Forget the science, books and academic arguments. Until I have got into a woman's mind, getting into her knickers is way down my list.

I don't understand the friends with benefits thing. I guess I am just not interested in sex outside of a monogamous committed relationship and that kind of relationship takes time to cultivate.

wow. That was educational. I'm sorry you had that situation. You learned a lot and you are able to tell others about your experiences. Thank you for sharing.

If casual sexual activity does not violate your sense of integrity, or the commitments you have made to yourself, then it’s probably not going to be a problem for you. But for a lot of men and women it can complicate things between them if both are not on the same page. So I think it's something every one has to decide if it's for them or not, but more importantly I think we should always consider how it might affect the other person we are considering having casual sex with.

75%? I question that number. Mine is 100%! Men don’t want to know me for fun and hiking and whatever happens outside the bedroom. You did well to get 2 1/2 years at our age. The men our age are intent on being permanent 18 years olds with a bucket list to fuck as many women as they can before it stops working most won’t admit they need viagra.

My hope is these asswipes die lonely old men. They’re passing up on a fun good cook who really likes sex but just wants one partner. Marriage not necessary as social security pays more to us as individuals

Men also get attached, btw. Those who don't, have serious issues that must be dealt with. Excuse me for saying this but Dan had extremely serious issues that he never dealt with, he should have solved them, nobody else could have solved these psychological issues for him.

Dan looks a little too old to be scarred by what happened in his 20's

There are guys that will bond with you in return. Keep sorting through the catalog.

Couldn’t agree more.

I must have both an emotional and a physical connection with the person to share sex with them — and even to fully enjoy it. I’d personally get nothing out of a casual encounter. When two people in love know each other’s body and “soul” intimately, the passion can be incredible and explosive. Casual? No thanks.

Why is it unreasonable to expect strong affection to come BEFORE sex? I have absolutely no desire to crawl into a bunch of different beds in order to find out if I like a man or if he likes me enough to continue from there. I have never met a man who can ring my bell as well as I can ring it for myself, so it really irritates me when they try to persuade me into the sack by trying to spin it as though they intend to do me a favor.

As the comedian in a movie I saw this weekend said;

"Women look at sex the way they look at buying a car. 'Is it safe? Can I see myself in this long-term?' Men look at sex the way they look at finding a parking place. 'There's one over there, that looks good...'"

Not all are like this, but stereotypes are there for a reason. It is genetic programming to some extent, not saying people aren't more than our genetic inheritance. I know I am.

Casual sex is an oxymoron, at least the first time with anyone cannot be casual, IMO. Even after 36 years with my wife, it's not casual. It's a funny expression.

Hugs and love to you, thank you for sharing that. You are a special woman and deserve someone worthy of you

It happened occasionally, sorry

Thanks for this.. I didn't know anything about oxytocin stuff...

I always wear formal attire, but I always end up taking my clothes off and anytime I have sex I end up casually undressed. Someone usually starts having feelings in any long term relationship even if both parties try to keep it casual.

Someone once told me, "We have the relationships we want and make for ourselves, good or bad". I believe that.

And... There's nothing wrong with wanting sex on the first date. The only wrong thing is in in taking it or pressuring for it. Consent is the only issue.

I felt the same way about casual sex. No friends with benefits. Looking for committed relationship and found it on Match of all places. Michael couldn't commit to save his life where Bob and I are in sync. Its only been a month but we spend weekends together and one night and day during the week due to our schedules. Mine is flexible where he has the same schedule every week. I wouldn't settle for less for the first time ever. We haven't brought up the "L" word yet. We both have multiple marriages/long term relationships. Time will tell where we go from here........

I never did drug induced sex which is why I probably never married. I never let anyone hurt me and when I did find someone who though likewise did we ever have sex. 98% of it is Psychological and I don't think that most people realize this.

Thank you so much for sharing all that.

For me that oxytocin/bonding thing is not automatic at all. Hell - if I had bonded with every guy I had sex with - what a mess !

Sounds like Dan might have been a relationship phobic , not so uncommon. Sorry it didn't work out.

As far as sex on first meeting - I never fault anyone for trying , I'm perfectly capable of saying no thanks nicely (or not so nicely - depending). : )

I doubt many of us have any idea what the phrase  why <one> was willing to accept far less than I need and deserve. means.
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Few have any experience with what that might be like, so its a pretty fantastical ideal. . Should be difficult enough to resolve, to keep your therapist employed forever.

I applaud you for waiting for the relationship you desire/need before engaging in physical intimacy. It's a shame, Dan really missed out. But, you do have really nice memories and that counts for something.

yes men do get scarred of committment,most with out a reason, either can not handle it or do not deal with it ,I know personally i like to think about things for a bit and let it fully sink in,not the first reaction fear of the unknown,supposedly , Maybe if he had said you caught me off guard ,and let it settle in for a while and really had went over to all the amazing things you are but did not,,I hope he reliazes now what a fantastic opportunity he gave up because he could not handle his own emotions ,All i can say he was one dam lucky man up until that moment , Your a catch that needs to be earned ,you do not come lightly or quickly ,Loved your pic's as always,Thanks for sharing your emotionally story and heart ,warm hugs