. That emotional wound has left an indelible mark.

1

I attempted it 3x all three times i did in fact die but was brought back e everytime

0

I have never been suicidal. I have, however, experienced depression. I have taken 150 mg of effexor for the last 15 years. The drug does what it is intended to do. I no longer experience the lows associated with a chemical imbalance in my brain.

0

Every single day for years. Made several attempts in the past, but obviously failed, ended up in psych wards subjected to ableist laws and policies, maltreatment, etc. Physician assisted death was decriminalized around that time here (Canada), but the laws that were put in place to replace it are far more restrictive than the court ruling. So now I'm waiting for progress on changes to eligibility for people without terminal conditions or suffering from mental conditions. The treatment I got last time I was admitted left me with new PTSD triggers, flashbacks, etc. so I'm hoping I'll become eligible soon so I won't be forced to try again myself and risk their abuse again.

0

Psychological pain is close to physical pain... Without wanting to take antidepressants i've found Tylenol and advil somewhat help when I too start wanting to die even though I really want to live to see my kids grow up.

0

If not by accident, massive heart attack, stroke,etc... My death will be at a time of my choice and by my hand.

Yeah, I'm with you on that, but that is entirely different because it will be when I'm suffering from great physical and unending pain.

0

For those of you that said "Yes" do you speak to a professional counselor at all or consult a psychiatrist? You need to.

I can't.... well I can but I won't. I fear doctors and yes I know it's irrational but being rational doesn't make my fear go away. I force myself to get a physical every so often, but I put it off sometimes for years. Therapy is a lifelong routine for me, and I know what a therapist is going to say before they know what they're going to say.

@paul1967 if you continue to ideate suicidal thoughts there is a very high likelihood you will attempt it. So I would make an appointment and also, you may need medication.

0

I tried to kill myself often growing up. One day I stopped wanting to die. Then I once found out there is something much worse than being suicidal and that's not feeling anything at all. Somehow I've never been suicidal at all, and I want to live. I'm 10 years free of any suicidal ideation, but it's hard for me, because I know it doesn't just cure itself. It's a lifetime affliction. It will come back someday. I just try very hard to make safety measures for when it does. I have a lot of survivors guilt, I guess. When someone commits suicide it hurts and scares me a lot because I'm not stronger than them so why am I okay now?

When I get to feeling like that, I think of the things I won't be around for, ever again. The simplest of things for me is the morning sunrise. I wake up most mornings around 5 am grab my coffee and sit on the balcony. I watch the squirrels play in the tree and listen to the birds chirping off in the distance. I wait for the sun to rise and then go inside to shower and get ready for the day ahead. That simple routine has kept me from ever wanting to pull the trigger.

0

YES, but im glad it didnt work, its the people that you leave behind that suffer more. . Perhaps you could start up a disscussion group ?

I think that's a great idea, but I wouldn't want to be the one to start it. I can be careless sometimes with how I word things.

keep as cool as you can

0

When I was young and my stepfather would beat the shit out of me.

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